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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:31:41 AM | My name is Sia, I have been actively dating online and off also. I recently met an amazing (?) guy here on POF and he lives 90 min away and offered to drive up to see me and take me out. I picked a moderately priced, but nice restaurant and he announced he was wearing a coat and tie, so I also got tricked up. When we met he seemed to really like me ! He wasnt TOO cute, but nice personality and very respectful. I liked him more by the minute  After dinner he took me out to his truck and presented me with EIGHTEEN white, pink and red roses in a beautiful china vase with a handwritten note attached announcing "you are special"  We went to a cigar/wine bar for some wine and closed the place down ! He was sooo cool !! Then he went to get a hotel room (which he already told me he would) but didnt act like he expected me to come up (I was afraid he might). I suggested we hang out in the jacuzzi - and we did til five am, just talking and having a blast. He then said we should have breakfast the next morning before he goes home. So we have breakfast at the restaurant and a wonderful time again. He gave me a nice peck on the lips and a big hug and said he wanted to see me soon. When I didnt hear from him a few days down the road, I emailed him on his yahoo, but didnt hear back. So I wrote him on POF and he READ it but didtn reply  He hasnt called and I was so jaded I cried for three days and deleted by POF profile, but then tried to post on the forums and couldnt, so I just created this one.I dont think this is working for me, God help me  what did I do so wrong ? If he didnt like me,why not haul ass early the next morning ? I actually kept him waiting for breakfast, was 30 min late he couldve ate without me ! I"m not even a breakf person, just wanted to spend time with him. I DONT UNDERSTAND.
Also : Last night I went to the club and this guy ( I couldnt tell if he was cute or not, as he had on a costume ) he won a prize, it was a nice collection of stuffed animals, me and other ladies were cheering him on, and suddenly he motions ME to come up to the stage where he received his prize and handed me one of them. ( He left soon thereafter and didnt give any to any one else ) But he never asked me for my phone number or even to talk ? Why do guys give you stuff and then bail on you ? | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:48:25 AM | | Sorry OP but are you sure you are 30 and not 20? How can you cry over a man you hardly even know and have hardly spent any time with...surely you are stronger than that. I realize it can be very frustrating when you meet someone, feel a connection and then poof they are gone. I suggest perhaps you are taking this on-line dating thing way too seriously. Personally I think this guy you met was wining and dining you hoping to get a piece of you but when you didn't give it up, he decided to move on. If I am right, then thank your lucky stars you didn't put out only to end up feeling used in the morning. If you did put out, well....learn about who you are from it. There is nothing wrong with a fling...it does not always have to lead to a relationship but if for you it does, don't sleep with men too early in the "relationship-building phase"...hold out for some form of committment. Having sex with a man will rarely if ever be a way to get him to care about you....for many men it seems, they lose respect for you which negates your chances for a relationship with them. | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:10:05 AM | | A guy who rents a hotel for the first date is clearly expecting sex. Regardless, you should maybe stick with casual small dates so you don't invest as much time and emotions into them. A handful to be able to guage if the guy wants to spend time with you personally and then you can move on from there. You have to realize that the best thing a guy can give you to show he's interested in a relationship is his time(obviously his free time when he's not working). | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:03:50 AM | | Why does a guy giving you a gift or spending time/money on you make you think there is an immediate relationship? Some guys just like to give things, others give w/ intentions, either way it is not indicative of a relationship start until you have a relationship talk. Hell, I had gay "boyfriend" who gave me flowers and cards every birthday and Valentine's Day-never expected the gifts, or a relationship from him. The guy who you spent so much time w/ may have been expecting something, or he may have enjoyed your company but decided the distance/expense was too much for an ongoing thing and pulled a houdini. Either way, your best bet is to learn from it and move on. | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:10:45 AM |
"A guy who rents a hotel for the first date is clearly expecting sex."
Read her post again... he was 90 minutes away and offered to drive down to meet her near where she lives. Unless she was planning on having him stay the night in her place, where did he expect to be staying/sleeping?
I know after dinner, drinks and talking... the last thing I'd want to do is drive 1.5 hours away, back home... late at night with any modicum of alcohol in me. Renting a hotel room to spend the night is not unheard of, and doesn't always mean sex.
He DID tell her up front that he was going to rent one anyway, so she had advance warning to back out if she felt it was uncomfortable.
There are still nice, gentlemanly guys out here who aren't trying to get laid at the end of every date. I know, shocking, but true. | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:59:56 PM | | She failed to mention wether or not she had sex with him....and if she didnt....that's why he's gone...take a hint....he may have been looking to just " hide the weenie"....but you do sound desperate....needing to understand....just go back and read what you wrote.... | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:44:35 PM | sheeesh.. the emoticons.. the childish references.. yeah.. 30 going on 13.. wasnt that a movie?
