| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:28:44 AM | I do not believe in love at first sight. Especially at my age. Chatting awhile helps you to really get to know each other. Having similar likes can lead to great friendships, which in turn can lead to love and a lasting relationship. Look around ,beauty is only skin deep and fades fast. You guys should watch that movie with Mel Gibson, "What Women Want".......Chat and see the inner beauty.
PS. If you feel your just being used as a chat buddy, let your feelings known and say goodbye. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:36:51 AM | | I saw that movie. It is a movie for women. It promotes the ideal that for a man to understand women he needs to be able to read their minds. I have known women like that. They didn't say what they thought, but got upset when I didn't know how they felt. They would have liked me better if I could read minds. I think it has something to do with not wanting to say what you really feel. To make the movie work, the Mel Gibson guy had to be a jerk to start with. Then when he could read minds he reformed and learned to kiss up. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:37:38 AM | | I've gotten used as a chat buddy a lot. However, maybe guys feeel they'd rather present themselves better in person instead of typing to you. I've had plenty of girls that wanted to meet instantly like within 15 minutes of talking on the phone. Its not just men. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:40:14 AM | Time is a commodity for a lot of people, and with some, they want to know if they are going to have some sort of physical and emotional connection before spending weeks on weeks of chatting only to find there is no connection...
Sure a person can get to know a lot when chatting, however it doesn't tell if there is actual real chemistry, which is a physiological complicated process, one that happen naturally so it doesn't seem so complicated mentally.
Looks aren't everything in the least, however it is one of those things that is the most obvious to most people to tell them if they would want to get to know a person better, and in what way...
Good luck | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:03:38 AM |
I do not believe in love at first sight. Especially at my age. Chatting awhile helps you to really get to know each other. Having similar likes can lead to great friendships, which in turn can lead to love and a lasting relationship. Look around ,beauty is only skin deep and fades fast. You guys should watch that movie with Mel Gibson, "What Women Want".......Chat and see the inner beauty.
PS. If you feel your just being used as a chat buddy, let your feelings known and say goodbye.
Because it sucks pretty hard to talk to someone and get to know them and their life via talking on the phone and e-mail for days, weeks or months till she's ready to meet then you do meet and their is no attraction so then she cuts off all communication because why waste the time. So your stuck having spent all that time and becoming interested in the woman only to have it pulled back in an instant.
Then they wonder why the guy becomes such a****to them. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:08:26 AM | It isn't Just the men! I am Not interested in having a "chat buddy" a "pen pal" or an 'online relationship' - I AM interested in Meeting a real Live man and I Absolutely prefer to meet Sooner than later.
I "used to" think the emailing/chatting/penpals til we "get to know" each other was a Great way to go. I was wrong. ((For Me - I was wrong))
Couple notes, a LITTLE chatting, Phone conversations - Meet. Go from there.
When I First got online, I "met" a man (Online) .. we exchanged pics, chatted, emailed, talked (a little) on the phone .. We carried on this "getting to know you" (Online) thing for 6+months. We both "felt" and expressed Strong Feelings for each other.
Then we met. 
Keeping it Impersonal / Online for too long Can create an Illusion for many of us. Sorta like falling for a character in a (well written) book. It just isn't real.
I'm here for the Real.
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:15:14 AM | | I don't believe in love at first sight and I wouldn't like going on blind dates either - not unless it was set up by friends who knew me and my tastes well. Yup, there has to be some form of physical attraction for me or the nicest person in the world just wouldn't be relationship material for me - just great friends. Sorry if that sounds shallow to you OP but the notion of beauty is only skin deep and fades fast, so you should base a relationship strictly on the mind and heart of a person is just too politically correct and outside of the bounds of reality. It's true looks can fade (who better to know that than me at my age) but even with the fading, there still has to be a physical attraction. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:15:38 AM | | I believe in lust at first sight. And women as well as men are shallow beings. Its obvious from all the posts I have read and it always will be. OP I think your fighting a useless battle with yourself, your only making everyone aware of what life is like. Most people know human nature and this is what your having a problem with, its your values which you see being compramised. Today people have a variety of values and lots of time they dont coincide with yours. You need to accept this fact and not try to change others to your value system, cause it just doesnt happen. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:39:05 AM | Because in the real world, a connection always starts with physical attraction, then the emotional attraction follows. You will be lucky if in the process you discover a combination of both and so you get the Total personality. There is no complicated explanation to that. It is simply the facts of life. It is reality.
