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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:20:10 AM | | Yeah I know it is a stupid question but honestly I have only been on 3 dates total...I can talk to people online but when it comes to actually meeting and talking face to face I get super shy and don't know how to act or what to do. The whole time I am on a date I am scared sh*tless that I will do something wrong or say something wrong and I guess it just comes off as me not being interested in her or she thinks I have zero confidence so I never get a second date. What makes it really dumb is that I am not scared to get up and talk in front of large groups of people or anything like that. But when it comes to being just me and her or if I am out with a group of friends and there is a girl I like there my confidence instantly goes to zero. So...how am I supposed to act on a first date? I mean is it okay to try and hold her hand or put my arm around her at a movie or does that seem too forward? And how do I tell if she is interested in me? Yeah I know she already agreed to go on a date with me but...when I actually get there I don't know if she still likes what she see's when she looks at me...... help please | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 4:31:39 AM | | Behave as if you are you but out with a friend, a good friend that you respect. Relax, remember you both are on a date, she will have her anxieties as well. Maybe follow her lead until you can calm down inside enough to see that she is actually just a human being - like you. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:45:46 AM | | hmmm, hold your arms out, say "this is me, ready to run?" if she says no. ya got past that one...then be bozo and make her smile the whole time | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:14:18 AM | | You'll be fine, dude. Just be you, be a gentleman and enjoy a nice meeting with a nice person. Don't get your hopes up nor get them down. It's a date, just enjoy her company. Talk, laugh, be serious, don't be serious, have fun. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:07:55 AM | | Stop putting so much pressure on yourself or the other person! Geez, if you worry about all the minute details you miss the general picture. Stop worrying if there will be a second date, and enjoy the here and now. If you spend so much time worrying over every little thing, you are not going to come across as some one fun enough to spend a second date w/. So what if you do or say something wrong? It happens, it is called being human. If your date can't deal w/ it, obviously they aren't worth the second date. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:15:15 AM | Relax. Seriously. You are in the army, bro. The worst thing that could happen on a date is far tamer than the worst thing that could happen on the battlefield or warzone.
You gotta start with the notion that she already likes you and act accordingly. Don't act as if you are 'trying' to make her like you. Assume she already does... b/c that is why she is on the date with you. BAM, now you have no one to need to impress and you can be your same relaxed, charming, interesting chatty self.
Even if she doesn't go gaga over you its NO BIG DEAL. Aim to have fun, then the next day look for another fishie. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:19:23 AM | Alright I will keep all of that in mind, thanks for the advice from all of you. I really will try the whole not putting too much pressure on myself thing. Haha I don't know with the world the crazy way it is now going on a date with someone could be just as bad as a combat zone. lol there are definitely some crazies out there!
Oh and for the one person who said I am trolling for pity, WTF? I am honestly asking for advice here so you suck. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:28:24 AM |
I will do something wrong or say something wrong
Knock that crap off. Stop thinking that you need to impress her and look for her to impress you.
I mean is it okay to try and hold her hand or put my arm around her at a movie or does that seem too forward?
Yes and yes. Her response will tell you a lot and how far you can go. Women know how to apply the brakes and you shouldn't be doing it for them.
Seriously. You are in the army, bro.
Actually, he is a United States Marine... and as such, you just insulted him  | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:59:14 AM | Practise man, you've only been on 3 dates, keep em coming.... If you say something stupid or eff up on a date you know not to do that on the next date... Nobody in the world is an instant success, we're all wondering what to say on first dates, but after practise you'll realise its just as much her that has to say something and then when you've figured out how to go to town on anything she says you'll both be laughing you'll forget you're on a date.. just be yourself, being in the armed forces you must be used to the banter that goes around, be similar to a point but remember she's not a 250lb guy!!
