| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:18:42 PM | It occured to me that guys are often complaining on being friend-zoned. I started wondering do women ever complain about that. A thread search showed that they do, but there is one tread by a woman on the subject per 7 or so threads by men.
Why is that? I have my own speculations on it, but I would like to hear opinions.
Edit: to re-phrase it, why do you think (some) women suggest a friendship if they don't see a possibility of a romantic relationship, while guys don't? | |
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| The infamous Friend Zone - men vs women?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:23:36 PM | | easy enough answers. Women haven't a clue as to what they DO want, and when they get it they expect to change it to suit them. (Guys namely!) So....they can't change the guy...or see someone who fits their expectations better...all others go into the "friends" category. Guys now....prefer to keep any and ALL options open. Why burn a bridge behind you when you may need to retreat? | |
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| The infamous Friend Zone - men vs women?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:24:45 PM | | I don't know how women view such labels. But answering myself, I say it sucks because usually I had an inerest beyond that. So, it's a let down. I don't need more friends unless I chose them. See, when a lady says it to me then I have kinda been forced ino a relationship with her that wasn't my intentions. Hard to accept rejection at that point because usually it occurs after spending time together. | |
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| The infamous Friend Zone - men vs women?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:30:05 PM | | Oh, I'm not the guy who will say "I WANT TO JUST BE UR FRIEND". It's rather like saying "Hey take this slap in the face with ur pride". lol. I feel like its a damned do/damned don't. If I say no, then I'm kinda appearing to be a jerk. If I say yes, I'm going against my desires. | |
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| The infamous Friend Zone - men vs women?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:34:33 PM | | In general, men do not play the "let's be friends" card so that is probably why you see less post from women complaining about the friends zone. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:55:26 PM | Women are too smart to hang around a guy pathetically hoping to get his attention as the 'friend.' LOL. Either he pays attention to her or not! If not... buh bye.
That or we just don't complain about it so much. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:56:24 PM | Because men generally typically do not initiate relationships with the goal of being a woman's friend.
If a man is dealing with a woman and he stops feeling attraction for her and do not think she will introduce him to other women or can be like "one of the guys", he cuts her off. Men do not need women for friendship.
Some women believe that they can have a friendship with a man they romantically rejected but men who have some dating experience recognize such relationships as fraudulent and are smart enough to walk away. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:01:49 PM |
why do you think (some) women suggest a friendship if they don't see a possibility of a romantic relationship, while guys don't?
This is easy...
Once a guy is romantically interested in a woman, he doesn't want to be her frikn friend. He would prefer she just go away....
The only time a guy will generally have a female friend is if he does not feel anything sexual toward her. | |
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| The infamous Friend Zone - men vs women?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:02:23 PM | If you go by the ladder theory, then guys don't have a friend zone with regards to women. It basically says that men will just simply compare women to each other and rate them based on our interest. Thus, it implies that men can't truly be friends with a woman unless he is gay. However, a woman has two categories where she can rate guys. Those being as a romantic interest and as a friend. Lets say that there is this interesting and good looking guy and a woman really likes the guy and enjoy being with him but just has no interest in dating(or mating) with him. So, he gets put on a "friend ladder". That would never happen with guys. If a guy finds a woman interesting and attractive, then he wants to be with her. And if we're not interested in a woman, then we're likely not even going to near them(barring some circumstances). It's that simple, lol.
I don't necessarily agree with everything about the theory but there's definitely some truth to it, imo. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:11:02 PM | some things to keep in mind:
*'friend zone' is mostly a young man's issue.
*women tend to communicate indirectly, especially young ones.
*young men often haven't learned how to read between the lines of this indirect communication.
first, the disparity reflects the difference in complexity of sexual attraction. a young man sees an attractive face and body, and usually that's enough to get the sexual gears turning. he approaches, initiates courtship, and if she says no, it's usually in that indirect fashion that seems to leave the door open. he hangs around hoping for the chance because he hasn't learned that 'maybe' doesn't actually mean 'maybe' - it means 'not in a million years.' when he finally figures out it's never gonna come, he may feel deceived, jealous of other guys she IS interested in, frustrated, blue-balled. that's a lot of impetus to complain on a forum.
women, on the other hand, often need additional factors besides hotness to trigger sexual attraction. they also read subtler signals better, even though most guys are not terribly subtle. so when a guy isn't showing interest, they get the message pretty quickly and shift their feelings before getting in so deep. plus, if they're really frustrated, they can go find some compensatory guy to bang without much trouble, and regain their ego equilibrium.
re the edit question: women offer friendship to men they turn down sexually because it's the polite thing to do, and because they don't understand the male side of this dynamic. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:14:44 PM |
to re-phrase it, why do you think (some) women suggest a friendship if they don't see a possibility of a romantic relationship, while guys don't?
when a women is NOT attracted to a man for any reason, they suggest friends. A man(who is smart anyway) will not be friends with a girl he is attracted to. It just isnt smart. There is nothing worse than being attracted to a female and have her talk about all the men she is dating. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:19:09 PM |
Women are too smart to hang around a guy pathetically hoping to get his attention as the 'friend.' LOL. Either he pays attention to her or not! If not... buh bye.
