| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:58:21 PM | | SO I broke up with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago after I found out he was cheating on me...I am doing well I think at moving on and getting myself back in order physically and emotionally... However, I still occassionally have this urge to seek revenge on him and make him pay in some form for what he did to me..Is that wrong??? | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:29:23 PM | | No, OP. It's not wrong to fantasize about exacting revenge occasionally. As long as the "fantasizing about exacting revenge" occurrences happen less often, 'til not at all, as time progresses? I'd say it's pretty damn normal. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:35:29 PM | Spending time plotting revenge - he wins.
Forgetting all about it and living your life - you win.
Take the high road. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:54:20 PM | Ronnie you said it!!!
OP, just remember one thing: what comes around goes around. in other words, karma is a b i t c h. You may not bear witness to it and it might take a long long time for it to happen, but know it will happen. So sit back, fasten your seat belt, grab yourself a tub of popcorn and an ice cold beer and enjoy the show
- Trust me on this one......it happpened to my ex and yes, I did bear witness to it.
But all in all, dont forget to live your life and live it well. Do the best you can, get out there and take on new interests and make new friends. it will be the best medicine for you. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:03:51 PM | As Sparkling Rose wrote, there is nothing wrong with fantasy OP. I think one of the reasons we have fantasy is to be able to "play" with the idea of making something be fair when in life, it doesn't feel like it was fair at all. I think in the first throes of finding out that someone has been deceptive, it's pretty natural to enjoy creating a few mind movies involving strangulation, wrecking balls (lol.. I mean the real ones...) and what he would look like as uber-flat road kill BUT...
If you find that your revenge fantasies are taking up too much room in your mind, you might want to feel the feelings that come along with being that angry. Anger hurts people beneath their skin. It feels like pins are trying to poke their way through to the surface and it can be hard to get through the day feeling that way.
Once you've allowed yourself to truly consider how you're feeling and thinking, you might then want to ask yourself if you think he merits being able to take up that kind of space in your mind or feelings that can be so painful? It doesn't appear to me that he does.
Take the high road and be happy... That's the best revenge! | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:36:52 PM | the pretty-good revenge is living well (used to be the best)
According to ME, the new soothsayer of all time:
The best revenge is becoming INDIFFERENT to past feelings that "done you wrong" and choosing a new lifepath that puts that shiot behind you. THAT is the best revenge
MAKE HIM INCONSEQUENTIAL. I mean.. is there anything smaller than a nothing? | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:43:57 PM | | I agree with 1kindman. The best revenge is laughing the whole thing off like it's inconsequential. Dwelling on hurt and anger only hurts and gnaws away at...YOU. Practice forgiveness and then forgetfulness. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:20:42 PM | | It's no wronger than his cheating was. Revenge and cheating are pretty much equal. They are tactics for immature people to combine selfish gratification with malice. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:24:15 PM | Its not wrong to want revenge...... But, will it really make you feel any better spiritually in the end... you are going to be still hurt. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:43:17 AM | | The best revenge you can get (and the one that will usually bother him the most) will be to move on and live a good life. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:52:21 AM | Its not wrong to want it. To act on the impulse is another issue. I just remember when I broke off with my ex, what pissed her off the most is when I treated her like a stranger just didnt acknowledge her, eventually that is exactly how I felt.
I think she got off on the attention positive or negative. When she got neither thats when she got upset. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:12:10 AM |
SO I broke up with my boyfriend about 6 weeks ago after I found out he was cheating on me...
And apparently you immediately joined POF. I'm guessing you were all "that hurt" anyway, except for a bruised ego perhaps..
Revenge is pointless. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:53:04 AM | | Go ahead and have a good laugh with some friends over drinks about planning a funny demise for him or a crazy plot to punish him. But in reality move on and accept that he was not the one and you are better off without the lying cheating arse. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:31:37 AM | | Karma is a wonderful thing. Let it go. He will get his. No need to lower yourself to a level that will make you look bad. none of us like nonsense like that, but I think just being happy and meeting new people and staying busy is better. Be glad you did not marry the guy. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:56:46 AM | Sounds to me like a harmless expression of your recovery process, and it's natural, because choosing anger gives you a break from the sadness.
You might find it amusing to read or to rent "She-Devil" & the like.
It often seems like evil people just skip around flinging out hurt in all directions, while never feeling any of it. I'm not real sure that's really true. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:54:16 PM | The desire for revenge is universal. Seeking it is lacking in emotional maturity and is a victim stance.
The best revenge is to have a good life without him. Why waste energy on someone who does not care about you and has been unfaithful to? Find a man who is kind and faithful and have a good life with him. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:14:16 PM | OP-
Of course it's okay to want revenge. If you are totally prepared to look like a complete psycho and/or have a restraining order slapped on you, all the while making him look sane, go for it!
Stop wasting time plotting against him. You broke up with him and that should be enough to make you feel good. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:46:33 PM | You want revenge on a self centered, arrogant, ignorant,
unfaithful underachiever? You are devistatated over this?
Look at his life - he is already getting his revenge.
Your pride and your ego are bruised. You dont feel you were special
enough - guess what- he wasnt.
You are just "reacting" to what you perceive is his new found happiness.
What you are failing to see is that she is now YOU. He will treat her the
same shitty way and leave her the same shitty way.
The best revenge - let him live his sorry life and YOU live the best and
the happiest you can and get over him.
As some very wise woman once said on these forums- "he is not worth
the steam off your shit". | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:47:01 PM | Having the urge to "make him pay," so to speak, is probably a normal human thought when someone has wronged you.
It's what you do with that thought that sets you apart as an exceptional human being who is able to rise above the offense and stand in a place of true love and peace.
"Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord."
PS. Kudos to you for ending the relationship after he cheated. Now turn up your filters to a much higher level before you allow another man back into your heart and life on that level. | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:55:53 PM | ^^^^^^^^ NOT a good idea to tell a woman, much less a hurting woman, how she should, or shouldn't express her feelings, let alone tell her she shouldn't take them personally, CL...  | |
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| is it wrong to want revenge??
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:18:24 PM | ^^^^^ Lime - my dearest LIME!! LOL!!
No - I take nothing personal from you. Honestly.
Someone said that here on the forums and I never forgot it- have
been dying to use it and had the opportunity!!!
Im not telling her how she should feel - I know how she feels.
See, Lime - we share that bond called a vagina.
So Lime, tell me- why is it that you always signal me out????
Nice picture by the way- oh yeah,
OP - dont worry about revenge. His life is his revenge . Have a good one
and I hope you meet a great guy that makes you not even remember his
name anymore. | |
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