| Question from a widowers point of view
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:40:51 PM | | it seems being a widower automatically disqualifies one from being contacted on these sites, especially being a young one. My question, then is, how does one word that on their profile in order that you are not automatically looked over? | |
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| Question from a widowers point of view
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:55:58 PM | For me, when I had "widowed", I received some very odd messages, so I changed it to "Single". Once I get to know someone a bit better, I will explain the circumstances.
Especially for widows/widowers, there is a perception that there may be life insurance money or that the person is more vulnerable than in a divorce. You have to tread very carefully and, unfortunately, be very skeptical . It works better for me to use "Single", but it's been 4 years. There are many threads on this subject in the Forums.
For your profile, the accent on the Faith may deter those that may normally be interested in following up because it comes across rather aggressively. Your username, headline and Interests make it very clear how important it is to you. I'd rather have learned more about the art and other interests that give the whole picture. Consider it.
The main photo should be inviting and approachable. Yours looks terribly, terribly sad! A smiling head/shoulders shot will work best. | |
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| Question from a widowers point of view
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:25:36 PM | When I see widowed in a profile, I feel obligated to comment on it. And if I don’t then it might be mistaken as insensitive, and that’s not the case. When I have sent a hello and mentioned my condolences it seems to take over the content of the email and that has left me feeling awkward.
I really like “You Go Firsts” response to replace widowed with single and then when the time is right you can talk about being widowed at a more appropriate time and place.
Peace ….the FairyHealer | |
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| Question from a widowers point of view
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:56:34 PM | People are either attached or single. If you're not wearing black you're single.
And by the way, stop wearing black.
You're profile needs better pics, be outdoors, do something. The pics should show you having fun or dealing with something in full body shots, closeups should be smiling with teeth showing. The idea is to present an image and activity that women would like to share.
There's negativity in your text. Anything that is a regret, a deferment or a "if I had this chance" is negative. Maybe that's was you when you wrote this but there are obviously fun things you have going on. Tell about that.
We're sorry about the women you lost. | |
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| Question from a widowers point of view
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:42:49 AM | i know my profile needs work, unfortunitly i do not have a camera and am using a public computer so it is hard.
other then that mabye i should have been more upfront about what i am looking for, i'm not obsessively seeking out a relationship, i mean if one happens it happens, not sure why i made a profile, just to meet some interesting people i suppose......
anyways i would rather say things upfront then communicate with someone and when i tell them things about me they just reject, saves some agrivation but it seems to block anyone contacting me also. | |
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| Question from a widowers point of view
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:18:19 AM |
it seems to block anyone contacting me also.
In reading your profile, I'm not quite sure what you are looking for. While you state that you're seeking someone for a long term relationship, your profile seems to suggest that you are looking for a rabbinical study partner. There is nothing inviting or warm about it, I'm sorry to say, and it has nothing to do with you being widowed.
While you are very young to be widowed (my condolences, by the way) I'm not sure that that fact alone is what might deter people from contacting you. Mentioning that your religious beliefs fall between conservative and orthodox will be a hard sell when your profile already focusses so heavily on religion. I'm not sure why you would feel it necessary to reference a "cult" or other movements in Judaism directly in your profile. Why don't you just describe who you are and what exactly you're looking for? As someone else mentioned, you have other interests, perhaps you'd like to have a bit more discussion on those topics?
If you want to meet other people of different faiths for friendship, your profile, as it stands, isn't really welcoming enough. If you really are looking for someone long term, then describe who she is and try to inject some warmth into your profile.
Best regards........ | |
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| Question from a widowers point of view
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:25:13 AM | Hi Conservadox… For men in my age group, “widowed” isn’t extremely rare and works better than putting “single”. However, in your age group of 24, I’d follow YGF’s advice.
A few more suggestions…
1) Nix the negativity of “doing jobs that I hate”.
2) The lesson is often in the work….so spin it that way...that the work helped you decide your career path.
3) Your faith is a huge part of your life, but so are your interests….talk about some of them and the type of woman you're looking to date.
4) Location location location…in other words….
5) Many web sites specifically attract people of faith…Judaism (JDate, jsingles) , Christianity (Christiansingles), etc. I don’t know how they compare to POF, but you might look into some of these. Since you’re studying to be a rabbi, it’s more likely to find someone who embraces the same faith.
6) Photos are important. They get you in the door. See if you can get one of your friends to help you with the photos if you don’t have your own camera.
Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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