| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:20:40 AM | | This is the fist time I've joined a dating site and I find myself nervous. I read profiles and it sounds interesting and then I have a hard time finding something to say other than "hi". I did exchange a couple of messages with someone that I found interesting and we IM'd a couple of times and then it stopped. I don't know if I said something wrong or didn't say enough. I just need a little advice on this online dating thing. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:33:41 AM | you know what to say, we all do inside we talk about past, thinks we dislike and like ect but the most important thing is just being your self as if you do not you are only cheating your self out of a life that you deserve
just remember there many fish in the sea and that is why your fishing on POF lol | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:01:37 AM | | Or, division77, perhaps the guy's profile is really sparse and it makes it hard to think of something to talk about. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:37:15 AM | Just start a conversation -- that's all.
You saw something in the profile that intrigued you -- what was it? Common interests you can discuss? Shared experiences? You live in the same town, or maybe have visited the same places?
Don't be nervous. It's all about getting to know people, and you can't do so without opening up a bit and engaging in a friendly conversation.
True, some exchanges will go nowhere -- people just move on w/o saying so. In those cases, you need to move on, too. There's always someone else waiting to talk with you. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:48:27 AM | | First, say something to make it clear that you've read the profile. If you ignore obvious incompatabilities, it will look like scam. If there's nothing in a profile to comment on, then that person doesn't know what to say either. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:50:49 AM | | just say hi... anything more is waste of time... in a short time ive found people on dating sites rude and lack the decency to even respond back to messages. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:04:23 AM | If you can't think of anything other to say than "hi", you're really not an interesting person.
I'm sorry, but this isn't rocket science.
If you can't have a conversation with someone without making it a big deal, you would have a problem dating in any fashion, not only 0n-line.
Apparently, you skipped the very FIRST sentence of the OP:
This is the fist time I've joined a dating site and I find myself nervous
OP, if this is your first time then it may be a little overwhelming at first. The best thing to do is pick something out of their profile or interests that you either have in common or it could be something you want to know more about. Either way, use that as a topic to either start or continue a conversation. It's ok to ask questions but don't make initial emails too long.
Also, just realize this is a bunch of strangers. So even though you had a few messages back and forth, don't take the fact that they don't respond or they don't contact again personal. Look at each one as a learning experience and getting your feet wet in the conversation process.
Good luck | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:25:09 AM | I don't think you can apply any kind of technique to writing a profile. I mean, if you can't think of much to say but feel that you ought to say a lot, then you're not being yourself. For me, I don't want to know your life history before I've met you and sorry if this seems cynical, people who write reams are only trying to sell themselves, which means you still have to meet them to find out about the things they didn't want to admit to on the page. If I know all the good stuff from the profile, all that's left for me to find out about on a meeting is the bunny boiling. I prefer short intros because from experience, the longer and more detailed a profile is, the less objective it's likely to be.
That said, some people just naturally write a lot and that's fine, what I'm saying is, don't feel that you should. If you haven't much to say, fine, don't force it, just say what you want to say and trust that most people are wise enough not to think an autobiography is any more accurate than a 10 year old photograph. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:38:00 AM |
I just need a little advice on this online dating thing.
Could you be more generic? There's probably hundreds (thousands?) of variables. I'm not going to cover all of them. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:53:49 AM |
just say hi... anything more is waste of time.
OP, this is bad advice. When I receive a one sentence email (or God forbid, one or 2 word email), I usually respond in like and then delete it. It shows ZERO creativity and/or interest to me.
The best thing to do is say Hi, write a few sentences expressing your interest, some things that you noticed in his profile, and the things that you have in common. Then, always throw at least one question in there so that he'll have something to respond to. It's not really any more complicated than that.