I guess dont put in on a pedestal too you are the catch not her, get into this mindset..you arent being a jerk you are reinforcing nature, you are the guy, next time you go on a date don;t think what would she like to do, do what you wanna do and you'll have a lot more to talk about, let her enjoy your company, lead her into your world..You'll be fine man!!! | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:45:09 PM | So dude... you're on a date. You want to show this person who you are, in the hopes that they'll like it enough to want more dates. Be who you are in your every day life. Don't do extra things, don't try to impress, don't dress differently than you regularly would. She's a person who's agreed to go out with you, someone you don't know much about. So ask questions that will give you information about her, but make sure it's information you want. Let the conversation flow naturally; she'll ask questions about you if she's interested. If she isn't, end it, let her know you don't think she's "feeling it" very well, and you'd just like to politely call things for the night.
On the other hand, if she is showing interest by asking you lots of questions about yourself, if you find it's easy to talk with her, if you're laughing together, then proceed with it. Don't overthink it. Don't think there's a "way to act" on a first date. Be who you are. If she doesn't like it, she's done, and you're better off.
If she likes it, have a great time together, and grab her boob at the end of the night.
That last part, for the over-sensitive, was a joke, by the way.
Unless, of course, the woman tells you that you can grab her boob. Then just find a private place and play with the fun times. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:25:39 PM | K, Lolli may be Evil, but she's on to something important here which in plain guy to guy terms is: chill the f*ck out man.
ok ok, that was harsh, but you'll live.
Anyway, if you want to have a good time during the date, flirt around a bit. If you can't because you feel shy or something, go out shopping and say hi and smile to every attractive woman that crosses your path (within reasonable limits, use common sense). That's it, just say hi and do absolutely nothing else as getting the date isn't important here, it's the desensitization. Quite honestly, I think you may even find it fun. Just dont make them shy smiles, walk/stand erect say hi in a confident tone, keep your head up (meaning look straight into her eyes), give a broad manly and confident smile (make sure it comes slowly, give it ~1second to spread and if she smiles back feel free to include a wink, keep eye contact for as long as reasonably possible without losing that sly sexy smile of yours). More often than not, women will smile back and it will feel awesome but you'll then just walk away (cuz you have other things to do) and don't look back right away (but hey, if you REALLY like a girl on this desensitization quest, feel free to get to know her better). If you groom yourself first, look like you care about yourself, you might even consider yourself a tease - enjoy it by all means, but then accept that you'll have to work a lot on your self-image, conversation skills, and body language, but hey if you work on those things, your dates would go much better.
In the end though remember, a date is about having fun while getting to know eachother - and not just some silly facts, that's just filler, but rather how the person handles themselves, how they flirt, what their values are, and generally their sexiness.
Oh, it might also help if you check out men's health.com they give decent dating tips there.
if you're not confused by what I wrote great, if you are, well, take in the parts you did get.
But really, good luck, and cheers. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:25:10 PM | You are freaking yourself out by worrying about messing things up. Sometimes doing other things that are outside your comfort zone may help.
Consider taking Improv classes. You will do enough embarrassing things there that you will find many other things easier. I suspect it would help your dating, but will likely improve your interviewing skills and public speaking abilities.
You might also just try skydiving, bungee jumping, car racing, acting in a play, karaoke, public speaking (toastmasters?). Even reading some Dale Carnegie books may be somewhat helpful.
One cool thing about Improv is you will learn that people will often find some sort of meaning is done in Improv.
Good luck. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:38:04 PM | Sorry, didn't complete that last sentence.
People find meaning in Improv skits that the people doing the skits never even thought of. Knowing this puts less pressure on people doing Improv to somehow connect various scenes because in the end, the audience will usually find some sort of connection themselves. Having less pressure and worrying less, allows people to do better because they are not worried.
Basically, it is almost like if you went out on a date with someone you were not interested in. In that case, you would probably act more naturally because you are not putting any pressure on yourself and you could be yourself (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). Then you'd see that its really not that hard. (I'm not advocating that you date someone that you are not interested in, just pointing out that you are probably way too concerned about the date).
