| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:48:48 PM | | Hello all. I was in a relationship with a women for about a month in a half. The first month was great, but after that she stopped communicating like she used to. Before we would text and talk for hours, she would joke and tell me things like kisses and hug and she had apet name for me "huggie". Then all the sudden i was the only one texting and she didnt want to talk on the phone. She started given me one word answers and pre typed responses. When I was with her she would either ignore me or constintly critisise me. Finnally I decided to send her a long text trying to get an explanation of what was going on. She called me insecure and really went off the handle. I got a little angery and basicly told her she wasnt perfect either. I never went out of the way or got mean, I just listed my complaints. I tried to talk to her the next day but she was still angery and insulting. She never gave me a straight answer of my original question. I felt bad so I texted her an apology in the next couple days. She told me that she wasnt ready for a serious relatinship right now and she wanted to consintrate on raising her son and getting a job. This confused me becuase, i let her dictate the pace of the relationship I never pushed her into anything, I was willing to be a father for her son, and I wasnt stopping her from getting a job I only saw her In person about twice a week. We agreed to be freinds but it hurt me very badly becuase I dont really know what happend so about a week later I asked her again if we could work it out. She said she still wasnt ready so I told her I needed time to heal, it just hurt to much to talk to her. I got to feeling better about a week later so I texted her trying to open up about how I feel and why I feel that way. It was nothing to do with relationships just stuff freinds would talk about. I was hoping she would open up to me so I could understand what happend better, but she only gave me one word answers and finnally stopped texting all together. Thats been a week and I havent heard a thing from her. Was I wrong to ask her what was going on? Should I have let it run its course even though I felt I was throwing myself on her.? What should I do now, I still love her but I just dont know what else I can do. Any insight yall could give me would be greatlly apreicaited. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:53:45 PM | Maybe some other guy came into the picture and started talking crap about you and made you look bad to her in her eyes,that happens a lot.Or her girlfriends got a hold of her and did the same thing,I dunno.......................... | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:56:35 PM | | this crossed my mind but I just dont think shes that type of girl. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:59:14 PM | It took 6 weeks for her to get to know you.
The blush is off the rose.
She's since learned you're not who she imagined you to be or what she wants.
Come on-- you saw her for 42 days! There was no real relationship. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:09:12 PM | | I disagree with that I was the same person the day she meat me to the day she left, shes the one that changed. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:10:54 PM | She lost interest suddenly for some reason. Who knows what her reasons were? She could be a shallow person who has a track record of doing this. As she didn't give you a reason, I guess that means she felt it wasn't something you couldn't (or wouldn't) do anything about. Once you felt her cooling off so obviously, there was probably little point in pursuing an explanation though I can understand you wanting one. People don't cool off on people they care about, unless they are protecting themselves from further hurt. I'm assuming here that you hadn't hurt this woman.
When you did ask what was wrong, she said, effectively, that she wanted to do her own thing and not bother with a relationship. I have a feeling it wasn't going anywhere the minute her communication pattern changed.
You could try staying out of contact and seeing if she starts getting in touch with you. It still wouldn't mean she's in love though, only that she's wondering where you went. She's clearly not interested in pursuing a relationship and you'd be better off reorientating yourself towards someone who is. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:13:21 PM |
I disagree with that I was the same person the day she meat me to the day she left, shes the one that changed.
You missed Landra's point - it's irrelevant whether or not you've changed, but HER perception of you has changed. Nothing you can do about that, since it's her brain and all. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:28:47 PM | | Why didnt she tell me then. It would have saved alot of heart ache and self dought. I give this for example, toward the end I went a week with hardly talking to her. Saturday she basically ignored me all day, but saturday night she was all over me and we had sex. Then sunday she was talking all day about not letting anybody hold her back. She was talking to her brother about this and she made me think she was throwing hints at me. Then that night she told me we were moving to fast. This threw me for a loop becuase she had dictated the speed of the relationship. Monday I confronted her and that was that. I felt I was being led on. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:39:29 PM | | well,be her friend then and wait.Maybe once she getts her things together she might change her mind.Shes probably been threw relationships before and wants some space and time to herself.I think pestering her is just going to drive her away though. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:43:57 AM | You got this answer:
<div class="quote"> Maybe some other guy came into the picture and started talking crap about you and made you look bad to her in her eyes,that happens a lot.Or her girlfriends got a hold of her and did the same thing,I dunno
and then you reply:
<div class="quote">I just dont think shes that type of girl
Then you tell us this:
<div class="quote">
Then sunday she was talking all day about not letting anybody hold her back. She was talking to her brother about this and she made me think she was throwing hints at me.
then she says:
<div class="quote"> Then that night she told me we were moving to fast.
