| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:21:27 AM | Ok boys and girls (Yes this is going to be a redundant thread, so what....lol)
The question "Do you really want to be in a relationship?"
If the answer is no then the standard questions come to mind:
1) why not?
2) Why are you here? Duh
If the answer is yes, then this question arises:
1) Can you and are you willing to adapt your present life/lifestyle to include getting to know someone, i.e. putting your "routine" aside to accomodate actually spending time with someone more than a couple times a month and a chit chat here and there in order to actually get to know them? Rather than checking the newest email to see if Mr/Ms Perfect finally showed up?
1) Do you think you need to make it happen, or will you just keep telling yourself into your lonely 70's " I'll know it when I find it"?
What I'm getting at is this. With the thousands of local men and women on dating sites nobody takes the time to get to know anybody by either not wanting or not knowing how to break out of their daily routine to come outside the their box and take a chance
or they're just serial daters thinking, as I stated, that Mr/Ms Perfect will be the next one tomorrow......A statement I read pretty much sums it up: "I've met several men I could live with, but not one I couldn't live without" WTF people..... | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:54:38 PM | | I agree. There use to be a time, (I know, I know, I am old) before the internet, that you would take the time to get to know someone. And surprise! They would get better looking as you got to know them. Now it seems like there is just the "all you can eat buffet" attitude out there. And yes, I have been guilty of it myself. | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:41:28 PM |
"Do you really want to be in a relationship?" Yes.
Can you and are you willing to adapt your present life/lifestyle to include getting to know someone, i.e. putting your "routine" aside to accomodate actually spending time with someone more than a couple times a month and a chit chat here and there in order to actually get to know them? Yes... on a moving scale. Meaning: At first, I am not going to upset my routine too much but, as things progress, I am willing to become more and more accomodating.
The problem is, and this happened again recently, most of the women on POF simply can not be honest in their photos and postings. This lady looked cute, not my ideal type but certainly cute. She had a lot of great qualities and seemed "relationship ready" but when we met I can honestly tell you that not a single person on POF could have picked her out of a lineup using her posted photos. I'm talking not even 1% similarity and I am now completely convinced that her photos were of someone else. | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:24:22 PM | I'm talking not even 1% similarity and I am now completely convinced that her photos were of someone else.
Froggy, are you sure it WAS a woman????? Or perhaps at one time a man???? 
When I get the response "let me see how my week goes and I'll let you know"
It tells me she isn't interested (then be honest) or she's going to see what else comes up and if nothing does then perhaps she has time to get together....Total B.S.
Or as I mentioned, she's unwilling to break from her routine for the sake of getting to know someone and hence, she really doesn't want to be in a relationship and she's playing games with someone AND playing games with herself. (Ladies, you can switch out she for he. It's not one sided) | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:36:03 PM | sometimes i wonder about what people want when they post there profile. i've gone out with some DDG type of ladys. they have everything going for them. that is if they would just open there eyes and see what is in front of them. i try to see what a person has going on in their life, and make plans from there. i hear "i'll call tonight". never hear from them. when that starts to happen,, i ask myself if they don't have time for me,, why should i have time for them. ladys,,, show me that you have the time to show interest in me and i'll take even more time to give back to you and let you know i have alot of interest in you!! | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:10:42 AM |
When I get the response "let me see how my week goes and I'll let you know" Yeah, those types of comments are definate passive/agressive "not interested" and even if it was an honest comment, if their life is so disjointed that they can't say for sure that they will have time to date then I have no interest.
Now, if she said "I would like to see you but I have a busy week ahead. Let me see if I can rearrange a few things and if I can I'd like to go out. If not, would you like to do something Saturday night?" - Now THAT would be an honest comment but those "I'll let you know remarks" are just stupid.
"i'll call tonight"". never hear from them.
