| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:19:49 PM | | I was sending emails back and forth to a man one Saturday. During numerous emails back and forth , I asked how it was going on the site, had he been on dates, said he had no bad experiences but no chemistry. I said I have met a few “players’ and asked if he was currently dating anyone, he replied that he was not and I replied you must have integrity etc. He asked if we could speak on the phone instead. I said not yet…lets do the email thing for awhile. I met a new gal that night playing cards with the ladies (I was the new one playing). During cards she talked about the man she had recently started dating from POF and how wonderful and nice he seemed, the nice things he said to her regarding how much he was into her, the nice text messages she received, how they got along very well and that she was very happy to have met him. He even bought her flowers the night before. I told her I was also on POF and we chatted about the site and our experiences. She described the man and based on one description (height) I asked his profile name and she told me. I said I had been exchanging emails with him that day and explained some of his responses listed above. I felt horrible and was also extremely unhappy that this man WAS a player. Her face fell. Said she felt like an idiot now after going on how nice he was, however, did acknowledge that they had not had the “exclusive” talk – she presumed as they were getting along very well – so she thought. He had even been texting her during the same time period of our emails! She wanted to see our emails and I obliged by showing her. I was far angrier about the situation than she was! She said she was glad to know sooner than later that she was being mislead and thanked me. I have not responded to his last email that he sent to me the next day nor have heard from him again which is great! I presume the gal had a conversation with him about meeting me. I wonder if I did the right thing in telling her. I believe I did as I would want to know. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:51:16 PM | I think it's all semantics. "Currently dating" would imply that he's dating someone exclusively or has established a level of involvement.
They had not had the “exclusive” talk so he was free to date, text or call whomever he pleased. How was she being misled?
Asking a man whom you've never even met (or spoken to) if he's dating? None of your business. He already told you he had been on some dates.
You told a woman who had been on a date or two with him that he happened to be in contact with other women on a dating site.
Your definition of "player" is pretty narrow. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:55:20 AM | HMMMMM..... he said he'd been on a few dates, but hadn't had any chemistry...but he'd sent her flowers the day before and was texting her at the same time he was emailing you and asking you for your number?
LOL yeah, I'd say he was trying to be a player,he just got busted before he got his game going. I don't think you did a thing wrong by calling him out to your friend. I'd have done the same thing. If you had kept his 'secret' then you would have been just as guilty as he in keeping the 'game' going.
Now, if she chooses to keep seeing him after knowing what he said and what kind of a man he is, then that's on her. Personally, I would have dropped him like a hot potato for not at least being honest about dating other people, and especially for saying there had been no chemistry, while texting her and sending her flowers. He's obviously a liar.
You did the right thing.
Beth | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:07:50 AM | | What's wrong with a guy talking to several girls at once? He's not married. He's not "with them;" he is searching for a good match just like the rest of us. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:07:32 AM | I think the key thing here is that he said to the OP that he had met some women, but there was no chemistry involved which to us gals means that they were all dead ends... not that he's continuing to pursue to see if chemistry develops.
This is the problem with asking questions that really should never be asked at the email/texting stage or hell, even the telephone stage. She backed him into a corner and what was he suppose to say... there's another woman that I'm schmoozing but it hasn't gone anywhere yet so I'm going to see where it goes with you... ?
That would be the quick end to the conversation.
Seriously... unless you are ONLY friends, then don't ask how things on the site are going as it's none of your damned business and you are going to get the stock in trade answer... it's akin to getting upset when someone responds with an I'm well to the question of How are you? and then finding out that they have a headache...
Dating site netiquette... everyone should learn this...  | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:36:33 AM | | so how many men were you talking with? schmoozing ?...women tend to forget that men on this site talk to lots of women...I have talked to a number of them and most were just being plesant..chatting for the sake of chatting..feeling people out...some have been on the other side of the country...I'll never meet them...they don't get the "I love you's"....there are time i like to see what others think...they come, they go...as for being wrong? hmmm..it depends..every one of us would be a "player" on here for talking to others. unless you are commited..no crime. to quick to judge! maybe you willl be on here looooong time without results, and i can see why | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:48:58 AM | OMG, a guy is on a dating site, dating and [gasp] EVEN EMAILING more than one woman! at the same time! say it ain't so!
they had not had the “exclusive” talk – she presumed ...
she presumed ...
she PRESUMED...
the way i see it, the biggest problem with this whole scenario is the "P" word.
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:52:39 AM | How old are we again? First of all you were wrong to ask the man that question within the first few emails you come off as clingy and needy. Who are you to know if he is dating other people? Hell you wouldnt even give him your phone number yet. I am dating multiple people right now, isnt that the reason I am here. Why are you running around telling this girl about your emails? So your calling the guy a liar but how do you know the woman isnt lying? Seen it happen plenty of times. IMO you got some growing up to do.
Showing the girl your emails back and fourth. Geez, what are we in high school again | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:17:04 AM | For the love of god. This is a dating site. You had exchanged a couple emails and had not even gotten to the phone stage.
A player is someone seeing more then one one and basicaly lieing about it. You ahve to be dating him to be a player not emailing him.
Until you become exclusive he is free to date as many people as he wants to.
You had not even talked on the phone. I email TONS of gals and we never even get to the metting stage. A fraction of the ones I swap a few emails with ever reach the meeting stage. So because you swapped a few emails he is expected to abandon all other prospects. Your kidding me right? If I have a date on friday and you send me an email on Monday I am supposed to cancel. You don't really know what level of interest you have until you meet in person.
