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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good      Home login  
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 butterscotch hotty
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 1
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo goodPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have been kinda dating this guy for almost 5 months, he is 11 years younger than me. Has no children, and is interested in having children, marriage etc. Not with me. We have such a great time togehter, we go out and it is like we are the only two people in the world. He is very affectiate in public and when we are alone. Others think we are a couple. However, we are exclusive, or so he says, but I think 5 months is a long time to not work toward a relationship. But when he kisses me my whole body tingles, we just cant' seem to let go. Do you think it is healthy?
 sbee91
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 2
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:13:19 PM
look-u just need to sit him down and talk to him about it...how did it start? did u decided to just be fwb?
 sexyfunguy
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 3
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:03:33 PM
1) yes its healthy. 11 years is not a big difference, and you're both consenting adults. Kudos to you for taking the plunge

2) 5 months is not really a long time

3) why ruin a good thing. If the situation is good right now, aren't you afraid that you might scare him off by rushing him into something he's not ready for? Are you willing to take that risk? IF so, then talk to him, but dont say I didn't tell you
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 4
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:24:11 PM

why ruin a good thing. If the situation is good right now, aren't you afraid that you might scare him off by rushing him into something he's not ready for? Are you willing to take that risk? IF so, then talk to him, but dont say I didn't tell you


I have to ask sexyfunguy, do men want honesty, or things to be left in limbo, waiting for the other person to say something...

OP, 5 mo isn't that a long time, however I would think it a good idea to ask where things are... HOWEVER if you know that you are just a FWB, experience in this area has taught me men really don't want to talk about it, if it's just a FBW. As long as they believe things are casual, then they don't have to consider someone might get hurt...

SOOOOO Sadlt Sexyfunguy totally is being male honest with you about how men think in a FBW...

I think women sometimes over think things, and that is the problem with some things that were going well, but we had to know more...
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 5
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:47:59 PM
Do you want anything more with him? If so, you should tell him how you feel (yes, it will ruin it if he doesn't want anything more from you). Obviously, SOMETHING is lacking here or you wouldn't want something "different"; if it were "great" you wouldn't be asking us the question.

So, first identify--and be honest with yourself--the problem.

I find that for most FWB for me, 6 months is the turning point. Either I or the guy gets tired of the same ole. I had one FWB accidentally admit he loved me, look all shocked about it, and then suddenly he got really "busy with work". 6 month mark. I had another who we would "see each other" once or twice a week for 6 months, then after we talked and he revealed some pretty intense things, he suddenly "was too tired" or "busy" as well. Of course, I had another one for 1.5 years--oops!
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 6
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:09:31 PM
It's only UNhealthy if you fantasize that it will become committed. He wants some things that you dont.. mainly marriage and children.

frankly.. I'd TELL him how you want him to inform you that he has MET "the one" that he wants to pursue the whole marriage and family thing with.. and until then.. enjoy it.. get YOUR needs met.. and also go date to find the man YOU want.

Nothing wrong with getting one's needs met "in the mean time" I mean.. it COULD take you several years before you find "him"

Do you want to be bereft of ANY physical pleasure until then?
 lostintheshuffle
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 7
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:27:13 PM
2 leaning posts can prop each other up, because apparently neither of you can stand on your own. If you could, one of you would be able to tell the other that its not long term and then walk away.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 8
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:38:46 PM
Unless he will give up having kids...
or you can pop some out....
This is going no where.

If it's hard to end now,
it will be harder to end later.
When it does end later.(and it will)
you will have lost time(years?) you could have spent finding someone compatible,
and your pain will be heavier.

Your misery.
Your call.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 9
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:46:05 AM

Do you think it is healthy?
Depends on what you're looking for. You're 41 and not getting any younger. If all you want to do is get laid, stick with it until he finds a girl 20 years younger than you. If you're looking for a relationship with potential beyond the bedroom, ask yourself if "kinda dating" a guy who is is interested in having children, marriage etc. but not with you is really how you want to spend your 40's.
 vanaheim
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 10
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:10:26 AM
Break his penis. Older girls that get violent with sex are scary. On the plus side you get to push him away by really getting into wanting him more. More dammit. More. You get the idea. Slap him. Dig the nails in. Hurt him. Call him a ****.

I dunno, you seem to be asking how you can make this your really great fail in life and cry and get tremendously depressed. You may as well get violent all the good that's going to do you. Just enjoy it or move on maturely.
 Illusion Of Normalcy
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 11
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:03:16 AM

Do you think it is healthy?


Prepare yourself... and remember, you asked!

The answer to the question is a resounding no.

IMO FWB is all about self fulfillment. It is about great sex and good times. Long term relationships just are not the same. In a LTR there is the honeymoon phase and the eventual doldrums. FWB is designed to avoid this, but cannot be indefinitely sustained. And a big danger is that you can fall in love with your FB.

I would rather spend my time and efforts cultivating a relationship that will last me a life time... through the good as well as the bad times.

But to each their own. We are all adults here and more than capable of making our own minds up... and pay the consequences there of.

Remember... you asked.
 Artemis2009
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 12
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:11:17 AM

Has no children, and is interested in having children, marriage etc. Not with me.


It's a pity, because it sounds like things are great between you, but the above makes it sound as though the relationship has little future, OP.