Again, this is just passive/agressive behavior. When a person does this they are telling you they are too unhealthy to be in a relationship. You loose nothing by walking away.
when that starts to happen You mean you let it happen more than once? Let a woman do that to me and when she calls the first question I ask is "Are you ok?" and when she says "yes" in that confused tone of voice they get. My next question is "what happened last night?" and when you get that litany of excuses (none of which involve a hospital) I just say it straight up: "If you were not in the hospital then you really have no excuse to not have called like you said you would. I do not allow people into my life that have no more respect for me than what you showed. Take care." and then I hang up the freakin phone.
I am not mean, abusive or angry. I am just straight, honest and assertive. I would never treat anyone else that way and I certainly will not allow anyone to treat me that way. | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:28:11 AM | I blame it on the French. They gave us the Bic pen and began the march toward a “disposable” society.
I think many people are simply not honest with themselves about their priorities and this causes them to do and say less than honest things to others. No harm is intended. No lie is intentional. It is simply a case of a flawed underlying assumption that the desire for a relationship is a high priority. We feel good about ourselves and oh so “normal” saying yes we want a long-term relationship. It seems so honorable and stable as opposed to; “I’m just out here trying to have as much fun as possible with as many different people as possible in the shortest amount of time possible.” My goodness, what would we and our friends think of us if we ever said that? So we state the goal as LTR, but place it low in our priorities.
My solution, so far, has been to almost totally ignore the written and spoken words and watch the actions.
A recent scenario for me was I had a date to see a woman on a weekday evening. About noon on the day of the date she called to say she had to break the date because she had taken a last minute babysitting job for that evening. My response was, “I understand. I didn’t realize you were on call 24/7.” Her response was, “Oh, I’m not. I can always say no.” My interpretation is that for whatever reason (it really doesn’t matter what it is), babysitting has a higher priority than seeing me. Now she is likely either wondering why or is thankful that I haven’t called back and again, it really doesn’t matter which it is. I just no longer “buy” the fantasy that she both wants a relationship (with me anyway) and is willing/able to make that goal a high priority.
Next?
(Still watching actions and ignoring words.) | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:41:08 AM |
I think many people are simply not honest with themselves about their priorities and this causes them to do and say less than honest things to others. Again, why would anyone want to date someone who can't be honest with themselves and therefore (law of unintended consequences) dishonest with others.
That dishonesty manifests itself as passive/agressive behavior because just avoiding you allows me to avoid the reality that I really dont want/am incapable of being in a healthy relationship.
But Bob, you absolutely right... actions speak louder than words and so often the actions fall far short of the words.
The lady I recently met who used the fake photos... she talked a great game but the action (not looking anything like her photo) fell far short of the promise. | |
|
| |
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:25:51 AM | | I have not met ONE person yet that looked like thier photo, or they way they described their body type. Go figure. I also have found, that some that do the delete thing on your message, will come back a month or two later and message you. At which time I return the favor. Not nice, I know. But it seems that everyone on here is looking for something better than who they are currently talking too. I really dont think that this site is a good medium for getting into a good relationship. Maybe just dating around as that is what most of the women seem to be wanting to do. Regardless of the type of relationship they have selected for what they are looking for. (Maybe that rich one WILL come along, but I will talk to this guy until then) | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:52:44 PM | ^^^^^^ You hit POF dead square on the head!
<div class="quote">I also have found, that some that do the delete thing on your message, will come back a month or two later and message you. At which time I return the favor. Not nice, I know. I have said this a 1000 times in here...
These chicks get so many emails when they are new that they think they are far better than they are and then when they have spent about 6-8 weeks being used by all the fast talking playas they get real and then circle back around to the really good guys. The problem is, they crapped on us when they did that unread/deleted thing and we want nothing to do with them... and then they end up in here pi$$ing and moaning because there are no good guys on here!
Its a vicious and never ending circle...
Eventually you learn the only way to win the game is to not play. You stop sending emails and stop looking at the who's viewed you and disable emails alerting you to who has added you to their favorites and then when you get an email you answer it... otherwise its just a complete and total waste of time.
