| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:31:56 AM | I have recently met a man who has quite a few kids(5) by 2 different women. I have 3 children of my own. He has been asking me out a lot lately and I have been refusing him for 2 reasons:
1. His babies mama is a nut job and she stares at me and gives me dirty looks everytime she see's me.
2.His 5 plus my 3 make 8 kids.
He is a nice guy and is very sweet to me, but I am not trying to have the added drama in my life. I don't want to be shallow and not give him a chance. But I also don't want to date for the sake of dating.
I know that I am taking the risk of getting flamed by asking this question, but, should I give him a chance anyway? Am I reading too much to soon?
Thanks for listening. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:53:39 AM | Take a chance with him until he proves that he's not worth dating or making those sacrifices for.
You are not dating for the sake of dating if you do like him and he is good to you.
Just don't involve your kids lives too much if at all during dating him, and don't go anywhere near his baby mama, cause that drama will break you two up before you hook up. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:00:02 AM | Thanks...The kids already know each other. They all go to the same school. We just don't let them know that we hang out. I try to avoid the mama... she is nucking futs! I have asked him if he does anything to make her behave that way. Sometimes when boundaries are not set for separated parents, the outcome is not good. He does more than the average man for her and the kids to makes sure that his children are comfortable, I wonder if she thinks that I am trying to cash in...
His money has never been important to me because I earn my own. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:12:55 AM | Dear Op, she maybe looking at you if she is still married to him and sees you his next
potential. Maybe he made so kind of comment when they were together about you or could be she could have seen or heard he was looking. You know how people can talk.
I would try to stay well out of both ways until the divorce is final.
I believe two can make it if they try, then good look getting the kids to conform. 
Even the brady bunch had drama. I'm sorry was that before your time.  | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:21:23 AM | Sin...I watched the Brady bunch...LOL
They have never been married. As a matter of fact she is the mother of his oldest children. They have been apart for a while... | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:37:58 AM | Well you are certainly old enough to know what you like , if he is good to you and you think he will be supportive to the kids, go for it. I hope he gets that thing fixed, Because
Eight is Enough LOL | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:03:20 AM | OP, I think if you want to avoid baby mama drama, then he's not the best choice in dating...
3 kids with one, and 2 with another, that is a lot of irresponsibility... I am not getting the impression that he was thinking about how paying for 5 kids would affect his life...
Sometimes letting someone go that could be a messy entanglement is a kinder thing to do, then to date someone just because they are nice... As of yet I haven't met that many people that don't try putting their best foot forward before they put their rotten one down...
Your are a very hot lady, I have no doubt that having you on his arm would be a total wonderful treat, BUT if you have reservations now, I would listen to them... JMHO.. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:20:41 AM | That is kind of what I am feeling nexthyme. I have known him for about a year and we haven't dated at all. He does take GREAT care of all 5 children and where I could agree with you about the irresponsibility, I could also be seen as irresponsible for having 3 children with 2 fathers.
I am more concerned about this crazy chick and his involvement in her life. I know all of his children and they have been a part of my life for quite some time because they hang out with my children. We get along pretty well.
But you are right. The whole situation is messy. I have told him that if he wants to date me, I need him to clean up that mess and set the appropriate boundaries with her in order for our relationship to work.
I raise my children well with their fathers because we don't have a lot of "extras" going on. Our main objective is to raise healthy children. I am not sure what their objective is or whether he overextends himself in a way that makes her feel as though she has the right to behave that way.
He says that he cannot control her behavior. I agree with him, but he can control his and by doing that he may be able to show her that she has no right to be territorial.
Oh...I forgot to add that she called me to ask me what my relationship was with him. I asked her if they were together and she said no. I reminded her that if she had any questions that she needed to direct them to the father of her children because it is not my place to discuss his relationships and if he wasn't cheating on her, then it really wasn't any of her business... | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:21:26 AM | | One baby mama is enough to cause more than enough drama in someone's life. TWO baby mama's is more than enough, and odds are at least one if not both is going to cause drama with you and him. After all, the one is already giving u dirty looks, what do u think will happen if you date him for an extended period of time? It will only get worse. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:26:55 AM | Seriously, wtf is with this whole baby mama thing... it makes me think ghetto, trailer parks, unwashed kids running around barefoot and women schlepping around with five kids under the age of four while texting to the next ex. 
