| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:05:50 AM | Something I've never really understood...apart from why tradesmen never arrive on time and why it always rains just after I fill my water tank....I honestly don't get why people will seek advice about their own current personal dating situations and current relationships from strangers on a public forum, rather than perhaps seeking feedback from friends privately...or, my personal favourite...talking to the other person in the relationship about the issue or concern...?
And yet there's an almost constant stream of it on this and other forums... Interesting reading, but what inspires the authors to ask for advice from strangers?
Do strangers give a better, more objective perspective? Wouldn't friends give better advice, or do they know too much? Is it even fair on the other person in the situation to make their personal life public fodder even though it perhaps feels strangely anonymous? Would anyone actually act on any of the advice/suggestions made by strangers on the internet, about their own personal life? And would anyone here be put off dating someone if you knew they had a tendency to post details about their dates/relationships and seek advice on a forum... knowing that you could wind up being the subject of their next thread? Has the internet caused some sort of dulling down of the concept of 'private life'? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:33:19 AM |
I honestly don't get why people will seek advice about their own current personal dating situations and current relationships from strangers on a public forum...
I've often wondered this myself. My personal favourites are when someone describes a very specific scenario, or comment made in response to a certain action, and then asks a bunch of strangers - half of whom are probably drunk or insane and the other half misunderstood the question anyway - what they should think or do in response to the situation they've described. hahahaaa
As if people who don't know either, or any, of the participants, who don't know the background, who don't know the intentions or motivation of anyone involved, can give useful advice or guidance.
When, as you say, the best person to ask is the other person involved in the situation, since they actually made the remark or took the action. Seems obvious really. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:25:33 AM |
Something I've never really understood...apart from why tradesmen never arrive on time and why it always rains just after I fill my water tank...
Well sensible tradesmen will have more work booked than they can reasonable expect to get through on any day because of the very likely probability that on any particular day at least one job will fall through for one reason or another. Of course we just remember the times that they turn up late and are kept waiting rather than the times that they do arrive on time.
As for the water tank problem the best predictor of rain over a small area like your water tank is if it had rained the day before. However the longer that it has not rained the more likely it is that it will start given that it does rain. Therefore an empty water tank is indicative of the fact that it has not rained recently and so with the passage of time the probability that it will rain increases. If the tank is the right size for the property than it should run out just before or just after it has started to rain if ever.
The answer to the rest of the question is obvious the forums are an inexpensive substitute for asking the advice of close friends in whose discretion you have confidence, whose advice you value, whose judgement you respect and in whose sincere concern for your welfare you believe. The people who start the threads to which you refer seam to be unlikely to be able to form or maintain friendships of the nature required if for no other reason that no one could have confidence in their discretion.  | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:07:06 PM |
knowing that you could wind up being the subject of their next thread?
Is this about me ?
Friends, in general and depending on the situation, might not give as objective of an appraisal on the situation for obvious reasons. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:53:00 PM | I don't know, but what I have learned is that wine and posting can lead to some very embarrassing " too much information moments" or is that just me  | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:34:00 PM |
Interesting reading, but what inspires the authors to ask for advice from strangers? Their not really looking for advice, their looking for validation and empathy.
For advice to be truly useful, you would have to know the perspective of the person offering it, which entails having some detailed knowledge of the individual. On the other hand, validation is nothing more than a pat on the back along with a “good boy, you’re doing the right thing” type comment… which is sometimes nice to hear, even if it’s from a complete stranger. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:26:29 PM |
I don't know, but what I have learned is that wine and posting can lead to some very embarrassing " too much information moments" or is that just me
No it's not just you, I too am a member of 'the morning after non-appreciation society'
I was listening to a radio program yesterday and they had an IT lecturer in online communications being interviewed, his advice was to never post anything online that you wouldn't be prepared to stand in a supermarket with a placard saying..this included listing your date of birth, any personal information or private details on any social networking site. Good advice I think. Would you be prepared to announce your dating woes on a placard? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:43:22 PM | | I had a glass or two the other night late at night and shot off a message that I have only the fuzziest memory of , but the bits that come back aren't good at all . There actually is a word for it on the net but ....oops .... I can't remember it ......i.e 'posting in an altered state' . However it is mostly sweeping insults that come back from my off the cuff post not details . I think you get to feel that people posting with you are your friends , nothing wrong with that,but intimate details you deal with alone alas. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:49:35 PM |
their looking for validation and empathy And very understandable but seriously, if you read forums much, there's usually a more than fair share of posters who serve up a bucket. I read somewhere that you need at least twenty positives to outweigh one negative and on that basis trying to get validation from an internet forum (of drunk uncomprehending nutters - thanks LC) is highly risky. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:46:10 AM | I guess there are a greater amount of perspectives available the more you ask others.
