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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:48:08 AM | For me, about an hour or so for the first meet is more than enough to determine whether or not I would like to see that person again.
The thing I've learned is: Having spent more time than that on first meets doesn't mean anything either!
... There was one first meet where I finally felt that giddy butterflies-in-stomach feel from the very start. ... the more we conversed, the more it seemed (to me) that I could really connect w/ this guy! ... So, not wanting to seem too eager (or maybe I was using a tad of reverse psychology!? lol), I politely tell him several times that if he had to run off to other things, I did not want to hold him off (as our conversation was seeming to carry on for a while) .... WELL, he kept sayin it was "ok" too, that he enjoyed our conversation ... even though on Sundays he said he usually went to the pool n gym right around that time too. So that first meet eventually turned out to be a three-hour long lunch ...... have to admit I was NAIVE and could not help but feel secretly smitten I was (mis)lead to believe that perhaps this guy was into me as well! ..... I laugh at that now -- cos 2 days later -- I text him if he was interested to hang out again --- and lo behold -- he simply said he decided to go back to seeing this other girl he had been seeing on-off prior to meeting me. *agh! palm-to-face!* :- /
Summary: Unless there is awesome fireworks and sparks flyin from BOTH parties straight from the get-go, first meets shouldn't be more than one hour period! | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:01:55 AM | OP - you can always tell that person ahead of time that you have some other things you have to run to after that too. So they know that you're not going to sit around listening to their whole life story.
And as I wrote above, I always tend to give them the benefit of the doubt too if they happen to want to bail out early but perhaps too polite to say so -- I offer them that. First meets will always be awkward to some degree. If you don't feel like there is anything after a few ice-breaking conversations with them -- then I think its best not to drag the meet on for more than an hour. | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:33:08 AM |
how do you shoot off but not seem rude? and how long do you have to stay even though you know theres nothing there?
Though I understand the concept of the "one hour interval", frankly I don't think you want to shoot off without having some sort of rudeness. Why do I say this? Because you want to convey clearly that you don't think that it is a match. Let's just say that there are maybe one or two threads over on Ask A Guy where the jist is, "Well, we had our first date and I could feel the chemistry, but now he doesn't respond to my e-mails/calls ... what do you think it can be?" *You* might not be feeling chemistry and know it, but there's nothing saying he knows what you feel. Besides, as a guy, though it can be depressing (let's admit it - one reason that we don't do it more often is that we don't like seeing other feeling hurt), in its totality I really do appreciate it because I know where I stand and there are no head games.
As for when, once you think it isn't a good match *at all*, I'd just tell him then and there and leave. Life is too short. | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:44:46 AM | | I use to set a first meet up for my lunchtime from work - I'd scoot out to a preset location, meet up with the guy and make sure that he was aware in advance that this was a short meet as I had to get back to the office. Thirty minutes gives more than enough time to determine whether or not you wish to spend any more time with the person and it isn't so long that it drags on if he happens to be somewhat of a dullard... | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:59:56 AM | Something like (in whatever words are natural to you), "Okay, I'm heading out now, thanks for meeting me," is fine. If they're not interested either, they'll respond more or less in kind. If they are, and ask if you want to get together again, say no then and there, apologize, and thank them for their time. 10-15 minutes is plenty if you know you're not remotely interested, even in a friendly way.
If the other party has misrepresented by 20 years or 200 pounds, or gives some truly major offense, you need not even stay for that long; it is quite all right to call them on this, and leave.
Hope you won't need to use any of that! | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:46:38 PM | I had a meeting where we never got into the restaurant. We met in the parking lot, I looked at him, he looked at me. He said something to the effect, "You can eat crackers in my bed any time you want."
I said something to the effect, "I think I would rather eat garden slugs than be in your bed."
True story, somewhat altered.
Set a time limit. Explain that to limit pressure, you will meet for a 30 minute coffee/soda. If you like each other, you can easily extend the time, and if you don't like each other or one doesn't "feel it," you can say, "Time's up."
I am quite blunt, but I have spent too much time listening to nice men who bore me silly rather than hurt their feelings and get up and walk out. And one guy said to me, "I have to be getting home now." Problem solved for both of us. | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:00:35 PM | You should be able to tell within a half hour on rather the person you've met is someone that you would like to see again. It shouldn't take an hour.
If there isn't anything there on your part, then you should definitely not waste that individuals time. Just let the person know that it was meeting him/her, and go about your business. | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:56:23 PM | In my opinion, especially if the guy made extra effort to meet you eg.. travelled out of his way, made a change of plans etc, I think it's fair you owe at least an hour. Be gracious even if you feel zip as a friend unless the conversation is really stiltled or uncomfortable and/or it seems you both want to hightail it outta there. In that case, offer him some chances to escape if necessary. Show you're at least making a decent effort to be pleasant. For you, be clear of the set time before meeting - this should minimise fuss. I go with the flow, I don't decide whether they're worth my time based only on relationship potential. I've never felt the need to preset a time for first meets. Go with how you both feel, allow a decent amount of time, don't rush off rudely (unless the feeling's mutual). In any event, allow a few extra hours free in case it works out. Be aware they might only have that preset time if they've made other plans.
If the other party has misrepresented by 20 years or 200 pounds, or gives some truly major offense, you need not even stay for that long; it is quite all right to call them on this, and leave.
Reminds me of someone who lied about his body type on profile (only had a face shot but you could tell). I politely called him out on it. He answered truthfully but made a veiled sarcastic remark. If he straight out lied and we met under false pretenses, then that's cause to leave, after telling him nicely..even if I do feel rude doing it. Don't give 'em reason to do it to someone else. | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:38:37 PM | Gwendolyn2009 is very blunt when saying that when she meets a man as to whether their is an attraction or not. Usually I find if a woman is attracted to me then she will extend the first meeting longer than 30 minutes unless she has lunch with me and has to get back to work. I think it is better to be blunt about your feelings rather than use the "I'll call you later" line and then you never call them back at all. The majority of time is when people don't want to extend the meeting than they start to come up with things to get out of extending that meeting like the following lines.
1. I have something important to do and I will call you later
2. I have an urgent family illness or emergency to take care of.
3. I can't stay any longer but it was nice meeting you.
4. It's late and I really have to go now.
And then there are other ones at the most, while I am not saying these can be legitimate excuses the majority of time it is a nice way of saying that they are not going to meet you again and that there is no attraction to you at all. So sometimes it is just a matter of reading between the lines. So if there is no second meeting and if the person doesn't take the time to show an interest after the first meeting then you should just go ahead and start fishing again. That is why they call it plentyoffish.com because there are plenty more fish in the sea than to waste your time fishing for a fish that won't take your bait. Just draw your fishing line out and go fishing again! | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:49:27 AM |
first meeting is just long enough for a cup of coffee. that makes it easy to bow out at the bottom of the cup. how fast can you drink it?? hey 2 or 3 cups if you're having a good time. that's why there is so much coffee-drinking on first dates.
Oh boy. If I didn't have the jitters before the meet I'll have them by the time I leave.  | |
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| how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:57:57 PM | I never set time limits for dates and I have never been told by woman there would be one. The longest first meet lasted 3 days, the shortest was still at least an hour.
If there is no chemistry, I still enjoying talking to the person, other wise I would not have met them to begin with. So, I use that time to brush up on my social, meet, interview, interviewee and witty remarks skills. | |
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