| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:49:34 PM | Hello everyone! When I was in my 20's, men would say that if a woman slept with them within the first 3 dates that they would have the following opinion about her :
1. She's easy and that isn't the kind of woman they would want to make their girlfriend or introduce to their family
2. Now that they got what they wanted, there is no point on dating her anymore
3. The attraction was only sexual and beyond that there isn't any substantial connection
The conflict here are the "rules" women are taught about not having sex too soon versus the fact that intimacy and sexual compatibility is a very important part of the overall relationship and most people won't even make a decision about whether they want you to be their girlfreind/boyfriend until that level of compatability has been established.
My question is for men in their 30's and older, whether you had sex with the woman on date 1 or date 10, if you genuinely liked her does it matter ? Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ? Does she have any less of a shot at being someone you would take serioulsy and want to be a signifigant part of your life ? | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:56:06 PM | For me... it had no significant impact whatsoever. (And I mean in a true dating situation, not a casual one night hookup from a party or bar.)
When I dated someone, I dated them with the intent of going long term. Didn't always work out, but the sex wasn't a deciding factor either way.
Bluez | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:02:51 PM | Are you looking for a continuous sexual adventure or for a LTR?
What I found to work for me in my 30s is sex has to be contingent upon 3 conditions. It doesn't matter when are they met - after first week or after first month.
I talk before having sex. I say that I'm not comfortable having sex unless this relationship has exclusivity, weekly continuity and possible longevity. I'm not asking him to marry me or become his girlfriend (whatever this vague term means). I'm asking for very concrete and tangible things. Saves me a lot of heartbreak.
If for some reason I find myself not wanting to have this talk - time to admit that I just want to have some fun. But then who's to blame if he wanted the same thing. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:04:41 PM | | I think those that have or go by the set rules per se tend to be judgmental creatures...If they can judge others than their more likely judging THEMSELVES too...the irony is...it is virtually impossible to just let go whilist the guilt is in the back of your mind which normally results in bad sex anyway....So me thinks those that judge or follow rules tend to be are louzy in bed. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:14:01 PM | | if i have sex with her, its because i want to be something more to that person...and her to me....people who just have random sex are only in it for themselves, and if both parties agree then that s ok...sex for sex's sake and i'm out the door afterwards, sex because of love and i all warm and fuzzy afterwards,,,(not to mention hot and sweaty and tired) | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:20:49 PM | Seems this is one of those chicken or egg things...
On one hand we have the scenario where sex takes place after courtship, dating, establishment of feelings, trust, honesty, etc....
On the other we have a scenario where sex comes early on in the game, point being to take the car for a "test drive" so to speak....decide whether or not it's worth investing time, energy and emotional resources into the relationship.
At the end of the day I think it is a judgement call, and everyone is different.
For some folks sex just isn't that big of a deal, what is important to them is companionship, loyalty, friendship, trust, honor, etc...
For others, without the zest....without the "heat" that comes with a good sex life, they don't care to have the companionship, compatibility, friendship...etc. It's empty.
Personally, I think those in the latter camp should either stick to FWB situations.....or they should go down the path of the first scenario, and if it turns out their lover sucks, then perhaps attempt to "teach" them to be better, or re-roll the dice again. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:22:16 PM |
I think those that have or go by the set rules per se tend to be judgmental creatures...If they can judge others than their more likely judging THEMSELVES too...the irony is...it is virtually impossible to just let go whilist the guilt is in the back of your mind which normally results in bad sex anyway....So me thinks those that judge or follow rules tend to be are louzy in bed.
That sounds pretty judgemental to me.... | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:28:16 PM |
My question is for men in their 30's and older, whether you had sex with the woman on date 1 or date 10, if you genuinely liked her does it matter ? Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ? Does she have any less of a shot at being someone you would take serioulsy and want to be a signifigant part of your life ?
Do you honestly think you will get an honest answer to this...
Youre on a dating site... very few men will admit that they will move on after early sex... they don't want to kill their chances... They will all proclaim that no, they want sex as part of a relationship or that they won't judge a woman for for it or anything else..
Ask a bunch of men who are not trying to get laid you will get a vastly different answer... they will likely tell you they don't want a woman who was too easily bedded...and that they want a bit of a challenge...
I've never had a long term relationship with a woman who has had sex with me very early on... basic reasons are I don't think she would have changed her dating style for ME so it's quite likely she has a habit of fcuking guys right away... (and so far, I've never seen anything to prove this wrong)...
