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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:47:19 AM | Hello, all. I would like to receive feedback on my profile, especially from women here in the forum. Thanks in advance for any and all feedback.
I will say that I go back and forth on a few things, including how to list religious views. I'm not a religious person Per Se, but I am spiritual. I gravitate between "non-religious" and "Christian-other" but I fear either/both of those might give people the wrong idea about me. I'm very open minded when it comes to matters of religion, and don't object to dating/being in a relationship with someone with a different outlook than mine. I wonder if I should comment on such in the profile description?
Another sticking point for me is body type. I don't really consider myself "athletic" but I do work out and keep fit. Anyway, for the sake of honestly, I listed "average" where this is concerned.
Still another sticking point is listing what I am looking for - for now, I list "dating" but I certainly wouldn't be opposed to a long term relationship with the right person. Again, maybe that's something I could just elaborate on more in the profile description.
I want to come across in the profile as honest (which I am), and interesting, but I don't want to put people off. Right now, what I have is slightly different from what a lot of others have - but I'm not sure if this is good or bad.
Also, let me say this about photos: I hate photos of myself. I am not very photogenic. and, I know people say this all the time, but I honestly do look a lot different (I think, better) in real life than I do in photographs.
Again, any and all feedback on the profile is appreciated. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:20:23 AM | Reword all those "I" sentences.
The issue about your pics you'll just have to get over. Online dating requires pics. If you have to, get 20 pics you like, and ask a female friend to chose 8.
Dating vs LTR...most guys put dating, even if they're looking for LTR, so most women will understand/be used to it. Now soemone else might come along and tell you that "dating" makes you sound like a player, but that's really over analyzing it.
I see "athletic" as ready to play sports, of any type. I'd say you're average, but you only have the one body pic up.
It all really doesn't matter though. You're talking about fine detail lines that can be established through email. Go with one answer and explain later. Chances are high that the women you talked to have worse false facts on their profiles. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:14:08 PM | Is there some reason you won't name the town/area where you're from? That's just annoying. It's not like you're in witness protection....
In your first paragraph, your ask the viewer "Do you want a man that ......" and then don't wait for an answer. You don't say "Here I am!" or even "I know that guy, let me introduce you...." It felt incomplete, to me.
The line about holding your friends dear is nice. The next line is unnecessary and defensive. So is the line about demanding respect. No, hon, you earn it. You're not in uniform any more, so it's square one, like a 'regular' guy. Sorry!
You need to get over the picture-phobia. You're probably a good looking, fit guy, but it's really hard to tell from the small sampling you have now.
The profile overall is good and well-written. I expect your introductory messages would be short and sweet. You'll be fine. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:45:27 AM | | Thanks, guys. I will take all of this into consideration. And, I will try to add more photos. Anything else from anyone? | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:42:14 AM | Hi i_write….YGF hit the nail on the head about the friends line. As soon as I read it, the red flags went flying on the field. Immediately I looked to see if you were single and over 40.
A few suggestions…
1) More and better photos…with good lighting AND SMILES. You say “photography” is an interest…then post photos commensurate with being a good photographer.
2) The single and over 35 (or 40 in your case) is a tough one. Ladies like to date guys who can commit. You DO need to give her some idea if you’ve ever been in a serious relationship that lasted. Otherwise, she’ll think you’re a serial dater or …too hard to ever please or satisfy…or you really don’t need her in your life because your friends are all you need.
3) Nix the whole paragraph about not possessive or jealous and that you demand respect. As YGF said…it doesn’t work here.
4) The rest of that paragraph is pretty dicey…the “appreciate some degree of emotional closeness” is a huge red flag…it’s saying…you can come close, but not too close.
5) The “I’m nobody’s doormat” has her running for the exits.
6) MORE SPECIFICS…who do you write for? What type of articles?
7) What do you read? What type of theater do you like?
8) You’re a writer…WOW her with that first date…Be imaginative, be funny, be unique.
Hope that helps. Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:38:10 AM | Damn, you got 3 of the best profile reviewers on this site. How could I add anything of value?
Follow the advice they have given and good luck to you!!
Ron | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:18:53 PM | | Alright, I've tweaked the profile a bit based on the suggestions I've received here so far. And I will add more photos just as soon as I can. Meanwhile, does this look better? Thanks again for everyone's help. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:38:59 PM | Definitely better! The SPECIFICS help a TON. So does nixing the negativity.
You’re getting there. Since you asked….here are a few more suggestions ….(sorry...didn’t want to overwhelm you earlier)…
1) Think about changing the order of the new sentence (to make the emphasis on “something more”): I am privileged to have diverse friends from all walks of life and I hold them dear, but I am looking for something more than friendship, here (though I do believe friendship is a good foundation for any relationship).
