| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:57:02 AM | | I'm happy doing nothing. If I'm with someone I like and I'm quick to like someone. That's why on a date. I will usually be open to do what she wants to do. Or what she likes. But what I find hard to understand is why I have to offer an event to get a woman to spend time with me? If I find a woman attractive and she seems to be a nice person. I'm happy spending time with her. Why must I give her something so I could just get to know her? | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:13:57 AM | You are happy doing nothing. So... you want to get together and watch TV? Ummm... booooring. You don't need someone else's presence to do nothing...
I will usually be open to do what she wants to do. Or what she likes.
No offense OP, but this sucks too.
Doing stuff is exciting. It's memory-building. It's living life! It's a conversation starter. It helps to really get to know how someone interacts with the world as opposed to how they THINK they interact with the world. It helps to reveal their likes, their dislikes, their personality.
There will be plenty of time to sit around and do nothing when you hit that 'comfortable' stage in the relationship if that's what you want. Don't you WANT to have happy memories to fall back on for when times get tough?
I think you should think about WHY you want a relationship. Do you just want someone, anyone who is a warm body around? Or do you want a little excitement in your life?
JMO | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:24:52 AM | | Personally I think in the beginning just finding time to talk is most important. Going out for coffee, spending time chatting on the phone. How do you know someone is worth the time if you don't know them. Unless you're dating her based on looks and she's dating your wallet, how do you really think that's going to work out? | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:39:27 AM | | Aren't you saying people are dull without anything going on? Maybe that's why so many relationships/marriages don't work out. It should be about the person. A memory can come from just walking and talking together. Personalities come out. Jokes. Hopes. Fears. Maybe who they really are? I'm me. I'm special. Can't you see that without something else going on? I think the way most people spend time together isn't the way to finding that lasting relationship. | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:56:09 AM | Recall, I just spent the last 10 yrs of my life with someone who wanted to just sit home and do nothing. I am NOT going to do that again. I moved to a new country to be with him. While we dated I saw 2 parks, the theater twice, a couple tourist sites and since the wedding.. my yard. Granted I have 10 acres and can see something new every time I take a walk on the paths.. but c'mon. There is a vast world out there... and I plan to see it and experience it. Sitting at home watching tv has its place but not all the time!
Arp
Edit... VVVVV Landra.. EXACTLY! | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:56:29 AM | If you are happy doing nothing more power to you!!! And you don't need to give some thing to an attrative,nice person to get to know her at least you are having a conversation with her I hope,,,, that is *doing something* that is an effort,,, offering her an event like going to restaurant,movies , sight seeing or just walking at the park,watching parades , doing games like bowling, billiard or mini golf etc.. That is excerting an effort, to get to know and connect with a person to bond with her/him, when you become exclusive you don't have to give herSEX because that is SOMETHING that is excerting a super energy that makes you breath hard,, ( remember your phrase * why should I give her something so I could get to know her?) The cliches is you don't need to give her something and expect that in return and you'll do fine....  | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:17:00 AM | I don't think you have to produce an event so much as you have to have a life you find interesting that someone else may want to join you as you enjoy.
If a guy was happy doing nothing with me, it may stem from him being happy doing nothing alone all the time - and that's a lifestyle incompatibility.
Granted, I don't think that in the beginning when we're first meeting anything major has to be going on because the point of meetings is to get in, get out and determine basic interest to learn more about someone. Even the first couple dates don't have to be overly intense because you want to be able to talk and get to know someone.
Eventually though I want a guy who likes doing things with or without me. I like doing things alone, with friends, with an SO - so a guy who's not really into doing anything will get annoyed by the fact that I'm always out doing something somewhere else. | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:25:40 AM | If you are happy doing nothing...............Do it by YOURSELF!
Or get a golden labrador, oh wait! they also want to go out! Never mind.
Guys like you want company and affection but want to put no effort into it.
It doesn't have to cost money, there are many activities that are free.
If you perceive planning something fun together as "giving her something" you are a great candidate for something called "being single the rest of your life".
You are lazy from the get go. I can't imagine being with you for a couple of years.
The big going out would be grocerie shopping?on saturday night?
I bet lots of women can't wait to get into a relationship just to get to go to trader joes with you. | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:12:42 AM | Interesting people are people who have interests. If all you have to offer in asking a woman out is, "I don't care, whatever you want to do," she is going to think you are about as interesting as a hamster pellet.
Which is sad, because, going by your profile, that is probably not the case at all.
What's wrong with taking her to one of the off- or off-off-Broadway plays you like? You're probably going anyway, and, as noted above by others, shared experience helps to spark discussion, especially in the getting-to-know-you stages.
The idea that we require this in order to be happy is silly; however, if what you want to do on a date is nothing, most of us are likely to go on being happy without you.
