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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:11:06 AM | Any thoughts, comments, criticisms, compliments are all welcome and will be considered.
I went for the "straight up honest" theme (I think I did anyways). I don't want people messaging me who clearly have life values greatly different from my own, yet they always do. | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:42:08 AM | | Profile appears to be fairly decent. You at least come off as a normal real guy, not one of the shirtless flex guys on here. Hope it works out for you. | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:38:38 PM | | Thanks Jay. I messaged just about every girl in our small town, that had an interesting profile (about 30 people in total), with a personalized/custom message saying hello, and the response was pretty mediocre. Two dates, no follow up interest showed. I guess the standards are impossibly high, either for myself or everyone else. | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:57:30 PM | Hello there!
Standards are never too high - you just have to sell yourself correctly.
You list 'hang out' under what you're looking for. If you're actually hoping to date then change it - you'll turn up in more searches and it makes you look like a more serious option. Hanging out in my opinion is something teenagers do in groups, not what a man and a woman should be doing unless you're strictly looking for friends.
Just 3 interests - try and add more. I doubt that anyone scrutinises them, but on the other hand it's very noticeable when you have hardly anything in that box. Bulk it out.
I'm not a big fan of parties where alcohol is a firm prerequisite to having fun.
This makes you sound like a killjoy. I don't drink. But I don't give a damn if other people do. People your age are likely to fancy the odd drink every now and then, and since you put that you drink socially, you can't play the teetotal card. Don't be negative about other people's ideas of fun.
There are too many of these for one profile to handle
There is very little in the way of actual detail about your supposed unique traits for you to say this with any seriousness. Either delete this line, or put some more effort into your profile and expand on your interests properly.
I've liked most genres at least once before, less the artists that scream into the mic.
Talk about the ones you do like a little, give examples (but not an essay, this isn't myspace) and don't mention what you don't like, always keep things positive.
Some dislikes: Rudeness, excessive tattoos/piercings, swearing, dishonesty and gossip.
More negativity.
The fine print: I want to meet people that lead healthy lifestyles and take care of themselves, I find traditional card games to be boring, I hate beer, and since getting braces my smile is 'under construction'. My "religion", whether I have a car, and wanting children or not, is all left ambiguous purposely. Ask if you want to know.
No. The point of your profile is, the people viewing get a few of the important questions, ie. smoker, drinker, wants children, has a job etc, out of the way before they decide if they want to talk to you. Seeing 'ask if you want to know' is just annoying - what's the point of reading your profile if you're just going to withhold information to try and get women to contact you?
Plus all the 'I hate this, I dislike this' is more negativity. I don't get a very positive vibe from your profile. You've apparently got several unique traits but the ones you thought it best to list were including swing dance and vegetable planting. I know everyone's unique but the way you've laid this out makes you sound much older than you are and a bit grumpy. Try injecting some life into your profile. If you've got some hobbies that are unusual for someone your age, joke about it a little, expand on them and why you're passionate about them.
Lastly - there's nothing much about who you're looking to meet. Add some lines about the kind of person you're hoping to meet.
Good luck! | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:15:23 PM | HouseKitten, you really outdid yourself there. Thank you very much, I took everything you said into consideration and made a number of changes based on what you said.
However, where you see negativity, I see honesty. I'm not going to casually leave out things that I would inevitably have to tell someone anyways, things which I know many people would find alienating. An example is saying straight up that I don't like tattoos. A lot of girls have big tattoos and I fully understand that they won't be inclined to message me, which is the point.
Where you've mentioned "withholding information", no one is going to contact me asking if I have a car, but if they were actually somehow interested in the long story around that question, I'll gladly tell them, but not in a profile that is meant to talk about me, not my car. | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:20:58 AM | Your profile is cold. If one got a msg from you one would think you were made of wood, a Mormon,and being purported to be "nice" is deadening--she could kayak with her grandma and it would be more satisfying. You come off bossy, fussy, nostalgic, judgmental, defensive,and a wearer of disguises. Post a pic of you now--ditch old pics, as living in the past is a turn-off.
You're a stranger, in no position to bossily start off--I expect people to take care of themselves. They do, or you'd not be writing.