It gives you every opportunity to delay making a decision ....
Counselling is getting expensive in this day and age LOL | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:59:08 AM | Surely it adds content to know I could be masturbating as I write this reply to you, Naamah. Maybe not full blown masturbation, just a little touching, you know, because I like you and it's private. Oops.
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:04:10 AM | I think the case that Naaaaaaaamahhh outlines is one that really fits for women. I've been sitting in an open office for a few months surrounded by women in various stages of various relationships ...... and they just can't help themselves. They speculate...morning...noon...and afternoon. They speculate about whether he's in a bad mood or whether he is going to call...etc etc etc
Speculating is like shopping. Women hate to just go into the shop and buy the item. They need to spend a week speculating about it with other women. I think it's a process to see how much it's worth in other women's estimation... ...yes.... and they use this same process to weigh up the value of a man..
I think I've got on to a piece of gold here... | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:09:37 AM | Naaamah you make the assumption that people only seek advice online and not with friends loved ones and associates. I htink it is always good to get opinions from others. It is good to canvass for ideas and different takes on things.
Our friends and loved ones often think similarly to us, or say what they think we might like to hear. Strangers and those of you online come from a whole range of different backgrounds and expereinces and learning how others percieve an issue that i may face is worth listening to.
If however i had a personal issue that i did not want to listen to the answer to or i didint want others to know about I wouldnt ask about it.
all the best
ciao | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:49:58 AM | I dont know that anyone wants advice in its purest sense do they really?
I guess people post their 'stuff' on here just to see how the other half views it really. Occasionally responders do and can come up with some very sage words.
Sometimes the advice and guidance goes over and above what any 120 clams an hour psyche is going to tell you thats for sure, I mean, have a look at the words of wisdom spewed forth by Hilly, LC and Naamah..........you can't bottle that stuff!! 
M | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 4:05:53 AM | Do strangers give a better, more objective perspective? Wouldn't friends give better advice, or do they know too much?
A web forum provides an avenue for unbridled honesty if you're willing to bare your soul. Upsides: you can be as open as you like, whereas fear of judgment/shock/abandonment with a friend may get you more than you bargained for. Also, the theory that a captive audience (in the sense that they're - generally - in a dating mindset too) can help shape some form of honest advice/consensus (vs potentially frequently biased friends) is probably appealing to some who have nowhere else to turn and have little experience... and emotions can cause havoc with your head if you're in that category. Apparently.
Downside: who knows what muck lives out there behind all those screens?
^^Bookmarked under the Tough Call section.
Would anyone actually act on any of the advice/suggestions made by strangers on the internet, about their own personal life?
Probably not, but then I'm sufficiently self-aware to make up my own mind. On the other hand (the left one with no ring) I thought I was a wandering white fluffy cloud trapped inside a man's body until yesterday.
And would anyone here be put off dating someone if you knew they had a tendency to post details about their dates/relationships and seek advice on a forum... knowing that you could wind up being the subject of their next thread?
As long as my name didn't appear anywhere I really couldn't give a monkey's nuts.
I know I said I'd be around at 10am to fix your pipes. I just never said which day. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:26:52 AM |
have a look at the words of wisdom spewed forth by Hilly,
Ahh, thankyou very much. It has taken years of practice to give such good advice I have to admit...and a PHD in talking spaz.