Editing for post below, hey, looks like you two really hit it off! How nice! And both activities sound really fun, too, especially given the ability to try them with someone who has some knowledge base. Excellent! | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:48:05 PM |
Doing stuff is exciting. It's memory-building. It's living life! It's a conversation starter. It helps to really get to know how someone interacts with the world as opposed to how they THINK they interact with the world. It helps to reveal their likes, their dislikes, their personality.
I believe this is very accurate.
It is always a pleasure to have someone invite you to do something as they endeavor to get to know you.
It is beyond awkward on the first one or two dates to just vegetate. Usually these guys are just looking for a warm body to possess. It is boring and will not result in provoking my interest.
The OP admits that this is his primary dating motivation:
I'm quick to like someone. I'm happy spending time with her. Why must I give her something so I could just get to know her?
Choosing someone on a dating site and expecting an immediate connection so that just being with you is enough is too much to demand initially. Unless you are a spectacular being merely basking in your glow is usually not enough.
Guys like you want company and affection but want to put no effort into it.
Good relationships do not “Just happen” they take effort.
If you are happy doing nothing...............Do it by YOURSELF!
Or get a golden labrador, oh wait! they also want to go out! Never mind.
Dogs love going out; just pick up their leash and watch them go into utter excitement! | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 3:21:24 PM | A man without initiative is tiring.
Yes, anyone wants to do the quiet evening sometimes, Gods know after last night I am blowing off all the fun stuff that's going on tonight, but for the most part going out between other people makes you feel special.
As in "some effort was put into this - he must like me - let me stick around and find out"
My boyfriend and I usually stay to ourselves. Even when we go to some event I know of, we end up circling around each other anyway.
Drinks, dinner, party, gallery, event ..those are just excuses to spend time together, talk, interact, see what your sweetie is like with other people.
It's a part of getting to know each other.
If you want to stay home, by all means, stay home. Just don't expect your pizza delivery person to be your dream girl.
You have to work your way up to staying home and cooking together. It is not a first few dates idea. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2009 3:31:00 PM | OP it's women in general who need events etc to be happy.
Just the other day i was talking to my aunt who complained that after an exhausting week of work she was looking forward to going out.
Her husband who also had an exhausting week from work just wanted to rest, stay home and watch the football game.
Two totally different ways to approach RELAXING.
I don't get it and i never will, but i keep my calender full of interesting things to do with my spare time just in case the pizza delivery girl is busy. | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:39:21 PM | | So, you want to sit & do "nothing" with your date? Not inviting her to "events" or maybe not even going out to dinner? Even if you do go to dinner is there pretty much complete silence but the dinner plates & forks/knives clinking & you just sit there like a bump on a log while your date painfully does all the talking? Maybe I'm not understanding you correctly? Why would any couple want this? You might as well be by yourself then. I've been on these dates before (& no it doesn't have anything to do with his bank account whoever said that), it takes two & if this sort of thing happens where I am getting dry mouth from doing ALL the talking a "family ER" is in order. If you can't hold a conversation & don't make me laugh forget it. This probably goes for a lot of men too. | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:55:43 PM | honestly, ive used to meet ppl who wanted to stay at home and do nothing. what memories are there? im an outgoing person, id love to have fun. yea, i agree if u wanna spend time doin nothin at home, that should be built well into the relationship after u known each other for a long time but not early in the relationship. i used to have that prob all the time.
guys i met in the past never wanted to spend time with me but expected me to keep an open schedule for them **** that | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:35:59 PM | OP,
I think you might be missing one of the best parts of dating. You know I have my single life, play tennis a lot, workout at the gym, play ultimate frisbee. But you know it sometimes becomes kind of routine. When I start dating someone I love having someone to do things with that I really want to do but don't want to do alone.
I dated a women for a couple of months early this summer. We had the coffee first meeting. The first date I took her to dinner and to a comedy club. On other dates we went bowling, a redsox game, hiking, fireworks. It wasn't about entertaining her it was more about just having a great time with someone I liked. | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:46:09 PM | | What do you mean "give her something". Are you saying that the woman you go on dates with expect you to show up with gifts like chocolates and flowers? If so then you are dating the wrong people and I suggest you start going for a different type of women. Now if you mean she expects something like going to a fun event together then what's wrong with that? That's what a date is. Do you have a problem with going places and doing things? I would get pretty bored with a man who all he ever wanted to do was sit on a park bench and talk on every single date we went on. | |
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| Can someone explain y so many women on dating sites require events/things to be happy?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:57:27 PM | I understand what you're saying. Some women want it to be about getting to know a guy... other women see it as them getting free entertainment (then decide if they like you).
All in all, I'd say you shouldn't do NOTHING... but yeah, it's going to be pretty standard. Go out for a dinner or drinks... chit-chat, get to know each other. Go somewhere that's pretty cool and sets a good tone... but it doesn't have to be like a "dating show" where they go out doing activities together. I would think that's something you do AFTER you've gotten to know them and would like to date them. | |
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