| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:14:24 AM | Hello Everyone!
Fetishes. Hmmm, hot topic. For some women, finding out a man's fetish can be scary and for some men finding out a woman's fetish can be hot. Perhaps in reality we all have fetishes some just more extreme than others.
Now ladies and gents, what would you do if you were dating someone who seemed normal, mild mannered, perhaps even a bit conservative and then found out they had a foot, anal, domination or humiliation fetish ?
If you liked the person enough would you put your fear, apprehension or judgement aside and try it ? ( They are not forcing you to do it, or threatening the relationship if you don't do it, they have just indicated that they are strongly turned on by this particular act )
If you told your partner that you weren't into the fetish and though it was dirty, or gross or embarrasing and they told you "Oh, it's ok, we can do other things" would you feel guilt because anything else you would do with them you would feel that they would never truly be satisfied because you won't do "that thing" ? | |
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| Fetishes - Friend of Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:17:10 AM | I have a fetish for dresses made out of Diner table clothes.
Does that make me weird??
I would not feel guilty sharing my "fetishes" if I had been in a trusting relationship for a while. | |
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| Fetishes - Friend of Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:21:18 AM | I think fetishes should be divulged before getting too deeply involved with someone, (i.e., when it is determined that mutual attraction and a desire to pursue something “more” exists between the couple). I don’t fault people for their fetishes, but if I want to be anally probed I’ll move to Roswell.  | |
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| Fetishes - Friend of Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:23:49 AM | Hi there and thank you for your comment.
What if a man want's YOU ( a woman ) to PROBE them ? | |
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| Fetishes - Friend of Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:25:04 AM | I wouldn't feel guilty at all. When there is something that I just don't feel comfortable about, I'm good. No reason to feel bad.
I would rather be missing something from my sex life then to have a woman do things she is not comfortable with just for me...
I had a woman I dated want me to Choke her during. And thats just something I will not do. Now if it was that big of a deal for her, she could end things and go find someone who found such acts to be exciting in the bedroom. I'm not that guy .
<div class='quote'>What if a man want's YOU to PROBE them ?
Um He's off the team!
Picnic dress ah, I'd love to see what you brought in your basket!
So now here's my problem, I want a woman that can Squirt! | |
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| Fetishes - Friend of Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:29:30 AM | Neither a friend or a foe - simply not interested. There are no fears, no apprehension and there is absolutely no judgement...fetishes are simply not my thing. However, to each their own.
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:30:50 AM | I think you got a little broad or sloppy with your definition of a "fetish". Domination and humiliation, for instance, are not fetishes as I understand the term to mean, though fetishes can be involved in them.
I think you're more talking about what someone might like sexually that the other person might not like sexually, or be indifferent about. | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:50:42 AM | I think the key to having a long term relationship with anyone is to figure out where you can compromise and set limits. When you throw fetishes and or other less common sexual activities and proclivities into it then communication is even more important.
The person with the fetish my need to try to come up with other ways to experience what they want without full involvement from their partner or less frequency than they want but accept that its better than none. The partner without the fetish needs to understand that it is a turn on for their partner and to indulge them as far as their personal limits will allow and not belittle or judge them for it.
In order for things to work it could take something as minor as doing something once a month that one partner waits eagerly for and the other swallows a giggle to see the joy on their partners face to something as big as allowing one of them to step outside the relationship to keep them sexually satisfied and not have them sneaking off to get it. | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 8:56:49 AM | I don't think there is anything wrong with a fetish. Majority of people actually have something they are more passionate about in the bedroom than they want to reveal.
If I really like that person, I have no problem trying what gets them off (it truely has to be within reason. Nothing involving defacating!). I was married for 6 years and there were lots of times a new fetish came up. Either I like it or I didn't, but i tried it.
The only problem with being with someone who has a strong fetish is not fulfulling that fetish with them. They may say it is ok, but if they can't get it from you, they will find other means. | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:06:36 AM | | What is done in the privacy of two peoples bedroom could take on discovering such if both parties were intrested enough in the other. I suppose I would do some normally embarrasing things with my SO if she would get off on it and fulfilled some fantisy she had. If it brought excitement and more intrest why not. For me it would be to get over the embarrasement of doing something humiliating I normally wouldnt do, and some of the things I hear women want can be that. I would have to check with me humility meter in case it was goiing a bit overboard though. I try to be game for her. | |
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| Fetishes - Friend of Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:08:14 AM | | I think a lot depends on how much they are into the particular fetish. I think we all have them but many of us could live with out them if need be. Some on the other hand might be into so much they have to have it... | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:14:50 AM | Hmmmm.. you have a guy who wants to be PROBED..
Do you have a strapon?
Dirty, gross, or embarrassing.
That statement sort of defines your sexuality. Presuming(as all forumites do) that you are the inexperienced one, and your new lover is the "bottom" fetish lover.. It would seem that your discomfort makes this a bad partnership and you should move on.
GENERALLY SPEAKING, he will still want it.. and eventually either leave you to go find someone more open minded.. OR will look for it on the side. (this answers your last question)
It seems you are with the wrong guy.
