| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:27:45 PM | I have read a bunch of post when individuals asking about when to have sex. Somehow, especially women concern that it may not work out toward further dating/reltionship if it happenes too early.
I wonder why adults worry that there has to be some sexual restrictions eiether based on time you know each other/date or number of dates? I hear the part about excusivity!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But quite frankly from what I read the majority of people are not dating around due to primarily multiple great perspectives enetering one after another or simply a lack of time due to other commitments...College kids and HS kids is an expection.
Do you folks really believe if you slpeep with someone very early on he or she is going to walk away because you are really suck in bed? Or come accross as a whore when you do not look or act like that? Would you guess that it is because there some other issues/not sexual preferences/choices (why stuff may possibly not to work) on the plate on his/her part that would still be in the pic if you would wait for 6 months or 10 dates? | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:32:28 PM | Stop and ask yourself some questions.
If women read posts where men complain about women who wont give it up, yet also joke about sluts, what mixed message does this send women?
If women post that they gave it up within the first few dates and then post that they were dumped, what should the woman think?
Its almost a damn if you do damn if you dont thing.
~Beth~ | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:35:08 PM | Some girls are an easy lay...and some respect themselves....the easy girls are usually desperate for acceptance and are usually insecure... A mans got a better chance of seeing God than getting me in bed early in a relationship... | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:40:06 PM |
Some girls are an easy lay...and some respect themselves....the easy girls are usually desperate for acceptance and are usually insecure..
What a boatload of crap
A mans got a better chance of seeing God than getting me in bed early in a relationship.
Two possibilities.. 1) You don't like sex which means I wouldn't want anything to do with you or 2) You use sex as a tool to control the relationship which means I wouldn't want anything to do with you.
Of course, I'm probably the one that is outside the norm.. yeah go with that... | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:41:13 PM | ^^^^ It is rather uncommon for a woman to deliver a bad sex to a guy. It does happen but it is more an exeception from a rule. Yes I had one gal back in HS who was kinda no good. I think the reasons why the idividual may not choose to persue further in the majority of cases have nothing to do with an inablity of a new partner to be good in bed. There are usually other variable in equasion (a lack of free time, not over an ex, not ready, other issues) that will make people to withdraw you as a potential dating/relationship partner.
Post 7 """""""""""Women are still branded as sluts and whores when they have sex too soon """"""""" I think we are moving from this trend I am sure when my grandparent got married it was the case. If a woman doesn't come accross as a whore and has a proper self-respect and self-esteem and is accomplished in her own may only because she wants you early on and gives to you doesn't make her a bad, slutty, easy gal. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:43:53 PM | | The only sexual restrictions I have are the ones I have given myself because I found out that they work for me. For myself sex early on is a big no no because as much as men say that they will not look down upon you they do. Women are still branded as sluts and whores when they have sex too soon while men are branded as studs. However how other choose to live their lives is no business of mine. If people want to have sex on the first date then go for it. Be safe and wear a condom. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:04:10 PM | | Because female bodies, in particular, are biologically designed to feel attachment when having sex. Clearly this isn't true for all women, but for those who are, why get attached to a succession of people who may not get attached back? You'd have to be a masochist. It has nothing to do with 'not liking sex'; rather it's about 'not liking pain'. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:07:12 PM | | Sadly, most of my gal pals and I gave come across loser after loser only looking for sex. As I have heard most women think with their heart and most men sadly with their alternate head . Not sure why it appears that most men are so afraid of commitment is it because they have been so screwed by women??? Or do they just want their cake and eat it too. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:14:46 PM | A guy can dump you if you sleep with him on the 10th date just as easily as if you sleep with him on the 1st date. If the "magic" is there, then there won't be any judgement for "early sex" and everything that happens will feel as though it was meant to happen that way.
Here's a thought...screw what other people think about you. Go with what YOU want to do, not what you think THEY want you to do (be it a man or a woman or whatever). If you are on a date and all you can think about is gettin' down and dirty...sheesh, go for it. If he looks down on you for your behavior, then he isn't the guy for you. This applies to the flip side as well where someone isn't ready yet for that "step" and the other person tries to apply pressure or makes you feel bad for not "giving it up". Someone who passes judgement on your behavior should take a look in the mirror. "He who throws stones..." Again, either case can be a man or a woman. I'm not playing favorites.
Personally I don't admire people who hold back from doing what feels natural to them because they fear rejection, judgement, or scorn. Two consenting adults enjoying themselves is a beautiful thing as long as everyone is safe while doing so. No STD sharing, please! haha
Be smart, have fun, don't stress out so much about the "what if's"  | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:19:38 PM | I prefer risk minimization.
Sex prior to mutual STD test results, a commitment, and an exclusivity agreement puts my health and well-being at risk. Those are 2 things with which I'm not willing to gamble. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:27:51 PM | A guy can dump you if you sleep with him on the 10th date just as easily as if you sleep with him on the 1st date. If the "magic" is there, then there won't be any judgement for "early sex" and everything that happens will feel as though it was meant to happen that way.
I agree with this. There's no magic number or rule for when to have sex. Do it when it feels right.
Women are still branded as sluts and whores when they have sex too soon while men are branded as studs.