Perhaps by changing your goal, you can accomplish something similar. On your next first date, assume that you will not have a second date. Make your goal just to have a bit of fun on your first date, finding out something interesting about the person you meet, or just finding out what your date likes. If that is your goal, you don't have to worry as much and the pressure will be off. Pretty soon you may find that you have a really nice first date that may even be followed up by a second.
Lastly, don't view not having a second date as a failure. You just didn't click. That concerns both your personalities.
Good luck. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:00:40 PM | You're a jarhead.. hoo rah
Treat her like your motto.. treat her like you treat the principles of the constitution
Honor.. respect, dignity It's really that simple.
Just dont get sucked into being a sucker by the chicks that will USE your honor code to manipulate you.
Semper Fi | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:39:02 AM | Just be yourself. She is probably feeling the EXACT same way you are! Your there to get to know the other person, first impressions are the most important, so just be yourself.
Good luck | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:15:34 PM | hey, devil-dog. you need to relax. just be yourself and don't put her on some pedestal (that's what 80s songs taught us). it's 2009.
and if you're really USMC, Chesty Puller would **** slap you for asking such a question.
Be yourself. Treat her as if you're taking your sister's friend out. It's no big deal. That way she sees who you are. but if you act all nervous and like some geek, she'll think that you are, and then Chesty Puller would rise from his grave and **** slap you. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:33:01 PM | Ah, the military man, always trying to accomplish the mission! Snap out of it and just have fun. I know your type because my dad is one, my brother, bestest guy friend in the world, crap ton of cousins...
Unless you are on the base try to relax. Civilian women get freaked out when you are too rigid. Anyways most Marines are crazy fun! Stop pressuring yourself. You are young and hot. You have everything going for you. And the biggest turn on is that you seem like a big ol' teddy bear. Work that angle and take your time. Ugh, where were you when I was your age. Tee hee i only got 6yrs on you. I think that's 'puma' status! | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:44:28 PM | i have been on a lot of dates in my life, and i have one tomorrow with a fishie....and i am all nerves. shoot we have spoke twice already and so far click.
you will do fine, relax, go with the flow, pay attention to her body language.
diana | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:54:25 PM | Simply expound on something you've already chatted about, make eye contact and be attentive to her feelings, but try to keep the whole thing light and funny. She's nervous too, believe me. It's your job to create a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere, as much for your benefit as hers.
I'd say if you feel like grabbing her hand or sliding your arm around her, do it; but try to be warm and funny about it, as though you're cool with however she may react. Do be attentive to how she feels about that. If she's warm and doesn't squirm, she's receptive and has opened the door for more; if she flinches or squirms (like a fish caught in a net), she's not ready for that sort of thing or it ain't gonna happen at all (with you).
The first time I slid my arm around my now ex (we didn't go the distance for various reasons but enjoyed some nice, sexy times and we're still friends who call each other occasionally), she simply melted into it, as though she were a dying plant in need of a little water, which made me fall in love with her right there, because I felt that way too. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:31:22 PM |
Yeah I know it is a stupid question but honestly I have only been on 3 dates total...I can talk to people online but when it comes to actually meeting and talking face to face I get super shy and don't know how to act or what to do. The whole time I am on a date I am scared sh*tless that I will do something wrong or say something wrong and I guess it just comes off as me not being interested in her or she thinks I have zero confidence so I never get a second date.
James, first of all, there is NO such thing as a stupid question! If you didn't "get" something about how to care for your weapon, I know you would ask, and there is an easy answer to "How am I supposed to act"; the answer is YOU DON'T ACT!!! Just be yourself, obviously she was attracted to something you said or the way you said it. Women just want to treated as human beings. If you "act" on a first date, then you are "being" someone other that the person thinks you are. Online dating can be daunting, but it is just a way to meet PEOPLE. In many ways it is much easier online to meet than in say a club. But, remember the person you are online is who your date expects to go out with.
For goodness sakes, RELAX, be yourself and have fun! I can guarantee you that talking to a woman is a whole lot safer than facing enemy fire, and I know you can do that!