If he is a responsible father to the children, then give the poor schmoe a chance. If he's one of those text-speaking, ghetto-talking morons that are out trying to repopulate the world, then by all means, pass on him. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:58:33 AM | Op, I understand what you are saying about owning your own choices, however his women, or at least the one woman seems to want to make life hell... I have met people like that, and they can be relentless; takes a lot for a person to deal with the crap...
He is right he can't control her behavior, however he can tell her to step down, because they aren't together, and he's doing right by their kids...
You do right by your own kids, and their relationship with their father. I understand that too, I share custody with my ex, and our son, plus I am helping his now adult son get on to his feet again at almost 23 yrs old...
LOL, my poor husband, he is a saint for being able to accept that I am helping my ex's own child, when he should be doing it himself... Oh well, sometimes some body has to step up...
Drama mama women.... I don't know if they ever let go, they seem to be like pit bulls fighting over what ever... | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:59:35 AM | Oh yeah and next time she oversteps her boundaries get a restraining order and follow it through.    | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:23:04 AM | I really appreciate all of your input. I guess a couple dates wouldn't hurt. But I will most definitely be mindful of the psycho chick...because I am also a force to be reckoned with and I don't think she wants it how I can bring it either | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:27:28 AM |
because I am also a force to be reckoned with and I don't think she wants it how I can bring it either Wow... that statement just says it all doesn't it? Sounds like you just might be the type of person that invites a bit of drama into your life...
Makes me realize that my sedate and oftentimes boring life is exactly where I want to be in this world. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:45:14 AM | No lint...I am not dramatic...but I do not allow others to take my kindness for weakness. That means that where I am not indulging in her childish behavior, I will not allow her to continually make me uncomfortable because I see her often and if I do become a part of this mans life...I will see her even more.
I have no intention of stooping to her level. But if I feel I need to speak up I have no reservation about doing so. But I am not going to yell and scream and be an idiot about it. I am going to say what I have to say and keep it moving. She and I are both adults and I will always conduct myself as a lady should... | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:48:27 AM | Are you old enough to remember the show, lol? My daughter actually did not know who Joe Dimaggio was, and she was probably more impressed with how sweet it was that he put flowers on Marilyn's grave than his baseball carreer.
Here's a suggestion. Do you think you can spend time with him and not get serious? Can you talk to him about your concerns and ask if he is open to dating without getting intimate, etc. for quite a while? Even perhaps either or both of you casually dating others?
This is why I ask. If they are in the process of unfurling their marriage, it takes some time to figure out how things are going to work apart. While it is normal and very SMART for you to see the potential problems, I also think a guy like him, that is concerned about his kids and doesn't want to just leave the wife hanging when she may have no other back-up system at the present as a good human being rather than someone not over the ex, if that makes any sense. Unfortunate component of this picture is the crazy wife and she may be a pain in the rear always, some people, even if they ended it, yada, yada, don't ever seem to get over the divorce and always see another person as an interloper.
It also seems to me that no matter how emotionally a man (and my comment is toward the male having not really seen the timeline for women) is removed from the wife, when the divorce is actually final, they have a bit of a tail spin kind of going through everything again. For a relationship to last beyond this stage, I think anything he starts he needs to keep a bit of distance. Friend of mine said that even though he really wanted the divorce because the marriage/divorce was really ugly, his head wanted to be involved for about the first year but his heart wasn't in it. I got involved with a man who was in the process of divorce because we clicked so well it was just too difficult to walk away or put things on hold even knowing that was the best course. Three years later he remains alone because for the 9 months we were together and the time since then, he just isn't ready for a relationship.
I suspect that while the prospect of 8 is daunting, it really isn't the number you are hung up on it is the whack job ex. Some people never get over it and they may even whackily attribute the demise of the marriage to the new person even when they weren't on the scene until later. You have the added complication there of having known them before the divorce, it is a slippery insane slope.