2) And have it read: I am privileged to have diverse friends from all walks of life and I hold them dear. I do believe friendship is a good foundation for any relationship, but I am looking for something more.
3) Nix the “poisoned by your past”. It was a downer the 1st time thru, and you’ve got more warmth going on now so it really pops out as negative.
4) Nix the “make me think”. She’s not here to entertain you or be your professor.
5) Nix the “open mind”….demeaning, cliché, and often a sexual reference in many profiles.
6) Be DECISIVE about the 1st date…no “maybe we should” language. Instead something like…”Let’s have a picnic! I know this great downtown park with real wooden picnic tables and across the street is small coffee house that serves the best Apple Danish. I’ll bring the appetizers and the main course, and you can bring yourself.”
7) Fixing the above will help a bunch….but it may not be enuf. If you don’t address the “40 and single” and get her convinced that you’re able to commit and/or have committed in the past, you’ve got a huge uphill climb. Many ladies may not want to take a chance on dating you.
Hope that helps. DenverSky5280
p.s….and maybe remove “police officer” as a former job. A good friend of mine was married to a great Chicago cop, but most ladies don’t associate police with warm and fuzzy. Also you may want to nix “photography” as a hobby until you get those new photos posted. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:39:01 PM | | Thanks for the additional advice on the profile. I did change my status from "single" to "divorced." Maybe that will help with the commitment issue. And, I'm not sure how to approach the whole prior relationship thing - I was divorced in 2003 and have had a few serious relationships since then, I've even been engaged once. Now, these relationships obviously ultimately didn't work out for one reason or the other, but I'm not the sort of person that has problems with commitment. I don't want to give the impression that I've had a string of failed relationships which might somehow speak negatively to my character or paint a portrait of myself as a womanizer or "serial dater." Believe me, I would prefer being in a long-term, committed relationship as long as this is with the RIGHT person. There have been valid reasons why the relationships I've been involved with have come to an end and, while I'm willing to accept my share of responsibility, I will say that if I outlined the circumstances of each to any reasonable person, they would likely understand. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:57:20 PM | | Alright, I've made some of the suggested alterations and plan to make some more. I should point out that the reason I didn't originally list my specific hometown is because I live in an EXTREMELY rural area at this time. Just about any dating/relationship possibilities are likely going to have to involve a neighboring city - with the closest large cities are about an hour's drive away. Until recently, I lived in one of them, but returned home due to some family-related health issues. The city I work in is a little better, but honestly more of a mid-size town than a city - and, at this time, very economically depressed. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:25:18 PM | How does this addition sound? Good or bad?
“I’ve been divorced since 2003. I’ve had a few serious relationships since then, including an engagement, but these just didn’t work out for various reasons. I remain the eternal optimist – and continue to search for the one that will.” | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:34:19 PM | Hi again…you’re good to go! The changes helped a lot. No need to mention when you were divorced or that you were engaged. Having the word “divorced” in the marital status blank takes care of the commitment problem.
The new photos helps…but smiling helps even more. Smiles make you approachable and makes everyone look younger. Get 3-4 more…with smiles. The photos get you in the door. The profile keeps you there. Best of luck. DenverSky5280 | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:50:57 AM | Hi, once again. I have added some new photos - even updated the profile to a "serious membership." I did alter my region to Northeast Alabama because the specific town I am in right now is honestly barely even on the map and I do want to appeal to a wider geographical range.
I will say the "serious upgrade" has not really increased the amount of responses I've gotten on here and, in fact, one female friend of mine even told me this is sort of a major turn off - but, I did it on a whim, to see if it really would make that much of a difference or not.
I will say that I have gotten several messages and have seriously interacted with a few people. One person in particular - we exchanged emails, spoke on the phone and seemed to have almost everything in common. We were planning a possible date when she abruptly seemed to cut off communication. Maybe it's because of the profile upgrade, but we hadn't even been out together yet.
That notwithstanding, the site is helping me to meet some new and interesting people - which I have found somewhat difficult to do since moving from a metropolitan back to a very rural area. There certainly seems to be fewer opportunities for social interaction, here - at least compared to the cities I lived in, before. | |
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| Review, please?
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:55:52 AM | I'd drop the first 2 paragraphs, start with varied jobs showing different sides of you, factually.
Your unsmiling pics don't help you--I'd replace them--maybe keep the last pic, as they lack energy and make you look bored.
Body posture in main pic is awkward. Close-up head/shoulders shot--1 without glasses, relaxed direct smile=less indifferent.
First date is good because it's specific and makes you look less passive.
On reading your type, I thought it made anybody qualify until you said 'progressive'.
Best of luck. | |
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