| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:44:45 AM | For once i managed to message a girl with more than one sentance. Her profile was so jam packed with stuff so similar to mine I had to double check I wasn't reading my own. We've Messaged a few times, each one being of a decent length. She seems really cool and i kinda think we'd get on.
Ive never met anyone off a site like this before, and I dont want to seem too forward or scare her off. How long do I leave it befor asking if she wants to meet? | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:31:44 AM | Have you asked her yet?
If not, you've waited too long. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:36:00 AM | | Its onlt been a few messages. I thought it would be way to soon. literally 3 messages each. and its been less than a week. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:38:13 AM | If you have had a few good messages why not asking for her phone number next. Just keep things moving forward. If you get her phone number please call her don't just text.
Cowboy | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:41:49 AM | | What Cowboy said! And offer your number while you're at it, so both bases are covered (whether she prefers to make the call, or to have you call her). | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:56:09 AM | | Thanks for replies. I'd be comfortable with a face 2 face meeting. and with corraspondance. This may seem weird, but hopefully someone will understand. Msging is fine, gives you time to think of something to say. Face to face i get the fear of akward silences but magage to overcome them. A phonecall with someone ive never met. I cant do it. I'm quite shy and venerable. I get all panicy. Only ever had 2 gfs last time ended 2 years ago and was very long term. Only just really started looking again. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:01:46 AM | | ^^ Tell her that. She may be unwilling to meet without a phone call first, but an explanation won't hurt and might help. Good luck! | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:47:43 AM | Tell her you'd love to chat with her on the phone, if she gives you her number -call her and arrange meet right away (within a few days of first chatting) (ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CALL HER MORE THAN TWICE -or leave more than 1 message on her answering machine) until she becomes receptive and shows an effort to want to meet. -Man up and make your move, its up to you to suggest meeting -pick something simple like an afternoon at a coffee shop or diner. -its OK to let her pick the place, however suggest something simple and halfway in location, like coffee for the first meet. -if she can't agree to that -she's wasting your time.
if she's truely intrigued or infatuated by your charm she will be dyin to meet asap -if you let more than a week go by, -she's stringing you (not interested or cant decide to piss or get of the pot) 
trust me the interested ones are just as eagar to meet you... | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:08:00 PM | | I say as soon as possible, that way she knows where you stand and what your intentions are, the longer you linger she "may" blur the line of friend and potential fellow, so i say while it's on your mind you might as well ask the woman out, this is a dating site why asking for a date is too forward? | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:12:58 PM | | Meet her at a bar you hang out at...have drinks and chat...not a date...just..a hang out...then see... Ohh..do it now.. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:45:43 PM | | Until you meet in person, whatever technology you use, including the telephone serve only to create an illusion of the other person. What I recommend it to mention to her, some of the things you have in common that are attached to a place. Then ask her if she would like to do that with you. Just don't make it a movie, because what you need to do is talk and share. After you meet, then all the other stuff help the other person remember what they experienced in real flesh. But until then, it's an illusion. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:53:22 PM | If the email exchange is going well(more than 3 or 4)
try this:
I really like typing to you and hope to hear your voice someday.
Maybe in person.
But for now here is my number.
Not expecting you to call. Cus I'm the guy and should call first.
Just keep it for when you know me well enuff to send yours.
Till then, email is fine.
Cus I like reading your thoughts.
You can rephrase it to be more young and hip.
But it shows your interest without being pushy.
And gently offers to up it a level.
Sending your number first allows her to consider sending hers.
If she is interested, she will eventually.
If not...well then you know.
Always worked for me.
:-)
Good luck! | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:16:28 PM | It's not uncommon for men to dislike talking on the phone.
Message her and let her know in your own words that you would like to hang out some time and then offer a few suggestions that play into the shared interests you have. That way, you can meet and do something you know you both already enjoy.
If, after that, she asks to go to the phone tell her what you have said here. She will either be okay with it or she wont and there really isn't anything you can do about it one way or the other. In your age group, she might be cool with just texting a bit before meeting which is something you can suggest as an alternative.
Good luck. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:25:03 PM | Thanks everyone for your help. I finally did it.
I went with something like this.
(we'd mentioned previously she's the only person i talk to on here)
I told you I signed up2 this coz a friend told me to. You mentioned you did the same but are taking it more seriously now? So if you're taking it seriously maybe you can answer somethings for me? How soon should a guy leave it before asking a girl to hang out one afternoon? Or ask for a number so he can get to know someone better b4 arranging to meet.
okay that might have been totally cheesy. Obviously im talking about her. She's gna know that. But i left it completely open. Hoping she will say, i think you should ask soon. or its easy enough for her to reject that without feeling akward. If she doesnt want to it can be easily rejected with... why not wait for the girl to ask.
I have serious rejection issues. lol
man i hope she doesnt read this.
anyway, any thoughts on how i did it? too lame?
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:46:19 PM | I think that was sweet. And if she reads this, even sweeter!  | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:48:16 PM |
And if she reads this, even sweeter!
how? if she reads this I'd like the ground to open up and swallow me please :D. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:56:26 PM | First of all, you know she could easily search you up and look at your posts?
As for your question, after you've exchanged a few messages, just suggest a casual meet for coffee at your local coffee shop.
If she's slightly interested, she will be fine with that. If she declines, it means 1. she wasn't interested in the first place. 2. She has issues with online dating (one girl I chatted to for quite a bit, including on MSN, eventually said she was afraid to meet people online. I was pretty pissed off since she was just wasting my time) in which case it's better to find that out sooner rather than later.
