| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:20:59 PM | Hi,
I put some effort into my profile in trying to be explicit, because I am interested in meeting people who are not looking for one night stands and similiar intimate experiences. I have also recently lost a lot of weight, so I am a little unsure what I would state as my body type now.... Could I have some feedback?
Thanks!
Linda | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:38:48 PM | Hi there,
Your body type seems accurate to me.
I dislike meddlers and pedophiles.
You will realize I am a pretty cool chick... emotionally, mentally, and financially stable. I am active in life. I don't take the car to the convenience store five blocks away. I walk. So should you.
I've quoted these two parts because they're the only bits that stick out for me troublesome. Firstly because I don't think I've ever seen the word pedophile used in a dating profile and I'm not sure it's needed to point out that you don't like them! Second, the part about 'I walk, so should you' sounds more like my mother would say than a potential date. It's also a tiny bit righteous. I'd think about taking it out.
The rest, whilst unconventional, is certainly interesting. I think while some men might not be attracted to your type, the sort of man who would click with you would probably appreciate your style of profile, so I don't think you should make any drastic changes.
Good luck :) | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:14:13 PM | Please don't take this the wrong way but your pics make you look much older than you are.
Either different hairstyle or different style of clothes may help.
The profile was great, very specific which will weed out a lot of the wrong ones.
Hope this helps. | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:02:09 PM | Hi Ivorys_Raven… nice job! Your sense of personality and wants and not-wants shine thru. You do come across a bit strong in parts (i.e. the Qualifiers section), but try it and see if it works. The suggestions you got from HKitten were spot on and the changes you made helped a bunch.
A few more suggestions…
1) The “just a few things to get out of the way” reads just fine. But the rest of that paragraph up until you start your deal-breakers was confusing/clumsy.
2) Not sure what you were trying to say when you said “not a fan of Internet Dating Burnout”??
3) I’d nix the “crazies”…those who are crazies won’t pay it any mind and those that aren’t will wonder if your sense of judgment was not so good that you dated a few too many.
4) “Ask for my phone number”….. it struck me wrong…..it comes across as domineering or desperate…either isn’t good. Soften it up….Maybe….. “Send me an email…or give me a call…oh wait….you don’t have my phone number….. (yet)”.
5) Men may hesitate contacting you not because you have kids, but because you don’t mention how many and approximate ages. There is a big diff between having 4 kids ages 2 to 10 and 1 child age 10. If you don’t say, he may not be willing to find out. If you’re not comfortable giving ages, you might still want to mention # of children.
You seem like quite a catch. Best of luck to you. DenverSky5280
p.s. – and post some more photos…you’re a nice-looking woman, so do a photo shoot in casual to dressy (YES…in a DRESS)….and let your photos do some of the work for you. A SMILE always makes you look younger. Your 2 close-up photos on my computer make the highlighting on your brow bone look bluish/white. That does age the face. If you haven’t been for a make-up lesson in a while, spoil yourself for the holidays. It’s FREE and fun! I’m overdue myself. Estee Lauder here I come! :D
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:34:32 PM | | Wow! Thanks for all the feedback! Denversky.... I used all of your suggestions, except the pics part (I'll do that soon) and I kind of plagiarized your words.....(hopeLinda you don't mind) | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:47:26 PM | WOW! You’re a fast learner! Love the way you wrote about your daughter….”I have one nine year old daughter... I want her future to be bright, and it starts with those who walk before her”.
Now that made my day! BEAUTIFUL! Your daughter is one lucky girl to have you as a mom. Best to you. DenverSky5280
p.s. – I laughed at the 1st date (yet) line…and loved it. It’s original and was written to help you….so you’re more than welcome to use it.
p.p.s. 2 typos…you you towards the end and interent in 1st date…maybe run the whole thing thru spell check just to be sure. | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:34:10 PM | | So I have shortened it up a bit... I am not getting much response... Is there any one who could take a peak? | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:42:41 PM | ivorys_raven, your criteria as to who can contact you is soooooo specific I don't think any guy would be able to make it through the gauntlet of what you don't want.
Also, you don't have to say a word and then explain it... i like how you explain that your compassionate, just remove the word and git right down to saying how you are?
And if you can find the pic of you with the rose and clip it better to include the whole rose I think the pic and effect will be that much more enduring...
You start off the profile as a statement much like how a teacher begins class? Rather than saying this...
''So I want to try something a little different... I'll tell you about the characteristics I think I have, and that, I look for in someone else... I think I have more but we can leave that until we meet :)''
Why announce what you are already going to say? Just say it as you do, but I would remove this entire paragraph...
Read this, I won't even rewrite your words, i just deleted a few...
*****
You will never see me walk by a homeless person, or someone in need without acknowledging their existence. I believe that everyone has their circumstances that brought them to where they are…. I have just had the good fortune of better opportunities and minimum tragedy.
My life is full of passion. I teach kids who live on the streets, or in foster homes, group homes, or in some cases, unstable homes. Why? I have passion for our future, and the youth (all of them) deserve the passion of adults in their lives. I have one nine year old daughter... I want her future to be bright, and it starts with those who walk before her...
Every moment, every accomplishment, every person, every thing I have is deserving of my gratitude. Life can be ironic, and in some cases, irritating, but when we see the humour in it all, we enjoy it anyway. I love smart asses and irony!