If he's a good man, an intelligent man, he will see your concerns as valid and possibly do some thinking he hasn't already done. If he really wants a relationship with you or anybody else for that matter, he will recognize that he has many more years on the planet and moving forward with seriousness, etc. should not happen now. If he really cares for you, he should be able to talk with you about this and figure out how you can move forward without destroying the potential that is there.
I would at the very least discuss things with him rather than deciding this isn't the man for you. I would note that you aren't making any judgments about what he does or does not do for his ex, or trying to change the way he is handling things, just that it is a bit uncomfortable not knowing whether this will change over time, etc.
Question OP, does he do things for the other woman as well or just the woman he is splitting up with? If he is the type of person to occasionally lend her a hand because they are amicable or like my situation, right now I am using the ex's ride. My van was totaled mid September, insurance is dragging its heels, and our kids go to a school 8 miles from my home as transfer students because of the quality of education they receive there. If not for that factoid, I could manage the other things I need to do without any assistance from him and if he was not a railroad engineer, getting the kids to and from school would be less inconvenient for both of us.
My point is that if he has worked things out to a comfortable and unintrusive level with the other mom, he will try to do so with this one and when she keeps acting like a douche, he will find he needs to set more harsh boundaries, like no help under any circumstances or whatever. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:57:16 AM | Thanks package deal. He has agreed to date me in exactly that manner. The problem is that I am TOTALLY hung up on the whack job because I was in a situation similar to this one when I was in my early 20's and really feel like I am to old to do it again...
I think that I will take it slow and see where it goes...
BTW...I watched the Brady Bunch re runs as a child...lol | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:14:48 PM | Did they have the Eight is Enough Reruns on then too, lol?
I can totally understand if you dealt with a nut before, my ex had a whackjob trailing him for about the first year we were together, it can make for a miserable existence, something I would very carefully invite into my life if I had kids.
So if you had the convo, at least for now, maybe see how things go. If you find the need to call it quits and he doesn't understand, that is his problem, not yours. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:40:45 PM | Ya know.. go with your MIND on this one
babymamma? TWO? That implies no marriage.. just makin preggos
Is that value system acceptable to you.. not even counting on the drama that comes with it
You are being shallow.. you are being DISCERNING.
Remember.. you already KNOW the trauma/drama to come. Dont go in and then complain about it later..
Or as they say in florida
GURL.. Dere's GATORS in dem waters
Edit: Just read through your other posts. It SEEMS your mind was made up to go INTO this swamp. "Force to be reckoned with????" WTF
Go take that so-called "force" and apply it elsewhere towards a POSITIVE for your own life.. instead of engaging in a catfight with nutso TPT (trailerparktrash)
Remember:
"Never wrestle with a PIG. You have to get down in the pigpen filled with pigslop and you'll get covered in it.. and the pig LIKES the slop" | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:18:51 PM | I notice in this forum that that the men seem to have a problem with my statement that I am a force to be reckoned with. Some of the most successful people in this world stood firm in their beliefs and never backed down from a fight!
I think that you guys are reading far too much into the statement...
The point is that if I have to I will stand up for myself and I will not allow this woman or anyone else to mow over me.
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:33:14 PM |
I notice in this forum that that the men seem to have a problem with my statement that I am a force to be reckoned with. I'm a woman and I have a huge issue with that statement. It bespeaks of physical altercations and false bravado.
Some of the most successful people in this world stood firm in their beliefs and never backed down from a fight! There is nothing wrong with standing by your belief... there is a huge deal wrong with getting into a fight. It screams trailer to me. | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:40:35 PM | | Then maybe your impression is wrong...I am FAR TOO OLD to fight! I mean that I am not going to stand back and let this woman antagonize me! Are you serious...do women in their 30's really fight??? WOW! | |
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| Baby mama drama
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:40:49 PM |
I don't want to be shallow and not give him a chance. But I also don't want to date for the sake of dating.
Take the middle road. If the results are middlin' don't meddle with it. | |
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