| Profile Review Please go easy on me......
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:49:06 AM | I would like some honest, constructive criticism about my profile. I can take the pain....(Lol) I was in a 14 yr relationship and never wanted to cheat so my dating skills are rusty. We ended it 5 months ago. Here's alittle history.
I have been on here about 3 months. I have changed the ad alittle over time. My first ad had more info about my job and I only had one picture in the blue shirt. About 1 month ago I removed the info about my job and added the other picts. I know my picts are not the best ( I take them myself with a iPhone which is a pain) But they should be good enough.
I am pretty picky so I only e-mailed about 10-15 girls since the beginning. I did not get 1 response. My 1st 7 responses I was complementary about what attracted me to them with out being sexual. ( Pretty eyes,nice teeth, great smile, great hair or beautiful overall). They were longer, (a few paragraphs). I would talk about what we had in common and probably throw in a few jokes. I usually ended a few with, " If by some unlikely catastrophic event I don't hear back from you, take my compliments for what they are because I was sincere when I said them. I figured this was a different way of being genuine and funny at the same time and if nothing else she would be flattered and it might brighten her day.
Since this approach wasn't working I tried a simple approach. The other 8 got pretty much the same line with maby a joke about something in their ad, or heading.
This was how it read , " You seem like a down to earth, fun girl. If you want to talk some more and hang out some time, let me know. How would you ever know if you don't try??????? Ok, See Ya, Steven"
Still no responses. Some delete right away and most just read with no response. A few did message me out of the blue but they were not my type and it is a awkward feeling reading it and not responding. I'm not in a rush, just don't want to blow the chance with someone I like. I also like to keep within about a 30 mile radius. Since I don't send out many messages I would like to know how to get that initial response. Sorry for the novel.
Thanks | |
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| Profile Review Please go easy on me......
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:23:55 PM | Hi Steve,
Just to address the problem of your messages getting no replies before I look at your actual profile: the main things that turned me off about this example:
You seem like a down to earth, fun girl. If you want to talk some more and hang out some time, let me know. How would you ever know if you don't try??????? Ok, See Ya, Steven
First, you mention hanging out straight off the bat - most women are fairly cautious about who they meet off a site and it won't normally be after 1-2 emails, so cut any talk of meeting up till later. Second, all those damn question marks. What the hell? Are they needed? Do they add anything? No. Third, the 'see ya'. You're 35, not 18, so I'd suggest keeping your writing in line with that. The excessive question marks added to this don't look cool, they make you look dumb - that's not cruelty, that is honestly the impression this sort of writing will give. Be literate and coherent.
On to your profile!
1. Your headline.
Can you think of something more original than 'fun girl wanted.....'? Again, excessive punctuation doesn't add anything.
2. Your photos.
It looks like you took 3 of those pictures in a garage with your shirt off. That screams 'weird!' The picture of you smiling, the third along, is a great picture, but the fact that you've taken your top off to take it, not on a beach or in the sunshine but indoors, just looks creepy. I'd take the same shot again,with your clothes on.
3. Do you want children?
Prefer not to say, in my opinion, is a cop-out. And to be honest, most women will assume that means no, because why would you avoid saying if it was a yes? Have the courage to say either way, women will prefer that to 'mystery'.
4. Your description.
Most of this description seems to be more about what you're looking for than you yourself. I'd consider changing the layout - start off with a paragraph about yourself and what you enjoy doing. There isn't really much like that in there yet. You have several good interests listed, so expand on them a little as an introduction.
The next paragraph could well include a lot of the things about yourself such as the stuff in your fourth paragraph. Still about yourself, a little more about your history and work.
Then write a third paragraph about what you're looking for. You already have a lot of material on this subject, but it's mostly repeating itself. You mention the word 'fun' or 'funny' in your profile 5 times!
I'm looking to meet a fun, down to earth girl for dating, possibly leading to something long-term. I like cute, confident, independent girls that I can share a good joke with - I think making each other laugh is one of the best parts of a relationship.
Lines that I'm not keen on, mainly because they exhibit some negativity or don't need to be said:
I don't get upset easily and I try to make the best out of a bad situation.
and expect the same from them.
I'm Not into playing relationship games
No children.
I was in a LTR and I was very loyal and things just slowly fell apart.
I don't think any talk of past relationships belongs on your profile. You'll have plenty of time to discuss your past when you meet a girl but personally I feel throwing that info out there is like saying 'I'm still sad about this!'
You have the bones of a good profile but I think you need to try and inject some originality into what you're saying, be more personal to yourself. Some of it, especially your preferences in a woman, read like a cliche lonely hearts add. With a little rewriting though this good be really good :)
Good luck! | |
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| Profile Review Please go easy on me......
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:29:00 PM | You are a good-looking guy so you will get the views, but the profile lets you down. The suggestions in the second post are exactly what I would say, too.
Your viewer doesn't want to hear about your ex's. The info about no kids is duplicated and doesn't need to be repeated in the profile body.
Tell us a bit about your work - you mention you're with people every day who wish they had your health. Do you enjoy interacting with them and helping them? (I get the sense you do, but it's good to mention it specifically because this gives the impression you are stable and responsible - two very good qualities in a partner.)
Although you don't have children, are you open to a single mom? If you are, say so. If not, there are ways to discuss that, too, without offending anyone.
The more detail you can put into your profile, the more points your viewer can find in common and feel a connection. Good luck!
ps- so far as the introductory messages, keep them light and casual. Don't just put Hi, Hello or Hey in the subject line. Mention something specific from her profile, make an appropriate comment, and ask a question. If you'd like to know how your messages are coming across, feel free to use my profile as a test sample and send me a practice message for comment. No charge. | |
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