Here's the thing though, be prepared to have to do this MANY times before getting responses. Common manners seem to have taken a back seat in online dating & responding out of courtesy when not interested is rare, but don't let that discourage you. Like most everything else in life, you'll get out of it, what you put into it and just saying Hi, is equal to email suicide. So, hang in there, use a little creativity & imagination and don't get discouraged. It hasn't always been easy, but I have met some very nice women online and had some great experiences/relationships. You just have to keep plugging away at it.
Welcome and good luck! | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:28:34 AM | When I receive a one sentence email (or God forbid, one or 2 word email), I usually respond in like and then delete it. It shows ZERO creativity and/or interest to me.
I totally hear what you are saying.
Yet there's a flip side to that coin.
Some dating sites let you send a "flirt" or a symbol, which is the most modest way of saying, "I'm interested in you."
Especially for women in a world that still largely believes a man should take the initiative, sending a quick, short note isn't necessarily a bad thing. I've received first-contact messages where the only thing in the message was a smiley face. That is a communication -- one that expresses having noticed me and having taken the time to initiate contact. That says "something."
I think a few sentences responding to what in the profile attracted you makes more sense. But I see the other side, as well. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:52:35 AM | | Best thing I can tell u from my short learning history of doing this kinda meeting people and my mistakes, is 1st take it slow and don't jump to fast with the 1st guy who strikes ur interest. 2nd, don't be mesgn or contacting more than about 3 to 4 at a time. Saying Hi always best in first mesg with maybe a question abt something u like in their profile. Or simply mention something in their interests that relates to ur interests. Keep ur 1st mesg short. I found too many words can be taken as confusing or looking desperate to and extent. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:58:20 AM |
dating sites let you send a "flirt" or a symbol, which is the most modest way of saying, "I'm interested in you." It's the online equivalent of a suggestive wink and I suppose what you have to ask yourself is do I want to get to know someone who responds favorably to that kind of approach. Personally, I don't. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:01:45 AM | | To people who respond like NERDSTATUS, u offer nothing at all to the forum that's benificial to her. So, since u wasted space with ur comment kinda makes u look like a jerk especially by the words u wrote. Obviously if ur not going to cover the variables as u say, then WHY EVEN BOTHER SAYING ANYTHING. Wasted of space and time filtering comments like that. Any, OP just take it slow and don't let urself be insulted if a guy doesn't reply to u or stops messaging u. It probably happens to everyone here. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:18:18 AM | Honestly a LOT of exchanges on here last only a couple messages. They were being polite and answering when they may not have interest. After an initial email or two if I am actually interested I TELL THEM I AM and that I want to get to know more about them and begin asking far more in depth questions which gives me more insight into them and possibly what has shaped them into the person they are today.
Please search for good info here before posting threads. Search for first contact or first message and there are TONS of threads with your answer just waiting to be read and this thread will get deleted as redundant.
On a first message keep it relatively short. Mention a couple things you might have in common and ALWAYS ask one or two short questions about things you see in their profile so they have something to reply to. Guys on here are going to look at your profile and pics and will reply if interested as long as the message isn't "Hi Whats up?" or something really lame. Pamela Anderson could get a reply here with that message as we all would know "whats up" after seeing her pics. But really your profile and pics here more then a first message get a response.
After that ask questions! Tell them you are interested in knowing more about them seriously and ASK QUESTIONS to further that. Keep things moving forward! After a couple decent emails ask to talk on the phone if your ready. The thing is to always keep things moving forward to meeting if that is your goal.
Good Luck
Cowboy
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:22:10 AM | well, opie, it sounds like you care too much about making a good impression, so you get too self-conscious, then you just blank. constructively, trying to put your focus elsewhere will make you feel more relaxed. easier said than done though...but practice will help.
