| review my profile
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:06:25 PM | I do hope that I am in the profile review forum;if not ,please forgive me,I'm not deliberately breaking the rules.
What I'd like to know is :is there any way I could improve my profile to attract more women,other than by telling big lies or replacing my photos with those of a male model?The photos are 2 years old and the best I can do;I am 47-perhaps that 's the problem,I'm considered past my sell-by date.
I am a genuinely decent guy who wants to have a relationship but no one'll give me a chance.I am having really appalling luck with women-they are far far more fussy than guys(I know plenty of desperate guys but no desperate women;if you know any desperate women, please point them in my direction,lol)-and am getting very depressed about it;any constuctive criticism or advice would be welcome.Suggestions concerning extensive plastic surgery wouldn't-though I'd certainly get it done if I could afford it. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:20:50 PM | First of all, from what I can see you seem like a guy women would find attractive so don't even consider plastic surgery (for myself the most that should be done to change your image is some new clothes, a tattoo that has personal meaning/symbolism and pierced ears; but thats just me).
Your profile is FAR to short, you're basically just retyping everything that they can see from your picture and your interests. Explain it, add some humor; talk about the things you love to do and get someone to take pictures of you doing them.
I hate to plug a commerical product but check out David Deangelos Double your dating and man transformation series, they've helped me ALOT. David M also has a product out there called Insider Internet Dating that will help you craft a profile and gives you copy and paste emails (trust those emails as much as you would a grain of salt, i've had minimal success with it).. but the profile is great.
Lastly when your out, Dress to impress; No that doesn't mean wear suits when your buying groceries but style your hair and wear something decent. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:12:24 PM |
is there any way I could improve my profile to attract more women,other than by telling big lies or replacing my photos with those of a male model?The photos are 2 years old and the best I can do;I am 47-perhaps that 's the problem,I'm considered past my sell-by date. Job number one for you is to get a good primary photo of yourself. It should be a good, sharp, well lit, close up head shot of you smiling. Do you have a friend who is a good photographer who can help you with this? | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:56:44 AM | Are you doing the writing? Women don't write much, unless the text speaks to them, and the pics show warmth.
Your pics are too far away and you need to look at the camera, relaxed smile. You appear attractive--just get some stylish attire, do the pics/smile/eyes thing already.
Fill out interests field, your type, job?,tastes in art and music, shared outings? Then, you can get feedback.
Best of luck. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:57:23 AM |
Also interested in photography
Show it with some incredible pictures of yourself and the things you like to do - use that camera timer if you don't trust your friends' abilities to take photographs.
In addition to places you'd like to go, mention places you have been.
What/who do you teach? How long?
Make two or three paragraphs out of your profile - run this past the English department before lunch rather than after, otherwise you'll be cleaning up a mess. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:36:19 PM | Hi Gaz…a few suggestions…
1) Since you list PHOTOGRAPHY as an interest, start with the photos.
2) It’s not your looks, it’s your photographic technique.
3) Better lighting, better setting, better clothes, better close ups…ALL that will make a big and positive difference.
4) You need 6 to 8 photos.... in all kinds of garb from casual to suit/tie/dressy.
5) Going to Paris on a 1st date is lovely, but she’s wondering if you can afford it?
6) Talk about your job. What do you do? Do you like it?
7) BIG RED FLAG is the 35+ and single. Since you say you’re looking for LT, ya gotta address the commitment issue. If she thinks you’re unable to commit, she won’t take a chance on you.
8) So, if you’ve had LT relationships in the past, it’s good to mention something about them.
9) Something like…”I’m looking for my last first date. I’ve had 2 Long term relationships, both which lasted longer than most people’s marriages”.
10) Put some meat on the bare bones of your profile, do a photo shoot, and there will be no need for plastic surgery. Truth be told…there isn’t a need now! Just photos and a rewrite. Don’t think you can get a surgeon to do those for ya.
Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:47:58 PM | | Slow down your writing and say something from your heart. What makes you you? Why are you different? Your pictures are the first sell. Get past that and you need substance. This sentence "I am a genuinely decent guy who wants to have a relationship" from your forum question, tells me more about what you want than your profile. Grab a pad of paper and go to a place where you love and start writing. Don't sound needy and say exactly who you are and what you want from a woman. I'm not an expert but I hope this helps you. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:39:05 PM | Thanks for taking the trouble to write and give advice.I have heard of David DeAngelo;there are so many dating gurus out there that it's impossible to know who, if anyone,is any good ,especially considering my age.I'll have a look at his website again.
Thanks for your other suggestions-some good ideas;I'll have to work out how to carry them out.
