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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:56:47 AM | | My grandparents were married for 70 years! LOL! I'm not likely to come anywhere close to that...my first 2 "practice attempts" were 5 yrs, and 25 yrs. I spent too much time "practicing" and am now too old to beat any records on the "real deal"! | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:04:29 AM | | Great observation . . . . my grandparents were married 71 years . . .they were married when they were 19 and died at the age of 92. Marriages of that type are pretty rare and not to be hoped for. In regards to your actual question . . . I find the marriages that worked out very well all happened in the late 1940s . . right after WWII. Guys came back from hell (war) and had a pretty good idea about how precious life was and made it happen with women who had the gumption to see things thru for better or worse with these men. They had real values and real morals . . . . in those days society expected people to put away nonsense and have integrity. Not going to happen these days . .even with the best intentions . . . by most couples. Strange that couples who only dated for 6 weeks or less had marriages that lasted so long. Go figure. These couples are still married. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:41:59 AM | My parents were married 55 years when Dad died. My grandparents were married 63 years. These marriages might not have been the best at times, but they saw it through to the end.
I married my ex exactly 3 weeks after we met. Had multiple head injuries (his) not interfered, we'd be well on our way to 30 years now.
IF I ever marry again, it will last until my last breath. Faithful monogamy is the only thing I know. It's the only way I know how to be. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:31:27 AM | Snickers...I'm one of those "elderly" ones who was married for 30 years.
As far as the question goes, there will always be people who stay together to death do them part whether they're married or not, but I do believe that the sign of the times is more about serial manogomy over a natural lifetime. There is great debate by even the scientific community as to whether or not humans are designed to be with one person for life or if it it's a societal/religious construct that became the norm, rather than actually being normal for humans as a species. At this stage, it's not something I strive for but I do like being in a relationship with a man that suits me, not society. I'm not religious either in any way shape or form, so I feel there is nothing to conform to in that regard. I'm more about contentment with life while I'm here and being in content relationships. Should that change for either party, they're free to move on to seek what they're looking for. Life is truly too short to insist that people live by other people's confort zones (ie. judgemental attitudes), especially when it has absolutely no bearing on their own (and I'm talking about concenting adults, before someone jumps into the fray with the confort zones of pedophilia or any other twist that could be made to the statement). | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:09:36 PM | | If I get married to that person, it's a lifetime commitment and none of this crap we have going on today, this is why I refuse to get married, personally I do not think i would make a good husband for numerous reasons but yes if i was to get married I would aspire to keep the marrige until death. do I think marriages can last today? Honestly, no we are different creatures, now, our society has no patience for anything, marriage included. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:23:40 PM | | My folks were married 62 years when my dad passed away last summer. I would have to live to be well over 100 to make a marriage last that long - don't believe that is very likely... | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:26:54 PM | My parents have been married for coming-up on 44 years now, and my grandparents were married for 57 before Gran died. I'd like to think it's still possible to achieve that kind of relationship, OP, but I'm not sure I would live long enough at this point.
Still hoping for, say, a 40 year one, at least. 
Although I'm sure by then, after 40 years of torment, he'd probably look at me one day and say "What, not dead yet, woman?!" lol | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:40:20 PM | | No marriage aspirations here. If some feisty woman talked me into it, OK, but my idea is to just live together. 30 years would be a stretch at my age. 10 would more likely coincide with my remaining lifespan, or maybe 5 if she wore me out. Congratulations to everyone who got it right and lasted, assuming that was their intention. I screwed up, mea culpa, nolo contendere, etc. I like to think of my thwarted plot for a life-long relationship as being due to something other than my personality. I also like to daydream I won the lottery, that I can fly, and being on the loose at 21 again knowing what I learned the hard way since. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:55:25 PM | My parents are still together after56 years. Mum is almost 77 and dad turns 80 next year. They are off camping with their almost 80 year old friend for a couple of months after Christmas.... At 46 and having been with my SO for nearly 2 years I am looking forward to at least another 40 years with him of non-wedded bliss!! | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:19:36 PM | Likely there is always someone here who knows someone else who's of elderly age whos been married for a long long time, like 30 or 40 years or even more.
My ex's grandparents. Married for 50 odd years and 6 kids.
They were two of my most favorite people in the world. We used to play poker a couple of times a week. Took all their money... hehe...
