| "Safe" dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:30:34 AM | As we all know, there are a lot of weird people out there, and as evidenced in these forums, a lot of deceit in profiles, etc. How many people do some research on a potential date or after a couple dates for safety reasons? I will admit to "googling" people I talk to after I get a full name from them.
Two things I found. I googled one man who said he was an attorney. No reason to doubt that, right? I googled him after a first date to find he was disbarred years ago over a big money extortion case (he was extorting money from his clients.)
Another guy I googled (he seemed so nice!) ...I found out his ex wife had a restraining order on him, and numerous filings of domestic abuse over the course of their marriage. (Court records are public.)
So ladies and guys, I think it's a smart thing to do in the age of online dating, where the anonyminity of the internet can be a good coverup for some...yet reveal a lot of truth for others. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:45:43 AM | | That's no better than doing a background check on somebody you met in a bar. It's creepy, and a huge invasion of privacy, imho. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:51:44 AM | | I agree. If the men have nothing to hide, they should have no problem being googled. But also bare in mind it is the past. And maybe someone is starting a fresh. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:18:49 AM | | Its a little different than a background check. If you google someone its only things that would be open to the public to know. I say its not a bad idea since people can say anything on a first meeting (online or in real life) and you never know if its really true or not. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:50:57 AM | | Googling someone is just getting information that is available to the public. I don't see it as an invasion of privacy at all. And yes, one needs to consider the information and the timing of anything they find. For instance, If someone maybe had a drug conviction twenty years ago, I would look at it differently than if it were one year ago... | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:22:12 AM | Don't worry Pam - the accusations of you being a "stalker" or "psycho" by other posters should start appearing shortly.
LOL..."invasion of privacy."
Any information that's FREE on the internet is not exactly PRIVATE, now is it? | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:32:13 AM | | I was going to date this woman until I found out online she ranked in the top ten of google users who used google to check on men. She had checked on more men in the past month than I even knew there were ads for online. It was many tens of thousands, or something imaginary. I figured that's all she did with her free time was look at dating sites then google the men. I must have passed my googling since she was ready to go out with me. But knowing how many men she had already googled, well, I'm not ashamed to say it changed how she appeared to me. I don't mind at all when a woman googles me. It shows interest. But when she googles a very many other men, even in this day and age, even though it's not immoral, every time I looked at her I would be wondering how I compared, what she found googling them, if she still remembers it, how many pages they had show up, if she secretly thinks another man she googled looked better online but settled for me because she didn't think she could have him instead. Googling is great, but there is too much at some point. It's different for a man because when a man googles a woman he is collecting intelligence, while when every time a woman googles, she is losing some. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:00:42 AM | OP, I think thats NUTS !!! I would never think of goggling someone's name after the first date or the second for that matter. So you purposely get their last name for your spying ??? People do alot of things (that their not proud of, I might add) in their past. Maybe abuse, addiction, bankruptsy, leins, law suits, etc. I would be hoping that they are trying to get on with their lives in a normal capacity. If you want to hold this against him for the rest of his life, then you will never find anyone meaningful.  | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:21:25 AM | Sorry, I completely agree with the OP, I have done it in the beginning when information doesn’t add up. It’s a valid way to find information out about a perspective date. This isn’t the real world of dating where you meet someone and you can ask around, these sights are full of pseudo personalities.
I have found woman who lie about there age, residence, job, marital status and pictures. Talked to one women who said she was average with only a face pic, googled her and found a pic receiving a work reward, she was not average! Another who said she was a widow only to find out her husband was alive and well, living in the same house!
It’s a new age, Its harder to hide and its why I like full disclosure because I can verify it. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:51:38 AM |
People do alot of things (that their not proud of, I might add) in their past. Maybe abuse, addiction, bankruptsy, leins, law suits, etc. I would be hoping that they are trying to get on with their lives in a normal capacity. If you want to hold this against him for the rest of his life, then you will never find anyone meaningful.
Care to expound on that assertion? It seems like a stretch. More accurately, it seems like a non sequitur. You basically seem to be saying that anyone who is unwilling to make relationship decisions blindly won't be able to find a "meaningful" relationship. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:41:24 AM | There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with Googling someone to find out if they're legit, or what their story is.
Hell, I found out that this one guy whom I met online and had corresponded with via phone chats/instant messages for a few months was simultaneously saying the same fabricated lines to me as he was to about five or six other girls. Y'know, the contrived, "You're so beautiful, you're everything I'm looking for. I can see us lasting forever, we're perfect for each other", etc. etc. Feeding me the same BS as he was those other girls. And I almost fell for him. He was a very good actor. Luckily I called him out on it before I met him in person. Haven't heard from him since and don't want to, either.
;-) | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:56:22 AM | | Lisa, you are living in the dark ages. Yes, absolutely I want to know what 's in a person's past. As I already stated, I am smart enough to judge when someone made a mistake years and years ago - and I would not hold that against them. However, you are dating online. You know nothing about these men, and they can tell you anything. I think you are very naive at your age to not realize this. There are at least 40 registered sex offenders living within 30 miles of most people's homes if you live near a major city. Ever watch "To catch a predator?" Some of these guys look completely normal and have good occupations. There are a lot of sick people out there. Hope you never run into one. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:59:08 AM | | Lisa, I just looked at your profile and I see we are in the same city. Hope YOU haven't dated either of the two guys I googled...you may have. But then again, I care and you seem not too - so I will dump em' and you can have them! | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:02:10 AM |
Any information that's FREE on the internet is not exactly PRIVATE, now is it?
I'm w/ jerseygirl on this one.
I feel this is something like that asking-your-mate-to-get-a-health-check -before-sex sorta question. It is never safe to assume.
