| Review request
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:20:05 PM | Hey everyone
I've been on POF fairly passively for a while. I've never had any messages or replies from anyone. I improved my profile from rubbish to quite basic. I'm looking for some feedback on what kind of things I can add or how to improve my profile. I'm going to try and get some more pictures up, what kind of pictures are good? Any tips and pointers would be appreciated.
Thanks alot | |
|
| Review request
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:55:12 PM | The pictures you want to add are clear ones that show you smiling and having a good time. Preferably taken by friends. Clear face shots are essential. The worst pictures are the ones you clearly took yourself in the bathroom with your digital camera. Those are almost always bad.
You have a lot of cool hobbies, but I would add in more emotionally descriptive language. Guys tend to talk about things very logically and mechanically, so you want to sorta spice it up. Why do you enjoy the things you do? Etc. Don't talk in generalities too much - mention specific works of sci-fi you like, and genres of movies you like. Also, include hobbies that you could go out doing with the girls you might meet.
Also talk about what you're looking for in a girl. I think this is a very important thing that a lot of guys forget. Even if it's general, it's still something. A girl should read your profile and think two things - 1) this guy is a cool guy I would get along with and have fun spending time with and 2) this guy is looking for qualities that I have. | |
|
| Review request
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:49:09 PM | It feels a bit to me like you aren't writing for your target audience. My first, quick impression is that you are trying to attract nerdy drinking guy buddies. Think of it as a marketing assignment, you are the product and young, attractive, active women are your target market. Adapt your product and advertising to your target market.
The picture with beer bottle with your shirt a bit awry makes someone wonder if you are drinking it up. Then in your second sentence you say "I like going to the pub with my mates." When a female looks through this site, do you think she is looking for a drinking buddy? No. So I'd recommend a safe, simple headshot, of a well-groomed face, nice smile, white teeth (if they show) and decent, nicely-pressed open-necked shirt. (You are good-looking, play it!)
"I like making things, and breaking things, to see how they work. " The "like making things" sounds interesting, but the "breaking things" might make the ladies nervous. I'd prefer to read "I like taking things apart to see how they work, and putting them back together or making new things."
Edited this sentence: "I like going to the cinema and enjoy sci-fi, fantasy, and any movies which make you think to understand them, but I enjoy a good actioneer as much as the next man." Ok, again, are you trying to convince a guy you'd be a good buddy? Why not just say: "I like going to the cinema and enjoy action, sci-fi, fantasy, and any movies which make you think to understand them." That last part makes us ladies think you might have some depth to you...
"I like thinking up crazy things to do with my friends." Again- trying to attract those guys? Why not talk about what you like to do with ladies, and include something like: I like going out to eat and to the cinema on dates. I also like to think of fun and quirky things to do on a date, like ...(you add the example, but make it something a FEMALE would think was interesting, sweet and cute.)
"I'm an engineer apprentice which pays well enough, and I get to learn lots of stuff about how things work, and I can travel around easily." This sentence loses me. Are you trying to say that the apprenticeship pays enough to fund travel? Or is it just a run-on sentence. I'd suggest this revision: "I'm an engineer apprentice and I get to learn lots of stuff about how things work. I'm lucky that it also pays well enough to fund my travel bug." Or something like that.
The burden is on you...don't tell the ladies to contact you, e.g., "Anything else you want to know, throw me a message." How about, "I might have missed seeing you, my perfect match, on POF. Send me your fun and quirky first date idea and let's try it out."
It's an idea. Also, marketing people keep trying new things - - so you aren't married to any presentation. If my idea doesn't get any email, then you can just try another... | |
|
| Review request
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:16:19 PM | I'd like to thank you two for your help, It's been very helpful in seeing the mistakes I amde that I didn't even realise.
I've improved my profile alot but I'm still wokring on getting some better pictures up.
Could I get a second draft review please? I know it seems like a bit of an essay now. Are there bits I don't need to be saying? Am I portraying a better image now? As I wasn't when I first wrote it at all without even realising how badly. Is there some stuff I need to cover better?
Thanks for all the time you guys have put in to help. | |
|
| Review request
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:24:18 AM | | Sorry for the double post but the rules stated one thread per user. Just hoping to get someone to look at my profile and tell me how to improve it. Thanks | |
|
|
Home
login 
