| Ladies - does "separated" scare you away
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:39:35 AM | | Would appreciate feedback on my profile from ladies. I am separated. The marriage is over. I have my own place. There's no chance for reconciliation. Basically divorced but the paperwork isn't filed yet. But I feel like women shy away from "separated" guys. I could lie and say divorced but I don't like being deceptive. Any advice? How can I convince a prospective date that I don't have any drama with my ex and I'm not going to go running back to her? | |
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| Ladies - does separated scare you away
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:01:33 PM | Hi Vandelay…yes, separated can be the “kiss of death”, but it doesn’t have to be…handle it the way you did in your post….matter-of-fact, short and sweet with a general idea of when the papers will be signed.
A few more suggestions…
1) If you start out saying you “don’t expect much”…it’s going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
2) Yes, you’re busy, but the way you’ve phrased it, she wonders if you’re going to make time for her.
3) Anytime you have kids, it’s a good idea to give approximate ages and some idea of the custody situation.
4) You say you want a woman with a “crazy” schedule…does that mean that a woman with a non-crazy schedule and a calm life need not apply?
5) The 2nd paragraph doesn’t work except for the 1st sentence....which you need to qualify so she knows you'll make time for her.
6) Nix the “getting drunk”….most ladies your age are waaaay past that.
7) Rethink the H. Stern reference….too much too soon. She might see you as a guy who demeans women.
8) More about your job…and do you like it? Ladies like men who like their jobs.
9) More and better photos…your face is in shadow in many of them. Also, at least one full body photo is important.
Hope that helps. Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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| Ladies - does separated scare you away
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:12:59 PM | | Great advice! I really appreciate your taking the time to post. I've tried giving a quick explanation of the separation status in the past but that wasn't very successful either. I assumed it was just too much information. Anyway, I suspect it's more the other issues you point out as opposed to just the "separated" thing. Thanks again! | |
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| Ladies - does separated scare you away
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:50:43 PM | | well actions speak wayyyyy louder than words & that's just the way its going 2 be until u close that last door b4 walking ur way in2 another 1. Separated is def a red flag, it equivalent to a woman saying to a man "Listen we've gotta talk" No1's trying to hear that. But the honesty is def refreshing & u don't have to lie. some ppl may float on with it, but u can't blame a woman if that's doesn't want 2 ride along. That's y we have choices. There's just something about somebody that's holding on & not ending a previous relationship it says u still have unfinished business. Well good luck n e way & sign those papers!! | |
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| Ladies - does separated scare you away
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:37:03 PM | Close only counts in horse shoes and nuclear war....LOL
You are married but living separately. Legally you still have responsibilities to each other. You are "basically" divorced but the paperwork is not filed yet?
***Flashing red FLAG here***
That means you are married and "basically" cheating on your wife....
Are you in denial? A divorce is not over til it's over. Even then, it may not be fully over. If there are children involved or assets/debts and/or the lawyers get involved, a divorce can take years and years. Sorry - but my experience has been that lawyers are in it to make a living, resolving things quickly and easily is not a revenue producing tactic. Not to mention if one or both parties decides NOT to take the high road...
My ex was separated for several months before I met him. (Paperwork filed.) His divorce took almost 4 years. Here is one lady that will never put herself in that position again.....a civilian casualty of someone else's divorce war. Where is my purple heart? LOL - maybe a little dramatic, but it was very unpleasant and very much contributed to our eventual breakup.
Seriously now... is it really fair to expect someone to get involved with you when your baggage is not even packed? Please try to be realistic and fair... until your "unfinished business" is resolved, you are asking an awful lot.
I applaud you for being honest, but the bottom line is yes...it would scare me away. | |
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| Ladies - does separated scare you away
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:11:57 AM | | I just responded to an email message from a guy who says he's separated and I don't know if it's wise to continue or not. I won't lie - that DOES make me recoil a bit only because it's such an iffy situation...DOES he want to go back to her, does she want to go back to him...if I get involved with this person, will I only be the rebound person? Those are all the questions that come into play. Maybe I should've just deleted the message but, at the same time, it's not like I have many male "phishes" sending me thousands of messages and I would feel badly to eliminate a guy JUST because he may TRULY be separated. I guess it's just a chance one has to take. | |
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| Ladies - does separated scare you away
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:34:46 AM | “Yes, I'm "separated" but that doesn't mean I'm not ready to move on with the next chapter in my life... The marriage is over. I have my own place. There's no chance for reconciliation. Basically divorced but working on the piece of paper.”
I would suggest that you FINISH that “little piece of paper” first, THEN try to date. 90% of the time, divorces are messy in one form or another. As I have said before, contrary to my personal opinion – Women are not all that stoo-pit. You need to finish one chapter of your life before you can start writing the next one man. Why would a woman really want to become involved with you betting on the 10% of the time it will be a smooth divorce?
“Basically divorced but the paperwork isn't filed yet.”
Is that kind of like being sort of pregnant? Help out the stupid ones please. You are married till the judge signs the paperwork. Period. Been there, done that. And yep – I actually HAVE the signed paperwork stating I am free from the nutcase.
“I could lie”
Go ahead – a lot of people do lie so you will fit right in with the rest of them.
My momma had this saying that I grew to F-ing hate while growing up. “Be sure your sins will find you out”.
It’s only a matter of time. | |
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