| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:16:16 PM | Didn't feel like dating for awhile, was mainly here for the forums so had just a basic profile up.
Now I'm ready to get serious so put up a new profile trying to attract only men I may be compatible with.
Since I've done probably more than 100 profile reviews this should be interesting being the receiving end.
Have at it.  | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:23:49 PM | | If you're "ready to get serious" then change "friends" to "dating" | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:58:54 AM | Your main picture is cropped WAY too close in the thumbnail view. It's just a nose and 2 eyes on a white background. Not something that, to me anyway, says 'click here'.
Change the 'friends' to 'dating'.
Otherwise, good profile. :) | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:45:15 AM | You know someone had to say it.
You were waiting for it, even.
"Lawyer (toxic waste)"-- wow, talk about a loophole you could drive a Mack truck through.
I'll skip the joke you're anticipating and merely ask: for or against? Is the Habitat for Humanity work guilty compensation or a smooth blend of professional, personal and political (i.e. the left-wing P3)?
"admit when I'm wrong."-- clearly you are not in litigation.
"I'm a pacifist with imperfect success and practice random acts of kindness."
Arg. Random acts of kindness that do not include refraining from tired metaphors. You were doing so well right up to that line and the list of mottos.
Let me give you my favorite bit of Latin, one that should sound familiar: Nemo dat quod non habet.
And to those gentle readers who were never subjected to the psychological abuse of the so-called "Socratic" method, no, it has nothing to do with Disney movies with submarines and sea monsters. 'Ya can't sell what ya don't own' is pretty close. And what do I mean? Originality, please.
Whether you're ripping Descartes, Socrates, or some anonymous hack writer that slaves for Hallmark greeting cards, it's still ripping, and the rest of your profile demonstrates that you can do a lot better than that.
In all seriousness, the profile is vastly better written than 89.56% of what we read on here. It would be vastly better written than 99.56% of what we read on here if you would excise every metaphor, motto, saying, aphorism, pseudo-haiku or offhand comment attributable to anyone better known than Hervé Villechaise from the profile and replace them all with stuff you came up with yourself, because you are obviously a capable writer. | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:14:32 AM | Personally, I think the main pic is very unique and attractive in its cropped form. I doubt any guy looking at thumbnails could resist clicking on your profile.
The profile is terrific - it's unique, open, attractive and welcoming; and gives the same impression of the author. Favourite aphorisms is as defensible as favourite TV shows, so I'm not sure I agree with the above poster.
I understand why you have "Prefer not to Say" under body type, but I still think it's a bad idea. We can see full body shots, so I think you should just put "Average." We're both 48 and I know that my weight has fluctuated by 30 pounds over the last few years. | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:51:07 AM | | Your profile is pretty good. Only thing you might consider changing (removing) is that bit at the end of your first date section where you tell every nut in the world where to find you on a Thursday night. The idea of exchanging a couple of e-mails is so you can winnow out the weirdos before you meet them. | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:48:14 AM | Hi Cynthia…it’s wonderfully written with a great sense of who you are….intelligent, attractive, articulate, energetic, successful, and strong….very strong. Your kind, feminine side sort of took a back seat to strong, independent. Enjoyed your mottos and treatise on love, but am wondering…maybe too much strength and seriousness too soon? Men like smart, strong women, but even strong, dominant men may be wondering….What can I add to this woman’s life?
A few suggestions….
1) Do add a body type so that you won’t be omitted when he searches. Most people who put “prefer not to say” as body type aren’t average or athletic. The man you’re looking to date probably wants at least average.
2) Maybe nix the shooting photo….it’s a great photo, but he may think you’re a hunter because he’ll look at the photos before the interests. Instead, maybe post a full body picture with that pretty dress you talk about.
3) I like the primary photo…it stands out. I had hoped to see your gorgeous smile when I clicked on the thumbnail. Maybe see if you can do a similar photo but with a stellar smile to welcome him rather than serious face.
4) Maybe tone down the strong and add the kind, feminine, and creative woman who has hobbies….there is little levity in your profile. Even your Habitat for Humanity project can be construed as “work” vs. relaxation.
5) Maybe add something like…”Browsing used book stores is always more fun when we’re comparing our fabulous finds”. You sort of do this in the fishing area, but the scene you paint (“that’s the only place I want to be…with him”) almost sounds desperate vs. romantic. It might read better…if you CAUGHT the FISH and celebrated cuddling by the campfire. Self-fulfilling prophecy. And hey…guys like to be successful when they go fishing, and we all like romantic endings!
6) Nix the ‘strong hands’ from interests…maybe add ‘romance’ or ‘candelight’ if you’re trying to convey intimacy.
7) When you have kids, it’s good to say how many and how old they are and give some idea of the custody situation (50/50, single mom with 2 kids who are well-launched, etc.).
8) Are you willing to date men with kids? If you don’t say, he may think you’re not open to that.
9) You are quite a catch, and my guess is that when you add some sweet and funny and romantic to the serious, he’ll immediately check to see if his fishing gear is ready to go.
Hope that helps. Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:39:33 PM | Hi, Cynthia. Nice to see you back in this forum, but sorry about the circumstances.
The posters above have been very thorough. DS's point re: details regarding the children, is particularly good. Sly -- well, you gonna take advice from another attorney? ;) (j/k Sly!)
My only suggestion: You list golf as an interest. Lots of fellas love to play golf. Throw 'em a bone and talk about golf for a sentence or two. | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:23:03 PM | Hi,
As a fellow NT and fan of the MBTI, I read INTJ and knew what you meant instantly. However, it'll be a little bewildering to men who don't know the Meyers-Briggs personality type assessment. Of course, that might be a screener you are intentionally using. If not, toss them a bone by letting the reader know that it's a personality type. That way, they have some clue what they are googling before they start.
