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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:07:53 PM | Hello everyone I've been a member of this site for awhile, and met some interesting ladies. I've also received messages from different ladies at times, but it seems I send more then I receive. Sometimes a typical reply is "sorry not my type, or not interested". So it got my thinking, what is that so not interesting about me? What I'm too short? My nose looks funny? I mean I know men judge alot on physical, but I didn't think women were so much the same, is this true?
If you were to rejected me, be blunt, but tell me really why? and it can't be your just not my type, or I'm ugly, that doesn't help at all. I'm just curious what you ladies would have to say, I think I'm better then average looking, and have a interesting personality. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:55:45 PM | Truthfully, I don't date any guy shorter than 6' tall, but there are a lot of girls who do.
That being said, your profile needs some work.
You said you don't want to be an open book. Honestly, women on this site have so many male fishies from whom to choose that if you're going to make them work to get to know you initially, they won't do it--they'll just move on to the next fishie who does sell himself on his profile. Be the open book. Tell them about yourself. Let them get to know you by what you say and how you say it. Woo them with your words. Remember, there are thousands of other fishies in the sea trying to catch their eyes--you need to set yourself apart from the masses.
Also, let them know for whom you're looking. If you want the diminuitive woman, let her know. If you want a dorky girl, give her a heads up that she's your type. Let them know they are a good match for you.
Also, make sure your messages to them are interesting and personable--get your personality into that, too. Let them know you've actually READ their profile, instead of just looking at the pics. Comment on a common interest you share with her, tell her something you admire about her (not her great rack), make her laugh. Your message needs to stand out from all the others she receives that day. Let her know that you are special.
Happy fishing! | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:59:19 PM | You are in the profile review section, so let me toss a few thoughts at you.
There is a “type” for everyone… and every type isn’t for everyone.
You need more than one fuzzy picture of yourself. The main picture shouldn’t be of you frowning like yours is.
I would change the long term to dating. You end up long term through the dating process.
Your About me section is really bland.
“Most” women aren’t going to contact you first. And if they are the type that will send an email to you first, you are going need to show your personality in your profile vs. “discovering” it.
Your FYI comment is one of the most random things I have seen in a profile to date.
And your age range of 18-35 is kind of creepy. What common interests could you possibly have with an 18 year old girl?
Your restrictions are going to seriously limit the people who can contact you. You might want to open that one up some.
And to go along with Terbear there… I don’t date guys that are shorter than me either. Big turnoff!
Cheers!
Edit: OP - You will do yourself a huge favor and listen to Terbear... she knows her stuff!
Ter - just tall enough where I can gaze into their eyes. :-) | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:47:52 PM | | I think the height thing to be totally superficial, and to write something more descriptive about myself, why? You ladies judge completely by the photo, you proved it by the height comment. As for being an open book, it's really not my style. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:55:19 PM | Actually, the guy I'm seeing now didn't have a photo posted originally, and I wrote to him first. Pictures are a part of the story. If you're going to have them, make them work.
So far as a description about yourself, this serves several purposes.
a- it gives your viewer details to determine if there may be commonalities
b- it gives your viewer information with which to draft an introductory message to you
c- it gives your viewer ideas on which to base a conversation or ask questions
d - it gives your viewer a sense of your conversation style, sense of humour and basic attitude
If you have a brief, closed, vague profile, I'd assume you'd be much the same in person and skip by. Unless it was really, really funny. Then I'm in.
I didn't even notice your height, but found your background more interesting and you don't even touch on that. My in-laws are Chippewa (Muncie) and it would be another thing your viewer could use as an introduction if you mention your background.
You SHOULD be sending more than you receive, that's just how it is. But - the viewer can't tell your personality from the profile and you have only one photo, so it's hard to just your looks. Just as not all the girls here are 'your type', it works both ways. If you are getting messages at all, you're way ahead of a lot of the guys here! Good luck.
Edit: it took me a whole page to say what he said below me in one sentence. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:20:19 PM |
I'll open up when they message me, and we talk on msn.
