| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:11:15 PM | I met someone on here who I actually thought was a nice, emotionally available person. I thought we had good chemistry, and had a good time when we hung out. I was somewhat skeptical that it was too good to be true, since he asked me to be his girlfriend after we only hung out a few times. I guess I didn't really mean anything to him because he didn't answer any of my calls or messages for 3 days. One of my friends told me that she thought he only liked me as a friend. I was just hoping she was wrong. I knew he was busy because of work and school. But he didn't even have the balls to tell me that he wanted to break up. He waited until I told him what my friend said, and when I asked if he did actually like me he just said "She's probably right."
He won't tell me what I did wrong. He just kept saying we aren't compatible and there was no satisfying answer he could give me. I tried to do things that he liked- I went to see a movie with him that I wouldn't have gone to otherwise, I let him watch football games over here. I tried so hard to show him that I liked him and that I cared about his interests too. And he just deleted me on another social networking site, so obviously he wants nothing to do with me. I feel really used. I wish he would just tell me if he was just using me, or if he found someone else he likes better since I'm sure it's one of those two things. 
I don't know why people have to be like this and play these stupid emotional games. Are there actually people who aren't like that, and do have real emotions and don't just run away for whatever reason? | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:13:55 PM |
I was somewhat skeptical that it was too good to be true And you were right. Listen to yourself next time and save yourself the drama. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:17:32 PM | Never be afraid to put yourself out there.
Sometimes it pays off.
And, the fact is, the drama we attract or allow ourselves to get into only serves to teach us lessons and lead us to a better path.
Unless we are silly enough not to realise that we must move on and grow.
If it was meant to be you will come across each other later, everything that happens, does so for a reason. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:29:08 PM |
Never be afraid to put yourself out there.
Sometimes it pays off.
That's what I was trying to tell myself- sometimes people tell me I'm too paranoid about getting hurt or I should give people the benefit of the doubt but I guess not.
I definitely have given up any hope that anything was meant to be, if he can just go from supposedly liking me so much and saying all the right things, even that he felt safe with me to wanting nothing to do with me at all and ignoring any of my attempts to contact him.
In fact I started to have a bad feeling a couple of weeks ago, because I have been having some bad problems with IBS- I'll try not to be too graphic but let's just say it involves blood where there shouldn't be, and severe stabbing pains that made it so I couldn't stand up and had to take anti-nausea medicine way too often. He came over wanting to go to a movie but he told me not to force myself to go, and then he left me to hang out with his friends because he said he'd been asleep all day and didn't just want to sit around. I mean, he was nice about it- he looked for my phone so I could contact him, he offered to get my medicine out of my room so he didn't just say "Ok bye" and run out the door but it still hurt my feelings, and it made me worry because the guy I was with before this was always complaining about me being sick or injured, and he said it wasn't fair and he was too young to have to deal with my life and problems and all this other crap. It made me feel terrible, because if other people are "too young" to deal with it, how do they think I feel facing a lifetime of this? If they need a break from me because it's depressing to see me like that, how do they think I feel not being able to take a vacation from myself? | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:29:51 PM | | You slept with him...after hanging out a few times...didnt ya ? | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:59:24 PM | Whatever you do - don't turn into me! It has been 16 years since my last solid relationship and I am still finding it hard to "put myself out there!".
Move on to the next one very quickly - there is someone out there for everyone - including me. I truly believe that.
But you will meet him only if you don't turn into me. So go out and have fun - love will happen! | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:00:28 PM | sorry for broaching a personal subject, but could I be right in my suspicion that he asked you to be his GF, you slept with him and then...all bets were off?I'm sorry for you that you hurt! Wiyan | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:26:03 PM | Dont give of yourself too quickly to somebody that wont end up being worthwhile.
dont rush things. when it happens it should just happen.
and the right person will put you into his life...
and you will want him in yours.
and there is no hurry, so just take your time. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:06:48 PM | | So sorry to hear you are hurting and day by day it will get easier. You will learn from this experience greatly "don't put someone else to the fore of yourself" Always remember you are no. 1 in your own life and object when something does not suit you. You don't have to always agree with the person or always say "yes". Believe it or not saying "No" can sometimes get you a better reaction all round and certainly let the other person know you are no push over. You sound like a nice person, perhaps too nice for guys who might take advantage of your kindness. Try to hold back a little - it will pay off in the long run. Wishing you well . As for the IBS - stress can be the problem here so ease off on the stress and relax and enjoy life - you will see a big improvement too. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:23:38 PM | Sorry to hear what happened. He sounds like he didn't really want to put any effort into anything that wasn't light-hearted and casual fun. It wasn't anything you did - he's just not the kind of man you (or most women) need.