And on another note, let me thank you for your service to us. I see that people seem to be MUCH more appreciative of the military now than when I was in the USAF and I for one try to thank each military member I encounter in uniform for their service. Of course if Imeet someone and they are in "civies" and it comes out that they are active duty, I thank them as well, it is just that being in uniform is an easy way to identify them.
I digress from the topic, sorry about that. Just remember, be yourself, relax, have fun. The whole reason a woman agreed to go out with you is to meet YOU and to have a good time. If you aren't getting second dates, I can only guess at the reason, but I would imagine that the woman feels that who you are in person is totally different than the person you are online. Don't try to impress them, you have already done that with you online communication, just continue on in that manner and you will do fine. One other thing to remember, you WILL make mistakes, and that is ok, no one ever died from saying the wrong thing on a date. Learn from you mistakes, but don't beat yourself up about them. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:40:30 AM | | You are a little peer pressured acceptance junkie who can't pee if someone doesn't love you all the time. Grow up. Forget 'acting', and just be yourself, and like yourself whether anyone else does of not. Let the real you shine through, and forget about putting on acts to win approval/acceptance. You are shy because you fear rejection...which is silly. If A rejects you, B may accept you. A's rejection is a blessing because it helps you move on quickly to find the B who will accept you. By rejecting you, A is doing you a favor...not ruining your life. Quit behaving like a nine year old girl, and at least pretend that you have some cajones. If you wonder what the limits/rules are-can you hold hands, hug, etc-ASK HER. She will tell you. Then, abide by what she says. By respecting her limits, you will look more attractive to her. She will let you know if she likes you. If she does, fine...you have the start of something good. If she doesn't like you, that is fine too...as it helps you move on to find someone who will like you. Needy is not attractive. Shyness equals neediness,and is a turn off. A woman wants to date a man...not a needy little boy who thinks like a little girl trying to join the in-crowd on the cheerleading squad. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:21:19 AM | First of all, never ever go to a movie on a first date. First, second and third dates are to get to know each other. So it's about communication, verbal and non-verbal. It's about finding if you have chemistry. It's about letting it flow. Like someone told you here, it should be almost as if you were with your own friends having a good time.
However, here are some of the problems and mistakes that guys make and why they tank so bad on these first dates. The biggest problem of all is expectations. They expect something to happen, to they become too pushy. What that means is that when you are touching, or moving the conversation into a more intimate and personal ground, they go ballistic. So pull back, the girl has to make some of the moves as well. Second, notice that when you go out on a date with someone you didn't like (didn't know that from her photos), you pull back, are reserved, yet the girl is all over you, but then you go on a date with a super hot girl and now she ignores you, what happened. If you reversed the behavior, you will have the hot one all over you. So a piece of advice, look at some flaw the girl has and bring her down a notch. Yes, girls are going to grille me for saying that, but the moment you knock the woman off that pedestal, she becomes a person that you can talk, that you can even disagree. Instead of saying what you think she wants to hear, you say what you want to say even if it means sticking your foot in your mouth. And one last thing, if the girl is physically attractive do not tell her she is beautiful or complement her on her physical attributes. Complement her only on what she does with her mind. So don't say what beautiful face or legs she has, but "hey, where do you get your shoes, they are funky and out of the ordinary." That says that you are trying to understand the person INSIDE, not just the person outside. When you complement only the person outside, all they are hearing, is "You are beautiful, do you want to sleep with me?" Last but not least. Disarm your date. Approach it with an attitude that, if it doesn't work, you can always be friends. By you taking command of those words, she realizes that you are not going to be the one doing the validating, but rather both will have to see if it may go somewhere. And you know what, it may not, and that is good because then it was not meant to be. | |
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| How am I supposed to act on a first date?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:24:02 AM | just imagine that she has a computer screen around her.... and if want to get home alive... do not ..... do not mistake her chest as a keyboard.... | |
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