I've sayed with some of the women for a while... mostly because of the sex and they were fun to party with... but I ruled them out for long term.... | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:29:01 PM | Is judging other people as "judgmental" judgmental? I'd say yes.
I have rules, though I prefer to call them standards and morals.
Men who push for sex immediately aren't worth my time... but I'm sure there are other women who are willing. | |
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PiggyT
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Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 11 | |
| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:38:15 PM | How many times can stuff like this be discussed in the forums???
I thought we all agreed on the following;
A woman who really likes a guy and wants him for long term, will not have sex with him right away. She will make him wait.
A woman who is horny and the suitor seems suitable for a "bedding", will sleep with the man quickly and possibly never again.
On the flip side.
A man will sleep with either, but if she puts out right away, he will consider her a booty call and not hold her in the same high esteem as he would the one who made him wait (important to note here that it has been agreed upon that waiting should never be held to anything longer than 3 - 5 dates.)
Case closed. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:40:28 PM | Morals and standards that are formed via experience are completely different to morals that are imposed and regulated by a 'how to date book'.
Measuring one's worth by societies standards is no way to live one's life, as this would create a fragile existence.
That sounds pretty judgemental to me....
Well if you change your judgmental lenzes and put on the observation lenzes you'll see things far more clearly... 
Practice makes perfect ! "
Well if there is no such thing as 'perfect' than I would say you're wasting your time. :) | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 13 | |
| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:25:19 PM |
Morals and standards that are formed via experience are completely different to morals that are imposed and regulated by a 'how to date book'.
No kidding.
I actually went out on a "date" with a man I had met 5 years ago ... one more try. Sheesh you would think I would learn after lesson one and not keep grinding the same wad of old shit down the toilet ... thinking it will come up smelling like a rose.
Most men, not all but yea most men from on line only want to fuuk at hello.
S | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:56:46 PM | I slept with my partner of twenty years the first night we met - in fact, we broke ALL the "rules" that night (older/younger/children/no children/divorced/single/etc. etc. ...in my opinion, it doesn't matter when the sex happens - if you're meant to be, then you're meant to be. What I mean is that the right guy for me would not hold double standards so that EVEN if he had ran because "I was too easy" or "gave it up too soon" or any other stupid, sexist and archaic tired old cliché, then all that would have shown me is that he was obviously not the guy for me.
The only problem with having sex early (IMO) is that when it doesn't work out for *whatever* reason, is that you have to be ready and able to handle the consequence of YOUR actions, both emotionally and physically (possible STD's, risk of pregnancy and let's face it, there's always a risk involved at being alone and vulnerable with a practical stranger).
Also, since you don't know each other very well, you don't have a clue where they stand on abortion, etc. should your method of contraception fail...these are VERY real consequences of having early sex and one doesn't have to look very far to know that many people wish they could turn back the clock and make a wiser decision.
Having said that (sorry, that was the mother AND grand-mother in me that made me do it:), once you've thought of everything and you're reasonably certain that you can handle whatever comes your way, knock yourself out. My last piece of advice is this...don't let other people think for you - ultimately, your mind is all you have in this life. So don't worry about "the rules" or about what "he" or "they" will say - they are not you and only you know what's best for you.
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:16:54 PM | I agree with 'Another brick in the wall'
make your own decisions and live with your own consequences | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:24:01 PM |
Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Yup....
.... 'specially when I've been down there trying my bestest to make her pop....
... it's fvcking hard work so I feel SLEEPY...
... and women wonder why men roll over and start snoring....
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:28:02 PM |
My question is for men in their 30's and older, whether you had sex with the woman on date 1 or date 10, if you genuinely liked her does it matter ? Does that fact that she has sex with you early make you like her less ? Does she have any less of a shot at being someone you would take serioulsy and want to be a signifigant part of your life ? Do you honestly think you will get an honest answer to this...
Youre on a dating site... very few men will admit that they will move on after early sex... they don't want to kill their chances... They will all proclaim that no, they want sex as part of a relationship or that they won't judge a woman for for it or anything else..
Ask a bunch of men who are not trying to get laid you will get a vastly different answer... they will likely tell you they don't want a woman who was too easily bedded...and that they want a bit of a challenge...
^^^ Pay attention OP...Church pretty much nailed it right there. He tends to do that a lot...