If you give them nothing to talk about, why would they contact you first? Just sayin'....
My profile is probably shorter than yours word-wise, but I still get messages specific to my profile even when I'm not looking, just because there are so many things that guys can use as conversation starters. Why make it more difficult? I understand it may be a cultural thing to be private, but that will really handicap you here. Don't hate the messenger.
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:10:59 PM | Tell you a secret. Even I, yes I, once got an 'unread/deleted' message. Once. He obviously must have been gay and I'm not bitter... but...
When I was looking, I got better than an 80% response rate on my outgoing messages and get usually 2-3 first contact messages a week, even after having been here a year and having 'not single/not looking' as my status. Go ahead and be unique and creative - but use that to provide details your viewer can relate to in your profile.
The outgoing/introductory messages you send should be short, light and casual, with a unique subject line. Mention only one specific thing from her profile, make an appropriate comment and ask a question. Don't beg her to check you out and email you back, she will and she might. Most girls have their profiles set in "stealth" mode so you can't tell they've viewed you. They will check you out before deciding if they want to read your message, that's why the details are soooo important. Don't give up, just change your strategy. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:22:37 PM | Yup. You'll make yourself crazy if you think about it too long! Don't try and figure out women, my dear. Just when you think you've got it, we change the rules.
Send out a few messages every weeks to girls you find interesting. Don't be in a rush. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:11:05 AM | [I think the height thing to be totally superficial, and to write something more descriptive about myself, why? You ladies judge completely by the photo, you proved it by the height comment. As for being an open book, it's really not my style.]
You asked for the truth, even if it was painful, then you go on the defensive when you get an answer you don't like. I have NEVER commented on a guy's height in the profile review section because there's nothing they can do about it, and not all women feel as I feel. You asked for my truth, no matter how painful, so I offered it. If that's how you're approaching the online dating thing, that might be a part of the problem. Most of your responses to the replies on this thread have been argumentative. People who are trying to help you with your profile (which you requested) are here to help, not hurt. If you can't take constructive critisism, this forum is not the right place for you. You should be thankful; sometimes the responses people get are downright rude--these have been fairly kind. Take what you've been told and try to improve your profile (if that's indeed what you want).
I said that I don't date guys under a certain height, which has absolutely nothing to do with your picture--that's my personal preference, and I said that not all girls are like that. You then said that it was totally superficial of me. I find it hard to believe that you would be willing to date a woman who is 6' tall (which would be "superficial" of you to disreguard a woman because of her height, if I can go by what you say). I actually think you're cute (if I can tell by the one pic), superficially speaking.
I'm confused--you don't want women to be superficial and judge you by your pic, nor do you want to give them a chance to get to know you by your profile. What is it that you think will get women to want to chat with you? There's nothing besides the picture and the profile with online dating. If you don't want to use either (or both) of those, then you really don't have much of a shot here.
Good luck. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:21:07 AM | Gotta love these profile reviews that start out begging people for the blunt truth...please be honest blah blah blah...I can handle it blah blah blah... am I too short, too ugly, etc...be honest PLEASE, be BRUTAL if necessary, I NEED TO KNOW.
What they really mean is...I know my shortfalls. I know I'm not the tallest, best-looking guy around. But now I want all you people to tell me that is not the case. I want to hear that I am the creme of the crop. I want to hear, "It's them. Not you! You rock dude."
So, here it is. It's them. It's not you. You rock dude. You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:14:47 AM | Hey,
I saw your profile and here is my opinion. You have to talk about yourself in your profile. Being mysterious doesn't go over well here. Most women don't make first contact so saying you want them to discover you doesn't work. It's pointless to concern yourself over things like your height or what you look like period. Because if you can show your good qualities and are capable of captivating someones interest then that's all that matters.
I mean I don't know about you but I'm interested in speaking to people who want to get to know me and are willing to except me for me. Who do you want to talk to someone who accepts you for you or someone who wants you to be or act like someone you are not.