Hopefully you're not feeling like you're a 1L again, getting savaged by the legal writing instructors...
Maybe "environmental law" would avoid those unpleasant words "toxic" and "waste."
You've used the word "but" a couple too many times, I think. It's a stop sort of word. Maybe switch some out with "however" or "on the other hand." Know what I mean?
You might remove "strong" from that first(?) line. It's not adding anything that your other words don't convey very, very well about your strength.
I love your close-cropped b&w thumbnail. But I'm an artsy-fartsy former graphic designer, and not your target audience. If you're interested in a salt-of-the-earth, classic Pacific NW environmental guy fisherman, for example, that man might not "get" the utter fabulousness of that pic cropped. Just a thought.
Best wishes and best of luck.
R~(in)E | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:02:01 PM | First, thanks to everyone for your comments. Even those I disagree with (or chose to not accept) I appreciate you took the time to give me your thoughts.
Re: pics – My philosophy about pics is twofold 1) many people come to online dating assuming people lie (or exaggerate) in their profile and my hobbies are unusual enough for a woman that I use the pics to prove I actually do these things, 2) ‘head shots’ are for showing a variety of moods/looks. I don’t have to use the cliché ‘I go from jeans to formal blah blah blah’ (or “I clean up well” – gag) because I show that in the pics. ‘Love of my life’ fishie’s favorite was the Xmas party pic. I get a lot of mail when the main pic is the hat & glasses. The ‘standing in the river all day catching nothing’ guy (he caught 2) told me the current B&W main pic caused him to write. Bottom line: I’ll just keep rotating but try to get a new one smiling.
Re: kids – I hear your comments but any detail about my son I leave for 1:1 conversation. Even if I miss out on the ‘perfect man’ because he assumed I didn’t want to date a man with kids, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Sly – nope, not a litigator professionally or personally. Yes, I know the comment you allude to. I’ve changed wording on profession.
I’m keeping the mottos.  They’re ‘shorthand’ way to say what’s important to me and how I live my life. They work as both a filter and something for a guy to comment on in the opening email (and they have worked great for that over the years).
HTD – thank you, and thank you. I changed body type. Not sure it will make any difference but, hey, why not?
Cebrhocabi – changed the first date section per your suggestion.
Caveman – thank you, and I’m sorry too . Added another sentence re: golf. Truth is, I actually earned a promotion on the course once. I was put into a 4some with my boss’s boss. It was a great day 
Resident – I get your point but consider the MBTI stuff another intentional filtering point. I don’t care whether he knows anything about Myers-Briggs when he reads my profile but if it’s either too much work to google, or he’s put off by something he doesn’t know/understand, then he’s not for me.
Removed most of the “but”s :-)
Denver – wow! Thanks! I had to smile at comment #2. Between the description on the photo and the RO standing next to me holding the timer, it’s pretty clear I’m not out hunting  But, I get your point.
Re: #4 – good point. I’ll think on it.
Re: #5 – get your point about sounding desperate. I reworded the fishing thing a little. But, that’s taken from an actual date where after a 3 hr drive, being in the river by dawn, and absolutely FREEZING for many hours, finally warming up in the truck riding home, I fell asleep! Cuddling by the campfire admiring his, ummm, fish (yah, that’s it – his fish) would be too much poetic license ;-)
Re: #6 – leaving the "strong hands". I think it’s subtle enough without being vulgar and not only do ‘candlelight or ‘romance’ not imply the same thing, they’re WAY too cliché.
Men like smart, strong women, but even strong, dominant men may be wondering….What can I add to this woman’s life?
Things that make you go hmmmmm. This question has really made me think today. Not sure how, yet, but I’ll definitely add something re: what he could add to my life. | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:20:01 PM | It already reads better! The dancing and golf are great additions, and the “being in the moment” has transformed desperation into togetherness. 
And that “hmmmm” moment…think on it for a few days….it will come to you.
Good Luck! Some man will be lucky indeed. You’ll be too good for him…and with luck...he’ll be too good for you, too! DenverSky5280 | |
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| Ready to wade in again
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:36:27 PM | Very well written; leaves me wishing I were a younger man!! Best wishes in your new search.
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| p.s.
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:29:59 PM | day after I put up the new profile I wrote to a man commenting on how much I liked his. he wrote back how much he liked mine. we met this week. it went great - so far we're both pretty happy with the truth in 'advertising'. he's as special as his profile.
where's that 'crossing my fingers' emoticon? | |
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| p.s.
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:33:29 AM | I liked your profile, it shows character, depth, intelligence and strength without aggression, it also shows a warm soft spot that to me says, someone will have to step up to the plate and share in order to see the whole you. I don’t think your profile will get many responses however; my guess is that you aren’t looking for “many” and it will be a good weeding tool as you seem much more of the quality over quantity type.
Good luck OP and there is no need to cross your fingers, if you’re using full disclosure it will only make your knuckles sore! Descartes hidden in your life axiom would have no use for such superstitions and those who could see it would giggle at your self imposed white knuckles.
I liked it! | |
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| p.s.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:10:47 AM | Thank you, CloudHidden. I enjoy a lot of your forum posts so I guess we're even.
Namaste.  | |
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| p.s.
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:05:43 PM | Waaaay to go lovely lawyer lady! We’ll take credit for it (boc)….but it was really ALL your doing. Best to you! :DenverSky5280
(it's not easy to see, but the guy clapping his strong hands has his fingers crossed for ya!) | |
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