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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:29:15 PM | I was disturbed by what I heard on a forum so thought I would put this to the readers.
A guy commented regarding women and quality of life. It went like this, if you cant provide for her why should she stay around. As sadly a statement as it sounds, I come to agree in many situations, men have no chance at a successful relation if they cant provide finances, stability, and other check lists many women have regarding essentials for a relationship. I cant help to think are we as a society that shallow, bypassing good people for holding out on material gains, and loosing characteristics, chance at love in the name of materials?
I realize there are some that have inner fortatude and dont succume to that, but I cant help realizing that many bypass what they value as meaningful to a succesful relationship.
What is your view on the topic? | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:39:44 PM |
men have no chance at a successful relation if they cant provide finances, stability, and other check lists many women have regarding essentials for a relationship
I agree. There's no fun in being broke...no money..no honey. Its a fact of life. We've come to a point in time where both parties can contribute to the well-being of the relationship in terms of finances. The least I can be is not be dependent on the partner for anything, and isn't that an awesome feeling? To have a say in all things you do.
If one of the two is not working then, I think it can survive for some length of time. But let's be real, there's a point when it stops being fun...especially in a case of dependency.
The 1950's is well and truly over. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:42:05 PM | | I am not concerned with a man providing for me. I can do that all by myself. All that concerns me is if he can provide for himself and when and if we should decide to live together that he is able to contribute to the household. If you can't provide stability for yourself then you have no chance at a relationship with anybody. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:43:01 PM | | I can only speak for myself in this situation. I need to know that the man I commit to has the fortitude to hold a job, not how much money he makes. this tells me that he is dependable. maybe some gals are out to find someone based on how much money and playthings a guy has. not all of us are that way. if you're not stable, dependable, and loyal, then you have no place in my life. JMO | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:44:04 PM | | I would like a guy who can pull his weight and take on half the burden at least. I don't need another child to cater to, nor a 'master' to serve. I pull my weight and would expect nothing less from a fellow human in a relationship with me. It can go both ways, I am proof a gal can pull her own weight. If later something happens that the other cannot assist financially in the home, they could do other things or at leeast try to regain from what they lost. In case of illness, again the relationship would have to have been established before hand. I am sure most people are seeking as little burden to their life as possible and the actual goal is to improve it with someone to share life with, not have it taken from them. I am sure I have more, don't want to over tax the reader. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:08:32 PM | | Men that can provide finances and stability tend to be confident men....So is it REALLY the material things that women are attracted to OR is it confidents? | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:10:29 PM | ^^^ HA HA HA HA HA
Wow! All I can say is that comment is why there are stereotypes about women and carrying a shovel.... | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:16:22 PM | Well I do know of a time when that (mostly) held true. It was the man's place to be able to provide and the woman's to be the homemaker/mother/wife. However, I grew up in the sixties and noticed even at that time things had started to change. My mother was a working wife/mother.
Now days especially in these economic times it just about takes two incomes to make it.Plus, I know in a lot of cases some women like the fact of having a career. For many different reasons. The challenge,the power,the independence the fact of being an actual equal partner, the list is as long and as different as the women.
There are those women though that find it very important to be a stay at home mom and wife. I can understand this very easily as well, as I had two children. With the way the world is today and the knowledge our children need to have. Parents need to be a MAJOR role player in their lives. In this case, yes it would be very important that a man make enough money to support the family.
So I guess it is up to the two people that are involved in the relationship to figure out which is most important to them and what their goals for the future are. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:23:36 PM |
^^^ HA HA HA HA HA
Wow! All I can say is that comment is why there are stereotypes about women and carrying a shovel....
You can laugh as much as you like, the fact is...Men that are NOT succesful tend to be less confident than men that are succesful. Most men DO measure their self worth with financial success. Confidents is sexy in both male and female. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:29:04 PM | There are those women though that find it very important to be a stay at home mom and wife. I can understand this very easily as well, as I had two children. With the way the world is today and the knowledge our children need to have. Parents need to be a MAJOR role player in their lives. In this case, yes it would be very important that a man make enough money to support the family.
This is true. Somehow children again got left out of the equation. Aren't we adults yet? I would think a woman would want a man whom she felt confident could sustain in meeting the needs of a family, contribute to making a good life for a family. Children's lives are at stake. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:29:58 PM | If a female looks at me and see that then she is not a woman I want to be with because am all about 100% / 100% and nothing more.
AKA . . . . I think thats another way of saying thats a gold digger or _______ | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:30:02 PM | There is no point in wasting time trying to convince incompatible individuals with drastically different core values to form relationships with one another. That is about as effective as debating politics or religion.
I realize there are some that have inner fortatude and dont succume to that, but I cant help realizing that many bypass what they value as meaningful to a succesful relationship.