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:45:38 AM | Hi, men are notoriously visual first and foremost. We females are *sense* based. I realize that can offend some; yet, that is the nature of the lovely beast that we female would like to have a friends and more.
JoAnn | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:53:31 AM | Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Because they might not find you entirely physically appealing once they see you in three dimension.
I do not believe in love at first sight. Especially at my age.
So?
That doesn't change whether you find them a "turn on", or "turn off" when you meet them in real life.
And at your age, the less time you have on this planet, the more valuable your remaining time becomes.
Chatting awhile helps you to really get to know each other.
It's more efficient and easier to assess someone's character, while talking to them in person. Everyone will agree to that.
Having similar likes can lead to great friendships, which in turn can lead to love and a lasting relationship.
Then you're looking for male "friends" that you may, or may not want to be sexual with, and probably being apathetic towards them, whether you realize it, or not.
Some are looking for a "love" affair, not a "friend" affair.
Single women are no more scarce than single men. All other things being equal, some woman can spark your interest, and others can bore you to sleep.
Some men have plenty of female "friends", or friends in general, that they're not looking for another "friend", but someone that they are strongly attracted to enough, and compatible with enough, to have a sexual relationship.
You have to realize that a man is going to decide on you based on what he wants from a woman, not what you think you are as a woman.
You guys should watch that movie with Mel Gibson, "What Women Want".......
You women should watch the movie, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 days." ......
Hi, men are notoriously visual first and foremost. We females are *sense* based.
Is that how you pick out all your outfits , your hair colour, your shoes?
Is that why you like flowers so much?
Why are there so few fugly people in soap operas? | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:55:06 AM | @shugga
"sense" based? If by sense based you mean visual I certainly agree. I know countless women that will find any excuse to defend the worst man because he's hot. Seriously, I wish we stopped as a society saying that physical attraction isn't number one for both sexes. Not only is it wrong but it leads to generation after generation of self-delluded women and very ignorant men. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:56:22 AM |
We females are *sense* based. I realize that can offend some; yet, that is the nature of the lovely beast that we female would like to have a friends and more.
Now that's just funny right thar Unless there was a typo and the intention was "scent" based...as in pheromones. No need for me to stick up for my gender wholeheartedly in a blanket way. I've seen enough NONsense from women over my lifetime to know the above quote is far from factual. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:59:08 AM |
We females are *sense* based.
Cough! .. lol .. do you mean "sense" as in "sense of smell", "common sense" ?? What "Sense" is this you think WE all use to determine a potential mate?
I am Female - I am Only One female though - so .. I cannot speak for anymore than just this one female - Me.
Human beings - Male and Female all have a "Dominant Sense". While it may be that the 'majority' of men are equipped with a Dominant Visual Sense - NOT All can be so stereotyped.
There are 3 (Primarily) Senses and each of us has One that is (mostly) Dominant .. the "one" we are Most inclined to respond to ..
- Visual (Sight - what we See with our eyes)
- Auditory (Hearing - what we Hear with our ears)
- Kinesetic (Touch - or more appropriately - "Pyhsical sensation"
Our *Emotions and our *Learning styles are Generally dominated by one of the above. Some People have 2 that are dominant and dependant on the external stimuli that 'they' are being introduced to.
Like I said earlier - I will Not entertain 'any' sort of ongoing/online "relationship" with someone I've never met. And YES "some" of that "attraction" is most certainly based on "looks" - However - That does Not mean that "My" definition of "attractive" is the same as anyone elses on the planet and it Certainly is Not defined by 'magazine' models! I like Big hands and I like a man who is bigger, broader/taller than me .. Smell is a Huge factor in Most human relations .. surprisingly so .. "Chemistry" is something you simply cannot equate via the computer screen.