btw, it's a rartity anyone says anything really earth shattering via IM, e-mail, phone, or in person, so don't feel so pressured to come up with something riveting. ask them about their profile...likes, dislikes, what makes them tick, etc.. basically, stock questions. that will help to get them involved with their thoughts about themselves so they'll keep the convo rolling telling you all about themselves. if you can keep it going long enough, you'll eventually relax...that's when the fun starts! best! | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:35:59 AM | | btw, op, if it helps, i've had the same thing happen online & in person. i remember one guy who started talking about baseball during a 1st meet. i felt so pressured to look interested in baseball. lol anyway, it was a disaster since i know zip about baseball! i've had the same thing happen talking about religion & myriad of other things. those convos end up very stilted and it just feeds on itself. the bottom line is always, i have this nagging feeling i'm supposed to be interested in things because it seems more vivacious & interesting to be into a lot of things. i end up feeling like a chameleon...a very stilted one, at that! it's not really trying to impress them...it's more that i feel there's something wrong with me if i'm not all worldly or agreeable or something...(having a hard time articulating here). the times that go well are the times I'm feeling relaxed for some reason. questioning them will at least shift the focus off your own feelings and maybe help you to eventually relax. i don't really know of any other good techniques for overcoming it. somehow, you have to get the focus off yourself and all your worries about how you're being perceived. | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:06:42 AM | OP the on line dating thing is not for everyone. Finding someone you enjoy who will reciprocate in kind is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Typically you will get a lot of rejection so I hope you have a thick skin...be yourself and be interesting with confidence.
Good Luck | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:39:49 AM |
This is the fist time I've joined a dating site and I find myself nervous. I read profiles and it sounds interesting and then I have a hard time finding something to say other than "hi". I did exchange a couple of messages with someone that I found interesting and we IM'd a couple of times and then it stopped. I don't know if I said something wrong or didn't say enough. I just need a little advice on this online dating thing.
I generally have sympathy for those new to online dating. I've been doing it for quite some time, and I know a fair amount of openers, how to avoid stoppage, etc. all of which assume that you want to meet people.
However, I'm not going to tell you, because you have set up your account so that I am not even permitted to send you a message. So you seem to have decided exactly how you're going to approach this. If it's like a lot of people here, it will involve a lot of frustration and unpleasantness, leading to spending a lot of time talking about how all guys are this or that. Have fun! | |
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| I Don't Know What to Say?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:22:15 PM |
You saw something in the profile that intrigued you -- what was it? Common interests you can discuss? Shared experiences? You live in the same town, or maybe have visited the same places?
Don't be nervous. It's all about getting to know people, and you can't do so without opening up a bit and engaging in a friendly conversation
I've said hi and mentioned something in the profile and then after that nerves take over.
If you can't think of anything other to say than "hi", you're really not an interesting person.
I don't think that is the case at all. I kind of equate it to some people who freeze up when taking a test. They know the material, but........
OP, if this is your first time then it may be a little overwhelming at first. The best thing to do is pick something out of their profile or interests that you either have in common or it could be something you want to know more about. Either way, use that as a topic to either start or continue a conversation. It's ok to ask questions but don't make initial emails too long.
Overwhelmed is how I feel. I need to relax.
don't take the fact that they don't respond or they don't contact again personal. Look at each one as a learning experience and getting your feet wet in the conversation process.
Good advice. Thanks.
Common manners seem to have taken a back seat in online dating & responding out of courtesy when not interested is rare, but don't let that discourage you.
I've found that out.
Like most everything else in life, you'll get out of it, what you put into it and just saying Hi, is equal to email suicide. So, hang in there, use a little creativity & imagination and don't get discouraged. It hasn't always been easy, but I have met some very nice women online and had some great experiences/relationships. You just have to keep plugging away at it.
Thanks for the advice.
Welcome and good luck!
Thanks again.
well, opie, it sounds like you care too much about making a good impression, so you get too self-conscious, then you just blank. constructively, trying to put your focus elsewhere will make you feel more relaxed. easier said than done though...but practice will help.
Self conscious is an understatement. Again, I need to take a deep breath and relax.
Thanks for all the replies. I'll stick to reading the forums and getting more comfortable with the people here and just let nature take it's course. | |
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