You shouldn't have to make such a big effort to please a man either. If he cares for you, he'll be happy with your kind and genuine nature (and he'll be there to help on the bad days). There's no point in doing lots of things just to please him. A man doesn't respect a woman who tries too hard. This means you can relax and be yourself. Why should you have to like the same things as him? It's enough that you care about him and let him do the things that really matter to him. Trust that being yourself is enough - it's what makes you special, what will make you stand out as captivating to some lucky man.
Take time to get to know men as friends first, then you will find a man who really does care, who won't disappear off with his friends when you are ill. I don't think you did anything wrong at all, you are just learning. Some men talk the talk but don't walk the walk, they don't get attached but turn it on until they get the girl and then move on. They aren't interested in forming long-term relationships, just in having fun. Those things he didn't do for you are signs that he was not attached. It gives you an idea of the kind of things to notice in the future.
Oh and I don't think IBS is caused by stress, so no point blaming yourself for feeling ill either. It might be made worse by it, but one day the real cause will be found. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:32:57 PM | Hi Princess...lots of posters have given you solid advice. Sounds like this guy plays....like a slick car salesman selling lemons . He sold you some lines ( lemons)and because you are innocent you bought and thats ok. Be grateful this didn't go for long, be grateful your sweet and honest.
You did nothing wrong now redirect your attention to something positive...let NO ONE steal you Joy.Not even Mr. Flakey pants | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:13:30 PM | | Men are like that......hotter than hades one day, and colder than a witche's teat the next......and yes......most are too good to be true.......so next time, stick to your guns and listen to your gut......it won't fail you. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:45:14 PM | OP ........ put a smile on your face.
You have no idea, how much that picture reminds me of one of my daughters.
You just have to let it go. Most of us have had to accept some kind of crap AS CRAP and have had to get over it. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:45:15 AM | I want you to know that there are people who can handle your illness. When I first met my husband, I was in full flare for colitis. I think I excused myself several times on our first date. That kept up for at least a month after we met and he didn't think twice about it. The only time I remember there ever being a problem was a New Year's Eve when we had planned to go to a big outdoor party where there would thousands of other people and I got sick. There was no way I could go when I might have to run for the bathroom at any moment. Just the stress of thinking about it was enough to make things worse. I know that bothered him but we made it through 18 years of happy marriage even with numerous down moments due to illness. He just accepted it was part of me and there was nothing but help from that moment on.
THAT's the person you need in your life. They do exist and I have to say I think it's completely okay for people to decide they don't want to deal with a sick person from the start. Really, having that kind of negative energy around when you're ill is pointless anyways!
So, this guy couldn't handle the illness thing. No biggie. Someone out there definitely will be able to. I've just had a great relationship with someone for two years and, again, the colitis just wasn't an issue.
Hope your IBD calms down. After suffering for about 20 years with colitis, mine finally calmed down enough that I was able to travel. Not just across town, either. Africa, Europe, the States...it was great. Still flares up sometimes but overall am much better than when I was younger.
Stay strong. Enjoy the people who come into your life and let the ones who don't belong there go. You're completely okay on your own until the fit is right.
Cheers! | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:31:35 AM | Run, run, run. And don't look back. Believe me, be glad you found out that guy was no good early on. Stay away from indecisive, cowardly fools, regardless of how sweet they may be. You probably could have manipulated him into a relationship, but you'd have been miserable dealing with his cowardice.
Remember, all is fair in love and war. You'll probably break someone's heart someday as well. Sooner or later, everyone gets blood on their hands. Since you didn't know this guy for a long time, don't take what he did to you personally. He's a loser and he will get his just deserts.
To the play the game, you will have to kiss a lot of frogs, unfortunately. Just don't sleep with them all. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:38:05 AM | My husband had Crohn's disease, and had just been diagnosed with it when we met at around 22 years old. He had a college heartbreak to get over at the time. Being hospitalized had prevented him from fantasies of "following" that woman moving to her next town, which is good, because he didn't understand that after their six-month FWB-style relationship she did not want him.
The disease had periods of making him miserable, but it didn't change me wanting to date him. During our marriage he had surgery which has made him much more healthy, almost normal. He asked for the divorce for other reasons, and we are still good friends. He has a great GF now. The disease is part of his life, it will be part of his relationships for that reason.
But anyone who doesn't like you enough to stick through these things is not mature enough to know that *everyone* has something wrong with them to stick through and help with, whether it's medical or not. So my advice to you is: do not get afraid! | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:44:38 AM | Aww BlueP
Same thing happened to me. Met a guy on Match, met his family, friends, Mom, he tells me he loves me and intimates we have a future together. Then about two weeks ago, we spend the weekend together, he starts acting wierd (hostile and insulting). That Sunday he breaks up with me via phone saying he didn't feel any chemistry. Why did he tell me he loved me? The guy was a idiot and a fool. I suspect your guy is too. Hang in there. It gets better. Plus, you are far too precious to waste your time with a ***hole.
One more thing...don't let your illness be a deterrent. If a guy is into you, he will accept you, warts n all. I truly hope you find a man who is worthy of your time and love. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:33:34 AM | Yeah.. that's what happens at 24.. You DO start to project stuff after only a couple of hangouts.
