| Input/Insight on Profile please
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:05:37 PM | | Hopefully this isn't a second post, I tried a few minutes ago, but it seemed like the system wouldn't let me actually post it...I did a search for posts by my name and didn't find anything. Anyway, I would appreciate any insight, especially from women on my profile. I'm not getting any response back yet, and since my emails are respectful and playful, I think maybe there's a problem in my profile. Thanks in advance. | |
|
| Input/Insight on Profile please
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:34:22 PM | Hi there,
Your pictures are not bad, they show a nice variety, but you could still use at least shot that's more close-up. Your first one is nearly there, but it's a little far away and of course, no colour.
Your headline makes more sense since I just read the first line of your profile! I'm not sure about the whole 'did you really email that guy?' thing. On the one hand, yes I can see that you're a funny guy :) but... I don't think it works. Putting down the other men the woman reading may have emailed is risky because she may well take offense to the insinuation that she's not smart enough to weed out these men herself, plus the idea that she'd be attracted to that sort of man in the first place... I just don't think ragging on the fictional competition is a great place to begin.
The next two paragraphs are great, well written and interesting.
You'll be a great addition to my already fulfilling life.
This however, is bad. A woman is not a possession and while I'm sure you know that, using this line tips you over from being interesting and upbeat to ever-so-slightly arrogant. I'd cut it.
And now a third paragraph about this other guy! The problem I see here is that we've got one paragraph about you (good), one paragraph about what you want (good) and then two paragraphs about a fictional rival (bad). I'd rather see those two paragraphs gone and another paragraph about the main star of this profile: you! Always keep it positive - although you're funny, I think the 'rival date' thing dominates your profile too much, while it should be primarily about you. | |
|
| Input/Insight on Profile please
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:39:23 PM | | Ah, that's a bummer. I'll have to work on it some more then. I can at least take that stuff out for now. That's a pretty big overhaul though to replace those paragraphs, lol. I'll have to try to work on it when I have some free time this week. I was trying to figure out a way to be funny, and get attention with humor, but I didn't see it that way. I'm getting the impression you got a pretty negative vibe from my profile, and it's nowhere near as playful as I wanted... | |
|
| Input/Insight on Profile please
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:39:30 PM |
I'm not sure about the whole 'did you really email that guy?' thing. On the one hand, yes I can see that you're a funny guy :) but... I don't think it works. Putting down the other men the woman reading may have emailed is risky because she may well take offense to the insinuation that she's not smart enough to weed out these men herself, plus the idea that she'd be attracted to that sort of man in the first place... I just don't think ragging on the fictional competition is a great place to begin.
...And now a third paragraph about this other guy! The problem I see here is that we've got one paragraph about you (good), one paragraph about what you want (good) and then two paragraphs about a fictional rival (bad). I'd rather see those two paragraphs gone and another paragraph about the main star of this profile: you! Always keep it positive - although you're funny, I think the 'rival date' thing dominates your profile too much, while it should be primarily about you.
I agree with HouseKitten | |
|
| Input/Insight on Profile please
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:47:03 PM | | Yeesh. Two strikes. Must've been negative. *sighs* Well, that stuff is out for now, I've got another pic up. I'll have to mess with that thing later. | |
|
| Input/Insight on Profile please
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:02:48 PM | Ah now don't be completely down about it :) the stuff in-between in great, and I do see what you were going for with the playful joking - there was just too much of it compared to the stuff about yourself.
Seriously, humour is a plus so don't be afraid to try again with it, but maybe aim it elsewhere. | |
|
| Input/Insight on Profile please
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:26:22 PM | Agree with HK again. Please don't be discouraged. You get big points for even attempting humor. That sets you apart from the vast majority of bad/boring profiles. Just, next time, leave the other guy out of it ;-)
I look forward to seeing what you can come up with next. You obviously have a good imagination. | |
|
Home
login 