*sigh*.... those two people really knew some stuff. Her especially. Amazing woman.
Even at 70 plus years of age... his eyes used to sparkle when he looked at her.
And he died within 12 months of her passing. He was so lost and alone without her. He had a broken heart and my heart would break just watching him.
He used to joke that if he was 20 years older and I was 20 years younger... he'd marry me. LMAO! Not quite right Pop... other way around. Used to get himself mixed up but was a sly old bugger too... would play on it.
I know this is a little offtopic... but its a wonderful moment in my life so I just thought I might share it with everyone.
She used to pass me their family history... and after she passed, I got to share her thoughts on one of her son-in-laws with him. Felt I got to speak on her behalf and alleviated a lot of guilt he was carrying which was nice.
We also used to have "weird" stuff happen between us. Her and I.
The family history stuff... I was pregnant. My daughter who was only tiny at the time and used to "see" a man.
At first I was concerned obviously so I asked her what he was doing... she said he's smiling and waving... and I told her to ask him who he was... she did. He said his name was Pa. So I let it go and "Pa" used to show up every now and again.
The night before I gave birth... my ex's Grandmother was telling me the story of her husband's Great Great Great Grandfather. She told me of his life... he was a seacaptain and eventually died when he had to "walk the plank"
The next day... I give birth to my son. Complete surprise I truly expected another girl. It had taken me 3 days to name my daughter... and although I hadnt thought of one boys name during my pregnancy... just by looking at him... I knew straight away what his name would be.
Later... my ex's Grandmother phoned me... asked me what Id named the baby and I told her.
Ohh... she's says... remember last night I was telling you about ... I said yep? she said... that was his name.
Obviously "Pa" never made an "appearance" again.
I remember those people fondly... some people... truly touch our lives.
Would you aspire for your marriage to be that long?
If only...
Or do you think marriages like those are one day not going to exist anymore?
Only with someone who believed the same thing. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:52:03 PM | Marriage #1 was for 12 years
Marriage #2 was for 12 years
Marriage #3 ...... OOOOh I highly doubt it!!
Can I just add up the years?? OK so 24 years married......did anyone say it had to be to the same guy? HA! | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:26:44 PM | | My parents have been married for 58 years, both are still alive. I think marriage will last as long as a couple WANTS it to last. Even though the vows say "for better or for worse", sad to say but most are only in a marriage as long as things are for the "better". | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:36:06 PM |
Would you aspire for your marriage to be that long? Or do you think marriages like those are one day not going to exist anymore?
I do not aspire to be married that long. If it happens, it happens; but it is not what I aspire to do or be. I'm not even sure I will ever get married again - not saying that out of desperation and self-pity, but my attitude about marriage has changed.
2nd question - yes, I do believe they exist and will continue to exist.
Personally I am not impressed by those who have been married 20 or more years.
Longevity does not a happy marriage make. You are only looking at numbers and you have no idea what that couple, that man, or that woman has been through. I guess you can be impressed by that if you want to be and know their history - that they have been through a hellava lot of shit together and took a lot of shit off of each other and still manage to stay married through it. But I am not impressed. A lotta times people who have gone through a lot of shit together and took a lotta shit off each other are bitter old people in a marriage who can't wait for the other to die. But sometimes, you won't be able to see that off the bat and they may look happy to you. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:00:26 PM |
Would you aspire for your marriage to be that long? Yes.
If I ever meet the person who I'll get married to, I certainlyy hope it lasts until we die of old age.
I'm not a believer in temporary short-lived marriages. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:07:56 PM | My grandparents were married for over 50 years. I think they married in the 1940's as was explained in an earlier post. My parents were married for 17 years and have been married to other people for over 25 years.
I've been divorced longer than I was married. I liked being married; I just didn't like who I was married to.
I would like to get married again someday. However, at this stage in the game, I will not get divorced again. If I marry again, he is stuck with me. I am hoping that I've learned enough by now to make much better choices and learned to listen to my gut instead of external pressures.
As we get older, marriage means "worse" in the sense that medical problems are inevitable, including the probability (statistically, as a woman) that we will get married only to be widowed.
See you fishies in 30 years!!! | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:32:18 PM | let me try to tell you a story, a true story...