 Why that didn't even cross my mind.
*'friend zone' is mostly a young man's issue.
*women tend to communicate indirectly, especially young ones.
*young men often haven't learned how to read between the lines of this indirect communication.
Yeah, I agree it's a tendency for younger people. I'm guilty of giving this line to a guy on several occasions when I was younger than 30. Yet I've never heard that line adressed to me in my lifetime. I recall being baffled by them not wanting to be friends when I was a teenager. In my case, it wasn't an indirect way of saying "no". I was sincerely confused why wouldn't they want friendship if they can't have more. Now I know better than that to bypass such suggestion. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:19:09 PM |
Edit: to re-phrase it, why do you think (some) women suggest a friendship if they don't see a possibility of a romantic relationship, while guys don't?
... because the same guys who get friend zoned are the same guys who think whining about it will help their situation? | |
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| The infamous Friend Zone - men vs women?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:21:50 PM | The reason the guys complain more is the "nice guy" syndrome front and center These weasels are trying to be friends and go out of their way to gain favor.... | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:28:50 PM |
why do you think (some) women suggest a friendship if they don't see a possibility of a romantic relationship, while guys don't?
IMO people suggest coed friendship after dating because they either:
Realize they can get all the validation, attention, and gratification without having to reciprocate or offer the responsibility, risk, or commitment of a "real" relationship.
Maintain control of the relationship via the label, changing its definition when it suits their needs and wants, until something better comes along.
And/or they want to put themselves in a position so they can't be judged for rejecting the other person, and maintain the self image of being "good."
"I'm not 'bad' for rejecting you, I offered you friendship, I'm good. You're 'bad' if you won't even be my friend." Shifts liability and responsibility onto the other person.
I don't think most of this is on a direct conscious level but more of reactions to emotional responses.
IOW IMO it benefits someone more to offer friendship rather than a clean absolute break.
IME and my observations men offer friendship to women just as much.
Of course it could be the whole "women have more options than men" so to stick around a guy isn't guaranteed anything more than to being used, whereas if a woman sticks around it may lead to the guy changing his mind. Bird in the hand and all that is more important to the person that has fewer bird options. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:28:53 PM | It's simple mathematics.
In most cases it's up to the men to initiate the contact. They will try to meet the women they are interested in, quite often having to make the acquaintances of very many women in the process. They will acquire more of these "friends".
Women will rarely go out on a limb to initiate contact with someone they are interested in. They will live in quiet anguish hoping that the guy notices them. They will not even get a chance to be in the "friend" zone if the guy has absolutely no interest in her. He will just slip out of her life.
When women start approaching men as often as men approah women, the whole "friendzone" playing field will even out. | |
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| TUFF
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:32:15 PM | | I just love coming back on people like TUFFLUV! By stating WOMEN, must mean as the entire gender is smarter than the other gender. And i've met many pathetic, as you stated, women who do just that. What a closed-minded gender racist type opinion. See, this is an example of how not to talk like ur not a MANHATING girl. I would say lady, but also it's a good example on how not to act/talk like a lady. Ignorant no matter if u jokingly posted it. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:27:06 PM | I would suggest that the guys complaining about being put in the "Friend Zone" do so after a time of manipulation by the girl who "Friend Zone's" them. Usually to stroke their ego and have some one pay attention to them until the guys they are interested in comes their way. Most men do not desire to stick around and hear all the whinning after she gets burnt. You know the "Why can't I find a nice guy" crap. I tend to feel Good, you got burnt, but I do not want to hear about it, I wasn't good enough, remember. I always say the onus of being her friend belongs to the guy getting the goodies, but that usually don't happen, because the guy getting the goodies, is usually gone after he is tired of her. That is why alot of woman want a platoon of guys as friends to fullfill the part of the relationship that the guy using her will not do. I as many oother men have been "Friend Zoned" by the manipultation I speak. I do not blame the girl, I blamed myself for not being smart enough to know the signals then. Now, it does not happen. Men do not see woman they like and say wow "I would really like to be friends with her" we are thinking how we would like to date her.
Woman do not complain about being put in the "Friend Zone" because it rarely happens to them, If a girl is attracted to a guy and he is not interested, he moves on, unless he is forced socialy to have contact with her either through work, social circle, etc. | |
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| The infamous
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:37:01 PM | Thank you all for the interesting responses.
I do believe it's a copeout of sorts "I'm not rejecting you" but also a way of keeping your options open and around just in case, as well as a way of making yourself looking desireable to other guys ("look, he likes me but he can't have me"), as well as possible protection mechanism cause "my friends will help me an protect me if needed".
On a kinder note, women do tend to be friendly and sociable. Like division77 said, they want to be friends with everyone.
There may be evolutionary exlpanations to all of that too. That's what I tend to subscribe to. | |
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