And that last message, was quite lame. Do not listen to the women here who say it's "sweet." The average girl would immediately reject you based on that. There would be some shy, somewhat awkward girls who would find that sweet, but the majority of girls would find that insecure and wussy and reject you. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:08:06 PM | May I ask in the politest way how you know the majority of womens reactions and opinions?
I must have missed it when you sent out that survey to them all.
But thanks for opinion, after all I did ask. I would have been happy with just yours though, you didnt have to answer for the majority of women. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:27:07 PM | Let's say I told you the majority of men are attracted to slim, busty women with a clear complexion and long flowing hair.
Would you question me on how I knew the majority of men's opinions? Of course not since you know as well as I do most men are attracted to that. Sure, some guys are looking for "bigger" women, but those are the minority. And it's not because these guys choose to be attracted to the women they are. Attraction isn't a choice.
Likewise, women are attracted to guys who are confident, suave, and assertive. Men who appear "powerful" (I don't just mean physically) and high-status. Again, attraction isn't a choice, it just is. Why do you think some women admit that they always go after "bad boys" and it never works out? It's not because they consciously choose to date "bad boys"—it's because that's what they are attracted to (not a choice).
Now, there are some women who think confident, suave guys are "too smooth, probably a player, etc." and prefer more "innocent" guys (because they are cute and endearing). But that's a minority. Just like how most guys want slim, busty women. Some don't but they are the minority. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:34:51 PM | | I wouldn't take it as rejection if she doesnt want to meet right away. It all depends on the female. some females ( like myself) find it a turn off if a man wants to meet only after a few conversations. especially if they haven't even spoke on the phone yet. Also if you are too scared or nervous to speak on the phone how do you plan to have a conversation in person? So my advice would be to talk to her on the phone first get a feel of how she feels and what she thinks and go from there. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:46:41 PM | I like it, Fredundant (great screen name BTW), I think that was a creative way to deal with this. Only trouble is - she might not know you mean her! This could read as, "I've gotten mail from other women now, and you've been friend-zoned." It kinda depends on her confidence level, how she takes it. So if you get a cautious response giving general advice, don't be afraid to lob back with something like, "So will that work for you?"
Don't worry about her reading the posts. If she takes it into her head to see if you've posted and does see it, and she definitely likes you, she'll like you even more after seeing the careful thought that's going into your interactions with her. If she isn't into you all that much, she probably wouldn't think to look anyway, and it wouldn't make any difference. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:54:00 PM | | This message is directed towards Duandal26! How are you going to speak for the "majority" of women? Are you a woman? To tell that man that "most" woman are not attracted to "shy" men is not the truth. Everyone does have their opinion and preference when it comes to who they feel they are attracted to, but that is a CHOICE! Sometimes people that arent that attractive to a person physically may end up really getting into and becoming attracted to that person personality. so the "physical part" goes away. Some woman prefer or want "bad boys" but there is more to men than just being a bad boy or not! I know a lot of woman that would find him to not only be adorable but a good man to be with. Just because a man is " shy" doesnt make him a "wimpy". That may just mean that he actually cares about what the woman thinks and feels about him. Now as far as you saying " look at the woman that are saying it is sweet" I wouldnt throw stones if i lived in a glass house! Now as far as the woman that you said " wasted your time" because she was scared to meet men online. Did you ever consider that it is because of men like yourself that she feels that way. If a woman or man for that matter doesnt want to meet right away. that should be their "choice" and the other person should respect that! This world is crazy and has very crazy people in it and if woman want to wait to meet a man they should have that choice. My advice to you is if you don't like what people say on here or how they behave or react to you. Maybe you should try finding a woman the old fashion way at a bar. In my opinion with your attitude that is all you are worthy of getting is a "bar fly'! | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:56:35 PM | | It just depends on the person. Some people don't mind meeting early on. Me personally, I like to get to know someone a bit before I meet them. Just because I feel it's necessary to be very cautious with who you meet online. I've come across some weird people, and just like to feel someone out a little bit before going out. Like someone said though, it's probably not too early to ask for a number and maybe text/talk some. | |
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| How long b4 date
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:23:05 PM | "How are you going to speak for the "majority" of women? Are you a woman?"
I can speak for the majority of women in the same way that a woman can say "the majority of men prefer slim, busty women over bigger women" and still be correct even though she is not a man.
"To tell that man that "most" woman are not attracted to "shy" men is not the truth."
I speak the truth. You saying it's false does not make it so. Those movies where the shy, awkward guy gets the hot girl in the end? Doesn't happen like that in real life.
Here's one example to prove my point: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
"For example, a heterosexual love-shy male will have trouble initiating conversations with women because of strong feelings of anxiety."
"Gilmartin argued that love-shyness would have the most severe effect on heterosexual males, because of gender roles. He claims that it may be possible for both shy women and homosexual men to become involved in intimate relationships without needing to take any initiative, simply by waiting for a more assertive man to initiate the relationship or in the case of lesbians, a more assertive woman."
"does have their opinion and preference when it comes to who they feel they are attracted to, but that is a CHOICE!"
Wrong. Attraction is not a choice. You don't decide what traits you are attracted to. You just are. Attraction is an emotion like happiness, anger, sadness. 99%, if not more, of people can't turn emotions on and off at will.
The majority of women are not attracted (or less attracted) to shy, insecure men. Most women are attracted to confidence, power, assertiveness, status. That is just a fact. The same way that I said the majority of men are not attracted (or less attracted) to bigger women. That is just a fact.
"Now as far as the woman that you said " wasted your time" because she was scared to meet men online. "
She explicitly stated that she did not feel comfortable meeting anyone online since she was scared, regardless of whether she got to know them by chatting or not. Therefore, it was accurate of me to say she was wasting time—why be on a dating site if you do not feel comfortable meeting people online?
The rest of your post is just a rant with no actual points. | |
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