Once again,thanks | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:43:47 PM | Thanks for your reply.Trouble is good sharp well lit close up head shot would show all my lines and wrinkles!The lighting that suits me best is pitch darkness.
But I do have a mate who recently took such a photo of me,in the acting class we attend so I'll get him to e-mail it-actually I've already done so but am still waiting.
Once again thanks | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:23:01 PM | Your "Ask a Girl" thread will probably get pitched any minute, so I came to this one, though usually I avoid Profile Review.
There's nobody in your profile (or, evidently, your introductory e-mails).
But the guy who wrote this post, and a couple of others, is funny, smart, interesting, and, aside from a little self-pity (which does tend to negate innate appeal), quite attractive. Also at a prime age, BTW.
So here's my suggestion: Why don't you put this guy in your profile? Write something stream-of-consciousness about whatever's on your mind at the moment, and use that.
Also, use spell-check, capitalize, insert spaces between sentences, and break up the paragraphs. They've got to be able to read it.
And yes, update your photos. Don't be afraid to smile for the camera - a lot of men don't and it'll make you stand out if you do. If all you've got is a friend with a cell phone camera, that's fine. That's what most people have on here. You can take them yourself, too. Just keep trying and eventually you get something you can live with. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:32:23 PM | Dude, you are asking this all the time, and getting answers.
Here's how many times you've posted a question like this:
5/11/2009
5/14/2009
10/30/2009
11/03/2009
11/08/2009
So, what's the answer? You are being tooooo picky. All of this talk about your age being a problem? NOT
Your age is FINE for girls that are also your age.
Are you writing to ladies in the appropriate age group? around 42 to 52?
Are you writing to the best looking women in the world? WHY?
Be realistic. Accept that you are 47, and there are ladies in your age group that would probably LUV to date you. These ladies went to high school at a similiar time, they have similiar life experience, they can appreciate a guy like you.
How about you be honest? Describe the women you are writing to. You know, those women that are NOT responding to you. Please do this, please tell us. What you are doing now is NOT working. You've posted this question to death and you are obviously not happy with the results.
Age: (18? 25? 32? 40?) TELL US what age females you are writing to.
Body type: (anorexic, petite, small, thin, skinny, average, )
Other characteristics: Locations, , exceptional facial features, barely dressed, children status, smokers, Other noticable issues???
Oh, and BTW? It's pathetic for a guy interested in photography to post out-of-date photos. What's the problem? Have you gained a lot of weight during the last 2 years? You really need to post current ones, people hate it when a date doesn't look like the person in the photos. | |
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| re 16Madison's reply
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:26:45 AM | Hi,16Madison,thanks for your reply.Yes,you're right,I do ask just about the same question every time.
I'm certainly not being too picky-it's the women I write to/meet who are being picky.They're the ones rejecting me;I've rejected very few.
You say my age is not a problem-I strongly disagree because it resticts me in terms of who I can go for with a realistic chance of success.Later though you say"Be realistic.Accept that you are 47"which rather implies that my options are limited because of my age and I should settle for what I can get-in other words my age IS a problem because it restricts me as I've just mentioned.I suppose what you're saying is that my age isn't a problem provided I'll lower my sights.I DO have to settle for ladies in my age group and I have accepted that.
You ask who I write to?That's a very good question and I'll try and answer it as fully and accurately as possible.
Well,I'm not one of these delusional guys who thinks he can get 25 year old models,though obviously that's what I'd like in an ideal world!All the women I 've written to have been aged 37-55,with most of them 42-49.They are all reasonably good-looking,but certainly not all stunning.They are blondes,brunettes, 1 or 2 redheads-certainly not all identical.They all describe themselves as thin,athletic or average in build.Ideally I 'd prefer taller women cos they have longer legs-but I'm only 5foot 9-10 myself,so not much chance there.Besides that's an ideal and certainly NOT an essential requirement-in fact most of most of the women I am attracted to are actually small or of average height.
You say that there are plenty of women in that age group who'd LUV to date me.NOT TRUE! One would imagine that women that age would be less fussy because they,like myself and other guys of that vintage,are not as attractive as they were,so they would lower their sights as I do.But they are very picky.Several of them have said they're looking for their soulmate;they seem to be searching for some idealised romantic hero of the Mills and Boon variety-how can an ordinary guy like myself match their expectations?
So it's not me that's being picky,it's them.All I'm looking for is a woman in reasonable physical shape.I'll go out with almost any woman who isn't overweight or over 65.(I know some overweight women who are lovely people whom I respect and rate as human beings but I could never be sexually attracted to them because-I hope this doesn't sound too crude-I couldn't fancy someone whom I didn't want to see naked).I don't think I'm being too fussy there.There are plenty of women 40 and over whom I've found attractive but they don't think I'm good-looking enough.And it is my looks that must be the issue cos I have been told that I'm intelligent,funny,good company and a nice guy(bet none of this comes out in this e-mail)-if I reallly have all these qualities,what the.....else do they want?-unless it's my appearance that lets me down.
