| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:52:52 PM | this is a term coined by a college study/survey done in august 09 on a college campus. women want other women men instead of finding their own guy. this is very sexist story (my thoughts). i found this while looking for something on the net.
http://www.prweb.com/releases/matepoaching/melissaburkley/prweb2744454.htm | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:04:38 PM | My God, this is too much. Just today I have been dealing with a mess. A so called friend of mine, knew I was seeing someone online, and offline for almost a month. I was bragging about how great he was. She messaged him, he responded positively to her, requesting a pic, and mentioning setting up a meeting. All the while he was telling me he wanted to be a couple, and work on us, and he wasnt talking to anyone else online. I found out about it today. I was falling hook, line and sinker. I dont know whether to cry or thank my lucky stars that I found out early. Mate poaching. How appropriate.
I do agree, if his head is turned so easily, he isnt worth it. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:12:46 PM | Women poach...so do men.
It happens.
The "reason" I got, when I asked a few who make this a practice?
(you should see this coming...)
"If they're with someone, then they have something going for them. If they're single, they're not wanted. Why would I want to be with someone who wasn't wanted?"
Yep. That's what I was told. Sadly enough, it makes sense too no matter how hard you try for it not to. Ideally though, you can't steal what's readily available any more than you can poach what wasn't available. If he/she is that easy to flee, then they were useless to begin with and you're better off.
So what's the problem? | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:47:17 PM | | I thought the term was 'home wrecker', guess I better get w/ the lingo ha? A 'friend' of mine heard me raving about my plumber, who fixed a second drain gratis. I happened to mention that he was cute. She then em's me right after that saying 'I think I need your plumber-my drain is clogged' I told her to go buy some drano,and/or rent an auger (both of which I did before calling in pro help) it was much cheaper. Did kina make me wonder what kina 'friend' she was tho. Lesson learned! | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:44:04 AM | About a year and a half back I took my lonely & single friend out with my new man and I. She was amazing . Like a cat chasing a bird… closer closer. Needless to say I was most put out and some harsh words were exchanged.
We had been very close – she had quite a few issues with her kids & we were friends, looked after each others houses when the owner was away etc etc
A week later she was a pair with this chap. I was quite upset.
Last weekend I met her inadvertently in a washroom. This chap left her but she had found another rich chap who might be seeing other women. ( honest – that was almost her first sentence)
I couldn’t help but wonder if she pleased that she had thrown away our friendship on this chap who hat dumped her or did she even notice what damage she caused. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:50:05 AM | | I always used to think that stealing another persons partner was the tactic of a person that doesn't want a long term relationship or is afraid of them, They know these people will run away before anything serious threatens to happen like living together and they aren't lonely anymore. The person is no friend as they don't care about your feelings so they obviously aren't relationship material and the guy or girl stolen is not relationship material so you have a self fulfilling prophecy and the relationship will fail definitely which is good for both. Hopefully the burnt party will go on to make a decent friend and meet a partner that is the real deal. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:01:15 AM | Actually if you've got more personality and less sleaze it's easier to get interest from girls in current relationships (by that I mean you're not covering up being abusive by being smooth, you are honest and open, genuine all the time and aren't in any way deceiving or full of crap). It's like they finally look past all the initial salesmanship now and examine personalities for what they are. Many seem to find the guy they thought was hot isn't so good to actually be in a relationship and get wandering eyes wondering where they went wrong.
Just saying, I'm hopeless at competing for attention with single girls, but lots of attached women give me the kind of signals (invite me out for drinks etc.) that make me have to go away and stop talking to them (because I am indeed a little lonely).
So maybe there is something to home wrecking other than stealing so to speak. Perhaps people put to much bullcrap in front of themselves when choosing relationships, and get clearer vision once they're in one. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:05:02 AM | thanks for the wisdom. i feel sorry for the girl who lost her boyfriend to her best girl. you should confront your so-called girlfriend about why did she email your man? this is something that i just wouldnt be able to let go. why can't i discuss my new man or guy i have a cruch on with a girlfriend or co-worker ? why do we have to be catty and take or lust after our friend's man?