Slut and whore are subjective terms. I wouldn't consider a woman, who's having sex with the guy she's dating, a slut or whore. If she's dragging off a different guy every Friday night for a quickie, then yes, I would consider her a slut. I agree that some will consider a guy that does this as a stud, but I would consider him a whore too. I know a few women who I would consider whores. One of them sucked off several guys at once, while the other cheated on her husband (screwed another guy) at a party while her husband was downstairs enjoying the party. I consider them whores and my opinion wouldn't change if it was a guy who did this. Screwing everything in sight makes you prone to STDs, which doesn't discriminate between genders. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:29:22 PM | Post 10. Men may afraid of commitment for different reasons. A woman definition of commitment not always macthes our definition of commitment. She may be thinking that he has to spend every weekend with her andc all her almost everyday but we may think about commitment in different terms. Somehow many women do start to panic (even if they do not show it) that a guy says that he calls back right away but calls back next day.
Post # 12. I Understand STD screening and exclusivity but what does it mean a commitment?
*** I have never dates a guy or had sex with the one but I do not understand why so many wwomen assume if they are going to give sexual stuff to a guy early one he may disapear or withdraw??????
I believe if it not about how early (unless you are worthless in bed, that quite francly is a very big exceptiion from the rules). I am not talking under 20 or virgins (acceptable, respected and understandable). It is more about some completely separate departments......
Men DO see as a NATUEAL element in a dating/ relationship progression. If you want the dating/relationship move forward, grow why not to include those moments? | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:40:42 PM |
Sadly, most of my gal pals and I gave come across loser after loser only looking for sex. As I have heard most women think with their heart and most men sadly with their alternate head . Not sure why it appears that most men are so afraid of commitment is it because they have been so screwed by women??? Or do they just want their cake and eat it too. Sex is fun. It's good for you. It's also how a lot of men express affection and feel loved in return. To you, it may be "only looking for sex". Sometimes it's that kind of predatory thing. But guess what? The way a man looks for love and for sex can be exactly the same, when for him they are the same. The separation of love from sex is a strange habit done by men and women alike. I couldn't love a woman or have sex with one whose dichotomous denigration of male sexuality underpinned her relationship ideal. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:44:25 PM | I think (Sex) is something way too personal , to share with a virtual stranger.
Magic or not, You should know each other just a tad, before you get down and give it to the other ! Give and take. Also, Making Love is where the magic is, and when you barely know someone, it's not called Making Love. It's called having Sex ! If that's all you want, that's all you're going to get. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:36:15 PM | Post 18....
Making love sounds good but most normal, mature adults do not fall in love right away. They need a natural progression of things, time together, different activities and those special moments in a bed room. I am talking from a guy perspective. Yes, and from there we may fall for you....That is hwat makes you diferent from just a female friend (I am refering to special sexual moments).
Kissing and holding hands is not going to cut a deal for a long time (unless you are 15). | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:53:55 PM | | Frankly we are adults and anyone who wants to play games like that needs to grow up, we all have our sexual needs and preferences and to delay sex just delays the inevitable because if your sexual preferences don't match no amount of love is going to save the relationship. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:11:22 PM | | I don't think I worry about it. It just needs to feel right, I trust him and vice versa. I don't like rushing through it. It's like a discovery thing in the beginning, finding out what curls their toes, a lil of this and that. Not to mention being safe about it. If you just do it, its without sharing and kind of selfish to me. Sort of like doing them just because they are there. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:12:23 PM | It's a little bit of this:
Because female bodies, in particular, are biologically designed to feel attachment when having sex.
and a little bit of this...
I think (Sex) is something way too personal , to share with a virtual stranger.
Personally I don't really care what people think. It's not about worrying about being dumped. It's not about worrying about perception. (Although to say those things are not real is naive, IMO) Sex, to me, is intimate! I can't have sex with someone I don't like... and I can't decide if I like someone after knowing them a whole 2 hours. It takes time to know someone on a non-superficial level. I mean... if all you care about is hairstyle and shoes - go for it... but at that point why not just jerk off to a magazine? It makes no sense to me.
To know someone you have to spend time with them. Sometimes it's a lot of time, sometimes not so much. I agree that there is no magic number.
Then to know someone and to share an intimate moment with them - ya, I'm going to get attached. Why would I put myself through that if he's not into a relationship? Like another poster said, that's masochistic.
I think it really IS different for men if for no other reason than biology. It's one thing to stick yourself into something... I can see how that could be impersonal. It's a whole other thing to let someone inside of you...
Of course, everyone is different. Me? I can't de-personalize it. I can't. Those who can? Yeah, I guess as long as they are careful... they should go for it. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:15:31 PM | | Do I believe he'll walk away because of early sex, not usually, many people have phone sex before they even meet then run to the bedroom on the first date...and stay together, at least for a while. No, my reason for no early sex is because I don't have sex with strangers and it takes time to get to know who a person is. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:00:32 PM |
landra2 wrote:I prefer risk minimization. Sex prior to mutual STD test results, a commitment, and an exclusivity agreement puts my health and well-being at risk. Those are 2 things with which I'm not willing to gamble.
Worked in family planning clinics long enough to note that folks over age 40 can have this naive idea that they are somehow immune from catching an STD. The fact is, when you are having sex you need to know how many people the other person has had sex with in the last year and have they been tested. If a woman meets a man and they hit it off and the chemistry is there, should they have sex? What kind of sex?
Recently there was a major news story with a dozen, 40+ age women who believed the man they had all ended up dating and sleeping with, when he said he was clean. When in fact he had HIV.
Maybe its because I am a widow, but I want to milk life for all its worth for the next forty years, and this means making smart choices and not allowing momentary chemistry to blind me to the long term ideals I look for in a man.
~Beth~ | |
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