When I was younger, I had NO issues at all bedding someone the first night/meeting/date/etc and then casting her off like a dirty pair of socks shortly after. I was in it for notches and experience, and nothing more. IF (and this is a HUGE if...) she was cooler than most and wasn't hangin' off my jock, then we'd maybe take it to "dating" or "going steady" as they used to call it...but ultimately, this was just to keep that good sex nearby and "mine". Soon as the thrill wore off, I'd sabotage the relationship or just walk away with barely a backwards glance.
However...I grew up.
I realized that I didn't like that. Bedding people and then discarding them like used Kleenex made me feel...vile. So I changed tempo and decided that if they were gonna put out so easy, then they were just gutter trash to me (reminding me of my OWN previous behavior) and I'd want nothing to do with them. If I was dating someone and they decided that they'd be cool waiting til I got to know them before we had sex, then I'd stick around. My timetable was generally around 6-8 weeks minimum. If they didn't wanna wait, they were skanks.
But sex never changed the way I felt really. I mean yes, when it was good I wanted to keep it "mine" and on tap...but sex was, and is just sex. Even now, when I have sex with someone I'm dating or just casually "seeing", it doesn't make me "like" them any more or less just because hey, we had sex. All it does is just add a new dimension to the situation. Something else we can share or not.
If I was with someone who though that I'd "like" them more if we had sex, then I'd wanna hope and pray I'd pick up on it and kick her ass to the curb. That kinda thinking belongs back in Grade school...
JMO. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:29:39 PM | | well when you have sex it releases these chemicals like a drug and can cloud your thoughts and feelings and you can ignore red flags. Then of course if a man is getting good sex then it's gonna be hard for him to let that go even if he doesn't want the woman so it can create a big problem if done too soon. It's no secret that women use it as a weapon sometimes, it just does something to the male brain to get good sex. Also if a woman is lonely and she hooks up with a player the gives her good sex and says he loves her, that could be a problem as well. So I'm 41 and i've made my mistakes of jumping in too soon (and the divorce to prove it) so it's better to know the person first if you're serious about a LTR. Also I've seen many times where both people say they just want casual sex and one gets emotional where the other one just viewed it as sex so in a lot of times it is better to wait. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:44:16 PM | Another brick.. so well said and it is the advice that I would give my daughter and have given to her. You have to decide what your own comfort zone is and if your ok with the consequences. I have a saying that I am fond of..
In life there are choices, with choices come consequences. It is up to us to decide what consequence we choose.
Arp | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:08:22 PM | Piggy:
We definitely don't agree on those points. I don't make someone wait if I really like him, he really likes me, and we're both ready for sex. If I have sex with someone, it is precisely because I really like him. Sex is important to me, and I've never seen the point of arbitrary waiting if I already know I'm into someone.
Incidentally, I've had great relationships come out of dating situations where sex happened within the first few dates. In my experience, at least with the people I date, it doesn't seem to matter how soon it happens if we already know we're into each other. It does make me a little more attached to someone, but since I'm already into someone if I want to have sex with him, I don't see it making a huge difference in that regard. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:24:33 PM | | I think 1-3 are generalized norms society adapted from preceding generations. I think it was more of a protection for the daughters so as not to get pregnant before marrage. Unfortunelty, human beings struggle with thier biological desires and many dont conform to what society sets up for them. How I feel. I feel if both parties act responsably, that is taking the precautions then it normal and good for relations. I dont conform to holding back when the body and mind says yes. Naturally its a choice we all make, but my three LTR was consumated prior to the third date and we never regreted it. It was a physcial expression of desire for one another, nothing less. | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 24 | |
| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:25:57 PM | the chemistry can be there right off the bat or the nookie, makes no difference, when they are one, they are one... end of story.... (similarly if months go by and no fireworks than just respect and admiration)
...get it, its a natural thing people do... not always logic behind the... ahem.. call it action if you must | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:35:02 PM | Hi OP,
i recently met this beautiful malysian woman at a bar, and things got really hot to the point that i took her home. the sex was great, and i let time go a bit, didn't call her for a couple of days. once i did, i said lets go to a bar, and she was like, no, i want to go to the museum. so we did. but after that, we didn't talk much. i haven't seen her since.
i think that i could have done better to make her comfortable about the situation, if i really was into her. if the connection is there, i don't think that it matters if you have sex the first day u meet, or 3 months later. i rather have a fast sexual connection, to the point that we can't resist it, then wait a while.. since it frustrate and then you start questioning if she is into you. | |
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| Does Sex Change How you feel ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:35:04 PM | | NO NO NO. I slept with a woman on the first date and ended up in relationship with her for quite a while. My wife gave me "goodies" on the second one and I eventually got married her. | |
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