| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:57:44 PM | Twice I have been on forums and gotten some nasty, cynical responses.Hopefully, I can get some insight as to what is going on, without being bashed.
Met someone here, thought things were mutual. He sent me two dozen roses to my office, wrote me romantic, wonderful things daily. He drove a long way to see me, spent every moment we could together. He told me he didn't want to go too fast, yet is looking for a lasting, loving thing. He got off here first, then in turn I did.
IMO, he went fast and initiated the speed and course of things. Told me constantly how happy he was and how I had enhanced his life.
He says I 'm going too fast now. Accuses me of wanting intimacy too much. It's like a passive, agressive thing happening. It confuses me. It has been about 6 weeks.
I agree, it isn't good to go too fast.
He has a crazy schedule and works nights. Sometimes he is on sleeping supplements and says some mean things.
I finally let the walls down, am vulnerable and try to be real. Yes, I have issues to work on. But, maybe it has been too soon for him or something? He got div 7 mos ago.
I don't really know him well, he thinks I am pushing him? He had a horrible div I am told. His ex took everything.
The guy is confusing me...Don't know what he wants....He says, "Maybe I am not what you are looking for." | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:20:38 PM | There are so many red flags in here I don't where to start. Honestly, if it were me, I'd just walk away now...I know I'll probably get flack for that, but I just see the signs for heartbreak here.
It certainly in any case does not sound like this guy knows what he wants right now. Why don't you give him some time to figure it out. Maybe he'll come back, but I doubt it.
Edit - figure
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:28:10 PM | | If it doesn't feel right then walk away. And you noted 'Yes, I have issues to work on'. Maybe you need to work on the issues first. Men can wait. ~Beth~ | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:32:44 PM | | I would dump his ass in a New York minute. He will make your life miserable and you will just be consumed by thoughts on how to keep him happy which will be impossible. Says mean things? Let me tell you something, first mean things then it will get physical. Get rid of him and start over again. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:33:40 PM | | You're both confused and have issues. How could things go smoothly? | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:56:17 PM | | OP, the man was only divorced 7 months ago. He is a mess and doesnt know whats good for him. I would give him time to sort his new life out. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:03:56 PM | | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ agree 100%, and its not his first divorce and they both have issues they need to work on. ~Beth~ | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:08:15 PM | I appreciate your advice. It is not a pity post. Thanks for the insight.
His being hot and cold, being so into me and then thinking I am going to fast is what confuses me. Vacillation and playing games, I am not into. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:09:50 PM | | No, he just went thru his second div. We both have things to work on. Don't we all? | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:22:08 PM |
He says, "Maybe I am not what you are looking for.
Last time someone said that to me, they were right ! 
IMO that usually means either they have a major insecurity or they really mean Your not what I'm looking For and I don't stick around to find out which it is. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:22:24 PM | This relationship has all the signs of a train wreck waiting to happen.
1) He's not been divorced long enough to be ready for a serious relationship.
2) His moods, attitude and behavior change without warning.
3) He says mean things to you.
If this is how the relationship is going during the 'honeymoon' phase, don't expect it to get better. If anything, it will continue to spiral downward. Why would you want to be with someone who is already causing you distress? Work on your own issues, whatever they may be, and forget about this guy. It will only end in heartache. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:41:51 PM | OPie ~~ You've identified passive/aggressive. . . . *That* would be enough for me. It prolly should be enough for you. You've only six weeks invested in this, I think I'd let it go; doesn't sound like he's remotely ready. And if he were ready, he's still a nasty piece of chit. Take a drive, play your favorite music, drink a little wine at one of your gorgeous beaches, and think if *this* is really the best you can do. Betcha a dime to a dollar that you figure out, all on your own, that it's not. Not by a long shot.
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:50:52 PM | * As someone mentioned.. 6 months out of a divorce is waaaaaay too soon..
especially a bad one..
* He sees drugs - even over the counter - as a solution he can turn to..
* The romantic stuff is nice.. as a spice. But it ain't the whole meal.
Run.. don't walk. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:54:42 PM | I think in part the passive/aggressive behavior is cause by his use of sleep supplements. Call them what you will, speed makes you nutty. Add in sleep deprivation and a recent divorce...yikes!
Do yourself a favor before you get sucked in too deep. Move on. Nothing good can come of this. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:01:20 PM |
The guy is confusing me...Don't know what he wants....He says, "Maybe I am not what you are looking for."
Translation: "I've decided that I'm really not that into you anymore"
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:01:37 PM | Yes, he tends to be very negative. He says he isnt smart enough, classy enough for me. Then when I agree with him about being together, and him moving closer, he freaks out on me. Maybe it is a big game, or a test. I don't have the time for it.
His vacillation is what confuses me, it torments me.
He seemed so perfect. Too good to be true.
Thanks for the advice. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:03:26 PM | | What I meant by mean, "I am taking you off FB, bye." He listed me on his relationship status, another thing he did first. It hurt my feelings. He had taken a sleeping pill. he was mad I hadnt read the love letter he had sent me. My computer was broken. I couldnt do anything about that. He was quick to end things, blamed it on the sleeping pill. He takes them nightly. Supposedly, they aren't addictive, the type he takes? | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:04:20 PM | | Thanks, I think you are right. He was a gentleman and very generous of his time, money, words of romance. I thought he was a super nice guy. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:05:06 PM | | I love that, romance is nice, as a spice, but not the whole meal!!!! fabulous.... :) | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:05:50 PM | "He says, "Maybe I am not what you are looking for.""
To me that looks ...... attempt to control.
Pull back put her on defense.
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I've said this a million times.
If it is a true two way match ..... everyone drops the bullchit. They both know what is at stake. They both know things are far too important for games and other crap.
Besides .. why would anyone try to control someone they truly cared about. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:12:45 PM | Life and love is hard enough as it is, dear. Don't you want a man where things are easy for you? Someone who is strong enough in themselves to adore you if that's what they truly feel for you, accepting of you for who you are, who isn't fighting you every step of the way for the simple piece of happiness you seek in what's left of your life? Listen to your heart. Are you happy with this, with him? Really?
When meeting someone who's right for you, it should make sense to you and to him from near the beginning. Sure, the details are sometimes hard to work out to make it work. But the stuff you're talking about aren't the details of it, at least they don't sound that way to me. Don't torture your mind over what your heart probably already knows in the purest and simplest of ways. | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:17:05 PM | You've been dating six weeks and the guy is leaving you confused and feeling badly?
If this were one of your daughters, and a guy had behaved with her in this way, what would you advise her to do? | |
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| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:28:09 PM | Too much intimacy. never heard of that.... with enough intimacy he wouldn't need any stupid sleeping pills  
I wonder if the problem is simply you are the dreaded rebound girl for him, you rarely win at that | |
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| Letting the walls down - danger zone
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:29:29 PM | Hi classyswede,
I don't like the sound of this guy, he sounds unstable... think it may be better to cut your losses x | |
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