| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:47:21 PM | Hi all, well this is my story.
I met a guy of this site who i had an amazing connection with and everything seemed to be going really well with no signs of anything going wrong.
Basically this guy has said to me that he loves me very much but isnt sure as to whether its in a friendship kinder way! So we had a 2 week break only for him to tell me that its over but still wants to be friends as in going out together. Now im confused as to whether he wants to be friends incase he's made a wrong move? So would anyone please help me as to whether to frinds like this or should i cut all ties and let him come back if or when he's ready? but then this btings anew dilemma in itself as to how long do you wait? I would also like to add that he was hurt really bad in his last relationship so do you think this could why he's acting like this? | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:59:42 PM | Very difficult to say. I've both seen behavior like this be due to an emotionally injured person avoiding further injury, AND due to a guy pursuing more than one woman, and putting the 'alternate' (you) on a friendship basis to keep them around, in case relationship 1 fails.
As for how long to wait, you'll have to decide that yourself based on what you personal goals, needs, and experiences are. As a person in the 'friend' status, you can both start dating others, AND keep HIM around without being guilty of misleading him. | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:00:49 PM | | Hurt in a last relationship is the lamest exuse anyone can use...it looks like you dont value him enough to be his friend....at least he was honest with you....but...most women get confused by honesty...because it wasnt what they wanted to hear...if he's not good enough to be your friend...then how would he be good enough to be your boyfriend....Shame on you if you through friendships away like they are easily replaceable....Tsk..Tsk... | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:05:44 PM | I've been in the similar situation before. He said he cared for me as a friend but no relationship whatsoever with me cause he was unable to be in a relationship. Maybe I could make up all different reasons to feel better. But the only truth I know here is he didn't wanna be in relationship with ME period. I was not trying too hard to find what the real reason behind was and at the same time I didn't beat up myself just because he didn't want me as relationship material.
My advice for you is just to live your life and don't give him any more power to make your life happy or miserable. You will be fine eventually with him or without him :) | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:08:30 PM | It would depend on how I felt about him, if I liked his company and would like to keep dating him, then I'd go for it but if I'm feeling hurt it would be better to get some distance. I don't have sex with my friends so if we'd been sexual, that would end, I'm not interested in FWB either. Only you can know how this all will make you feel and what you want or don't want with this situation. Good luck.  | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:15:48 PM | OP: He's either not ready/interested in a relationship or one with you, but wants to keep his options open.
If you want more than a friendship, I would tread very lightly. However, at least he was honest.
How long do you wait? You don't. You date and if he happens to come around and want more, and you're available......then you think about moving forward.
Live life and whatever happens - happens....you can't turn back time and you will feel pretty foolish putting your life on hold only to find out nothing changed.
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:42:48 PM | I'm friends with some men. Some have girlfriends and some date and some are always hoping to meet a woman.
Can you put yourself in that position and be ok with it? Because a true friend wouldn't care if he was romantically involved.
he was hurt really bad in his last relationship Hasn't everyone been hurt before?
so do you think this could why he's acting like this? No, I think he's not very interested in you romantically | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:01:05 PM | The best thing to do, and not to blow you off, is to confront him about it. Be assertive. Maybe he's afraid of commitment; maybe he just isn’t that into you. Guys are tricky. Men say woman are complicated, but men aren’t the easiest things to figure out either. We're incredibly passive. Just let him know “if we're going to be friends then you need to be honest with me”. Honesty is key in every friendship. Remind him of that. | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:10:47 PM | He said he loves you very much, but in a friend kind of way. So, you took a break from each other for 2 wks. At the end of 2 weeks his verdict is in: "I've been so hurt in the past, that I only want to be 'dating' you as a friend, at this time."
Wondering if he's made a wrong move? Move, as in having had sex with you? If you had had sex during this "I love you very much" phase, THEN he pulled this backing off gig, it looks to me as he is now offering FWB , waving the carrot of "maybe it would be more later, or maybe not" ... to keep you as an option. Do you want that?
If you hadn't had sex with him, then dating as his friend seems a sane manner, and pace, of which to get to know each other better to see if it CAN go anywhere further as time, and your dating each other, will eventually show.
Ask HIM what he means by 'date you as a friend'. If he gives you confusing double speak in answer, blaming having been hurt in the past (who hasn't??), then give him all the space he needs, but cut him loose as any type of romantic relationship potential. However, if he answers in a direct clear manner, and you agree, and are comfortable with his definition, then by all means carry on. | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:12:47 PM | Hmmmm. I cannot say for sure, but it sounds to me like your friend may be trying to maneuver you into some kind of friends-with-benefits situation. If he is, you'll find out shortly.
You have to keep in mind, for many men, a committed relationship is NOT the ideal situation. For many men, FWB is the idea situation. He gets sex with you, but doesn't have to make a real commitment. I've never known a guy who was truly and honestly confused about whether he was interested in a woman romatically or not. However, I've met plenty who would rather have a FWB than a GF. | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:31:28 PM | If you like him as a friend and can hang out with him without wanting to be involved with him then keep him around as a friend - not a real close friend mind you - just someone to hang out with when you have nothing else to do.
Otherwise be honest with him as he has been honest with you and tell him that you can't see yourself in just a friendship situation with him without wanting more so you've decided to just end it.
The rest is just BS he is telling you so that you don't feel hurt or BS you are telling yourself to give yourself a reason to hang around and wait for him to change his mind.
He is not changing his mind. No guy wants to be "just friends" when there is a chance of a relationship with the girl he wants - because then you are free for someone else and they never want that, no matter how messed up they are lol. So he doesn't want you, I'm afraid, for whatever reason. At least he is honest about that.
Sorry. Sometimes there is a good fit and sometimes there isn't. You are a good looking young girl. No problem finding a replacement I'm sure... | |
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| Can you be confused as to weather you love someone as friend or a relationship?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:44:30 PM | | Merry24, sounds as if he has deep feelings for you and loves being around you. You are still young and if he is to, then it makes sense that he may simply not want to feeling of being tied down. Tied down, like when two people become a couple and one of them may feel to much control of their life is being taken away. Its called having a relationship that allows for breathing room ~Beth~ | |
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