Life is too fast to take it too serious. Every once in a while we need to run in the rain, act like a child, do something absolutely stupid… I love music... all of it. I come from a musical family in the true East Coast tradition. I enjoy the outdoors and appreciate the simplicity of nature. I am just as comfortable watching UFC as I am a play.
I am a girl. I wear heels, skirts and dresses. I know how to accessorize. I do like it when a guy opens the door for me. No, I am not high maintenance, but I believe how you look is how people assume. I look the way I am- feminine.
I might not be the girl for you if:
1. You lie about your height. (I am 5'6", I know when a guy is not taller then that. Not that height is an issue.. the lie is the issue)
2. You use Plenty of Fish to boost your ego (serial daters).
3. You are married, have a criminal record, have a drug, alcohol, or gambling problem.
4. You have no money management skills ...
I am a pretty cool chick... emotionally, mentally, and financially stable. I am active in life. I don't take the car to the convenience store five blocks away. I walk. Hopefully with someone (wink wink nudge nudge). And with that...
you NOW have an uncontrollable desire to press the "Message Ivorys_raven now" button!!
***********************
How does that read? I think its a bit more too the point, says the EXACT same things and sounds a bit more fun and light hearted, but also sticking to your 'guns' in terms of what you like?
good luck to ya! | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:27:31 PM | majic? are you serious? ha! i was a proof reader in college, although sometimes my syntax and spelling is shameful. I guess those years of writing 'movie' and 'club' reviews pays off...
majic, I will check your profile out? Did you post yet in this forum for 'help'?
Ivory_raven, I think yr profile reads great now. If I helped at all thats awesome!
Report back if its making new strides for ya!!!
oh yes. | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:08:08 PM | | I have definately gotten some quality responses... and some great looking guys with a heart! who knew they existed! | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:22:12 PM | MUCH better photo! If you can CROP it so more of your face shows up in the primary, even better. Then use the uncropped one in the gallery. Take some more just like that!
Thanks for giving us an update. Mayor will be THRILLED! As are the rest of us! Best of luck to you. DenverSky5280
p.s. ....if you're really daring....put on a dress (gasp) and snap snap snap. Don't forget to take photos on Thanksgiving and Xmas when you're all dressed up. You can rotate them thru or add to your photo gallery. | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:39:03 AM | The opening line has me a touch confused: are you recruiting dates or volunteers for the local shelter? Admirable, yes, but it has nothing to do with your dating life, unless you plan on bringing selected members of the sans-abri community along with you on the dinner date.
"I am a girl." Well, to be punctilious about it, you're technically a 'woman'. And the whole paragraph is kind of unnecessary, and sounds more like an advertisement for Revlon than yourself.
The numbered points really need to go. For line #1, we presume you're not going to be dating the brain-damaged, and understand that human beings are generally capable of visually estimating the height of other human beings. For line #2, you're advertising being unappealing to previous dates. Is line #3 really necessary? Some things are better left unmentioned if they're that obvious. Line #4 basically says that you'll be wearing a mining helmet to the date, an impression reinforced by the reference to being financially stable.
"you NOW have an uncontrollable desire to press the "Message Ivorys_raven now" button!!" After the numbered points, really, not so much. But at least that's an original closing line. Keep it. | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:29:04 AM | Hi Ivory…
A few suggestions on the photos…which are MUCH MUCH better than before!
2) Photos work much better when they look DIFFERENT from one another.
3) 4 of yours look very similar…hands on chin, same blouse.
4) Keep the best one, and work on getting new photos to replace the others.
5) Have visibly different clothes…different COLORS, casual, dressy, etc.
6) Different hairstyles, too, if that’s something you do.
7) It’s hard to get the full bod photo so you don’t like like a midget, so get someone to take photos so you FILL the screen rather than look like you’re a mile away. If the background takes up more of the picture than the person, not so good. Capiche?
Hope that helps. DenverSky5280 | |
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| Could you give me a review?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:38:58 AM | Hi Ivory…
A few suggestions on the writing….
1) Some folks will like your opening line and some not. The 1st time I read it I was “hmmm…maybe”. I thought….”warm, caring woman” and very memorable in a nice way. I haven’t seen 1 profile that even mentioned homeless people let alone mentioned it in the 1st sentence.
2) Downside…it’s quite serious. Since it’s working for you….keep it but also be thinking of how you might want to change it in the future! It’s like having a spare tire…”just in case”.
3) In the meantime…..ask your DATES…”What attracted you to my profile? What stood out?” THAT will tell you a lot.
4) Ask what they didn’t like…THAT will tell you a lot!
5) As far as your 4 items…whenever I see “Lists”, humorous ones work best. Sorta like the TOP 10 D. Letterman lists. Your lists pinpoint your important deal-breakers, but maybe finesse them with some humor.
Such as (using your list criteria):
I might not be the girl for you if:
1. You say you’re taller than I am (I’m 5'6"), but you only come up to my you-know-what. (Height doesn’t matter…but I like to see eye-to-eye on honesty).
2. You’ve already got a date lined up for all the holidays in 2010 and 2011 and 2012 including Halloween and Arbor Day.
3. Your wife calls from the jail wondering if you beat the DUI charge and asks what happened to the drug money…did you gamble it away again?
4. You didn’t crack even a teeny smile on 1,2,or 3.
Best of luck to you. Hope that gives you some ideas. DenverSky5280 | |
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