Oh, your profile pics were well done. You dont look 195 at all | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:19:30 AM | Fetishes and experimentation are entirely different things. If someone is wanting to TRY something, that leans towards experimentation. If someone likes something considered "not the norm" then it might be an issue for a new partner, but I don't think it's the least bit offending. If the "he" in my life can't be open/honest about such things, we shouldn't be together because sex in a long term relationship is vital. I tend to listen with very open ears and how on earth will I know I hate something if I've never tried it? Just because something sounds weird, doesn't make it weird. Foreign concepts seem to frighten/alarm people. I do wonder why that is....but that's just me. JMO  | |
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PiggyT
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Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 16 | |
| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:23:38 AM |
LOL ! It's my picnic dress ! LMFAOOOO !
OH.... so you wear it and then remove it and lay it on the ground to place our pic - in - ic basket (hey boo boo) on? Is the fetish in naked wilderness eating?? | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:28:40 AM | There is quite a difference between life style choices, fetishes and personal preferences. I tend to be pretty open minded and curious as to what desires people have, come to acquired, and how they came to like it, have had some very neat conversations even if I have never been interested in what they do.
I like feet and hands, I like to look at, touch and rub them, is that a fetish? Not any more than guys who love breasts but to some it seems weird. Then again, I don’t want to cover them with chocolate sauce and have them inserted in ……..ok, you get the idea! | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:29:28 AM | Is doggy style a fetish?
That is apparently just a favorite postion dear. There are different definitions of what a fetish is and there are plenty of previous threads about it.
To me, a fetish is something whichs needs to be present in order for the fetishist to experience sexual enjoyment or satisfaction.
I've found that as a woman with a fetish, I am very apprehensive about sharing exactly what that is with a "vanilla" man who has not had much experience with sex. His previous experience in sleeping with a lot of women or simply looking at porn is not really experience to me. I hate to say it, and I know this is MY problem, but I find vanilla men trying to rush into a sexual relationship with no emotional connection to be huge turnoff. I'm not interested in giving a man "directions" and am not interested in being a guinea pig or feeling like some kind of carnival freak show type attraction to someone I know is not open minded or is not interested in me as a person first. It obviously limits my choices of a possible partner considerably. This is where having a fetish is your foe.
With the person/s that share the same fetish as I do, the emotional, physical, and psychological connection is much more intense and satisfying than "vanilla" experiences. This is where your fetish is your friend.
Fetishes are not one-size- fits all, and you cannot adopt a fetish simply to please someone else. A fetish is simply a part of you because of maybe past experiences.
Self education and reading up on different fetishes can help you discover maybe what was underlying in your sexual nature all along but may have been repressed.
I think even men who have sexual addiction simply have repressed sexual issues which they have not dealt with. Many times a man who is repressed will really resent a woman that has more sexual interests and experience in those interests as it may make him feel less "manly". | |
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| Fetishes - Friend of Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:34:23 AM | Sherlock is mistaken, as are many other posters. A fetishist cannot simply decide to "live without" his fetish.
A fetish, technically, is not simply a "strong liking" for something. A true fetishist MUST HAVE the fetish object (either in reality or in his / her fantasy) or is impotent.
Any number of things can be fetish items... from rubber, leather, feet, even the extremely bizzarre... like dead bodies (necrophilia). | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 21 | |
| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:51:02 AM | I worry about what lurks behind such a seemingly cute and healthy lady... now this one has gone a bit overboard here, LOL
ah, I guess one can't have everything huh? LOL
fetishish strike me as sick... a syndrome of some type... once then I could never understand what men saw in strippers either, call me naive or conservative
hahaha... fetishes... too funny | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 22 | |
| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:53:47 AM | "Is doggy style a fetish?"
It depends if this means you beg and they roll over. =) | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:14:51 AM |
That is apparently just a favorite postion dear. There are different definitions of what a fetish is and there are plenty of previous threads about it.
To me, a fetish is something whichs needs to be present in order for the fetishist to experience sexual enjoyment or satisfaction.
Duh, as in that was tongue and cheek. People were just getting sloppy with the definition of a fetish, and therefore all sorts of miscommunication takes place when such is the case. I said "doggy style" because to some people that might be a fetish, as broad as it is being defined here, because that is to the left of the missionary position.
I don't consider domination a fetish, as domination is happening all the time in relationships and sexual engagement of even the most vanilla variety. As someone who is acquainted with such things, I just think it's relevant to get terms straight. Hell, I think much of our failures in politics these days is that everybody is shouting words and terminologies and slogans, but few have any idea what they actually mean, or that they are grossly inadequate vehicles for talking about what's actually going on.
It's a pet peeve of mine. :) | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:21:00 AM | DOGGY STYLE is only a fetish if it is WITH A DOG.
Yeah.. I went there. WOOF
I mean.. why DOES a dog lick himself?
Oh.. anal sex isnt a fetish. For some it's birth control. For others it's a higher level of pleasure.
Did you know there are 10,000 times the number of pleasure nerve endings back there than in the frontal opening and clit?
Oh wait.. did I GO THERE again? Sheeesh.. I have to remember I'm NOT on AFF | |
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| Fetishes - Friend or Foe ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 10:25:11 AM |
I just think it's relevant to get terms straight.
I agree, and just to make sure I had the right definition of what a (sexual) fetish is, I looked it up - from Wiki: ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism )
Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal brought on by any object, situation or body part not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature.
Not to be confused with personal preferences or comfort zones and whether (or not) someone is open to experimentation.
Anyway, I don't have a fetish and having explored my dark side many years ago when the dinosaurs still roamed the planet (late 70's-early 80's), I have no need/want/desire to go there again. But I completely understand why a person would want or need to go that route and see if it's for them - they're just going to have to go without me;).
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