| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:36:38 AM | I went out a few times with a very lovely lady. We got along fine. She`s a wonderful conversationalist with a great sense of humor.
We engaged in intercourse 3 different occasions and each time i didn`t feel it! The first time i felt since she might have been nervous, it wasn`t a big thing.The second occasion we made love, again, nothing, it was if she wasn`t into making love and was going through the motions.
Finally, we engaged one more time and i realized she`s not as sexual as i am and looks at sex as a choir and not something to relax,enjoy and participate in..
She explained to me she`s had this issue in the past and no matter what we did she was unable to "Let herself go"...
I decided to tell her ,i didn`t feel we`re compatible and felt it would better to end our relationship now before it advanced too far!
Why kid each other,when there is no chemistry between a man and a woman it`s not fair to each other. Or so i thought!
She`s upset, continues to text me 10 x`s a day,writes ridiculous emails accusing me of using her for my own personal gratification, worse she tells me " i only wanted sex" and nothing more!That really hurts....
I actually thought being honest was the way to go with this person,i considered her a reasonably intelligent woman. Based on what she told me she claimed to "hate drama" yet, this is exactly what its become!
In your opinion or experience "Is it wrong to end a relationship based on the lack of sexual chemistry or should i have not bought up the subject and simply ended the relationship without giving her any reason as to why?" | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:49:16 AM | Probably wouldn't have mattered either way with her!!
Sometimes you just can't win when you're dealing with some people.
I, prefer honesty.
If they can't handle it.........that's their problem.........not mine.
and Yes, Sexual Compatibility is huge for me too.
and I see no reason to lie about it if that's my reason for ending it. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:05:33 AM | I admire you for seeing the incompatibility right off and being honest with her. I would have wasted some time trying to "help" her let go sexually, or whatever she needed, which, if she hasn't managed to do on her own by now, would have been futile, just an ego trip for me. You knew right off to call it a day and move on. I need to be more practical about romance so I don't either avoid it or wind up trying to make things fit when they really don't.
It's all too often women get stuck falling back on the "he played me" thing, when they are rejected after having had sex. It goes with, "men are just looking for sex". If you have sex and then for whatever reason including sexual incompatibility, unless they are the ones who end it, then automatically you used them for sex. She probably knows deep down that she has this problem with sex, or even that it's just a matter of incompatibility, but in her anger she is in attack mode. When she calms down she will figure it differently. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:14:00 AM | Dude, you should see it from her angle.
You had sex with her 3 times and dissapeared. That is WHAT SHE SEE's. She didn't realise she was bad at it so why not be honest?
You've made a tiny problem into a mountain and its going to leave her very upset if you don't talk to her about it or try and teach her, but that would be off the cards seeing as she now feels like an idiot.
Way to go on being in-sensitive. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:35:27 AM | If she was good looking and I liked her, I would want to work through the sexual issues with her. At least give it a shot. She probably does feel like sex was all you were after now.
If you want a horny woman, they are out there. You can figure that out before the first date. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:41:29 AM | It's hard to explain the difference sexual compatibility makes until you have experienced it. Now, I won't settle for anything less. I happen to agree with you that honesty is the best policy, and it is best to end it early before anyone gets too attached.
It is pretty obvious that you and this woman are on different wave lengths, and I don't think there is much you can do to mitigate the drama. You can try sending her this forum page. If that doesn't do it, block her calls and move on. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:54:36 AM | Mr. Banks...
It`s really hard to deal with someone who`s frigid. Teaching them isn`t an option because during intercourse they want you to stop.
She had a difficult time as i mentioned relaxing.Simply put, she didn`t enjoy being aroused which is a huge problem for me... | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:06:57 AM | He didn't disappear. He honestly told her they weren't compatible. I'm with you, life's short. Sex is too big a part of a grownup relationship.
After being dumped - nicely or hurtfully, kinda doesn't matter when it first happens - I think it's natural to get defensive. She admitted she has issues in this area, so maybe this has happened to her before. She'll figure it out when she calms down, and hopefully will stop with the crazy texting soon. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:21:37 AM | Yes, a good sex life is a vital part of a healthy, stable adult relationship.
As an alternative, you could have talked to her about how you felt, how she felt and perhaps gone down the road of experimenting and even educating her sexually about your body, her body, your needs, her needs. Could have been fun.
Of course, that would all depend on her response.
I have only been on here some 3 weeks but it has shocked me just how many people are sexually immature or who believe you can have a sexless adult relationship. You can't - not a healthy one anyhow. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:29:31 AM | Dude, you should see it from her angle.
msg 4: Dude, you're young. When I was your age, any sex was good sex.
Once you have been with a woman that really knows what she is doing and doesn't have any hang ups about doing it.. you are spoiled for other women. Sex is a huge part of a relationship and if you and your partner aren't on the same page, it's pointless to continue. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:35:17 AM | | Why would you care...you took her out 3 time..and 3 times she had sex with you...but you...claim it was making love.....so...it seams you obviously told her you love her already...unless..your confused as to the difference between having sex..and making love...and she does seem like a real respectable girl...to have gotten busy with you so soon...i think your made for one another.... | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:00:34 AM | | It is very frustrating to be in your position because if you try to fix it, somehow, you will spend your life trying and trying and never getting there. Then when you are with someone else, that you are not trying to fix, then things just flow, and instead of trying to fix something, you are actually trying to make it even better and better. So as painful as it may be, dude I think you did the right thing. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:04:02 AM |
and looks at sex as a choir
You mean she does a rousing chorus for the finale.............?
Lets see.... He is sleeping with the "smoker" the "screamer" and the "fridged"... So what does this make you?????
I was thinking the same thing...........think Op "gets around"...!!
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:05:47 AM | I thought the smoker was good in bed and that is why you weren't sure about dumping her. I am so confused now.
