| Could you review my profile?
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:42:18 PM | Pros and cons...what needs to be changed to ensure that I get more responses?
Does the username make me sound too big headed?
All constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks Mike | |
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| Could you review my profile?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:06:06 PM | Hi Mike,
Personally I don't pay too much attention to the username unless it's offensive or immature, so you're probably okay.
The headline however, is too much. Definitely go for something less 'I'm awesome'.
You only have 3 interests. Bulk this section, preferably to at least 10-15. Music and sport are very vague - what kind of sport? What music do you like? What else do you enjoy?
The first four lines of your description could be turned into one paragraph. I'd add in another paragraph before all the stuff about your interests, which are great btw, about what kind of guy you are. Then try and expand a little on what you're looking for if possible.
and I will endeavour to reply to all.
I'd drop this. It insinuates that you have no standards, or you're looking to be dating many women at any given moment. I know what you probably meant but still, it's unneeded and then of course you have to live up to it :)
im pretty much up for anything so long as we get on and have a laugh. Be it the traditional meal and few drinks, or maybe something completely unique..Bungee jump anyone?
I'd just keep this in your first date section. Not really sold on the rest.
It sounds like you have a sense of humour and a good personality in there somewhere but there's not enough in your profile to really show that off. Spend a little more time working on this and you could have a good thing here :)
Good luck! | |
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| Could you review my profile?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:03:41 PM | | Ok so I have done some changes..just to start with..are these along the right lines? | |
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| Could you review my profile?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:42:54 PM | i think your pictures are nice, this shows us a smile and you like sports. what i recognized off the bat is: favorite is not spelled right, you drink 3 times a week (not good) take that off. also, you do not list if you like kids or want kids, like dogs or have animals. women need to know what kind of date to expect from you or what kind of food you like to cook and how you want the special someone to treat you.
good luck, | |
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| Could you review my profile?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:04:22 PM | Hi, Mike - the username made me smile. Good on ya!
The last paragraph needs some work. Delete the last line entirely, don't end on a negative note. Your other 3 criteria are pretty open. Heck, even I qualify! Do you want someone who will hold your hand on a skydive? Or at least push you the hell out when you're too chicken to jump? Have some fun with this. | |
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| Could you review my profile?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:19:58 PM | Hi LivingLegend….
Red pill or blue pill? Love the headline. (Not-loving the name….sorry….it's humorous, but it made me wonder just how c*cky/confident/stuck on yourself you are.)
The pills....what if she isn’t a Matrix fan? Or what if she saw it years ago and can’t quite remember the reference?
A few suggestions…
1) Be a gentleman and start your profile with a gentle reminder of the Red/Blue pill and the significance of choosing reality over fantasy (ironic it was in a fantasy movie boc).
2) More about your job…what kind of legal work do you do? Litigator, Environmental law, Patent attorney??
3) Do you like your work? Ladies like men who enjoy their jobs.
4) As YGF said, the last paragraph needs work. It could apply to every woman on the planet just about.
5) My suggestion…nix the whole last paragraph. “Make me laugh” is in 1000’s of profiles. She didn’t sign up to be your court jester.
6) What kind of woman makes you go WOW?….extroverted, intelligent, goal-oriented, who? Give her a better idea if she fits what you’re looking for.
7) What more can you tell her about YOU to make HER go WOW?? You never forget birthdays and you love the holidays? You play Santa for your family at the holidays? You know how to cook? You do cook! You have a fantastic library? Good specifics make you memorable and interesting...and more attractive.
8) More photos…you’re a nice looking man….so do a photo shoot so your photos can do some of the work for you….from casual to dressy….yes that means maybe a suit and a tie (gasp).
9) Your profile lacks “flow”…it’s almost like you were giving a deposition. See if you can segue it a bit more…and add a little levity. It’s quite dry….but you’ve got good looks and a good job, so your dry is an oasis compared to most.
Hope that helps. Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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