| lonley
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:40:12 PM | | im 33 and have been single for over 2 years now, im getting very lonley uno, my previous relationship lasted 15 years, we meet in school stayed together had two kids everything was ok uno, but she had an affair whilst i was in hospital with cancer, i survived cancer obviously but the day i left the hospital she told me id lost her, my home and wont be able to live with my kids anymore, just access 2 days a week. ive found things really hard and have had to deal with it all by myself, havent even spoken to another person whos suffered with it, but i feel i need someone in my life now, ive only ever had one girlfriend who ended up being my wife, one relationship until 2 years ago, i havent got a clue about women huge lack of experience only ever having one relationship, im good, honest loving and alot more but still cant find anyone uno. people say be patient to me love will come to you and all the pain will go away but how patient? | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:56:17 PM | You must be patient. That means living your life and making you happy first.
You have had cancer and survived, concentrate on maintaining the survival so there is no recurrence ...
Find your faith, and visualise yourself with someone that makes you feel the way you want them to make you feel.
It will happen, but it may take time. In the mean time, enjoy your life and build your strength ... and be careful around corners ... she might be around one ...
Good luck
 | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:18:25 PM | Dont worry you'll find it soon.Your good looking and fit.Make sure you dress well and smell good too all the time and go out dancing with the ladys and have fun with them too.
You should try to go out every friday and saturday night dancin or something,you know, put yourself out there cause its a lot of fun meating the ladys and havin a good time.
Dont worry so much about love but just have a good time,get some female friends.Your looks can take you far as far as getting your foot in the door with the ladys.
p.s try not to wear your hart on your slieve. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:29:50 PM | No worries...
I've been single now for 7 yrs. Can't find anyone to save my life. Its all good though, its given me the opportunity to really figure out who I am and I'm good, I'm happy. I've found a place in my life where I am comfortable with who, what and where I am. Anything that would come along now...it'd just be gravy.
Don't push it. It will come to you when the time is right. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:51:13 PM | You will get use to it OP.
I was married most of my life. Single (divorced) now for six years.
I don't even date anymore, I did at first. I'm just not interested in "dating".
*She will either fall out of a tree, onto my front deck someday or ............. or not.
------
My wife also just .... took off. I think they get that .... that whole itch thing going on.
About three years after she took off, I ask her "are you happy now" .... "no"
The daily grind of life causes many of us to make ... very strange decisions sometimes. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:13:49 PM | | there are many decisions in life that we do not understand. My wife left me after a 13 year relationship and 3 years of marriag for our best friend. I can't explain it or do I have an answer for why it happened. I was a good husband and took care for her. So times life just happens all we can do is suck it up and move on. Is it easy no, it never is. But all anyone can do is take it as it comes. I have not had an easy time myself, I don't think anyone does. I my case she made her decision and now I have to live with it. Each of us have that person that did that to us, we have to deal with it. It not anyones fault except that person. We have to suck it up and get back out there so they don't get the pleasure of seeing us suffer. That is about all I got figured out at this time. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:08:52 AM | Dude, you reek of desperation. I understand that it is very painful to be betrayed by someone with whom you believed you'd spend your entire life, but you must to put tragedy behind you. The life you once had is no longer. Think of your change in fortune as a new beginning. In order to stop feeling desperate, you must stop dwelling on past and begin thinking about your new life. The world is your oyster. Now you can do everything you couldn't do when you had a full time family. But before you take a dive in the sea of love, why don't you spend a few months making yourself happy by doing the things that make you happy. Sports? Travel? Fitness? Crafts? Religion? Art? New friends? If you treat yourself to a few expensive things and improve your looks, you'll get your mojo back in no time.
As for your children, let you ex-wife take all the responsibility, for that is what she desires. Her possessiveness and jealousy over them will only lower her standard of living. While you, on the other hand, will have more time and money to spend on yourself, and in the future, more time to date. Of course, you should see the children during your alotted time; they'll appreciate it when they are older.
P.S. Remember you are a surviver; you will be able to overcome this heartbreak.
P.P.S. Sounds to me like your ex was waiting for you to die. Be glad you are not with her anymore. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:49:31 AM | | Erm dude, yeah that's the way the ball bounces. Screw dating as a whole and live alone. But yourself a nice X-box and keep your profile up. When your not dating or working play x-box! that's what I do! And I play ALOT of x-box | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:11:45 PM | Being alone means you're not stuck w/"second best".
Lonley...I'm not ever. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:25:10 PM | well, OP, I had a relationship that lasted for 14 years. 13 of those years WERE great.....but the last year sucked.......he wanted to be with someone else and went for it.
Well, I have now been on my own for about 4 years now, and yes, although I still do have lonely times, I remind myself that I would much rather be lonely because I was alone versus lonely because I was in a sour relationship.
At first I had pretty high hopes of possibly finding someone, but now I really don't. I have been on some various and sundry "dates," - if you could call it.....etc. but nothing ever came of it. Yes, I have spoken to endless people in the same boat as the rest of us, but......unfortunately, none of them were too interested either.
As my good friend who has been divorced from her ex husband since 1982 said to me once: when you pray to God for something, you get one of three answers: yes, no, or later. Well.......I guess my answer is no, since nobody has crossed my path. - and it hasn't been for lack of trying. Lord knows, I would love nothing more than to be with someone, but........I guess it is what it is........and that is okay. I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep on with bowling, volunteering, and attending my book club, enjoy myself and not bother too much about it. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:44:35 PM | You posted on the forum that you have been single for 7 years???????Does OHIO have any woman or are you gay??????????????