Hellooo?? ..ok maybe it wasn't a girlfriend but someone did talk to her about the relationship.
But let's factor in the confrontational and stalkish behavior you exhibit when you were hurt. Not to mention you threw every complaint you had about her in her face when you were feeling rejected.
Red flags all over the place. (they need a emote for this). As Landra pointed out, you may think you didn't change but apparently some of your not so nice personality traits came shining through.
Leave her alone and if she decides she wants to come back, she will contact you. Otherwise, chalk this one up to experience and move on. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:50:06 AM | Just let it go.
She's not interested in you.
It really doesn't matter why, just move on. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:35:11 AM | A month and a half is not a relationship. It's a fling.
Love? meh..... | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:44:36 AM |
Just let it go. She's not interested in you. It doesn't really matter why, just move on.
That's it in a nutshell, OP. It DOESN'T MATTER WHY... quit torturing yourself by micro-analyzing every little detail, every little thing said, every little word and phrase. Let it all go, and move on. And don't sleep with her anymore! Is there a big word across your forehead that says DOORMAT ????? | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:03:03 AM | Dear op sorry that happened, I can tell you cared for her a lot.
Next time back off a little bit. You can sometimes appear overwhelming trying to contact a person texting them, contacting them endlesslly, especially if spelling is off.
Go find another girlfriend and don't wear heart on sleeve.
even though i know it hurts. 
Ps: Big strong caring guys always find a woman, up to you to make it a good woman. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:14:37 AM | Thinking that it is over:-
1. She stopped messaging you, clearly not interested.
2. You turned nasty and vented through text message - too late to take back what you typed.
3. Then you try to take control by texting more stuff.
I am wondering if you had really really liked this lady, you would have been ringing and apologising for the childish texting right after you did it.
Let it go hun, think it is over for both of you her first, then you totally blew it with the insults - its called burning bridges = not going back everrrrrrrrrrr.
Not bitter or venting just replying to the post as I see it  | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:52:49 AM | | She is not interested OP....When a woman is interested, she keeps up contact. A little over a month isn't really what I would consider a "relationship"...that is barely enough time to truly get to a know a person. My guess is that she lost interest during that time frame and your behavior after that didn't score you any points. Let it go and move on. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:33:21 AM | | It's funny because women so often tell us exactly what the problem is, and we just don't listen. She called you INSECURE, and that's no small revelation! It's a MAJOR killer of attraction! Here's a hint. Women almost universally respond to CONFIDENCE, SELF CONTROL and being somewhat of a challenge, meaning don't go over board with contact and professing your feelings or spilling your guts, too early! | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:26:09 AM | | Texting is deadly to relationships. Stop that. It's so easy to misinterpret because there is no inflection, tone, or other non-verbal interpretation. IMHO, texting should only be for relaying facts, like where to meet, phone numbers etc. - not for important personal dialogue. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:29:33 AM |
I was willing to be a father for her son
Holy shiat! You dated for a month and you were ready for this? I think you probably overwhelmed the poor girl with your feelings and she ran. TheHandyMan has a great point! Most women will run from a man that profuses intense feelings too early.
I wasnt stopping her from getting a job
Maybe she was looking for a man that could support her without her having to find a job. So she's out of work, with a small child. Hmmm...that probably would have sent most men running!
I would think this is a lost cause. Its obvious she lost interest, as soon as her communication changed. Why so many people try to text emotional things is beyond me! When a heart to heart talk is called for, what's wrong with the damn phone or seeing them in person?
Better luck next time!
HR  | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:59:08 PM | OP - some women (and men) are as flaky as a biscuit and prefer to use the Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde method of telling you that things aren't going to work between you rather than tell you honestly that they've lost interest.
You mentioned she called you "insecure" and I see that as a bad sign. The only time I call a guy insecure is if he smothers me with calls/text/emails and wants to see me all the time even if I am the one pacing the relationship. Insecurity in anybody is a huge turn off. And even if you thought she changed, she didn't. What you see at the 2-3 month mark is the real person.
I wouldn't give her another thought but I would re-evaluate your actions and pinpoint where she would have seen you as insecure so you don't repeat this off-putting behavior in the future.
Finally, texting is the worst way to communicate. Pick up the phone so you can hear her voice. You can tell a lot more about how someone is feeling by the tone of their voice than a cold/impersonal text. | |
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| What do you think?
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:05:41 PM | | You were willing to be a father to her son? After dating for six weeks? That seems odd to me. How can you know something like that after dating someone for six weeks? Perhaps you were getting too serious too fast for her. | |
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