Just an ex. --you'll have to re-think the rest. Maybe you really are well-intentioned, but it's not coming across.
I wish you luck. | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:45:00 AM |
However, where you see negativity, I see honesty. I'm not going to casually leave out things that I would inevitably have to tell someone anyways
There are many, many things about yourself that are not going to be listed on your profile, simply because everyone is different and no one is expecting to get your life story in three paragraphs worth of information. However, the point of your profile is to sell the best parts of yourself and create a positive image so that people you get in touch with will want to message you back. There's a good reason that negativity in a profile is not encouraged - it's the first impression someone gets of you and you want to make a good one. It's common sense that everyone is going to have dislikes but your profile is not the place to air them - you can filter out the women you're not interested in later.
Where you've mentioned "withholding information", no one is going to contact me asking if I have a car, but if they were actually somehow interested in the long story around that question, I'll gladly tell them, but not in a profile that is meant to talk about me, not my car.
You certainly don't need to talk about your car in your profile but seriously, the tactic of 'I've not given these basic details so that you'll have a reason to talk to me' is not a good one. Women are going to look at that and think 'so there's nothing interesting about him and he's had to resort to cheap tricks to get a girl to message him?'
And of course, the chances are most of the time you'll be making first contact. It's not a man's world out there on PoF, so the majority of the time you'll be the one writing the first email, not her. You're looking to convince a girl you've picked as appropriate that she wants to write back, and leaving out some basic info could make her decide she doesn't want to waste time dragging it out of you.
If there's an interesting story about these things, perhaps even tell them briefly on your profile. I don't think keeping these things in the dark is going to get you anywhere though. | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:46:59 AM | Again, thank you for pointing a few more things out, I made some more changes again based on what you said.
If I could just change two words in a sentence you made, it spells out entirely different and in a way that goes for theme I'm working with:
There's a good reason that honesty in a profile is encouraged - it's the first impression someone gets of you and you want to make a good one.
Listing just the wondrous things about yourself, in my view at least, is just a phony advertisement that grows wearisome. I want someone to read a message I send, look at my profile, and say to themselves, "hey, here's a guy who's done some neat stuff, took the time to make a well worded/edited profile, and even has the balls to be honest about things no one else would say".
the tactic of 'I've not given these basic details so that you'll have a reason to talk to me' is not a good one.
I agree completely, and no where did I try to convince anyone to write me. I don't expect any girl to message me first. Only fat girls do that. Talking about religion at all is for many a negative point, and for some a positive one. Mentioning that I'm willing to talk about it if the other party wants to as well, shouldn't be condemned. | |
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| My profile, Let me show you it.
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:29:55 PM | Honesty is certainly encouraged, and I'm not expecting you to lie about any of your traits.
However - there's being honest, and then there's being negative apparently for the sake of it. Now you're not as bad as some men who fit into the category of negative, I've seen some profiles that were basically long rants about how disillusioned the man in question was with dating. But you do seem intent on putting in some negative statements on your profile, both about yourself and about others.
There's nothing 'wonderous' about keeping things positive - it just creates a far better image if you use your space to talk about what you enjoy doing, what the positive aspects of your personality are and what kind of things you're looking for in another person. There's nothing very attractive about listing your own downsides - 'I find card games to be boring, I don't actually like beer etc etc'. Why would a woman find any of that appealing? She wouldn't.
Your profile is not a condensed biography. It is basically an advert for yourself to convince a woman that you're worth replying to. No woman on the profile review board here has ever looked at a negative statement on a profile and said 'sure, that's not attractive what you've written there, but I appreciate that you're honest'. Honesty does not have to be displayed by talking about your bad points.
Some of the changes you made to your profile are excellent, the first paragraph especially has come on a lot. But I see absolutely no reason for the bad parts. They're just not needed. I feel like you're deliberately defending these parts simply because you think they display a desirable characteristic, but all they do is show exactly what they are - unattractive things to read about.
This is all about selling yourself. At the end of the day it's your profile :) and if you feel you've been getting adequate responses from women then you really don't need to worry about my advice because you're doing fine. However, since you're in the profile review section, that would suggest that something isn't working for you. I'm telling you what I observe the worst problem in your profile to be. It's up to you whether you want to believe me or not :) | |
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