No you should not of ruined this womens date or potential future date just because you had swapped a couple emails with this guy. How long have you been doing this online dating thing again? I want a couple strong dates before I agree to become exclusive. I have met a TON of gals on here and every single pretty gal was meeting other guys. Gee are most the pretty gals "players" ? You women sure throw that term around pretty easily. I have no fear of competition. She will like me or not. All the long term exclusive relationships I have had on POF started with a cute gal that was meeting and seeing other guys and she just liked me more.
No wonder so many have problems on dating sites and meeting online. All you had done was swap a few emails.
Cowboy | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:39:13 AM | I would like to know how many men will bring flowers to a woman they are just beginning to date? Is this something you do on all of your dates, even the ones that arent showing any promise or connection? If you felt that it was going no where, would you continue to give signs that say the opposite? Would you continue to date multiple women, try to start a relationship with each of them while all along you are doing this with multiple people? It doesnt sound like this woman's friend had a date with this guy and never heard from him again. The issue was the fact that this guy wasnt being completely truthful about his experience and intentions, and that was the issue, not the fact that he was communicating to someone else. Especially since the whole time he was going on about the fact that he hadnt made a connection, he apparently was sending messages to this woman.
I think she did the right thing, if this guy is so worried about playing the numbers game that he will be deliberately evasive, chances are he has quite a few irons in the fire... | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:59:07 AM |
I would like to know how many men will bring flowers to a woman they are just beginning to date? I've received flowers on first meets, had flowers delivered before a first date and have had flowers delivered with the invitation to a first date. Some men just give flowers... I don't see that as a defining occurence of a relationship forming.
Personally, I think she was wrong in even asking... she basically set him up for failure in this instance. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:10:50 AM | ^^^ that's right, o spotter of linty objects, if you get flowers on or before a 1st date, can a big honking diamond ring be far behind?? i mean, come on!
as i said before, it's all about the "P" | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:21:21 AM | [QUOTE]I think she did the right thing, if this guy is so worried about playing the numbers game that he will be deliberately evasive, chances are he has quite a few irons in the fire... [/QUOTE]
No she did not do the right thing. The right thing would have been to shut her mouth then confront the guy herself the next time she talked to him. Like I said before how does she not know the women isnt telling the whole truth? Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. She is either immature or just loves drama, I mean come on she showed the girl the emails. She could have left it as is and just said she had talked to the same guy. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:21:31 AM | This is a "dating" site.
He has the right to woo as many as he pleases.
If you aren't exclusively dating or having sex, he is not a player.
You exchanged e mails..I can't imagine what you would have cooked up for him if you had had coffee..a lynching?
Back alley baseball game? geez...WTH?
I would like to know how many men will bring flowers to a woman they are just beginning to date? LMAO
To many. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:26:00 AM | | I think you did the right thing. If there is no chemistry, why is he leading another woman on sending her flowers and showering her with texts and sweet-nothings? Because he is leading her on. Period. There is nothing wrong with talking to several women at the same time. But at least, you helped the poor woman to have things put in perspective. Afterall, you didn't do anything more than show her his emails to you, his intentions and she can compare them to what he has been telling her. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:46:45 AM | | There's nothing wrong with talking to several girls at once. There's something wrong with LYING about it though. Since there's nothing wrong with it, why didn't he just tell her "I'm not exclusive with anyone at the moment, but there are a few people I talk to." That would NOT have been off-putting to me at all, I would value his honesty. Finding out the way she did, after being lied to is not a scenario you want to create. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:59:22 AM | women do that too.
I was talking to my friend about this site and he told me he start talking to this girl on here, he showed me her pic i told him that i met her before and even go to her place twice etc.. . while talking back n forth my friend asked if she met anyone from this site she said yes but he wasn't his type. and she lied about bringing me to her place kissing me etc..
i can say she wasn't my type because i was the one who backed up from her. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:46:29 AM | I understand how both of you would be surprised and disappointed. Even though no promises have been made anywhere by anyone, nobody wants to actually MEET the competition. Somethings are better left not known. He didn't do anything wrong...nobody did! It was just unneeded information...
I recently met a guy who has really great possibilities...I don't even want to know when or if he's been on here, let alone if he's met anyone else! Keep me in the dark on this one, please! (At least until it becomes monogamous).  | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:05:50 AM | | Emailing different people is how this online dating thing works, he was under no obligation to be exclusively chatting with either of you. Must be a really small town. | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:00:40 PM | | yes...you did the right thing by telling. although it wouldnt have been wrong, not to tell. imo...a player is a person who lies or manipulates someone in order to receive "benefits" they wouldnt receive if they were to be honest. this man straight up lied to you. you asked if hes dating. he said, "no". he also said hed been on dates but no chemistry. the honest answer would have been..."yes, im currently seeing someone, but we are not exclusive". | |
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| Did I do the right thing in telling...
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:12:42 PM | Honestly I don't think he was playing anyone..he was up front and honest by saying he has/is dating..met up with people but felt no chemistry...
When you talk to someone online they may not be fully or at all who they are in reality. Online just helps get the gears turning to meeting someone and sorting it out from there..
he was doing exactly that to you just like everyone else here..he wanted to talk with you on the phone maybe cause he may be into you and wants to see if there's any type of personal connection somewhere before even meeting. Keeping things online..is not a good idea..I don't want to say you ruined anything for him or your friend or yourself..but I think you completely misunderstood what was happening and the way things work transition from here to a dining table.
I don't think anyone owes anyone an explanation and reason of who or how many people they are talking to..if you ask or they ask and they answer or you answer..that's fine..can make your calls from then on..in the end all three of you are happy..you may have avoided to what you felt was a player...your friend a potential save from disappointment and him..knowing who he is and wants..seeing that neither one of you may have been compatible due to the situation. Hope that didn't sound hard really didn't mean it to be lol.
Good luck. | |
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