Ideally I'd prefer a non-smoker with no kids who lives near me but I'm flexible about all these things especially the kids;I've got to be realistic - most women in my age group have them,and I'd really restrict myself if I only went for childless women.I don't want someone more than 30 miles away for obvious reasons-unless they really are stunning;most women feel the same about this.(one thing that annoys me a bit about pof is that my "matches"selected for me mostly live more than 30 miles from me-I see a pretty woman,get excited,look at her profile-shit,she lives in Devon;I guess the pof computer is not that knowledgeable about British geography).
So no,I would not say that I am fussy;it's the women I encounter who are.I just want someone reasonably good-looking(does NOT have to be a model !)in reasonable physical shape.Anything else is a bonus.It is harder for guys cos women are fussier-I don't swing both ways but base that judgement on the fact that I know quite a few desperate guys but no desperate women;if you know any ,please direct them to my profile,lol.
I hope that's answered your question and that you will agree that my expectations aren't absurdly unrealistic.
Re the photographs-I take photos of interesting cityscapes and landscapes rather than people Also I have always hated having my photo taken.I do worry a lot about my physical appearance because I have dificulty in attracting women.I assure you that I haven't put on weight since 2007-I've lost some,which probably makes me look more haggard!
I do take your point though.A friend of mine from the drama group has a good photo he took of me in May;I've asked him to e-mail to me 3 times,and am still waiting.Hope I can sort that out soon.
Once again,thanks for taking the trouble to reply to me.I hope that I have answered your questions fully .I have been as honest as I can,and perhaps said one or two things that might offend some people,though I do hope not.I do hope that you will write back to me.You seemed genuinely sincere in your e-mail-I hope that is the case.I am really really desperate to meet someone(and unfortunately women find desperation unattractive-vicious circle!)and would really appreciate any help in finding someone who'll give me a chance.
Please write back.Thank you.....Al | |
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| re 16Madison's reply
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:54:34 PM |
"which rather implies that my options are limited because of my age and I should settle for what I can get- in other words my age IS a problem because it restricts me as I've just mentioned."
You should be careful with that type of thinking. Everyone is restricted in one way or another. You are self-restricting by a woman's location. Everyone is this world is restricted to people that are mutually interested (for whatever reason they are interested) Everyone.
For example, do you think men should date 15 yr old girls? No. There's a restriction.
Today's 25 year old girls are really part of the next generation, designed to be mates for the men of that generation. There are exception for various reasons, but these girls were really not meant for you. They are supposed to be your daughters. At your age, you should be viewing them as daughters. They do have Fathers your age. My Dad is your age. 
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When you were 30, would you have been angry if a 25 year old girl wanted to
date you, but her 20 year old sister thought you were too old? That could easily have been the case.
Would you have dated that 25 year old girl, and felt bitter that you were restricted from dating somone 17? Would you have tried to make that 25 yr old girl feel bad about her age?
LOTS of girls date within 2 to 5 years of their age. It feels normal for a lot of females. That means that large blocks of men are restricted from dating those girls. It's not just you. You shouldn't be upset about that. 70 yr old women are usually restricted from dating 35 yr old men. Oh well, everyone is restricted.
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You are viewing it in a negative light, "I should settle for what I can get".. It's not about settling. It about being fair in what you expect, and what you think is realistic. It's about dating your peers. It's about dating people born in your generation.
If I have a vehicle with a blue book value of $20,000. I want to sell it for $30,000. Are you saying that I should sell it for LESS than 30,000? Yeah, that really upsets me that you would expect me to settle. I will never settle. That car can just sit in the driveway and RUST before I will settle for less than $30,000 for it.
You did mention in your post that you have wrinkles, sure, the older people get, the more that happens.
Should a younger lady have to "settle" for a guy with wrinkles?
What about a 37 yr old female, that has taken care to use sunblock and protected her skin. She is still wrinkle-free. Should she "settle" for someone that is 10 years older and hasn't protected their skin?
See how it works both ways?
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Some men live in a strange land, where they see themselves as a constant, with new females being born for their use, and look down on women for aging.
Aging is something everyone does. Just because you are attracted to younger, doesn't mean that you have stopped aging. If you would embrace that ALL people age, and stop holding it against some people (females) then you wouldn't have to be so unforgiving of yourself for aging as well.
This attitude, that you are "settling" and would prefer a younger girl, is most likely radiating from you. That makes you unattractive. How can a woman enjoy dating you if you give her the impression that you are settling for her?