Please don't take me seriouse I just thought that I would never heard a statement like that from a handsome gut like you! Move out of OHIO! and come fishing to South Florida | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:46:48 PM | op,
just keep moving on with your life...try to focus on other things that make you happy (at least, you'll be happy until "she" comes along lol). there's really no answer...just do whatever you can *constructively* do......... | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:53:54 PM | For me the antidote to loneliness was to invest my energy in the relationships at hand that were important to me....friends, family, co-workers. It helps to sort through your associations and nurture those that are good, and let the negative go their way.
You will have to reach out before you will find someone reaching back. Start from where you are. Painful yearning can give way to gratitude and peace. From that platform it will be easier to be open to the one you seek. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:58:39 AM | Wow dude, that sucks. How could she do that? That's messed up.
But hey, think about all the opportunities, huh? :)
Cheer up bro, it'll be aright. There's a lotta girls, you'll find who you want.
I'm not doing any better, I just moved to this town and I don't have too many friends. Or any fun friends for that matter. I'm pretty lonely too. I won't let it be like that for long though, that's for sure. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:22:19 AM | Dude,
You've wallowed in your lonely depression for two years after surviving cancer and your wife left you and took the kids? Are you for real? Cuz this sounds like some sad sack romance novel where the helpless hero is waiting for a heroine on a white charger to come and save him. Get a grip, surviving cancer is not easy, and I know of so many post cancer survival support groups that give unconditional love and reassurance to their members. Did your social worker not hook you up with assistance and post-cancer psychotherapy? It sounds like this is what you need to get your life back on track, man. Most women of my acquaintance, while they may be the nurturing types, still want a man to be a man. As a good friend of mine once said, "You can't just cry into your teacup and expect a woman to materialize in your living room." Once you've got your sh*t together, go out and do something productive with your life. Which means do the things you like to do. If you're looking for single people, there's nothing like volunteering to clean up the community, serve meals to the less fortunate, helping the local food bank hand out free groceries at Thanksgiving, that sort of thing. Women enjoy alturistic men who aren't afraid to give of themselves. Basically, man you need to pull yourself together and take a good look in what you have to offer a prospective partner because the rules for dating at 16 is completely different for someone 33. Good luck, man. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:06:47 PM | I know what you mean. After eight years, even though I was the one who left, I felt lost...needed to calibrate. But then its like riding a bicycle....it all comes back, and it can be quite an eye opener with what you can be capable of. Getting to know myself again was the most awesome feeling...but then I had pockets of loneliness too in those early years and wished to have gone back and be comfortable again...at that time, quite inviting. Got myself out of that rut and its been a good ride ever since. The momentum was ever increasing in my case.
I am not the party animal, nor would I allow myself to get lonely. Go out and meet people. I know easier said than done and its not hard to ask for anyone to join you for coffee....try it. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:04:49 AM | I'm so happy you survived cancer!
I wish I could take away the lonliness for you as well as my own but lots of us
are that way. All you can do is be patient and not put up blocks to women
who may be overweight or have kids of thier own.
You never know where love will find you or what package it will come in.
I don't have much faith in dating sites. I've know a few people on these sites
who have found love in the real world right in thier own backyards. | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:22:05 AM | | thanks for all you replies, in court today at 2.15 going for custody of my kids so will let you know the outcome | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:25:39 AM | I know I'm not your age and you might consider this just BS but try and extend your social circle and comfort zone.
More places to go = More opportunities = Possible relationship from someone | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:10:38 AM | thanks buddy will do  | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:39:31 AM |
but she had an affair whilst i was in hospital with cancer
She isn't a human being, she is a piece of shit! I've read some truly awful stories of betrayal but the above really gets under my fcking skin!  | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:25:40 PM | | (((HUGS))) Take care! | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:39:51 PM | | good man go for it! i live alone but am never alone, i have myself, i do go out and check out other people and they convince me that im not that hard up for there company, sex wise they have brothels here so im good on that end, i only have one true friend who i would trust with my life so don't feel bad: enjoy what you have | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:11:43 PM | thanks for all the reply's, feeling alot better now! love life, love what you have, enjoy every second and never judge prople were all diffrent, i hope everyone here finds happiness in the end, we've all been through diffrent thing's in lifr that's brought us down but it will only make us stronger and make our future better and more managable because of our experiences. be good to you and the people round you and good things will come to you  | |
|
| lonley
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:20:56 AM | Lonely people are all around you. You have a lot more company than you know.
Celebrate your health, and get out and meet some of them. Maybe volunteer in a hospital, maybe with sick teens who are REALLY lonely and missing out on the best years of their lives. Sharing your strength with others who need inspiration can get you out of your rut.
Go out to group events with friends and family. Take a cooking class or some other interactive activity. Take a risk and date a little. Sure, it might be awkward at first, but you have to get back in the game if you don't want to be lonely. Maybe start with speed dating - little to no risk involved. Join a single parents group. Find a group or hobby on meetup.com. Get a dog, and walk it - a lot. Join a gym. In other words - get busy! You deserve better than your ex-wife.
I wish you love and happiness. | |
|
Home
login 