I knew of this property from when I was 10, A hermit lived there ( goat man ) this was maybe mid 50's.
moved ahead to last year, My son kept telling me of a old homestead he found, My reply your nuts there's no homesteads out there, well his definition of homestead was not the same as mine . He took me out there, by out there This place is 14 miles off a paved road accessed via logging roads.
Yes is what is left of two people life, leftovers of a 70's homestead if you will. ,, Barns have fallen, fences are somewhat still standing, a double wide mobile home, the pickup still sitting in the carport, Dishes in there cabinet, place mats still sit on the table, food in the pantry and wood waiting by the stove. Last date on the calender was 2004...As if they just walked away. we found this after seeing glass all over the deck.
Windows were broken out, items all over the floor, I'm sure anything of major value had been stolen..
I could feel sadness and pain in the house, at the same time a wonderful life had taken place here..Knowing what this place was at one time..
on the floor was 35 mm slides, I did taken what as left there. in looking at these and reading some writing the lady had written here's what I found.
she had been a teacher, published two books .. They meet at 50, later married. in 1968 would go to Alaska and log, that took place a few years, until they could buy the property. By 1970, trough him working locally logging and her raising animals, save enough to do cat work and buy the mobile home, until that time the two lived in a pick up camp with a shack built on about the same size as the camper.
some slides show there huge gardens , beautiful cattle and Birds.. ( turkey/chickens).
Her writing talk of people coming 250 miles to buy those, which asking I Know this was all organic, before the word organic was used, These two lead by today's standards a hard life... but a rewarding life.
by early 2000's he had cancer and died, not sure when.. Then she became ill, so I believe in 2004 she was taken to a hospital and never returned,
The point is these two met and married around 50 yrs of age, built a home and life,, my guess lived more of a life than most ever will after the age of 50.
They had 30+ years together, It sad to see people like this pass away, There's what this country was built on.. even in the 70's
The american Dream these two live that, only with there own hard work. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:58:23 PM | Would you aspire for your marriage to be that long? Or do you think marriages like those are one day not going to exist anymore?
Who wouldn't aspire toward that? I can't think of anything better. To be that close with another human being and want to be with them forever? What could be better. Not going to exist any more? Of course they will. Why wouldn't they? They're certainly not in the majority but they are there. My two older sisters have both been married more than 45 years and they, both couples, still act like kids together. It takes a little work to get that but it IS possible. You just have to want it. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:24:04 AM | I think it's a wonderful thing to aspire to. I've been fortunate to witness several lengthy, happy marriages. My parents have been married 44 years and still clearly enjoy each other's company. They've been through some tough things together, but actually meant their vows when they said them.
I'm pretty much the same way. My marriage ended in his death, and if I do it again, I expect it to last until one or both of us passes. This past spring, a couple in my church that had been married for over 60 years passed away, in their nineties, within three days of each other. That just seemed incredibly romantic and perfect to me. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:10:22 AM | | I can't imagine anythng better than finding a mate that would be there for years to come. I would think everyone would aspire the same with or without the license. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:22:26 PM | | Yes, I would aspire for my marriage to last that long. Especially at my age. In todays society when people get married in there 20's I think it is less likely to last a life time but not impossible. We have delayed youth maturing out of adolesecnts until the age 25 as opposed to 16-18. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:15:24 PM | | Everyone I know who's married that long and happy says..."The relationship must have a base and communication". The base is another word for similar principles and beliefs. | |
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| Being together for 30, 40, 50 years.
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:30:17 PM | I don't know too many but I do know some marriages that are actually really good, both people happy, and have lasted. My parents were married about 45 years when my father died.
I don't think society makes it impossible for people to remain married I think many people are abandoning abusive marriages and many people are abandoning truly bad marriages that if they had begun 50 years ago, they probably would have stayed in, but is just staying married better or even good enough? Abusive and/or undesirable marriages are not something to brag about.
People that have had marriages that have hit rough spots but they remained committed and both tried to be happy instead of just living like emotionally detached roommates, that is what I aspire to. The people you see that whether it is even a decade, or more still really LIKE each other, that do things for each other without thinking 'what am I getting out of it,' but because they still enjoy making each other happy and want to show their affection; the people without score cards. THAT is kewl and what I hope to someday have if I would consider marriage again.
I also agree that there are people that walk away because it is easier, the condemnation that kept many people trying isn't there anymore. Is that good or bad?
I don't think it is impossible but I think you do need to use your heart and your head in choosing and also have a little luck along the way. | |
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