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Here's the problem:
"They all describe themselves as thin,athletic or average in build"
"Ideally I 'd prefer taller women cos they have longer legs-"
You are almost 50 in a world where many are lucky to live to 70 years old. You are at an age in life where many people have been parents and are grandparents.
For a woman to be thin at your age, fighting against an aging metabolism and natural body changes, requires a huge investment in time. Strenuous exercise, dieting, exacting control. Females will deny this, some will try to pass it off as "natural thinness" but if you read medical literature you can discover one thing after another that declines in the 40's, 50's, and on.
Add to that many women have had weight gain and damage from childbirth. Did you know about how weight gain increases fat cells, and those fat cells contribute to the problem of staying thin? Those new fat cells do not leave with future dieting. (they are only removed with liposuction)
MEN do not have to spend the time and energy to lose baby weight. Unfortunately, women also have to take care of the infant at the same time they need to be devoting time to weight loss.
The point? There are less women available that can accomplish this. So, while they are making themselves crazy by starving and exercising, that makes them picky about who they are going to be with. They are giving up a LOT of their life and personal time to maintain that size.. Supply and demand. Since they are in demand, and there is a limited supply, they are aiming for the best guys available.
I'm not meaning that as a cut on you. It's about which guy THEY think is the best guy. Maybe they want someone that's blonde, or 6'2", or someone that lives to go horseback riding.
Don't you get it? That is their motivation to keep up the weight-loss routine. When they are tired after work and would rather relax or go to bed, they exercise, promising themselves that it is worth it, because they will have the leverage to select the best guy for them. When everyone else is eating birthday cake or popcorn at the movie, they pretend that they aren't hungry.
That is their edge . They want to be in control, so making their body look better than others in the same age group is how they accomplish that.
YOU are seeing it as :
"Hey, here's an okay-alright looking older lady, she just happens to be in good shape. She may not be a hot little girl with long legs, but, oh well, she'll have to do. So, we should get together. "
She views it this way :
"OMG I finally lost those last 5 pounds! I still don't look like I used to, but I'm thinner
than all my co-workers! All those hours at the gym and eating cardboard is worth it if I get Mr. Right.
Finally, I can now maybe try to find that one decent guy! It's my time now!"
Maybe they are turned off, that while approaching the age of 50, you are still concentrating on long legs and a thin body, missing the big picture. They could also be resenting you, as the male attitude that they must be "thin" is why they are spending ALL of their free time to be thin.
You are not treating them as a rare gem (as they see themselves), you are treating them as a consolation prize. They aren't doing all that work for you to think of them as "chopped liver".
The big picture is that your 70 years are running out, and you are still expecting "grandma-aged ladies" to have a body like a teenager.
Keep in mind: If you don't allow women to have normal, aged-related changes, you are not allowed to have them either.
What can you do?
1)Study what the thin ladies want. What interests do they have? Can you be what they want? Are you willing to spend hours becoming what they want? (Like they spend hours trying to maintain their youth?)
2) Or - look for younger ladies that want an older guy for money or daddy issues.
3) Or - look for average ladies. Maybe size 10-12? 14? Not thin, but not heavy? (yeah, you probably think 14 is a big size, but not really for someone pushing 50)
4) Or - keep doing what you are doing now, which you already know is not working. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:33:58 AM | Madison does thorough work.
To add--It's your personality, not the looks, which can be improved.
You probably bring them in with your charm/finer qualities but end up antagonizing them with your condescension for self, your peers,aging. The negative hum of false premises and exhaustive work reassuring you is going to negate anything good about you. At some point she'll want to knee you in the groin and leave you for dead after you mention offhand how you're settling, all your damning faint praise notwithstanding.
You could time travel to the present and accept your age. There is a lot one could do to improve one's health physically and mentally.
On the pics--it takes a while, keep snapping until you get comfortable.
Best of luck. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:10:31 AM | I think you two covered it. I'd just add that what I see here at this point is an apparent determination to have this not work. Every response is a list of reasons why everything is just so hard, and thanks for the suggestions, but none can be implemented - even something so easy as a new photo - because, because, because, with all the reasons being self-selected and self-inflicted.
As long as you keep standing in your own way, qaz, no advice from anyone can help to clear the path for you. | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:28:39 AM | OP – You have been given so much advice here. You need to stop whining and implement the advice or kill your profile and just stay home and be miserable.
Madison – You crack me up! | |
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| review my profile
Posted: 11/11/2009 9:21:07 AM | Madison, great advise, but do you really think that if he hasn't figured out the logic by 47, that anything more can help? If a guy's not smart enough to know all this from the get-go, then he usually figures it out by his mid 20's.
And how come you and I aren't dating?  | |
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