You also have to get beyond the part where you think its you... its not you, its this site. I can go on another site and get 80% of my emails returned. Same emails and sometimes the same women... its just POF. | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:02:53 PM | Is it or is it not ironic that no women have any comment on this subject? Is it because the nail was hit directly dead center? This subject cannot nearly be as one sided as it seems, or is it? Like I said
Where da the white women at? | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:46:45 PM | Ok.....let me take (another) one for the team and speak.
Must be having a blonde, senior moment because I fully agree with all you guys, only from a woman's viewpoint.
The people on this site are like no other I have encountered - it's like visiting a new country when I sign in here. The vast majority don't know what they want - IMO. I am not one for initiating emails as I could care less whether I receive no emails or 600 - I still have my life, I will still eat and breath and I will still enjoy my everyday happenings.
Reading the profiles gives me my 'jollies' (yeah, I'm easy to please) and from what I've read, between the profiles and the post, not many have gone past, oh, about the 3rd grade.
Like the guys enjoy women's pics of their what not's hanging out, we ladies (ok me) do not enjoy seeing men in their pics surrounded by a gaggle of 17 year olds, shirtless when a shirt should be required by Federal Law in their case, and if I see one more boy genius snapping himself with his Nokia in the 'turliet' I shall puke! Will never forget my first email on POF - boy wonder standing in his front yard - yard of weeds, car on blocks, assorted trash thrown about and yes, the proverbial 'mobile home' in the background - and BW is standing there in a wife beater and ripped jean shorts, barefooted! Yeah boys!! Got my heart racing - NOT! That was on Tuesday. I did reply to him with a simple "No thank you". Saturday I received another email explaining if I was DESPERATE for a date that night he was available - DUH!! Why would I think otherwise?
Got off track there I know - but am agreeing with all you guys - I really don't think people here - male or female - really know what they want and are just fishing under the Catch and Release program until a keeper comes along. And I'm not sure they'd even recognize a keeper if it bit then in the fishing hole!!!
Like the young guy who used to sit next to me at work used to say....
Don't hate the players - Hate the game.
P.S. Actions ALWAYS speak louder then words - that's a given. Parents taught us that at a very early age. | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:18:21 PM | [quoteIs it or is it not ironic that no women have any comment on this subject? Is it because the nail was hit directly dead center? This subject cannot nearly be as one sided as it seems, or is it? Like I said
Actually I have read the thread and found it interesting. I just haven't had a chance to respond.
I agree with most of you. I think a lot of people (in my case I notice it with men) say they are looking for a relationship, however often do not have the time for one.
I always find it funny how some men will e-mail me over and over, wanting to know more about me. As soon as I suggest to meet for coffee I never hear from them again. Relationships can NOT be formed over the internet, it only opens doors for one.
With some of the men I have met (not all) it seems they THINK they want a relationship, but the truth is they are so busy with their own personal lives that they don't have time to put into a relationship. For some it appears to be an unattainable "wish list". Some are too set in their ways to make adjustments or changes to their lives to find the time needed to develop and maintain a relationship.
Personally when I run across men like this, I think they REALLY aren't being honest with women or themselves. Wanted something and Doing something about it is two different things. If you want a relationship it is a give and take, you need to make the time. Not just TRY to fit someone in.
Spacey, I totally agree with you. ACTION does speak louder than words.
I blame it on the French. They gave us the Bic pen and began the march toward a “disposable” society.
Now that was funny. Sadly we are in a "disposable society"
| |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:21:26 PM | Alrighty then......"Dere's the white women"............ 
I think the people that truly want to be in a relationship are in one...
Relationships, It's like shopping for a car, if you want to buy one you'll look, touch, check under the hood and take it for a test drive. Then and only then will you know if it's right for you..... | |
|
| |
| |
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:42:48 PM | Oh Lord......How COULD I forget to check the hoses? Was taught all about checking hoses - make sure they're long and strong, just the right circumference for the opening they'll covering - no thin or wearing areas - no tape to hold them firm or hide holes.