If my potential date/romantic interest feels he wants to google me, by all means. I've got nothing to hide as I sure hope he has nothing to hide either. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:15:41 AM | I'd google prior to meeting. People aren't always who they claim to be and it's too easy to pretend (lie).
I'd probably run a background check on anyone with whom I'd consider getting seriously involved. Most if not all sociopaths are charming, engaging, "nice people" who have left a trail of deceit and destruction. People with a history of drug abuse, spousal abuse, financial troubles, multiple marriages, criminal activities-etc- aren't the "nice guys" I want to meet. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:29:17 AM | Paranoia strikes deep.
Into your lives it will creep.
It starts when you're always afraid.
You step out of line and the man come and take you away ...
"For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield
______________________________________
So, having said that -- OMG -- the level of paranoia on these sites never ceases to amaze me. Where are ya'll meeting these unsavory characters? I've probably met over 50 guys from different sites over the years and not once have I encountered anyone with a criminal record. Maybe I'm just lucky.
Whatever the case may be, I don't intend to live my life crippled by paranoia and googling every person I meet. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:01:34 AM | ^^^ There are two extremes to this. One can be paranoid and let that rule your judgement or be completely at ease and give benefit of the doubt to every person you meet that they are honest-to-goodness law abiding citizens who wouldn't hurt a fly.
Obviously, there needs to be a healthy balance here. Its when ppl don't think and use common sense that scams and mishaps can happen. Scammers feed off of those who open themselves up to gullibility.
I think not too long ago there was a feature story on Dateline NBC about a guy in the NYC(?) area who used online dating to con a handful of women into believing he was this secret agent that worked for NASA (had some fake photos, ID badges, and etc to "prove" his validity) ... some of those women claimed they were drugged and raped by him ... some were bedded by him consensually ... Anyhoo, the thing was, he was a plain scam artist who conned his way into women's lives. He was able to marry hinself to more than one woman at one point. It sounds pretty ridiculous when it was featured into a story -- yet fact is, there ARE ppl out there naive and gullible enough to be duped, hence it happens.
All I'm sayin is it never hurts to take precaution and use good common sense. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:15:42 AM | I would personally would not even have coffee unless she shows blood test results for HIV, STDs, and diabetes. Yes, I would not go out with a diabetic because they have to test too much. Also I need to know if they have good credit, women with bad credit will make lousy long term partners and I will not accept that. Oh, one more thing, I need to know how much she has allocated to her 401-K and if she does not have one, she is not datable because it indicates a woman that does not care about the future and it's irresponsible about her old age. Also if she has some preexisting conditions that will reduce the quality of life to drama, baggage, tension, and sorrow, or long term sickness, she better have proof that they are taken cared of and it has to be not by her own doctor, since you can't trust those since they like their own patients, but by a third party one.
 | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:54:06 AM | I don't know about google, but I will check the judiciary websites. I agree with Pam and Landra. I have too much at stake NOT to do it. I have 3 daughters. I not only have to protect myself but I have to protect them as well. Then the fact of my job, I am not risking that for anyone.
Invasion of privacy? Sorry, I'm not buying it. I agree that it depends how far in their past of what happened or if there is issues from certain events (say a bad divorce).
To me it's foolish not to check.
The ones that saying they won't will probably come back with a thread of how they got screwed by someone they met on POF.
 | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:54:29 AM | You guys are creepy.
Secondly, how much information do you expect to find online? I googled my name, my married brothers names, and 4 single friends - and got nada.
Thirdly, how can someone check out thousands of names via google - the amount of time required is staggering. Can you provide the link to show us what you mean?
Fourthly, you don't need the net to figure out someone is a faker or a pscyho. Just use your gut and trust your instincts. I know by the second or third date how a woman is going to be, and whether or not she needs to be kicked to the curb. | |
|
| |
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:36:44 PM |
Just use your gut and trust your instincts. 
And just read the never ending threads that start with the words...
"He seemed like such a nice guy..."
"I thought she was special but...."
"I thought I'd found my soulmate and...." | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:54:45 PM | | hi think it is something that any sane person would do ,the fools on here who think otherwise need to think about getting a proper education unless thats the people we should worry about meeting lol | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:46:31 PM | I don't know about the smart thing. It just seems like another thing. Something else that will lead to a false sense of security, or means to judge others and rationalize personal bad behavior.
Some people have no history online, or it's buried. And people can become too dependent upon the internet. So if nothing comes up, they may think nothings wrong, and take less precautions in meeting someone. "Oh, I didn't find your name in the crime database, like the last 3 guys, sure come over to my house."
Or, "Well, you don't have much history. I can't even consider dating someone I can't find anything on." And then post forums asking why they can't find "good" guys.
Or things that are found are blown out of proportion and next thing you know the person has an internet "rep."
Such as someone getting busted for peeing, while drunk, in public when 21. In some places that counts as a sex offense. Next thing is they're on a sex offense registry or database.
Someone they were going to date finds it, disappears on them, then posts to different websites that they're some sort of dangerous sex perv.
Websites can also be made up, falsified. Information faked. If someone wanted to bad enough they could create a history that says anything they want to, either about themselves or someone else.
So IMO it's not a good thing or a bad thing, just a thing that has it's potential good and bad aspects, and will most likely be abused for the most part.
It doesn't make you safe, it just disseminates information. And you don't know how much you can trust that information or verify it's veracity to much of an extent, IMO. | |
|
| Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:23:04 PM | | Demon, I agree with you a bit in that it certainly doesn't tell you everything... especially if nothing comes up. But I disagree that you can't trust the information. You can certainly trust criminal records/felonies and such. That stuff won't come up unless it's true-- it's documented court records. If nothing comes up, it certainly doesn't mean you are safe by any means. Instinct and those good ole "red flags" will then need to be followed. | |
|
Home
login 