Good luck
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 13
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:17:13 AM

Do you think it is healthy?

In a word "No!"
Why?
Well, you're 41, he's as you say 11 years younger...
When you're 55, he will be 44... looks and bodies don't cope well with aging...
He will be looking at you quite differently...
As it is, my G/F is 7 years younger than me and I think that's about as far as I'd want to push it... men are more visually driven than women... It's better usually if the woman is younger to keep the men interested....
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 14
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:30:56 AM
I don't think FWB are particularly "healthy" because you are playing russian roulette. If one develops more feelings than the other is willing to invest, you're screwed.

If you're not seeking more than what he is giving you, then there's no problem. However, he is looking for marriage/children, but not with you (from what you've shared).
 jakeya99
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 15
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:42:34 AM
Here's how you end it:

You: I think I'm falling for you. I know I said we're just friends, but I don't think I can go on being around you unless it's as your girlfriend. You know, all along I was not really into this FWB situation... I was using it as a means to get you to like me and eventually want to date me. Please tell me you've developed feelings for me above and beyond some chick you f*cked until you found somebody you wanted to date. I just have to ask for a committed relationship even after sleeping with you now for almost a half a year. I can't go on with this otherwise.

Him: Ok, bye.

Lesson: FWB for a woman means she's looking for more eventually. We all know women can't have sex without feelings for very long. Guys just like to bang easy women while looking for somebody they respect and want to date.

Lesson #2: Women who engage in FWB have low self esteem 9/10.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 16
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:29:28 PM
Run with it until you get cramp from the bedroom du soleil acrobatics.

Did he bring up kids? didnt see it in the OP. I dont know what a FWB would ever get to the "I want to have kids" stage. For me, that is the end right there.
That and finding that she has an anatomically correct and hung batman uniform in the closet!
 butterscotch hotty
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 17
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:21:09 PM
Thanks for the reply, but in fact, I look younger than I am now and everything is in place. I come from a long line of great genes, in which age and firmness have been a natural given. If anything, he will be the one with the gut and the one I would be looking elsewhere. I have told him that he may be limited his opportunities not dating women, who are more suited to his long term goals. In the meantime, we have a mutual respect and general caring for eachother. I know it needs to end, but I am not sure how to do that just yet or am I ready for that yet.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 18
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:57:17 PM

I know it needs to end, but I am not sure how to do that just yet or am I ready for that yet.
So.... what was the point of this thread? To let everyone know you're 41, are sleeping with a 30 year old and claim you look younger than your age?
When he's a pudgy 35 year old, you'll be looking elsewhere because of your mutual respect and general caring for each other. Carry on.
 cifuareal1
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 19
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:18:34 AM
Me thinks you have been smitten - no matter what you call the relationship.
 airconditioninthesummer
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 20
How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:22:35 AM
well, what do u seriously want out of it? is it a FWB or are you fooling yourself? if you are, you'll be in for a rude awakening.

look, OP, try to keep things simple. if you're having a blast with this person, why not enjoy it and see what progresses? who cares about the age. what matters is that both of you are happy. Isn't happiness worth something to build something on?

But if you're looking for someone else, then don' t use this guy as some crutch just to pass the lonely times -- that's terrible. Leave him and pursue what you really want.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 21
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:01:13 AM

However, we are exclusive, or so he says, but I think 5 months is a long time to not work toward a relationship.


I don't understand. If you're exclusive, then what sort of "working toward a relationship" do you have to do?
 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 22
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:47:26 AM
Well what usually happens is he will meet someone he thinks he wants to make babies with and you will at some point or other, sooner or later find out they have been dating for however long
it's not the age difference, if someone who wants kids is dating someone who it ain't gonna happen with that person, exclusive or not, is looking for the one to make babies with. And the better the sex with you is, the more likely you are to learn he found her some time ago but didn't want to stop having wild sex with you, maybe after the honeymoon.... maybe keep you around for while she's preggers
You're FWB, have already had the this is just for fun talk, he doesn't think he should have to worry about you becoming attached or getting your heart broken, he's supposed to be a toy, and so are you.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 23
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:57:55 AM

Thanks for the reply, but in fact, I look younger than I am now and everything is in place.

Sorry, then someone put a different pic on your profile... because in that pic you do look your age... if not a bit older....
Most of us, (including myself) think we don't look as old as we are... Well, it's a nice illusion... but people we meet are generally not fooled... they may say "Oh you don't look that old...!" but really it's just another answer similar to the vapid answers given to people who ask the age old question "Do these pants make my ass look fat?"

I have told him that he may be limited his opportunities not dating women, who are more suited to his long term goals.

I would bet that he has long ago figured that out and that he's exploring his 'options'...
That's why people have FWB's... He's not telling you about those 'options' because like most men, he's avoiding conflict and drama and tring to maintain the status quo in your bed...
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 24
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:42:39 PM

I know it needs to end
Um, why?
 canadian shield
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 25
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How to end a FWB relationship that is soooo good
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:15:16 PM
Enjoy it while you can, its what you will remember when your old and grey.
The relationship will take its own course , in life its not the destination but the ride.
I'm in a relationship that is unlikely to go any where but when we get togeather I know just how you feel, its "living". Best of luck
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