What is up with women wanting this "closure" stuff anyway?
You say he had no cojones cause he avoided the whole waterbucket-eyes "scene"
How on earth are you feeling "used" over a couple of hangouts? Used for what?
He didnt run away for "whatever reason" He and your friend told you the reason
HE WASNT SEEING YOU AS THE "ONE".
You didnt DO anything wrong.. you just werent RIGHT.
Go read my posting history about what I happen to believe you should be doing right now with your life. It will be worth the search. It's an outline of a PLANNED LIFE that will help you grow up, to understand the world, people and how it all works. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:40:19 PM | I plead the 5th but if any of you want to send me a message you can. There were some particulars about the situation that led me to believe he wasn't just a sex maniac.
Oh and I don't think IBS is caused by stress, so no point blaming yourself for feeling ill either. It might be made worse by it, but one day the real cause will be found.
I agree with you. When I was 12 I had one of those barium tests and at that time they didn't even call it IBS, or at least the doctors here didn't. It took 6 hours for it to go through and they said that I had a slow-moving digestive tract. I heard that same phrase in the commercials for Zelnorm before it got pulled off the market, so I was definitely showing some physical symptoms before it was a well-known disorder. I do think that stress definitely makes it worse though, at least the pain and nausea.
You say he had no cojones cause he avoided the whole waterbucket-eyes "scene"
It's not just that, it's the fact that he just didn't answer of my calls or anything and I feel like he could have just told me "I don't like you and I don't want to talk to you anymore" rather than leaving me hanging. Trust me, I've been around guys that don't want to be around someone in person when they're crying. But what also bothered me is that he didn't tell me himself- I told him my friend thought that he just wanted to be my friend and he said "She's probably right" instead of just saying it.
I'm sorry to those of you who've had to deal with Crohn's/colitis. It seems a lot worse than what I"m dealing with. I have an ex who had it and he was embarrassed to take his shirt off because he had a scar from an operation but I don't care. I have had 3 surgeries (for other things, one of which was endometriosis) and I have some scars too so I'm not going to judge anyone else because of it.
The weird thing is this guy even specifically said he didn't care that I had medical problems or that I had to take medicine every day. In addition to some chronic physical problems I have major depression and PTSD so that is what makes me afraid, because it does seem like I've only attracted people who only want to have fun and are constantly full of energy. I can enjoy myself and be fun to be around in the right situations and with the right people but since I'm already down if something bad happens then it affects me pretty strongly when most people don't seem to be bothered by it, or at least they're better at hiding the fact that things bother them. Even if I don't say anything, everything shows on my face so then I get in those situations of being constantly asked "What's wrong" when I don't want to say anything because I don't want to be the Debbie Downer chick.
Why should you have to like the same things as him?
That's how I feel too. I just felt like I had to make an effort because the guy that was with me for about 2 and a half years before this was constantly complaining that I didn't eat the same food as him (Chinese- which I'm sure those of you with stomach problems know we can't eat stuff with that much sodium unless we want to get bloated and look like the Octomom before she gave birth), he complained that I didn't like many of the same TV shows as him or I stopped watching some because they triggered my PTSD, he complained that I didn't like the same kind of movies as him, on and on and on like he was looking for a clone of himself. I tried to give some of the things he liked a chance because some of it wasn't because I didn't like it but it was just things that I had never seen before so I didn't know if I did like it or not. But then he said I was just humoring him and I wasn't. I'm not going to watch or do something that I honestly don't like. But he just kept saying I made him feel unwanted (even though I let him live with me!!!) because I didn't like the same things he did, and so I was worried about doing that to somebody else. I don't get why it's such a big deal, but I'm an only child and I'm used to doing things by myself and people not having the same tastes or interests that I do. | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:51:43 PM | Sorry to hear about your disappointing situation. Sometimes relationships just suck. Having someone end what you thought might be something special without an explanation can be very hurtful and confusing. It's exhausting trying to figure it out because you can't figure it out. You can spin a hundred different stories in your own mind about why he suddenly changed, but you will really never know for sure.
So there you are...left with these raw feelings hanging out all over like exposed live wires and nowhere to put them. That is the dilemma....the heart of the matter. The only healthy thing left to do is grieve. Your feelings are important and they deserve to be lovingly supported. Write in your journal, cry, go for a walk. No one else can tell you what to feel or what not to feel. This is how you heal and move on. Someone who has the capacity to love and understand you is out there waiting for you to clear this mess up so there is room in your life for him.  | |
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| Dropped like a rock
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:12:17 PM | | I concur heartily with adventurousme57. She said it like a pro, councilor and best friend. I would add only the following, which I have had personal experience with when going through events similar to yours. Ponder, mediate and even pray about your experience..... you WILL feel better......as TIME, is usually the great healer of broken hearts! | |
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