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| Yes, another thread review. Just think of it as peer-editing...
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:07:24 AM | Hey – Doesn’t look like anyone has reviewed you… so I will. Ain't you all lucky.
You need to use your second pic as your main one for the time being. A good face shot with a smile is what you are after there. All three of your photos are pretty dark and as you are dark skinned, you are fading into the background buddy. You need to get some pictures of you outside in good lighting. Pictures are 80% of the profile. You should have 6-8 of them as well. More is better, well assuming they are good ones.
You need to work on your profile text. Almost every sentence in your About me section starts with the word “I”. Contrary to what you might think… this isn’t all about you! You also need to add a space (the really long key at the bottom of your keyboard) after commas.
Even though you explained your "crossroads" there, I would kill that word. It makes you sound like you are floundering in life and I do not believe that is the case based on what you said.
I would also kill the “drinking” in your “dancing and drinking” line. Most people have a few drinks if they are out dancing. You don’t want to give the impression you are a drunk, right?
Your therapeutic things you list there are kind of random. Maybe put them in your Interest section. And if you are really into mowing the lawn, swing by my house once a week and have at it. Just remember to bag the clippings and set them on the curb Friday morning for trash day.
Your first date – Most any woman you will meet online wouldn’t let you pick her up at her house until she knows you aren’t a freakin serial killer. It’s cool you are a traditionalist though… we are a dying breed. Pick one idea for your first date and use it. Don’t list out 36 different things you could do. I would kill your drinking comment in there as well. Ya boozer.
You have a lot of restrictions on who can contact you. You may want to lighten them up some.
Cheers! | |
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| Yes, another thread review. Just think of it as peer-editing...
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:15:41 PM | If I may.... Great main photo!
The Interests you have listed read as completely generic right now. Instead of "Travel", why not "Europe", or "Japan" or wherever it is you've been, or really really want to go? or instead of "Music", why not "Techno", or "Jazz" or whatever gets you up and moving. These specifics will differentiate you from the hundreds of other guys with generic interests, and may actually be more easily identified by your viewer as something she may have in common with you.
The profile also has some good basic info, but you provide some lists that again, don't give any detail. For example:
I am very open to new experiences, i.e. music, foods, theatre, museums, etc. Having interests in many different topics (art, music, sciences, philosophy,etc), I like to be well rounded and always willing to learn something new.
perhaps instead:
Always looking for learning opportunities, new experiences energize me - come with me to the theatre, or a museum. Art in all its forms fascinates me. Or ~ perhaps we can try some Thai food or some other ethnic cuisine that will melt our eyebrows. How spicy dare you go?
See the difference? Use your imagination and creativity. | |
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| Yes, another thread review. Just think of it as peer-editing...
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:19:28 PM | "Always looking for learning opportunities, new experiences energize me - come with me to the theatre, or a museum. Art in all its forms fascinates me. Or ~ perhaps we can try some Thai food or some other ethnic cuisine that will melt our eyebrows. How spicy dare you go?"
Pure literary awesomeness. I would love to use your lines, but I'm gonna try to do my own.
Everyone, thanks for the support and great advice! As cliche and impersonal as this sounds (especially from the internet) I really appreciate the help. | |
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