Way way way too much trauma/drama in this one to even attempt to offer salient advice.
What was that song from the 60's
"Come back, when you grow up girl, you're still living in a paperdoll world..
Livin aint easy.. lovin just as tough.. come back BABY.. when you grow up" | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:16:50 PM | OP: Your profile is very negative.
Also, you seem far too needy right now. Sure, he gave you some nice flowers in a vase. That was very kind. It doesn't mean you were engaged.
I believe you should have declined going to the hotel room, choosing instead to call it a night early and with a promise to keep in touch.
^^BG^^ | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:33:08 AM | I think you prolly chased him away with a childish attitude about sex. It burst the make believe bubble that you were both crazy in love at first email. It was such a nice fantasy, could've been real, shame.
Srsly, never choose between someone you like and society's rules about your vag. It's just a vag, nobody actually really cares about it as much as the television commercials and spinster womens magazines make out. If you haven't got a mature, independent attitude about that, imagine what you're like about everything else in a relationship.
See he already leapt through how many hoops? And you what, want to make him leap through how many more before some nookie? Honey your vag just isn't gold lined and everybody on earth has a unique personality so big deal about that too. I mean at least you could've let him play in the forest with the promise of tomorrow, but srsly, the peck on the lips was the friendly kiss of "Get lost then, I'll find someone who actually likes me back."
It's simple, relationships. Far simpler than all this yank date culture crap. It's much more like two preteens playing house (harmlessly and nonsexually of course). The one playing mommy wears oversized shoes and makes mud pies in the cubby house whilst the one playing daddy enters with a big sigh and says I'm home can I have some tea. Then they peck on the cheek and that's how babies are made.
Translation, you like him, he likes you, okay you don't want to be treated badly so is he a nice guy, yes, he doesn't want a Nazi girlfriend so do you have a brain, yes, okay now you kiss, strip and make babies by romantic candlelight and covered in rose petals. How is this difficult? What is there to be uptight about? Maybe it'll work out long term, maybe it won't. You want...an arranged marriage only not?
It's like, Oooh I'm such a moron I can't control my vag so I'll have to place some rules on it. Stupid is what that is. Translate this back to the preteens playing house and that's you standing in the cubbyhouse yelling at him and you haven't even hooked up yet. Of course he's going to run for the hills, the little boy would just say, you're stupid and walk out.
Yank style date culture imho makes dating a billion times harder for you guys than it actually is. You put so much concoction and preciousness about something as unremarkable as genitals in the way of something so damn simple it's ridiculous.
All of you, my advice is go sex up ten men randomly immediately and get over what you seem to think are your better selves. Then date. Cripes, sad is the nation which believes the human soul is genitals. Firmly believes it. Jesus would puke. | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:35:16 AM | | Guys do that. I myself ALWAYS tell the woman I would like to go out with her again. Then I just never do. I do what this guy did. It happens. Don't go nuts over it though, he probably just thought you were not his type. Maybe he wanted to go out with you after the date was over and changed his mind. I do that alot myself | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:24:48 AM | Just be glad he showed his ass early. he saved you alot of time and emotion by bailing on you. He was stuck anyway and couldnt drive home after drinking. Plus he may have thought that he was going to get lucky.
He is not worth you time dont worry about it.
on the other hand, the guy that gave you an animal my be being subtle. he will more than likely look for you when he returns to that establishment.
men are dogs, you just do your best to find one that you can keep on the porch most of the time. | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:12:13 PM | OK, i did NOT sleep w/ him. We didnt get it on in the jacuzzi, and I never even made it past the hotel lobby, and we damn sure didnt do anything THERE ! He did mention he had a boner though...and would need a cold shower  which remark I pointedly ignored. Yall dont get it though : Why'd he stick around and wait on me to have breakfast ???? | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:13:36 PM | Yank style date culture imho makes dating a billion times harder for you guys than it actually is. You put so much concoction and preciousness about something as unremarkable as genitals in the way of something so damn simple it's ridiculous.
All of you, my advice is go sex up ten men randomly immediately and get over what you seem to think are your better selves. Then date. OUR CULTURE IS VASTLY SUPERIOR TO YOURS IN A LOT OF RESPECTS. IF MOST MEN THERE ARE LIKE YOU, GOD HELP THE WOMEN !
Cripes, sad is the nation which believes the human soul is genitals. Firmly believes it. Jesus would puke HE WOULD PUKE AT YOUR SORRY ASS, THAT HE WOULD  | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:48:05 PM |
Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
1) When I didnt hear from him a few days down the road, I emailed him on his yahoo, but didnt hear back.