the baseball wive's special was on E Network the other night , some of those baseball wives looked like beauty queens. they were talking about how women/groupies are so slutty by calling the hotels or bars to see if the ball players are there or staking out the bathrooms in some cases. that the groupies keep up with who is doing well or the big money makers they are going to "hook" or prey on. i thought this stuff only happened in the NFL /basketball/ Nascar. i could not be married or involved with a sportsman because i will get physical like garth brooks exwife did if a chick try to move in "diss" me in front of my man. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:41:15 AM | | This "poaching", for want of a better word, is nothing more than people who suffer from some sort of inferiority complex. They figure if they can steal someone else's mate away, that must make them more desirable...or the most desirable...the winner, so to speak. If you have enough confidence in your own abilities to find someone who isn't taken by someone else, attempting to "steal" someone who's already taken isn't even a consideration. The person who actively attempts to take someone else's mate, and the mate who takes that person up on it, have a lot lacking in character and I'd consider it a favour done that they weeded themselves out of my life - it's kinda like "natural selection". They'll always wind up being the unhappy people of the dating world until they find their own self worth. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:46:51 AM | This has happened to me a couple of times now. It hurts, sucks and is just a really bad thing to do to another person. What is getting me though is currently I am witnessing it going on between other ppl. My female office mate is having an affair with another coworker that is engaged. I have never met the his fiance. My office mate has not admitted this info to anyone else in the workplace besides me. She usually just talked to me about it when she wanted to vent. For example, if he is breaking off a lunch date at last minute or if he blows off her emails or whatever. She would go on about what a jerk he is, blah, blah, blah.
It made me so totally uncomfortable. I have offered her common sense advice such as he's engaged to another woman, so that's usually a gigantic clue that he's not into you. But she'll turn around and say well he's not happy with her, doesn't really seem excited about getting married. And then I'll usually say but still...he's with her and not with you. Yet, she still goes through with it.
Given my history of being on the fiance's side of things, I just got to the point where I asked her to stop telling me about him and what she's going through with him. I feel bad cuz she doesn't seem to have many friends but it's like I just can't be on her side of this. Besides the fact that this is work and none of it is my business anyways. She won't even talk to me anymore and I recently found out she's been badmouthing me to other coworkers. But I'm just like whatever. 
God bless all reading this and best wishes that you (and me) can find whatever we need to bring total peace and happiness to our lives.  | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:13:44 AM |
this is a term coined by a college study/survey done in august 09 on a college campus.
Not true. The term (and concept) has been around for some time longer.
Simply doing a websearch for the term turned up, for example, this 2004 article at Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200406/stolen-kisses
According to one study, up to 20 percent of long-term relationships begin when one or both partners are involved with others. Evolutionary psychologists call this "mate poaching." This figure holds steady across age groups and among couples who are married, living together or dating, according to psychologists who polled some 16,000 individuals in 53 countries as part of the International Sexuality Description Project. Most surprising to researchers: Sweetheart-stealing is prevalent across continents and cultures, although it is notably less common in East Asia.
I can find a 2001 reference to the term in a professional journal (The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology - "Human mate poaching: Tactics and temptations for infiltrating existing relationships"), so it goes back at least that far. Those who study animal behavior have for some time known that putting a couple of female decoys next to a male will increase the frequency with which other (real) females will mate with him.
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:23:53 AM |
this is a term coined by a college study/survey done in august 09 on a college campus.
No it's not. Just like the concept the term has been around a while. The articled study from JESP itself notes a source from 2001.
women want other women men instead of finding their own guy.
There is a huge difference between wanting and doing. And how is poaching a mate not finding their own guy, if the guy goes with them?
And do you realize the study involved men too?
Did you go in and read the study or article in JESP?
Did you notice of the 6 whole questions only one asked about initiating a romantic relationship?
It was acknowledging that both genders poach mates. It was attempting to understand the difference between how men see it and how women see it. Gender studies. Identifying gender differences of similar behavior.
At most it is saying that there is probably more equivalency between genders regarding mate poaching. And that people lie to themselves about their own motives.
At least it is saying that previous methods of studying the behavior were flawed and/or incorrect.
You could say the study showed that men don't care whether a woman is single or attached in terms of pursuit. It's all the same to men.
You could say the study showed that women are more interested in men that are attached than interested in single men.
this is very sexist story (my thoughts).
My thoughts are the study itself had a lot of flaws and holes in it and could be pulled apart like taffy.
Which is more sexist? Or worse? That it doesn't matter to a man if a woman is or is not attached? Or that women are far more interested in pursuing a man that is attached?
My thoughts are that a lot of people are going to read the linked article and come in swinging validation of their own stereotypes. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:29:14 AM |
Those who study animal behavior have for some time known that putting a couple of female decoys next to a male will increase the frequency with which other (real) females will mate with him.