How could hoses ever be forgotten!
Hoese make me think about the exhaust system.  | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:50:59 PM | Now you guys are talking. YEAH BABY!!!!
Ahhhhh... if the engine isn't running smoothly, you could give it a tune up. As long as it's nothing Major.
Oh and make sure it doesn't burn oil. Burning oil is not good. | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:57:28 PM | (answering this just based on the opening post...not on any subsequent posts)
Hell, yeah...I want to be in a relationship!!!
I want to get that funny tingling in my stomach everytime he smiles at me. I want to hold hands like teenagers, share secrets and giggle over them. I want to cook all his favorite meals and hug his neck when he brings me flowers. I want to pretend to be mad when he has "one too many" with the boys. I want to thank him for spending time with my mom and my kids...and he says he enjoyed it.
I would change, rearrange, turn my world upside down for the right person. I have done it before and it was worth it. I would take the chance and do it again. | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:09:03 AM |
These chicks get so many emails when they are new that they think they are far better than they are and then when they have spent about 6-8 weeks being used by all the fast talking playas they get real and then circle back around to the really good guys. The problem is, they crapped on us when they did that unread/deleted thing and we want nothing to do with them... and then they end up in here pi$$ing and moaning because there are no good guys on here!
Excatly! Take note ladies. When a guy sends you a message, and you say to yourself, "well, he's not bad, but wow, look at THIS guy" and you delete the message to talk to the better looking guy that turns out to be an ass or a player. Then later you send a message to the good guy. Well, that kinda makes us feel like something you are just "settling for, or just deciding to date until something better comes along. I mean, if we wernt good enough the first time........................... | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:38:25 AM |
I would change, rearrange, turn my world upside down for the right person. I have done it before and it was worth it. I would take the chance and do it again.
Would you begin "selling" that attitude in Palm Beach and Broward counties because it doesn't seem to be available in South Florida.  | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:01:20 AM | | i would like to be in a ltr and have a good time. then there is times i have been in a wonderful over night relationship. had a good time in that one too!! | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:37:06 PM | hello fellow fishies..........just another "white woman" checking in....... 
Excatly! Take note ladies. When a guy sends you a message, and you say to yourself, "well, he's not bad, but wow, look at THIS guy" and you delete the message to talk to the better looking guy that turns out to be an ass or a player. Then later you send a message to the good guy. Well, that kinda makes us feel like something you are just "settling for, or just deciding to date until something better comes along. I mean, if we wernt good enough the first time...........................
OMG...... you mean that happens to GUYS too............ of course it DOES..... and it's no fun, i'm sure for either sex....and i have had it happen to me many times. and for the record, the gals do it to their gal friends too.... as in, "sure ML, maybe we can go to that movie on saturday night, but i'll have to let you know for sure on saturday afternoon"..... in other words......... if i don't have a DATE, then we can go to the movies. 
YES, i would LOVE to be in a relationship, and YES i would make room for a man in my life if one just happens to appear........ and YES.......... i would rearrange MY routine for someone, and have done so in the past....however, it's not always easy for me as i have a son on a very structured schedule and it seems that I am more willing to accept THEIR situation than they are to accept MINE. so until i find "the one" that accepts ME and my "special circumstances" and is willing to work with what we have.... i'm happily SINGLE. 
happy fishing y'all, Wolfie | |
|
| Do we really want to be in a relationship?
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:36:35 PM | Wolfie I agree, I don't mind rearranging my routine to find the time to date. however I expect the same back.
I would love to be in a relationship. Finding that "special soulmate" isn't easy. I think from experience I am a little more picky as to what I am willing to do and who it is I will get serious with. I'm not looking for Mr. perfect. I'm looking for someone that has for the most part the same core values, chemistry, and faults I can live with. When I do find him, you bet I will make the necessary changes, to my routine and life, but it is a two way street.
Until then, I would rather be single, than in a relationship and miserable. | |
|
Home
login 
