| Dating Advice
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:41:39 PM | Ok...I'm about ready to give up. So i'm opening up the floor to all you POF'ers...give me some dating advice!
This is the second time I'm trying POF again, and lets just say, I'm not having much luck. Are you having luck? And if you are, what are you doing that I'm not doing???
Lay it all out on the table for me, the must KNOW it all advice for the single 30-something woman who can't meet a man to save her life! Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger or cuter! lol
Thanks,
Just A Girl  | |
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| Dating Advice
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:46:25 PM | I dont know exactly .. we need more detailed information. Your profile is sparce but having a picture helps and your picture is good. It is very hard to meet quality people on a dating website..there are many tire kickers.. some people are on this site you dont want to meet ( ie married people, cheaters. etc) but when you post your profile you get them all.
i believe the trick is to word your profile so people know exactly where you are coming from.. sincerely seeking a date.. friends first and them something more....
Try that.... keep an open minds.. remember it is a numbers game.. you may have to respond to 100 guys before you find maybe one good one..... | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 8:50:38 PM | I am sure it is the same numbers game for men too edmcherub. The only difference is most men will not comment about it (or they are not looking for the one good one, but rather one of ten ones that will do). LOL
Gotta go!!! My feeling is this one should create a reaction. LOL   | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 8:59:35 PM | | hey, i'm not tryig to be gready, i don't need ten! lol | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 9:10:01 PM | I first plugged a modem into my computer in 1993 and discovered the internet. I went on my first "online date" in what I think was 1995? with a female I had met in this old skool internet thing called a "chat site". She was OK, and we committed to remain friends (and strangely are still today).
By 1997, I had graduated to ICQ which made meeting females really easy. An entire searchable database where you could pull up a list of females between a certain age, etc in your city. Read a short profile and say "hey, let's meet at..."".
Back in that era, it was called cyber-dating and those that partook in online dating faced the ridicule of the masses. I remember a comedy show on TV showing Drew ? having cyber sex with someone online and it turned out to be Mimi. LOL
16 years since the day I put a wire into my computer, not much has changed. Online dating, once the realm of loser nerds, has become mainstream and is now a business. Hell, there are TV commercials. People openly admit to it.
But in the end, not much is different from back in the day. While today's modern sites do offer you a selection of pictures carefully chosen by the individual, they pretty much offer the same amount of information as they did 12 years ago...POF profile or ICQ profile.
I guess I'm the grand daddy of online dating. 1994-5ish to last year. I don't know how many people I've dated online but I can assure you that I met 20 times the ppl in ICQ than I have on POF.
So my answer? For every "success" story..there are another 10 000 dates that end up going nowhere...and perhaps you making a whole bunch of new friends. It's unlikely you'll find the person of your dreams on here that will LAST..but so what. Enjoy it for what it is and have fun. My life without internet dating would be one with much less heartache..and much less adventure...and a whole lot less friends.
So my advice would be don't take this place too seriously and learn to live a healthy, normal, robust life outside of dating sites. Don't let this be the be all and end all of your search to find someone. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 9:19:45 PM | Isn't that the truth.....met my first internet guy in 1999, after talking online for two years. We're still friends via the internet since he lives in Vancouver and is now married.....but man that made me laugh......
Drew and Mimi!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha!
I can't say I'm looking for the one, I'm just looking for dates...dating......meet men and flirting and laughing and having a good time.
All I get are the guys saying "wanna hook up?...........you looking for fun?" Pffffttttt, no thank you! | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 9:25:16 PM | Well said Anti-Elvis. This and other sites like it help connect people together that we might normally never cross paths with. I have always found that the so called dates that come from these sites are generally lame. The forums are where it is at and the events are even better. It is there where we see the person for who they are without the pressure of a one on one. Some people do well in that one-on-one environment and others not so much.
As an illustration only - I met a wonderful person on this site, and that is why I am back here. We had never talked by email before we met in person at an event through a mutual acquantance. She was great for me (and I would like to think I was for her too). If it was not for the PoF forums and events that relationship would never have happened. She probably would not have crossed my radar screen in my searches for people at that time. Her age was out of the range I was looking for when I met her, but she was a better person for me than anyone I went on a coffee date with at that time. It just goes to prove you never know who you will meet or where.
