| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:17:29 AM | The last guy I had a brief fling with told me that I seemed too high maintenance. I haven't seen him since nor do I really wish to. Everyone has heard this term countless times before, but I'm not sure how it really applies to me.
I take great care of myself, I have a great job so I don't need money from anyone, and I am definately not the clingy whiny type. I am confident and outgoing but extremely generous. I can attract guys like flies, but they never stick around too long. Maybe because I am high maintenance? It would be hard for someone that doesn't know me to be able to explain why I was called this, so I'm just wondering what men usually mean by this? | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:59:03 AM | 1. Possessed of expensive material tastes and requiring lots of money.
2. Emotionally helpless and requiring lots of propping-up. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:03:13 AM | | it can mean lots of things. on many levels, but basically its physically, mentally, and financially. physically you could be high maintaneance if your one of those girls who beauty salons, tan salons, taking to long to get ready, and shopping for fridays outfit is a weekly routine that eats up alot of your time it can be viewed fake ,annoying, and high maintaneance. mentally if your one of those me me me people that needs to be the life of a party and center of attention queen b types. plus most girls who put their independence and non clinginess out there are usually the clingiest of all. their initial wall of independence turns out to be a wall put up from bad childhoods or bad relationships and once that wall comes down be prepared for her controlling, daily cell phone checks while your in the shower, and tracking device to go to the store side to come out. financially pretty well speaks for itself. one who loves spending other peoples money on personal items and being bought lavish gifts because its wednesday, but no interest in returning the favor. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:08:30 AM | In one context, I think of it as someone who is in need of constant attention or reassurance: of their place in the world, their importance to me, their looks, etc.
In another context, someone who is fragile: wouldn't be caught dead holding a beer bottle, doesn't know what Levis are, saw touch football once, couldn't change a lightbulb if their life depended on it and expects me to drop everything to do so right now.
Based on your self-description, none of these apply, so I don't know what they're seeing or misinterpreting about you. You may come across as too aloof. Being self-sufficient is attractive; making sure that everyone is aware of/reminded of it is generally not attractive.
If you can "attract guys like flies", perhaps you appear hard to hold moreso than high maintenance. How do you react when you are with one guy and others approach you? Do you act receptive, or do you decline/deflect their attention in favor of the guy you are with?
You also said you were told you are high maintenance by "the last guy I had a brief fling with", which doesn't sound like you were putting much emotionally into that relationship to begin with. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:23:51 AM | It seems that a lot of people associate high maintenance with money or how much effort you put into your appearance. This can definitely be indicators of high maintenance, but I believe it's not the real definition of it. High maintenance can been seen in many facets of life and involves a relationship whereby things are skewed. Is one person in the relationship doing all (or most of) the work to keep things going? If so, then the slacker would be considered high maintenance because the other has to work twice as hard to *maintain* the relationship.
Being clingy or insecure, requiring too much attention, afraid of being alone, not respecting personal space, lacking life skills, bad with money, consumed with your appearance, eating disorders, having fairy tale ideals for romance, acting like a princess, thriving on gossip, and being selfish can make you high maintenance. It's important to realize that being high maintenance isn't like a light switch (on or off). It's a sliding scale and most women that I've met, who I thought were high maintenance, didn't understand what it meant, nor did they agree that they were high maintenance. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:35:51 AM | Not a guy here but hope I can take a shot at this ...
It could be (in no particular order) maybe you ...
- need to change into 20 different outfits before you can go out for the night, then decide to cancel the entire plan b/c you don't have a lipstick that matches the outfit you picked ...
- can't go for a day w/o your manolo blahniks or your half-caf soy almond latte prepared by your favorite barista ...
- chip a nail and your whole day is ruined ...
- have unrealistic expectations of a relationship OR have a tendency to impose unrealistic/impractical ulitmatums in your relationship
- need constant attention and any other verbal cues to sustain your sense of self-worth ...
Not sayin that you are any of those but just giving you possible answers to your question and basically elaborated on what everyone else above said ...
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:04:20 AM |
I can attract guys like flies, but they never stick around too long.
kornbluth broke it down into the two lowest common denominators... Even though, mathematically speaking, there should only be one... But I'll side with fuzzy logic over Newtonian principles any time...
So what else is up?... You're self-sufficient... High maintenance is now out of the equation...
Perhaps you're smarter than the flies... Don't be bashful; admit it...
So who needs maintenance now? | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:28:01 AM | | it has been my experience that no matter how much money a woman makes most will still expect a man to pay for everything,as far as attracting men like flies....there are other things that attract flies...high maintenence to me is the unspoken statement from a woman that says i'm hot stuff and if you don't want to loose your place in line you had better pay attention....to which i say time will take care of all of that.I have seen women through the years who had it all in the looks department with long lines of men...well now they are older and the lines are shorter and getting more so every day but most of them are oblivious to it | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:54:17 AM | 1) Wants little....b/c everything is a "need"
2) Won't solve the needs herself, even tho she could...that's what a man is for.
3) Doesn't need to budget her money...a "real man" pays for everything. Comes from being Daddy's little princess too long.