Some men .. Some women .. We are soooo Not that easy to pigeonhole or stereotype .. Those who think in terms of "all men" or "all women" are Often disappointed and Frequently wrong. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:07:26 AM | Why? because people are not honest about themselves...
I have NO INTENTION of spending time "getting to know" somebody that is tricking me when they are 50-100 pounds overweight and/or putting up old pictures....Online dating is notorious for this... | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:18:28 AM | OP, I used to be a "chat" for a while kinda gal myself. However, after learning the hard way that it is best to meet as soon as possible I will try my best to explain why this is really best.
First, as others have written, many people on line are dishonest about who they are and what they look like and if we are very honest with ourselves, physical attraction is important, like it or not.
Secondly, when people are given the chance to "chat and get to know you" virtually, very often they are able to gain an emotional hook on someone. For those who say it is not possible to have feelings for someone they never met are full of it, because it happens, that is until you wise up. Trust me I speak from experience. Once this emotional hook is in place the person who may be being dishonest is betting that whatever short comings he or she may possess will be overlooked because of the feelings that have been established via the virtual relationship. While that may work once in a while, normally what happens is people just end up feeling duped and lied to.
So, after this happens once or twice, if you are smart, you learn from your mistakes and limit you "virtual" investment until you can see who you are REALLY dealing with. Make sense? | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:29:44 AM | Maybe I am having a bad day with absorbing what I am reading but what you wrote was not in corrulation with your post title, well I guess it was having to read it 3 times but in an angry opinionated way. The kind of way where your mind is running a mile a minute whereas your hand is moving much s l o w e r......
I hate having to scratch my head with such writings......I was hoping that you would have elaborated more with your title in your thread, rather then jump right in to the emotion that sparked such a post.
Nonetheless on with my comment with regards to how I perseived the title =
They (men) are not the only one's who prefer to 'see' you before getting to know so much about you. I myself operate in this fashion and I am a woman....woo hoo go figure.
I have met men who have the ability to charm in scripture but lack the ability to charm using quantum physics....Meaning the inability to materialize what is being said into a living breathing form.
You can find a connection on here with somone you find to be all that interests you (looks, words, thoughts, out looks etc) and spend heap loads of time communicating back and fourth through mail, phone, IM etc. and develop a fantasized lust through the quantity of time being invested but then meet them in person to only have your high suddenly be guttered like a bowling ball being whipped into 10 pins.
And why? Because you fell for the emotion, the attention, the false prophecy the feelings that you chose to feed without the foresight of the physical.
It's like blindfolding yourself for a year to feed a cactus to find that after that year when you took your blind fold off your cactus was in fact dead. So all that time you spent watering, giving it sunshine it was for nothing. Yet you kept watering it because you trusted that when you felt it you still felt the pricks and it standing so believed it was flourishing.....
Aww the physical reality can be such a heartbreaker but it's the reality so rather then waste time keep the damn blind fold OFF. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:46:05 AM | What I want to know is, why is someone who is in touch with their visual sense (allows physical attraction), labeled as, "Shallow"? What makes a person deep? Being attracted to someone who they're not physically attracted to?
"Yeah, she's ugly as sin and weighs as much as a metro bus, but she's got a great personality and we both love to dance." Yeah, that means deep. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:04:03 AM | Because we really want to see that you look like your picture..Simple is that. I get recognized in public from this site... not a good thing when I'm with my daughter or handling business matters.
Written word allows me to get a handle on their thoughts and feelings. I like literate men. Chatting online allows me to screen that. I've fallen in love at first email - with their minds. Whether I'd do them remains to be seen - literally.
