| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:14:19 PM | I did a thread search so hopefully this is not redundant.
I am just curious as to what everyone thinks of profile descriptions that include statements such as "I have been hurt before", "I always get cheated on", or "I don't want a cheater". Do you guys see statements like that as weakness? Possibly not being over their past relationship failed or not? There is always just the possibility of these POFers just being cautious due to outcomes in the past. It is understanding that one would not want to be in a negative situation.
Anyway.. so how do you all view these statements made? I see them all the time.
Lisa  | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:26:44 PM | | That was what I was thinking. I can't tell you how many profiles I have browsed through that have one of those statements in them. I definitely think that issues from past relationships should be dealt with before actively pursuing a long term relationship. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:24:53 PM | This is called "Airing your dirty laundry in Public" and my mother was old school. A definite no-no. Like wearing black stockings before 6 pm. Or a long gown to the Opera when it isn't an opening or closing performance. Or white shoes after labour day.
We think we rebel and grow up, but it's not true. Some things stay with you forever. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:51:07 PM | how 'bout the ones that open with how they" felt about/ still close friends with" the ex in the opening paragraph, (or the whole paragraph.)
i consider the person still has his /her attention on the ex. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:04:17 PM | Haha Helen cracked me up.
But ya I aggree with most everyone. When people say things like "ive been hurt before" It means they arnt ready to move on and it will jsut be too much baggage to deal with. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:18:04 PM | | I prefer to be defined by the positives in my life, not the negatives (or in fact, define those moments myself instead of the other way around). Either way, I like to associate with people with similar positive outlooks, not someone who dwells on the past. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:17:45 PM | I almost felt like I was being too critical of these profiles at first... but then I started to think and decided it was a definite red flag. Then I was just curious how everyone else felt.
I think it is good to write about yourself, thats why it is the ABOUT ME section... not about failed relationships. Failed relationships don't completely define YOU as a person, they help you learn and make better choices in the future. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:23:57 PM | | ^^^ Happily Ever After nailed it. My thoughts exactly. If a profile - which is supposed to put your best face forward - is negative, then likely the experience of dating that person will be tilted towards the negative. Nooooo, thanks! | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:02:59 PM | Pouring your guts out about how life has "dunn-yew-wrong" like a wailing coyote in a country song is a HUGE mistake.
You are asking a very good question for such a young hot child in the city.. wait.. that last part was a song verse.. anyway
Snakes and scumbags seek out weakness. Put your current hurt in your profile.. WOW.. like a BILLBOARD on the scumbag-highway.
PROJECT a negative.. ATTRACT more of the same.
Truths now.. 85% of all questions.. are statements in disguise
Most people project their fear even in a positive "I want" statement
I want a man with honor and integrity...
translation:
I was cheated on after he PROMISED not to
I want a man who communicates
translation:
I want a man to acknowledge my claptrap gossip about the trauma/drama of the girls at the office I talk to and make me believe he is truly interested in stuff that doesnt interest him but because my lips are moving and sound is coming out of my mouth I NEED him to acknowledge me.
Or some other stuff..
Damn.. I got a brain cramp trying to write a brainless diatribe. sorry readers | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:22:25 PM | The new phrase that seems to be going around instead of having been hurt is "No Players"......
I think that most people on here over 25 or so have had some type of emotional hurt due to dating. So to put in on your profile is kind an over kill. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:24:19 PM |
Do you guys see statements like that as weakness?
Yes. Airing this kind of emotional damage = still carrying the baggage. If someone's dealt with the damage, and moved on won't feel the need to mention it. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:45:34 PM |
I am just curious as to what everyone thinks of profile descriptions that include statements such as "I have been hurt before", "I always get cheated on", or "I don't want a cheater". Do you guys see statements like that as weakness
This admittance of fear is a sign of weakness? Or a lack of sophistication? Because none of us here have had their hearts broken, yes? And none of us here have broken someone else's heart...lemme see...I mean am no heart breaker but out of the bat I reckon I caused some women to be very upset with me about...umm...around 9-11 times in the whole of my life.
Essentially, when we skip to the next profile, we're telling ourselves I want this one..yes this one that's a bit of a fibber. The one who's never admitted to being lied to, screwed over, shatted on from a great height...yes, the one with the biggest brightest smile, moonbeams shining out of her ass, WINNER tattooed on their forehead, because unlike me, they are the bastion of super humanness and immunity from heartbreak, loneliness and despair.
When I see a profile with heartbroken written all over it, I read it like someone telling me 'hey, I've nearly got mauled by a freakin bull mastiff, will you keep your doggie on a leash when we go out?' I'd react in two ways...either I keep that dog on a leash permanently even though my beagle does not really bite and there is a massive difference between a seemingly dumb and enthusiastic beagle and a raging bull mastiff. Or I patiently and lovingly restore her faith in dogs, one doggie biscuit at a time.
Granted in this fast paced world of internet dating, its easier to click on the next profile...nothing wrong with that either, and the search for perfection continues forevermore.
PS. Not talking about attention-seeking idjits, pity party animals and the like. Genuine heartbroken people are simply people who's become normal again...back to the default value of 1. If being/falling madly in love is a form of madness, that is.
That's another debate altogether. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:09:25 AM | | Yeesh. I bet there aren't very many scientists in this crowd. About the only thing it can be said to be indicative of on any definitive level is the fact that they're unaware that including that in a profile will make them appear less attractive. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:18:46 AM | Do you guys see statements like that as weakness? Yes
Far too often I see profile lines like "tired of cheaters" "sick of guys playing games" "I seem to keep meeting the wrong types of guys", etc.
I personally believe that the vast majority of normal-thinking people don't have a repetitive problem of dating losers and jerks, and don't have an ongoing problem with people coming into their lives just to cheat on them or play games with their heads.
Therefore, if a woman's announcing that she's tired of dating jerks and/or tired of being cheated on, she's basically announcing to everyone "I seem to be lacking common sense".
Since I'd prefer to find a sensible, rational-thinking woman, I'm obviously going to be a little turned-off by the woman who's publicly announcing her lack of common sense. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:52:20 AM |
"I have been hurt before", "I always get cheated on", or "I don't want a cheater".
1 means I have been hurt-RECENTLY
2 means she commits emotionally very quickly-could be an easy lay.
3 is a kind of unconsidered protection mantra, like crossing your fingers and whispering "miss it!" when the opponents are attempting a field goal; baldly stating the obvious shows a lack of critical self awareness. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:25:06 PM | No players, no baggage, brutally honest, I'm different than other people, blahMUSTHAVEblahCHEMISTRYblah, most people don't get me/it takes a very special guy/girl to get me, pictures of people holding fish, writing all in caps, pictures of young children, pictures of the person and unidentified people of the opposite sex................................................................................................................................
OK, I suppose the fish aren't really a "red flag". So yeah OP, you aren't off base by being suspicious. If someone tells you who they are, you should believe them. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:11:51 PM | | I think negative things in a profile are generally a bad thing to promote about oneself. When I read "don't want players" in a lady's profile, that tells me that in the past she used poor judgment, and fell for a certain "type" guy that if you had any common sense, you'd know they are no good if you value solid relationships. | |
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