| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:23:03 PM | I was just reading some of the forums on Ask a Guy and ran across this statement ....
"If a guy wants to play the wait card then its usually a sign that something is wrong...."
Can anyone elaborate on what this might mean.....? | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:32:54 PM | Hmmm, a better approach would be to contact those who said as they will be able to tell you exactly. The best those who never said that can only give you our thoughts (which will be just as good as yours!).
I suspect that when a guy is waiting and waiting to either meet, talk, send a message etc., this would seem to me as not a good sign. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:33:14 PM | Wait for what , dinner? j/k ... imagine you are talking sex.
Guess some think that guys should hit it no matter what . If he says , hey lets wait to make sure it's right , some might view them as being soft or not manly | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:35:48 PM | Sorry... it was pertaining to sex.
So question rephrased... when a guy plays the waiting card when sex is involved... | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:40:49 PM | | I dont know...could it be..he may be confused and think you are a respectable girl....hmmm....i wonder.... | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:54:00 PM |
Sorry... it was pertaining to sex.
So question rephrased... when a guy plays the waiting card when sex is involved...
If a guy "waits" then there's 4 possible choices.
1. He's looking at you as a friend or
2. He wants to maintain control of the relationship or
3. He has no interest in you or
4. He wants to make sure that this relationship isn't based upon sex.
Come to think of it, there are probably about 100 possible choices... | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:06:21 PM | what whatthefluc said.
implicit here is that the woman wants sex before the man does, because if NEITHER is ready, there's no 'card' to be played.
that being said, this statement is the soul of shallow insecurity. it assumes all men will have sex as soon as possible with any attractive woman. kinda like assuming any woman with 100 bucks in her pocket heads to the shoe store.
and based on that assumption, if he DOES say no when she's saying yes, it's cause to get those fear gears turning. OMG! is he gay? is he too scarred for a relationship? is he such a diabolical player that he withholds sex in order to use me for sex? is my chest too small and my butt too big? AAIIIEEEEE!
if he's a catch, she waits. if sex is the top priority, she moves on. no great analysis needed. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:09:21 PM |
"If a guy wants to play the wait card then its usually a sign that something is wrong...."
Can anyone elaborate on what this might mean.....?
Oh, I always play the "wait game". Although, I certainly don't consider it a game and it definitely doesn't mean that something is wrong - it's actually quite the contrary. I consider it taking the time to really get to know someone and hopefully establishing a deeper connection/relationship that isn't based solely on sex. Been there, done that, bad idea for everyone involved.
That's MY take on it. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:34:49 PM | DavidPiano speaks for me.
There is no "wait card" in my world.
Waiting until I know a woman is worthy is The Way It Is. If only one more woman ever gets it, that'd be ideal for me. Women who rush that with me only run the risk of alienating me, in direct proportion with their hurry.
Chance of any strange new woman getting anything but a "wait" is zero percent.
Here are other things "the wait card" might mean:
1) He doesn't want to give you something that special until he knows you're worthy.
2) He is still figuring out if engaging on that level with you runs the risk of unhealthy attachments.
3) His moral code or ethical boundary precludes engaging at this time (for any variety of reasons).
4) You don't do it for him, don't turn him on, etc., and he's waiting to see if other aspects of your character and personality kick in his libido toward you.
5) He doesn't want to hurt you, or get hurt, and he knows that engaging on that level increases the risk, greatly, that "somebody's gonna hurt someone."
6) He wants you to be a lady because he actually likes you and would like to preserve the special nature of a developing love.
or, the dreaded and all-encompassing:
7) You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. 
Numbers 8 through 174 are available in the ethers if enough men have a crack at this question. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:56:22 PM | | The wait game as played by men is used to make a woman feel insecure. It gives him an upper hand, women assume all men want is sex so if we hold back, they begin to worry that they aren't pretty enough or sexy enough or said the wrong thing. All this does it make a woman more likely to stick around if the sex is lousy or the guy is a jerk which he is because he decided to play the wait game. However, there are decent guys out there who do actually want to wait, to make sure the relationship is fully developed before having sex, these guys are rare and usually either religious or women disguised as men. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:09:49 PM | OP
This runs contrary to some of the opinions already expressed, but that's OK. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, based on their experience.
The "wait card for sex" -- it's sort of like shopping for cars. Like relationships, cars are a "high profile" expenditure -- meaning that it will take a BIG investment to get the best possible "product." By "investment," I'm not just referring to money, but also, time, effort, etc.. In a situation like that, it behooves the "investor" to do a lot of research on the product (a potential life-long partner) before plunking down an investment.