What is meaningful to one person isn't necessarily going to be meaningful to another. Traditional gender roles are very important to a lot of people when it comes to dating. The women you describe aren't bypassing what they value as meaningful to a successful relationship because the men in question lack many of the traits they believe to be important. I don't really agree with them, but it is their right to seek out what they want. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:33:00 PM |
I realize there are some that have inner fortatude and dont succume to that,
Well, at least you hold out hope for some. I think people, not just women, live up to the stereotypical expectations society sets for them. Just thinking outside the box, but I've found thinking and doing for myself is much more rewarding. I expect to find a like minded partner. That will make us compatible, regardless of finances, station in life or anything else. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:38:44 PM | You can laugh as much as you like, the fact is...Men that are NOT succesful tend to be less confident than men that are succesful. Most men DO measure their self worth with financial success. Confidents is sexy in both male and female.
Confidence and how men measure themselves, is the furthest thing from the topic of the OP.
The topic is about women who are materialistic, and focussed on a man's wealth as a determining factor in being "attracted" to them, and inheriting and benefitting from it.
Women seem to want to be viewed as the only gender objectified for things other than their "personality", or "inner beauty".
They don't want to acknowledge any double standard that doesn't favour them.
That's fine. In an open forum, they'll get called out on it.
To some women "good people" are men who can provide finances, stability, etc.
No worries. We can smell those looking for a "provider", a mile away... | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:55:11 PM | | Being a provider is a good thing. Women and men are both capeable of doing it. It's a good attribute for both genders to look for. Who wants to be with someone who is lazy? Really...what's the problem? | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:10:05 PM | | There will always be shallow people, and those that live by the comfort others provide. I've never known such a life, never had child support and earned my own way. I definately don't understand people like that. I've always been a fool for love. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:15:51 PM | | I don't care how much money a guy had, I could never depend on him to take care of me. I've been taking care of myself for too long to leave it in someone else's hands. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:21:45 PM | | I have always felt that way, I want to be able to take care of my woman and do nice things for her, not because it's really required but I want my woman to want for nothing. The way things have be for me personally i would not want to drag someone I care about down that road with me why should we both suffer? So I would rather stay single and struggle to survive than have a woman at my side struggling with me, that just makes the weight on my shoulders unbearable. Honestly people bypassing good people for material things, as sad as it may sound people have the right to do so, if they feel materials will make them happy. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:37:48 PM | Just finished a great book by Steve Harvey, (yes-the comedian) Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.... I encourage all Woman to read this book.... and men if you choose to, go ahead.....
The idea that the book held, was that we as woman have stopped allowing men to be MEN, and then we criticize, put down and mentally castrate men for not doing what they shoulda/ woulda or could do....
Then we buy into the idea of the GoldDigger - or whatever else the man uses as a sell out excuse for not being the man that his father and his father's father tried to be.. or should have been.....
The provider - does not always means a financially.... if your car breaks down, maybe he cant get you a new one, or even get yours into the shop, but a REAL MAN will call and search and do what he can to make sure that his woman has her ride.... Even if he goes without.....
The real issue is..... as woman have we also lost the art of being grateful and appreciative of what our man does.....
Have we - woman become so focused on what men aren't doing that we have become unclear of our role and what we truly want.... how can we expect something of a man when we are so unclear......
Communication is the key - Honest. Create your own rules... create your own roles, woman you hold the key.... Get really clear!!! | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:58:05 PM | OP, you posted on another thread that women who need nothing from a guy make you feel you're not needed, so you tend to like women who are more dependent, and that there's nothing wrong with relationship charity. I'm confused - which do you want?
If you don't like a woman who takes care of herself because you feel left out, but you fear women who may require you to spend on them to get anywhere - what's left? | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:07:18 PM | I find all these comments from men about gold diggers quite offensive. I assure you that it works both ways.
However, there is nothing gold diggerish about expecting a man to hold up his end of things. If you read my profile you will see that I am seeking someone who is intelligent, articulate and self sufficient. I need someone who is capable not only of being a part of my personal life, but also participating in my public life, which requires a certain degree of polish and presentability. I do not consider this to be anything other than an admission of reality. I would not be able to date someone who was uncomfortable in certain circumstances, was unable to converse with the people I deal with on a personal and professional basis everyday, and felt that he could not accompany me to certain places/events because of a degree of fiscal embarrassment.
And no, I am not going to financially support someone else, although I am quite willing to join forces with someone for our mutual benefit. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:13:41 PM |
The idea that the book held, was that we as woman have stopped allowing men to be MEN
Bvllsh*t.
Then we buy into the idea of the GoldDigger - or whatever else the man uses as a sell out excuse for not being the man that his father and his father's father tried to be.. or should have been.....
You mean, meal ticket? Doormat? Source of financial income?
The provider - does not always means a financially.... if your car breaks down, maybe he cant get you a new one, or even get yours into the shop, but a REAL MAN will call and search and do what he can to make sure that his woman has her ride.... Even if he goes without.....
What kind of a woman can't take of things like that herself?
Have we - woman become so focused on what men aren't doing that we have become unclear of our role and what we truly want.... how can we expect something of a man when we are so unclear......
No, just trying to figure out how you can get the best of both worlds.
Being independent while trying to establish and exploit the benefits of a "dependent" relationship dynamic.
You're an "independent" girl now. You don't "need" a man. Let's "hear you roar!", instead of whimper on how you're going to manage getting your car fixed, or rely on someone else to manage your problems.
Put your big girl panties on, and stop looking for a daddy.... | |
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