| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:22:20 PM | Hi,
I've been watching a programme here in the UK mentioned in the title. I don't know whether its on anywhere else but here, I suspect we stole it from America anyway, LOL!
Its kind of shocked me to watch it, because for the most part, the guys have seemed more able to overcome the physical appearance side more than the girls!.
Myself, if I had met someone in the dark and got on with them on an emotional level and then found them to be not as attractive as I had hoped or envisaged them to be, I would always give them a chance...what have you got to lose, right?.
Shallowness has always been a real bug bear for me. As a teenager, my best friend was (and still is) stunning. The stereotypical beautiful blonde, in the physical sense. I am the complete opposite, dark hair etc.
She always got the male attention and I was normally the go between, the guys would talk to me to get to her!!. Anyway, I would say, 99% of the time, after a while the guys would always fall out with her and express an interest in me. I would tell them to kiss my a$$ as I felt insulted that even though I aren't ugly and have been told I am attractive, that they would bypass me but end up realising I had more to offer in the end.
I have never, and would never judge someone based on their looks alone. If someone approaches me that doesn't float my boat I don't write them off and have gained alot of good friends by being friendly to everyone that comes my way, or atleast polite as I know how peoples reactions have affected my confidence in the past.
What are your views/experiences on this?. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:35:14 PM | Yes, I understand, But I wasn't specifically talking about sex here. Just how men and women can totally over look someone who could be a valued person in someone's life purely on whether they find someone attractive.
And in my experience, a person with looks but a poor personality doesn't last too long with someone anyway. Looks can fade with a lack of personality.
Its a bit like the movie 'The Truth About Cats And Dogs', Me and my friend were told alot when we were younger that if she had my personality and her looks and Visa Versa, we'd be perfect!!! Which we both found insulting!
Maybe we just met idiots lol, or it was the age of the guys at the time?. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:49:38 PM | Although one cannot CHOOSE to be attracted to someone, I have had more than one experience of finding myself attracted to someone I would not have EXPECTED to be attracted to. Thus I've recognized that there are more than basic physical characteristics involved with attraction.
That said, I seem to be like most men, in that I would not purposely "give someone a chance" who I did not have at least some initial attraction to. This is because from experience, I am reasonably sure that I would ultimately disappoint the woman, by not choosing to remain with her over time. I am far more upset and depressed by feeling that I led someone on, than by being rejected myself, so I don't want to risk that.
It's funny that you think the show you saw was stolen from the Yanks. Our entertainment braintrust CONSTANTLY steals British shows, Americanizes them, and sells them as 'new' here. If your dating in the dark came from here, it MIGHT go back to the old 'blind dating' shows we used to have here, where a group of either males or females are hidden from a primary contestant, and the contestant must ask them a series of questions before choosing one (without ever seeing them) to go on a chaperoned, fully paid night on the town with. The primary goal of those shows was to have the contestant ask questions loaded with double entendre's , engendering lurid laughter. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:06:54 PM | Op, I understand what your trying to say.
The people on the show are attractive, but not as attractive as the people would like them to be. You have to be very specific and type really slow sometimes around here to reach the people all the way in the back.
They simply matched a 6 and a 10. Not that I even like that example. But it's the most common one out there to use. But don't worry so much about it, because there was some woman in that guys town that is just waiting for him to return so she and profess her undying love for him.
Karma is a beautiful thing. Take for example someone who honestly feels that sex is a major part of a relationship. Due to those beliefs that type will never experience true unconditional love.
If she gains weight or gets in a car accident she's history, and that type will attract that type so the favor will be returned when the opportunity arises! | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:11:12 PM | I enjoyed watching this show many times. But lets face it, if you were put in this position, would you envision someone who wasn't attractive? I think that is why so often we are disappointed. Thats why I don't accept profiles without pictures. It makes me feel so shallow when their picture would be revealed and there was no attraction.
I have tried to be open to all, but have found that I shouldn't let it start if there isn't some attraction. Its easier to stop it sooner rather than later.....and only fair. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:15:19 PM | | If I liked someone I'd still like them in the daylight. Of course there are other things you might not see in the dark, like nose picking in public, etc., that might change one's mind but not being attractive the the masses, who cares. There are more important things to consider as compatible than giggling in the dark, I'd have to know a lot more about the person to make a decision, but someone being butt ugly or handsome would not be a deal breaker. I actually wouldn't be envisioning anything, other than what I could feel, I'd be paying attention to their personality. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:24:19 PM | | i don't see this show anymore here in the states for about 3 months ( i posted about this about 2 weeks ago). this would be like an arrange marriage, i would be open to this. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:28:28 AM |
Sex is a large part of any relationship.
If you don't know that, you have ALOT of learning to do.
Oh damn! it is?...I never knew that, maybe thats why my previous relationship of 15 yrs didn't last and I found two kids in the cabbage patch!!
I know what you're saying, and I get it. Really I do.
I suppose I am talking more in a general capacity rather than a dating capacity, but sometimes the two do cross over.
Of course, I would never have sex with someone I didn't feel attracted to, but attitude, personality and morals can go a long way to influencing someone's over all attractiveness.
How do you think that people who're disfigured or who, like someone else said has a serious accident etc finds love?.
Everyone has their own opinion and they're entitled to it, there is no right or wrong.
I included my own example purely to make a point. I am on this site purely for the forum aspect and aren't looking to find anyone on here, so I don't have my picture as a display pic.
I am in no way shape or form unattractive, but the guys in my past have automatically gone for the more stereotypically pretty one, who is my best friend...but actually ended up being more attracted to me as a whole package. Which in the long run has actually affected my friend more than it has me, she actually tried to be more like me and was never herself as her looks never got her very far.