Sex is part of that investment, sort of like "earnest money." You plunk it down too soon, a woman might come back and say, "Well, we've had sex now" and make you feel like you "owe them" something. The "angst" produced is not worth the price of having had sex. Anyway, that's been pretty much my experience. I don't want to owe anybody anything for an act that we committed together. But sometimes (often), there IS a feeling of "owing," caused by the way that a woman reacts.
So, one might say, well, men do this too. Yes, probably. But the point still stands, "Is sex worth the price of the angst produced by a possible feeling of "accountability" that comes from it? Some might say yes, others no, depending on how they view the importance of sex.
If you wait until such as as you can say, "Well, yeah, I WOULD like to go deeper into this relationship, the the "sex too soon" is not longer an issue. You both want to delve more deeply. Only accountability there is be honest and faithful with one another. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:13:28 PM | My take on it is that if I'm not pushy about initiating sex - but clearly show sincere interest in her - she'll be less defensive, more relaxed, and likely initiate it herself when she's ready. In my experience, that's usually been sooner rather than later.
I don't see it as "playing the wait card" so much as being considerate of her comfort level.
If a guy is explicitly saying he'd prefer to wait, then there could be an issue. The things that come to mind are that he could have ED and hoping for an attachment to develop before the issue becomes obvious, or is being consciously manipulative. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:32:36 PM | Some guys just have brains and some have self control. Some EVEN have both! lol
Sometimes having sex with a woman is just too costly. Rarely arn't there strings or hidden costs associated with it. This seems to be definitely more the case, as you get older! I find it's better to get a pretty good handle on who I am dealing with, before I decide (Yes, me , the Guy decides! Wild Concept eh?) to have sex with a woman.
Whatever happened to the sixties and "FREE LOVE"! | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:45:56 PM |
"If a guy wants to play the wait card then its usually a sign that something is wrong...."
It's not just a sign.. it's a huge friggin billboard with red flags waving over it... | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:08:42 PM | Playing at it would be needlessly manipulative. There's no big deal about saying you aren't there yet. If she gets angry or feels rejected, well, guess why you weren't there yet? You weren't going to ever get there with her. I've known women who had the idea that all men always want sex as soon as possible with any woman every chance they get. I've also known women who understood that people are different and so you deal with the one person you're with, not bring your prejudices and assumptions into play. They way to be ready is both at once, because that would follow the mutual interest. If you pay attention to each other you don't wind up with one person wanting sex and the other doesn't. It's when you treat people like adversaries that you create these kinds of conflicts.
Do you want sex, and need someone to have sex with, or, do you like someone and then at some point you're both horny and so you have sex? No need to play cards. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:18:59 PM | | How do u label it that way? PLAYING THE WAITING CARD! Makes it like saying mind games, playing with ur emotions. If u view it as such when a guy does ur interpretation of said thing, then is it u who always initiates sex? Don't label everything a guy does as a game. You see when u add the word CARD, it becomes referenced to games......lol. Sorry! Just my rant for the day. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:26:57 PM | Ah-ha! The old "wait" card. Many different reasons for it.
For those who DO play it though...doesn't mean "red flags all over!" The ONLY ones who DO view this as a red flag already have suspicions about the guy anyways. Some of which may well be right...but just as often wrong. Usually the paranoid and the ones who have been "burned too often" are the ones who do not appreciate this card being played. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:38:04 PM | | Well maybe he's waiting for a std to clear up HAAAAAAA... or he wants somebody else and if it dosen't work your the backup plan. Could be alot of things maybe he's a bad lay and is scared to death you'll leave em. If he's into to you he'd want to bone ya. Thats just my opinion. | |
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| Playing the wait card
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:03:59 PM |
"If a guy wants to play the wait card then its usually a sign that something is wrong...."
Can anyone elaborate on what this might mean.....?
No, not necessarily something is wrong. The reasons could be the same as when a woman plays "let's wait" card.
In a traditional sence, men pursue women, men will have sex aas soon the woman will allow it to happen. But since in the modern world it is widely accepted for guys to have qualities typically ascribet to female as long their woman have enough male energy to balance it out, it can be the other way around: woman says "let's do it" while man says "let's wait". But most women I know are still feminine, and if "let's wait" follows by "let's go separate ways" they tend to end up broken-hearted without any self-seteem left in them instead of being consistently male about it.
But my point is, you get to pick - are you the male energy who pursues or are you the female energy who choses to accept or not accept? You get to pick, but be consistent all the way to save yourself a lot of hearbreak. | |
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