I like to see people IRL just to get a better sense of them as a person. I've dated some really technically good looking/handsome men that I ultimately did not find attractive. The mannerisms, personality, and overall character of the person as a human being colors my perception of them. Having said all that, I have fallen in love at first sight... if you count the bakery counter.... mmm, chocolate. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:23:20 AM | | I always like to chat at least a little bit before meeting a guy in person, but that doesn't mean chatting for several months. I've had several guys send me messages saying they want to meet me in person, but when I look at their profile they have written almost nothing about themselves. I'm not going to go meet some guy in person if all I know about him is that he "likes to have fun" (Duh! Who doesn't?) and that he has a dog. I need a little more information than that before I'll agree to take the time to go meet the guy. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:38:53 PM |
"Chemistry" is something you simply cannot equate via the computer screen. I think you can get very close to a sure thing if you do it right. Also if you talk/chat heaps about all kinds of stuff you can really get a feel for someones PERSONALITY, which I thought was one of the main things people are interested in and is essentially "chemistry". The visual can also be handled online if both people know how to use a camera and take plentiful shots (full body as well) so both can pretty much know exactly what you look like. I guess some people see "chemistry" differently. Some I think see it as kind of this amorphous indefinable thing and they might want to meet sooner rather than later and others see it as somebody who shares the same views, thinking, sense of humor, visually appealing etc all of which can be determined through chat/online and if those things are all good then that's "chemistry" to them. No single answer I guess. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 2:25:39 PM | You have to realize that a man is going to decide on you based on what he wants from a woman, not what you think you are as a woman.
Read that line and remember it forever.
Men do NOT follow their hearts.
Men are driven by what they WANT.
Thats why men think women are driven by the same things as they are. They're not.
Thats why... a man can and almost guaranteed will break his own heart and that of a woman he's inlove with just because he "wants" something else.
And its the exact same reason a woman who's inlove with a man... wont.
If he wants prestige and a woman offers him that... thats where he'll go
If he wants a specific sexual fetish... he'll go with the woman who offers him that
If he has a mortgage and needs another income and a woman will give him that... he'll go with her.
Chatting awhile helps you to really get to know each other. Having similar likes can lead to great friendships, which in turn can lead to love and a lasting relationship.
They dont care about that.
All they know is whether or not you've something they "want"... and if you're not so ugly they wouldnt f*ck you more than once.
They'll get to know you later. And if you're lucky... they might even care or pretend that they do atleast... cos if they dont... they'll stop getting what they want.
Thats why... many MANY men are so easily led and manipulated by women... because if they're given what they "want"... they associate that with their "needs" being met and love.
We know its not... Love is a feeling FOR another human being and giving from your heart.
Many men take a loooooooooong time to emotionally mature and realize it and confuse attraction and selfishness with Love along the way.
Annnnnnd... thats why there's so many complaints from men nowadays... because with the advent of feminism etc... women arent completely reliant and subservient to men anymore... and means they're able to select men with the exact same brutality... choose a partner on what they want instead of their hearts
ie. displaying the exact same behaviors as them
Seems they dont like it... anymore than women do... or did. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:11:03 PM | | Loki Sue, you are old enough to know this, but that's the way things are and going to be, it's happens in our world and the animal world too. the peacock is amazed by the best set feathers, not all men are into looks only, but at the same time you have to be attracted to someone, you have to. | |
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| Why do men have to see you before trying to get to know you?
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:15:16 PM |
Many men take a loooooooooong time to emotionally mature and realize it and confuse attraction and selfishness with Love along the way. What you call emotionally maturing many men call moving further from reality. Some general things: Many men do not CARE (initially) if a woman likes them only for practical reasons because in the end as long as a customer comes to the store and gives him business (affection, companionship etc) whether or not the customer (woman) is there for the good food (practical) or the atmosphere (emotions) doesn't make or break things with him generally because many men are realists and would like to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later unlike some women who won't "play" until everything is in perfect alignment from the get go.
I think being emotionally "mature" is someone who UNDERSTANDS that no matter how bad you want someone to love you 'just for you' the fact is that is not realistic. It is NOT logical. "Just love me for me" Why? That's madness.....offer things/qualities the other person desires/wants/needs and THEN they can love YOU. Men WANT to love women but FIRST they need REASONS. DEMONSTRATE your willingness to meet his needs enthusiastically and he will return the love back to you in a form(s) you enjoy. Love doesn't just come from from nothing. | |
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