Yep. Exactly.
Even in the animal Kingdom they all want what everyone else has. They should just call it the "Jones Effect". Just like we try to keep up with the Joneses in material things in our day to day lives, it seems that has since bled into physical interaction as well. Further illustrating what I mentioned earlier about wanting someone because someone else does. This makes them appealing.
It's sad really. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:30:01 AM | I have had 2 girlfriends that guys would always try to poach. One of them I would laugh and say I literally have to be gone 5 seconds before a guy swoops in. She would laugh about it and say "yeah right," then I tested it. I'd be in public with her walk into the bathroom and once the door closed then open the door back up and there would be a guy talking to her. Not a waiter either.
We were at Borders once and I walked a lap around a book shelf and by the time I came back there were two guys (not employees) talking to her.
I've been out on one first date where a guy was trying to get my date's number with me standing right there. Bars are the date of death for sure :-) | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:43:39 AM |
I've been out on one first date where a guy was trying to get my date's number with me standing right there. Bars are the date of death for sure :-)
Asking for a number, and providing it are two different things. Just like being given a number, and keeping/using it are two different things.
I used to laugh when I'd watch people try to wheel up my woman. I'd just sit and watch. She wouldn't identify me, and I'd just sit close enough to listen in on the chat. One time I even remember some guy turns over and says "Do you mind? I'm talking here!" so I said "I'm just waiting my turn." | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 10:08:48 AM | ^^^^ Yea, the flip side of mate poaching is mate guarding, because the latter evolved to counter the former. It's a veritable arms race.
I'm thinking of changing the status on my profile to "Not Single/Open to Looking" -- and filling my place with some of those female robots to use as decoys to bring `em in in droves. I figure this will work really well with those who are of the mindset that "all the good ones are taken", which if you read between the lines would mean that an attached guy is a time-tested, female-approved commodity.
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 10:15:08 AM | How someone mentioned they just watch... I've been out to dinner with my mother (extremely boring), so I just people watch, because there is nothing better to do. My mother isn't a conversationalist.
Anyway, I've seen a waiter pick up a girl off of a date. The waiter sat with them, at some point I saw him pick a hair off the girl. The guy knew what was going on too. He never brought it up. He just gave it a funny look (funny not psychotic).
Then by the end of their date, she asked her date if she could stay at the restaurant and wait for the waiter, because he gets off his shift in 30 minutes, so she was just gonna be at the bar. Maybe she knew the waiter, but it was just hilarious to watch. The guy left with his dignity instead of making a scene. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:05:40 AM |
The "reason" I got, when I asked a few who make this a practice?
(you should see this coming...)
"If they're with someone, then they have something going for them. If they're single, they're not wanted. Why would I want to be with someone who wasn't wanted?"
So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong. Insisting that anyone I date be truly available.
But I have no intention of changing my modus operandi. Because I have this HUGE clause in my personal ethics that stipulates "thou shalt not steal" Going after a man who already is in a relationship (or headed that way) is just plain WRONG.
Mate poachers are just sad,desperate people who haven't the intestinal fortitude to wait and work WITH the Universe, to find one of the persons that can be right for them.
And who the hell would dare TRUST a "poached" mate, BTW?
But I guess, if you are a panicstricken wimp, of either gender, who is terrified of being alone, you gotta do what you gotta do.
It must majorly suck to have to conduct your life that way.
Cindy O | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:40:43 PM | I learned a long time ago how to deal with this.
My bored and bitter best friend had an affair with my bored and feeling neglected husband. He had no intention of dissolving the marriage....but I did when I found out about it. He has been angry at me for almost twenty years because "I didn't fight for him". He felt that I didn't value him and our marriage enough.
IMO? He wandered and put our marriage at risk. He made a mockery of our vows to each other and the trust was irrevocably broken. A marriage with band-aids on it? No trust left? Not worth it.
I also have no desire to fight any other woman for a man. If a man wants to put me in that position, I will walk and never look back.
Never put yourself in the position where YOU have to guard your mate. Then you have set a standard and it will always be that way.
Put yourself in the position where he is focused on you because he has to guard you. Then he has no time to let his mind and eyes wander.
If you have a man who is not paying attention to you, then wander off and allow someone else to give you some attention. You are not obligated to do anything else but enjoy that other person's conversation. Most of the time it is enough to have Mr. Non-Attentive revert his eyeballs and attention back on you.
There is no jealous byotch dramas or insecurity based lectures(nagging). | |
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