| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:08:43 PM | Hey all,
I am really new to this and not good at describing myself either. Can you guys check out my profile and give me some feedback please?? I've revised it several times and just never sure if its good.
Thanks much,
Shannon | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:16:12 PM | You look much younger than 35 which is a good thing.
Having kids will limit your possibilities so you have to weed out the players.
Try to state what kind of man you are looking for in the first sentence and what qualities you want in that man so it can help weed out those you would not be interested in.
Good Luck | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:22:39 PM | Thanks... I get that a lot actually. Yeah, I figure if they can't handle the fact that I have kids they can't handle me anyway.
Anyone else??? Please?? | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:42:09 PM | You are 35 and willing to go out with a 23 year old boy? Wow. If I were you I would just nuke the age restrictions altogether. I am pretty sure the young boys will cougar hunt you just fine.
You are separated. That is going to scare the hell out of most guys.
You have a bachelor’s degree in education, but your profile is horribly written. This frightens me for our youth.
I can tell that you are a good looking woman, but your pictures suck. 3 out of 4 you have shades on. What are you hiding under there?? Vampire eyes? They are fuzzy as well.
Split up your About me section into logical paragraphs. One massive paragraph is a tough read.
I would kill the first line completely. Most women online don’t make the first move and the guys know it.
I wouldn’t state that you have two boys who spend a lot of time with me…. Does that mean you will only have 13.5 minutes a week to date someone?
Almost every one of your sentences start with “I”. Reword them so the reader won’t think “it’s all about you”.
“I'm chill just having someone to talk to but a girl has needs too... I won't lie.” What are you saying here? A tad on the horny side are we?!? I’m pretty sure that will attract the 23 year olds… and some 50 year olds… and everything in between.
“… a smokin body...lol.” The way these comments read just makes you look like you are after one thing.
If that is all that you are after, I wouldn’t change one bloody thing.
Cheers! | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:46:01 PM | | Wow... that's more like it. Thanks!! Looks like I have some rewriting to do... | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:54:00 PM | lets get superficial... most guys dont even make it past the pics if they don't see what they like.
So, scrap the middle two, go with the first one and the last one in the bikini with the shades. Maybe find another pic without shades on?
as for the written word, it seems ok to me. Yes, its a bit meandering and uses 'I' and '...' A LOT. Sounds like you just want to meet new people and hopefully have some fun dating. And your profile gives the impression that you have little to no time for just yourself as you spend time with your two boys. Thats fine, but maybe save it for the next paragraph?
I would condense it, cut out all the 'i love' comments and just make it more concise... quick to read and if someone finds you attractive and fun as well they will contact you on impulse rather than reading TOO much into you. Sometimes saying less is more.
I would think you are already receiving a fair amount of msgs from guys? I don't know how many guys are on POF from Poquoson, Virginia or nearby. This might be your biggest obstacle... | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:31:44 PM | | Don't over think this thing. It's just online chatting/dating. All u have to do is keep things short & sweet. 3 pictures like: a close up of ur face & a full body shot & a different hairstyle maybe & ur good to go. All the bigger conversation can be saved for actual questions & emails really. Well good luck 2 u & happy hunting Shannon!! | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:35:41 PM | | Thanks everyone... keep it coming. I cut out a lot this morning before work but plan to go back and edit tonight... | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:07:09 PM | hmm, now its 'mystery' profile! but i have a strange feeling you will get more responses with it...
yep | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:11:16 PM | I just see that you like music and little else.
"I'll add more when I have time but in the meantime just ask." they are not going to ask if they don't see that you are more then a groupie.
I look for common interests personally and what are you looking for ?
A clear face picture would be better. I also think it is better to leave the age filter off, you can manually filter then if you choose. | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:06:03 PM | ohhhh if only you were closer. 
On "do you want children" you should maybe try putting undecided/open. I always wonder why people prefer not to say things. | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:22:47 AM | | Ok, I have edited again... and I decided to leave the surfboard pic in just because for some reason the guys seem to like it. However, I now have a new camera so I'm hoping to get some better pics uploaded this weekend. As for the wording, what do you think now?? | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:51:37 AM | I would agree with what someone else on here said put undecided and not prefer not to say that just sounds sketchy. I would also put the surfer pic or the sunglasses pic as your primary photo. I know you are being goofy but they are better. Also you shouldn't start out a profile with the word hate in it as you never want to start off with a negative. Lastly I wouldn't put anything about their father in there as that just spells drama for some guys. I know it is there but why put it in their face. Maybe just put I don't have them all the time so I still have free time to meet someone or something like that.
Good luck. | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:13:09 PM | | Thanks! I'm adding a Halloween pic too. And hopefully a couple more tomorrow. | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:33:19 PM | Don't forget to include a paragraph about what the guy of your dreams is like.
You may want to split your text up into more distinct paragraphs separated by a couple of carriage returns (like I'm doing here).
It'll make it easier to read. | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:55:21 AM | OP -
Tommy = Grammar-man. Follow and obey and you will do well! | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:39:47 AM | Hi Shannon :)
First off, your description is one big block of text - I'd consider cutting it up into two different paragraphs, then adding in a third one about what you're looking for.
Like most people, I really don't to talk randomly about myself but since I must, here you go.
Space-filler, not needed. Don't make it sound like you don't want to be doing this :)
In my free time I love hitting the beach
This is the line I would start your second paragraph with, if you do decide to split it up.
I don't really have an ideal first date. I wouldn't say a movie because it kind of interferes with getting to know someone and actually talking. Other than that, I'll leave it wide open.
No need to say what you wouldn't do, always stay positive. You could change this to "I don't have an ideal first date but I'd love to go somewhere we can talk and get to know each other while having fun at the same time!" - something more positive and suggests you've actually thought about what you'd like to do, even if it's not very specific.
Otherwise, good profile, nice pictures. Good luck :) | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:03:40 PM | | How about now? Revised and revamped... | |
|
| |
| Suggestions??
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:49:27 AM | | Thanks guys!! I appreciate the help. | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:49:03 PM | Don't know if your still reading for advice, but go with that HALLOWEEN pic...
try it for a few days, I bet you get good responses! | |
|
| Suggestions??
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:56:02 PM | | Your profile looks fine to me - just one suggestion. In your first date section, give a suggestion. Guys are stupid. I knew a friend who asked a girl on a hike as a first date. To him, he just liked hiking, he liked nature, so why not? To her, it was a strange guy taking her into a deserted patch of woods for 5 miles. When I explained that his date idea probably screamed "date rape" to her, he changed his strategy to a walk along the beach. Bingo. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