There is nothing more I would like than to meet someone who, to me is physically beautiful AND the kind of person I get along with...but in my experience, you can't judge a book by its cover alone. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:30:19 AM | | Sorry, we HAVE to find each other VISUALLY attractive/good-LOOKING. Can't live in perpetual darkness forever. Gotta come out of the cave sometime. Thankfully, I'm so fair that I GLOW in the dark lol. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:50:57 AM | OP, this show already ran here in the States a few months ago. There were only 4 or 5 episodes in the series, however (if I remember correctly).
The truth of the matter is that the girls WERE way too shallow and picky when the lights came on. And some of their reasons for not finding these guys attractive were downright juvenile and ridiculous. None of the men looked like the Elephant Man - most of them ranged from pleasant looking to downright cute. It's not like the lights came on and they were face to face with some hideous creature that forced them to look away in horror. It was shallow as hell of them to run off simply because the guy had dark hair instead of blonde hair, or wasn't sporting the "bad boy look" with 1,000 tattoos and a nose ring, etc. etc.
The guy I'm seeing right now couldn't be further from my "type" because he has blondish/brown hair and green eyes - I'm drawn to gentlemen of the Italian persuasion with dark hair and dark eyes. He's nowhere near that description but I can't imagine having written him off simply because of it. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:01:38 AM | sexy vixen 4u, msg #7, says something that I totally agree with:
I have tried to be open to all, but have found that I shouldn't let it start if there isn't some attraction. It's easier to stop it sooner than later....and only fair.
More often than not, it is something about the mans look that attracts me initially, but I have also been drawn to a man....to take a second look, due to his sense of humor, his compassionate nature, even the way he interacts with friends. If there is either nothing that appeals to me about him, or something about him that is a real turnoff for me, such as foul language or disrespect, I will pass him by. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:10:57 AM | here's the thing. shallow people don't know they're shallow. or, they just don't care! i happen to think that's pretty funny, existentially speaking.
and how does one draw a bright line distinction between your being shallow versus me needing to feel a genuine attraction to somebody? the whole argument is absurd.
in the end, all you can say about it is that different people have different criteria for why they find others attractive... or not. and isn't that the the essence of the entire game in the first place... frustrating as we sometimes allow it to become... to find somebody who is into you as much as you're into them.
matching a "6" with a "10" makes for lucrative lowbrow television entertainment, but it doesn't say anything really important about your own personal experience and relationships because these kinds of subjective opinions are outside your control.
personally, i'm a whole lot more interested in things that are within my sphere of influence, and learning how to get better at the "influence". that's where the really interesting stuff is. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:37:20 PM | well, I have to disagree with you on one thing, and it's the shallow part. Now personally I am not the kind of guy who's impressed by nothing but looks, at the same time though, I can not look down on people who do. People have a right to their preference doesn't matter how shallow you think they are, they can date whomever for whatever reason it be, be it money, looks, smarts, it's their preference.
To answer your question if I bonded with someone in the dark and were unattractive to me, no I would not date them. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:48:58 PM | | I've known many people who would be termed "average" looking in most people's eyes, but after getting to know their personalities, they become "above average" looking and are definitely preferable to a 9 or a 10. That's what's difficult with the weeding process of online dating - we might be crossing someone off, and they might a real gem in personality in real life. Sometimes it shows in profiles, but sometimes not. Maybe those dating videos from the '80s were on to something. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:17:34 AM | The Boss did danced in the dark, so why not date in the dark??? Personally, I like that brothel kind of feel. Nice silhouette, seemingly pretty face, a bit shy and then some idjit adjusting the sound system flicks on the switch and aaaacckkk! 
What might be considered average by some is a beauty queen for me...heck, the traditional notion of beauty does not appeal to me at all, thank you Jesus! I like a character face, a roman nose, gap in the front teeth...a roughness about them. Yeah, that's my sort. Nothing more beautiful than character and a character face. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:28:08 AM | As a teenager, my best friend was (and still is) stunning...they would bypass me but end up realising I had more to offer in the end.
Wow, I wish I had a non-judgemental friend like you. | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:37:57 AM |
As a teenager, my best friend was (and still is) stunning...they would bypass me but end up realising I had more to offer in the end.
Wow, I wish I had a non-judgemental friend like you.
Hi, Is that sarcasm I detect in your typing ??...if it is, I can truly say I aren't judgemental- at all. Which is probably why after 20 years we're still best friends. We compliment each other nicely and love each other dearly. Other 'friends' she had were jealous of the attention she recieved and have since come and gone.
I am happy in my own skin and confident enough in myself as a person to be able to hold my own in the situations we found ourselves in.
It was just frustrating, and an insult to us both , that people would be initially attracted to her and then totally disreguard her once they got to know us both and make a play for me.
It made us both very cynical towards any males we met. I actually introduced her to her now Husband and father of their child. I know her and knew they'd be perfect together...and they are  | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:13:41 AM | Well, on the contrary...
I just ended a relationship in which I was -initially- attracted to him, but, after discovering his weak mind, inablity to think philosophically, little to no humor, I couldnt get into the mood to have sex with him again.
I even thought about the moths flying about, fluttering around the lamp post outside the window, while, doin' the do.
Bondage, role-play, steamy foreplay, etc... Couldn't recover that. Oh, and I tried! Blee'dat! | |
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| Dating In The Dark
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:44:43 PM | It's been on the the USA
The results are predictable.
The only people who agree to meet after catching a glimpse of each other are those who found the other physically attractive.
One example: an overweight "curvy" girl liked the guy very much until she saw him.
The guy admitted he preferred thinner girls but felt her personality was wonderful and wanted to know her better--- her size, he decided, was ok with him.
He wanted to meet her again. She walked out because he wasn't her "type". | |
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