Get a better profile picture one of you smiling. Talk about your passions in life and exclude anything that can even come close to being negative. Maybe I'm weird but I find deleting sent messages to be a good thing. I can't control whether somebody wants to talk to me. So I delete the sent messages because ultimately we aren't supposed to know if some reads, reads and then deletes or doesn't read and deletes our messages. That way a message is just sent and if it lands it lands if it doesn't you don't get the sting that comes with a unread deleted sitting in the sent messages box. Use the contact history to know who doesn't respond, it's a great tool.
Otherwise tell us about yourself in an interesting manner. Be positive and stay positive and if you can convey humor than do so. | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:20:50 AM | He wants the women to do all the contacting, writing and prolly a few other things.
What you are not getting laddie is that you have 50,000 years of evolution, biology, sociology and a bunch of other things working against you.... You are a man correct? This shy guy crap is not to awful attractive and sitting around waiting for them to email you is gonna get you a net result of nothing.
Women email all the time, just not you.
So,get your page in order, get yourself in order and emai those you like or match with. If your page is in order about half the women you match with will contact you first. Usually it is a lame one liner or a simple *hi* but it is a chance to talk to them or open things up a bit.
Does not mean they are going to ask you out for a drink or dinner, but it is more like a smack across the head, a subtle reminder *so to speak* that you should ask them out, talk a bit, ask for a number ......... But it is nothing, as a man, you can sit around and wait for or even worse..expect. I am afraid I am gonna have to council you a few things
1. Be a man
2. Act like one
3. Quit whinning women don't notice your greatness and email you
4. Get your page in order
5. Get some better pictures ---- lots of them
6. Talk about you and what makes you -------You
7. Talk about your hobbies, goings on, things you do, job etc etc
8. Talk about who you would like to meet ----- not who you want to contact you
9. Be a man
10. present yourself as one
And all will be well.
And one other tid-bit......never, ever, ever ,ever , email a women who has choosen ' the barracuda' as her fish name. Don't ask me why, Just don't! | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:37:22 AM | Your problem is not your height. I am shorter than you and get lots of messages and dates. Your problem is lack of photos and information in your profile and quite likely in your introductory messages if you are sending any.
On-line dating requires 3 things.
1. A good profile
2. Good photos
3. Good initial email
After that it is pretty much like any other dating.
If you are not doing the first 3 you will be unlikely to get to that first face to face meeting!!! | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:12:24 AM | Hi Gav….I looked at your profile yesterday but passed on reviewing it….and that had nothing to do with your height or your looks. I passed because when I see a person over 25 who doesn’t put any effort into PHOTOS or WRITING, I figure they’re not:
a) serious about dating or
b) not interested in getting advice…they’re here for validation.
That said, if I had reviewed your profile, I would have said a lot of what was said above. LOTS of folks gave you LOTS of good advice….in addition…
1) Nix Acting from your profession till she knows you better….UNLESS you’re a highly paid actor…. and it’s covering your living expenses and then some.
2) Why? Cause ladies your age (32) like men with established, secure jobs/careers. Talk more about your profession. Ladies like men with good jobs and who like their jobs.
3) You say you want the lady to “discover my personality”. That’s not going to appeal to women. She’s reading your profile RIGHT NOW to “discover your personality”. She’s impatient (aren’t we all!)…. just like you were when you posted and wanted advice. You wanted to know sooner rather than later. She’s no different….she clicked on you to find out about you. You offer her….not much. So, she clicks NEXT when you offer her little to read about you.
4) If you’re not willing to open up HERE, she’s not gonna be willing to date you in person.
Hope that helps. Best to you. DenverSky5280 
These Profile Tips might help get you started...
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1262627.aspx | |
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| Tell me the brunt truth, even if it painful! I'm curious
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:59:14 PM | | I never said anything about me getting hurt, or not being able to handle it, nor was I defensive or was it considered begging. I though I love your choice of words, wow. I just didn't agree with your opionion, plain and simple. When someone suggests something, I consider useful, then I make the changes. | |
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