2) So I wrote him on POF and he READ it but didtn reply
3) He hasnt called and I was so jaded I cried for three days
Dunno...if those three aren't massive billboard signs, I don't know how else he can express himself aside from doing the most mature thing and telling you straight to your face...can you handle the truth?
I suggested we hang out in the jacuzzi
You did it in the jacuzzi? Ewww.
If he didnt like me,why not haul ass early the next morning ? I actually kept him waiting for breakfast, was 30 min late he couldve ate without me !
Nothing worse than a polite **stard who's considerate of your feelings, even though he plans to never see you again.
I"m not even a breakf person, just wanted to spend time with him. I DONT UNDERSTAND.
That's it right there. That's my deal breaker. I love the smell of coffee in the morning. Hugging her from behind and whispering how beautiful she is, and how her body drives me insane and if she can feel me, while she's making coffee or buttering my toast. Reading the paper, listening/watching the morning news...a goodbye kiss. A non-morning person will never get it. | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:52:48 PM |
He did mention he had a boner though...and would need a cold shower which remark I pointedly ignored. Yall dont get it though : Why'd he stick around and wait on me to have breakfast ????
Thought maybe you could give him at least a hand job or something before he hit the road?
You're a grown up person. You like the guy, you have fun and then act like a 15yr old girl. You should have taken care of his boner...
Good luck with the next one...
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:22:15 AM | Nobody knows why the guy disappeared after that. Disappearing = not interested in pursuing. Everyone is going to be more picky if someone lives far away enough to have to get a hotel room to see them. Disappearing is just a common way of brushing someone off, whether it be during emailing someone new, chatting, or after a first date. Just because he was cool and nice doesn't mean he was ga-ga about you. He was having a good time.
He could have had a good time with you if you weren't his type. I think the false premise people make is that they'd have to be really wanting to be with you and date you if they had a good time spending time with ya on a first date they travelled to.
Now, you do have to take in consideration something... He drove all the way out there, yes, he was wanting some action. He wasn't going to push it, he was polite and cordial, but yeah, that doesn't mean he wasn't expecting it. Whether or not you guys hooked up isn't really the question. The bottom line was that you weren't SUCH a catch that he'd want to continue things being 90 mins away, so ending it right then would be better than dragging things out... especially if he knew he was susceptible to dragging things out "to be nice".
I'd say don't have expectations -- that's your problem. Don't have visions of being with someone before or even after your 2nd date. Take a more grounded but not bitter approach. Additionally, it's obvious he was looking to hook up, even though he did respect you. | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:10:38 PM | I believe he did give you a sign, signal....hint, AND slap upside the head. Just in best gentlemanly fashion: *after* he was out of range. . . . It may be that he genuinely didn't make the decision until he was on his way home, or later, after he'd slept on it. It *does* sound like he was counting on getting a bit o' honey, and was likely disappointed.
That said, only a horn dog would mention his boner to his date, and first date at that, lol! *THAT* seriously was when you needed to make a run for it. . . .
You have an additional problem in that lotsa American/European men do a lot of fantasizing about Suzy Wong, and her world. Or what they imagine her world is like. It's going to generate a lot of extra interest in you, but on your part, a lot extra sorting.
Good luck, little one. May the force be with you.
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:20:40 PM | He sounds like he was coming on REALLY strong to try and win a piece of ass, and then when you didn't give it to him, he bailed. So, good riddance.
Personally, I would see red flags when someone I had never even met before was coming on THAT strong on a first date. Sounds like a player to me! | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:03:56 PM | Wow! That's all WAY too much, way too soon! I mean things do happen spontaneously, but the Roses and the Hotel room were planned in advance. That's almost too creepy!
Something doesn't add up!
One possibility is that he was trying to get laid, but just wasn't very good at it! lol
And so he moved on!
A real player, doesn't generally spend much money!
I do get a strong impression, that you dodged a bullet and should consider yourself lucky! Come on now . . . Tears of JOY!! | |
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| Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!!
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:33:00 PM | | I don't like the way he got a hotel room. Ive never met anyone on here yet, but hoping to soon. And making it a day date. A day date with someone you've never met before is alot more casual. Wining and dining on an evening can be a suggestion for more. Was the evening dinner you suggestion? You know he lived far away and would have to stay the night. Just be careful about signals you are putting out. By all means keep using this site, there is after all plenty more fish. But play it casual on first dates. Afternoons and mornings arent as romantic as an evening. If you have super first date in the day, Then by all means go to town and be as romantic as you want for date 2. | |
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