I confess that I do think some times there is nothing you can do to make the sex better. When you get with someone that rocks your world versus someone you are thinking you would rather be doing your nails with, you know you can't continue. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:55:16 AM | Nope, sex is very important to me. Having almost married someone who wasn't into sex as much as I was, I learned my lesson.
Frankly, as an adult I now understand that different people have different libidos and view sex differently. People who think sex is important don't get so darn het up about this "he used me" crap. It takes two to tango.
Maybe she will realize that she needs to learn more about herself sexually before taking on a relationship where a man deems sex important? If you guys really did discuss it, and she knows it, why the fack isn't she trying to do anything? I wasn't achieving the satisfaction I heard about from others, so I set out to make sure I did.
I took a couple of years when I was single and worked on it. People need to learn that good sex is their responsibility, it's not all on their partner to "learn" how to turn them on. That said, one can always discover new things with a new partner - but one should know the basics of their own sexuality. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:22:19 AM |
If you want a horny woman, they are out there. You can figure that out before the first date. I don't understand this... how does one figure out if they are sexually compatible unless they have sex? Of course, if one of the two people were frigid, or simply despised sex, then perhaps the other would notice in their attitude when things became amorous... but before that? I'm stumped.
Oh, and for the people that are going to say just ask... trust me, men exaggerate... a LOT!!!!
I was thinking the same thing...........think Op "gets around"...!! Methinks there is an attention whore on the forums... thanks Chardy... but I'll jot in a bit more just in case this helps someone that really does have an issue...
I dated a couple of guys where the sex was less than lackluster... imagine if you will a rutting rabbit and at the risk of bringing another thread into this... a crier... and that's putting it mildly. 
All I can do now is sit here and laugh in shock and disbelief that there are actually such men out there in the world, and I'm sure that they would get along great with the OPs latest date... lord only knows that I couldn't deal with those issues.
I seriously doubt that I would encourage a man in thinking that there was a chance at a real relationship if the sex was so bad, I don't see why a man would be held to a higher standard and have to tolerate an absent sex partner. Figuratively speaking... | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:42:43 AM | I think you did the right thing scd. You tried, and there was no chemistry. I give her credit for telling you it is an issue she has carried in the past. But problems just don't "go away" if you ignore them. She will not change her way of viewing sex as she does without help of some kind.
She sounds a little mental anyways, I hope you find a woman who can handle being an adult. hahaha | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:47:25 AM |
I went out a few times
We engaged in intercourse 3 different occasions Maybe next time you might try having a relationship before jumping in bed. A few = 3. When you care about someone it sometimes makes a difference. Rereading your post, it sounds like you had sex every time you went out. Of course she feels used. I hope she learned a lesson by hopping in bed so fast.
But once you do care about someone, but the dude is gross with his clothes off, so fat he can't do anything but lay there like a whale, or gives you a spit bath when he kisses you, yeah, only so much you can accept. A physical turn on after the mental one is needed. | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:19:39 AM | You should be admired for being forthright and honest with her. Sexual compatibility is imperative in a successful relationship. The only people who don't find that so are the ones who don't want to have sex at all. The rest of us want to be with someone with whom it is an enjoyable, loving experience.
There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Block her and let it go. You tried to be a gentleman about it and end it on a sincere and honest note and she is the one who refuses to accept that fact. Hey, three strikes and she's OUT!!! Good for you for trying to see if it would improve. You gave it a good effort and it wasn't going to change. She has 'issues' regarding sex and you would never have been compatible.
Good luck in find someone who has it all. She's out there.
Edit: Damn! I missed the thread about 'the smoker' and 'the screamer'. I'll have to look that up. If this is another woman, what happened to them??? | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:31:42 AM | I would hazard a guess to say she knows why you've ended it and she wants you to say it so she can get angry with you all over again.
I don't think you're the first guy to stop seeing her over these issues.
And - for all those who think only women get upset if they feel they're being used for sex - you're wrong.
(OP, I"m not saying you used her - just pointing out an anomaly.) | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:34:54 AM | | north american women, are the laziest lovers in the world, they show no imagination, never take the initiative , no you where not wrong to end it, in my opinion you did not even have sex, she sounds terrible... lazy lazy women | |
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| How do you deal with someone when the sex isn`t satisfying?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:43:01 AM |
We engaged in intercourse 3 different occasions and each time i didn`t feel it! The first time i felt since she might have been nervous, it wasn`t a big thing.The second occasion we made love, again, nothing, it was if she wasn`t into making love and was going through the motions.
You know, over the years I've met many a woman who was " and no matter what we did she was unable to "Let herself go"... or similar... Generally, all they require is a little time and patience and they come around... If people stopped and took the time and gave real consideration to the other person and gave them the chance to relax, they often turn into incredibly passionate creatures.... In my book sexual incompatability doesn't exist unless there's a physical problem... all the rest is fixable....
She`s upset, continues to text me 10 x`s a day,writes ridiculous emails accusing me of using her for my own personal gratification, worse she tells me " i only wanted sex" and nothing more!That really hurts....
I agree with her to a certain extent. You fcuked her three times and decided she wasn't good enough and dumped her... Hell, in only 3 times she still might be too nervous to be a good lover even if she was expereinced and had no issues with "letting go..."
Personally, if I did that, I'd be feeling pretty ashamed that I'm not a good enough lover to help her through that....
Oh yeah, one other thing, those might be "ridiculous" emails to you, but to her they might be very, very important... Pretty sad that you dismiss them as "ridiculous".... says a lot about the type of person you are, and why you didn't stick around longer...
Probably part of the reason she can't let herself go is too many guys dumping her after a couple of screws... and it becomes a vicious cycle... the more it happens, the worse she gets and so on.... | |
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