Who wants to be next on my couch? | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:35:58 AM | | Looking at some of the submissions on the overseas threads makes me think that some of the posters are people in very desperate situations ... kinda feel for them. | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:42:50 AM | ummm..would that be?.. Qld blue couch, green couch, bermuda couch, american fine leaf couch,wintergreen couch or perhaps even santa ana couch...?
a bloke usually likes to know what type of lawn he gets thrown out onto before hand....
yes,I know..details,details.. however they could mean a difference with the kind of graze you're about to get... | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:00:05 AM |
asks a bunch of strangers - half of whom are probably drunk or insane and the other half misunderstood the question anyway - what they should think or do in response to the situation they've described. hahahaaa
I am a card-carrying member of the insane sector of the forum advisors. Gosh and why wouldn't someone open up their personal life to advice from the likes of me. 
Their not really looking for advice, their looking for validation and empathy. So the desired outcome is to feel right, rather than to actually achieve resolution of the stated problem? OK well I can understand wanting empathy and validation... certainly perhaps wanting validation from the broader public about, say, achievements ...but is validation about personal decisions and intimate matters really of value when it comes from strangers? eg. Why does it matter if some stranger agrees with a decision to perhaps "kick him to the curb" or whatever the resultant thread consensus is...cos, errm, they all might be wrong too.
Following on from that, and bringing in this...
(vs potentially frequently biased friends) ...so if this is a supposedly an opportunity to seek unbiased viewpoints...then what about the fact that when telling a bunch of strangers a particular version of events, with full control over what details are included and excluded, phrasing the question in a particular way to perhaps elicit the desired response...isn't that still inviting bias? Stacking the deck before dealing. Certainly couldn't get that result so easily with those who know the whole story. 
Surely it adds content to know I could be masturbating as I write this reply to you, Naamah. Maybe not full blown masturbation, just a little touching, you know, because I like you and it's private. Oops.
Will someone please just fukc Vanaheim already. Jusssssst so he can think about something else for an hour or two.
and they just can't help themselves. They speculate...morning...noon...and afternoon. They speculate about whether he's in a bad mood or whether he is going to call...etc etc etc Yeah look if your friends' ears aren't bleeding by the time you've finished analysing what he said yesterday, then you've left something unsaid. But I will say, just as many of these types of threads seem to be started by blokes.
Naaamah you make the assumption that people only seek advice online and not with friends loved ones and associates. Even if they do also consult friends, I still can't see the attraction in asking total strangers.
I htink it is always good to get opinions from others. It is good to canvass for ideas and different takes on things. About topics, I agree. But about my own personal life... personally I can't see what would be achieved by it.
have a look at the words of wisdom spewed forth by Hilly, LC and Naamah..........you can't bottle that stuff!! I know!! Damn health regulations!
Actually I delivered some incredibly sage advice on another thread tonight...I just hope it helps...(and that I didn't deliver a bum steer in that you can still get those slivers of bamboo that fit under fingernails).
I don't know, but what I have learned is that wine and posting can lead to some very embarrassing " too much information moments" or is that just me
Hey Aphrodite...aaaah...well now I see the light. Because, on second thoughts...*gulp*... I can vaguely remember being at the dodgy end of a night out with Hilly about a year or so ago where we actually consulted with an entire taxi queue to find out the general consensus about, errm, a rather personal matter she was puzzling over... and the group discussion that ensued was quite hilarious...so I think I shall quit while I am perhaps not too obviously not ahead.
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:39:42 AM | | I take it from reading many of the replies to this thread, and from discerning the OP's personal opinion, that it would be a foolish move to start a new thread about this rash I have that I've just noticed has flared up? I thought that maybe forum members could work out what's going on down there... | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:38:18 AM | ^^^ Thanks Doc. See how helpful this forum is?
So, like, it's on my big toe. I think it's gangrene.
But other forum members might know better... keep that advice coming, folks!  | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:53:15 AM |
keep that advice coming, folks!
That toe doesn't deserve you. Plenty of other toes in the shoe. Kick it to the curb girlfren.
I hope that helps.  | |
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| Strangers on the net, exchanging details
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:14:16 AM | ^^^ It does help. Thanks!
You have validated what I felt about my situation with your empathetic and objective appraisal.
Who needs toes anyway, huh?
Especially ones that look like this:  <<<< At least, I think that is a toe? | |
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