4) Can't keep everything simple. Remember when Harry met Sally, Sally orders a complicated...salad. Its really just to get attention to her, all this complexity to make her look like she is complex. Even when a situation doesn't need complexity.
5) it really comes down to insecurity. People express it in different ways. But for some, the high maintenance is the medium.
6) We find what we seek. If someone doesn't want all the requirements that come w/ a relationship...they tend to find people who won't offer them. If someone is superficial...they tend to find people who make them feel comfortable about being superficial. Et cetera. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:57:08 AM | Some guys just cant handle the pressure of a succeful women and see it as high maintenance to keep up like an expensivie car. they simply cant handle it. its the car they cant afford to keep. that is how they feel. as for me you can come over and do my dishes anytime.. as for attracting guys like flies. that is equal to a guy saying he gets all the HO's. whats with your attitude? I can help with that too. I recomend you get over yourself. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:11:35 AM | | Simply put, if u whine over a broken nail, always goin for manicures and such. Gotta have the 300$ purse even though a 150$ suits ur needs better. If u got to have all the latest fads. If u have a pair of shoes 4 every day of the year.....then u maybe high maintenence lol. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:16:02 AM | Yep, without knowing U personally. No real way of knowing how that would/could apply to U girl.
There's basically two forms of high maintenance that come to mind.
1. Financially expensive, in order to please them and maintain their interest.
2. Emotionally demanding, consuming large amounts of time and mental energy accommodating their needs. Or required to keep their interest.
Either way if U keep hearing it, your probally interested in how it applies to U. If U have maintained civil relations with any of these guys ..... would ask them for some insight, just for curiousities sake. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:35:20 AM | Well you seem like a well rounded woman who has a lot going for her.
If you are confident and fairly successful...my only guess is that you expect the best for yourself....therefore, you expect the best from the men you meet. The more successful you are, I think the more pickier you will be. The more pickier you are, the more you demand from a potential partner. A man might see you as high maintenance because of such.
My thoughts? Who gives a damn. I believe likes attract like....if they can't accept the fact that you only expect to be treated a certain way or expect certain characteristics in a partner...then that's their problem. Its not being high maintenance ( you said you are a generous person and don't expect money from men).....its simply a matter of having dignity in who you are and knowing what you want. You already know what makes you happy in a relationship and what doesn't. Don't settle. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:42:35 AM | 1) Princess/Queen syndrome. (Nothing is more disgusting in a female than one who thinks she's royalty and expects to be treated like royalty without ever proving she deserves such treatment to me.)
2) Expecting treatment they don't deserve, including unearned or lost trust/faith.
3) Think they are better but oftentimes in fact are just the opposite and in fact suffering from deep inferiority complexes
4) Believe men and women are equal rather than the truth, which is that men are superior in some ways and women are superior in other ways and those things make the man/woman thing awesome. (a.k.a. a lost little "feminist" who's been ruined by "the movement" and will never be an actual woman again)
5) Money drain
6) Energy drain ("it's all about me, me, me, me, selfish little girl in a woman's body)
There are probably more but those come to mind. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:48:57 AM | OP, everyone pretty much has covered it, but let's put it into these terms:
Imagine as a maintenance mechanic that you have this piece of machinery that requires that you have to keep attending to it *all* of the time. Sometimes it involves replacing parts constantly, which costs money. And then there is the mechanic's time where they could be doing something else - except they're having to babysit this equipment.
It could be the most impressive looking equipment under the sun, but still at the end of the day, if a new piece of equipment is offered to the plant manager where it requires less maintenance and isn't down so often, if the plant manager can fit it into his budget, he's going to replace the high maintenance equipment. And here's the kicker: he's going to replace it even in the new piece of equipment isn't as impressive looking.
The same goes for relationships. Hearing that you draw guys like flies but can't keep them would set off major warning signs in my head. What I would do is sit down and just think about the aspects of your life that (a) are more drama-inducing and (b) require constant attention - things that would define "high maintenance." Just be honest with yourself and make an effort to deal with it - that is my suggestion since I know of very few guys who consider "high maintenance" to not be a turn-off.
I wish for you the best. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:05:01 AM | High maintainance in my mind is a girl that needs too much time. When I was younger, I could and wanted to maintain a high maintanance woman. Now that I'm older... I got other stuff to do.
My last girlfriend was high maintanance as in she required like 16 hours of time with me. I just can't put forth that much time in a day. She would never require any money, gifts or anything special, just time to solve her problems and be with her with my arms wrapped around her. | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:56:07 AM | | Well...you had a breif fling...he considers you a loose women...he got what he wanted and wasnt interested in anything else...so..he needed an excuse..... | |
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| what exactly is high maintenance
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:46:40 AM | Hmmm not sure why he called you high maintenance. You don't sound like high maitenance and I am puzzled by why if u r so beautiful they don't "stick around",unless the men are insecure.
I would have to know u better to answer you, but this might open the door a little. from your profile.........
I am an open-minded person that can make anything fun.On a first date, I think just a few drinks some place quiet to get to know each other first. No point wasting a lot of time or money if it just doesn't work out... | |
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