My point - don't give up hope. It will happen when you least expect it. | |
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| Dating Advice
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:29:29 PM | My advice to you would be to work on your profile a bit. You need to let guys know a bit more about yourself, so they have something to go on when they message you. The more you write, the more you let on who you are, and the more chances you have to perhaps say something that attracts the kind of guy you want.
The type of responses you get will relate to what type of profile you put up. At least, that is what I've found.
I know quite a few couples that have met on here and are now married, living together, etc. so it CAN work. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 9:33:05 PM |
You need to let guys know a bit more about yourself,
LOL, so Birdie B, you're saying men really DO read the profiles and not look at the photos ;-)
I know quite a few couples that have met on here and are now married, living together, etc. so it CAN work.
Ah, but do they outnumber the people that met on here and had to get a "restraining order".
Oh, gotta go iron a shirt. Night | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 9:40:08 PM | LOL, so Birdie B, you're saying men really DO read the profiles and not look at the photos ;-)
Well if you don't put up boob shots I think they are capable of reading. LOL
I put up a "funny" profile a while back, and got so many positive responses from guys. I think humour goes a long way; men probably get bored reading the same old stuff. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 9:51:51 PM | | My first profile was pretty detailed....but I don't think men read it! But I agree, a sense of humor is good, and I like meeting people at events, I just haven't been to one in a long time. And it wasn't really my target age range....know what I mean? | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 10:13:43 PM | It's unlikely you'll find the person of your dreams on here that will LAST..but so what.
Really? I guess it's all in your attitude. I personally know of hmmm 5 POF marriages and many others who have been together long term that met on this site. Let's not forget the testimonials of tens of thousands of people all over the world. But I guess because it hasn't worked for YOU, it's worthless. 
msjustagirl
I met someone here, granted it took me a couple years of going on alot of dates to the point I gave up, but it IS possible to meet a quality man here. There is someone for everyone and if you know what you want, are clear in your profile and stick to your ideals, then it'll pay off. My advice is to get out to the events. Most of the successful relationships I know of, started over an Ethnic dinner or even out POF Bowling. Have faith and be positive. | |
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Posted: 11/3/2009 11:51:06 PM | Your pic is great, and you're very pretty. I'd change from "friends" to "dating", and change your leading blurb to something a little less desperate-sounding, like "WooHoo, skiing season is here!". I'll mention here that I don't think that you are desperate lol, the the blurb might give some that impression, though . Maybe expound a bit about fun hobbies you have, too. Humour seems to get a good response on here, too.
Good luck!  | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 5:28:11 AM |
It's unlikely you'll find the person of your dreams on here that will LAST..but so what.
And how is that different from the “real world”? Just about everyone in my age group who is divorced met their partner out “there”, before there was online dating, and it didn’t last either! That’s a whole LOT of people!
Finding someone compatible, who you grow to love and who loves you back, is easy for some people, and very difficult for others. I don’t think there’s a magic formula but there needs to be a balance between realistic expectations and remaining true to your own needs and desires. If there isn’t, you will either reject everyone because they’re “not good enough” or you will compromise too much and ultimately deny your own happiness. That happens just as often IRL as it does online. It has nothing to do with the medium, and everything to do with the complexities of people. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 6:03:55 AM | We read profiles... turn off IM, it's fail. Don't respond to "Hi, how are you?"... put your interests in so a potential can know he shares some of the same. I found my videogame closet nerd here and have dated others (not at the same time... omg, you all thought that right away!) and have found it to be a good resource for meeting people.
And I have a man crush on AE... | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 6:57:53 AM | See OP, a budding Bromance here on the forums. I see a new Success Story on the horizon  | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 7:01:14 AM |
Really? I guess it's all in your attitude. I personally know of hmmm 5 POF marriages and many others who have been together long term that met on this site. Let's not forget the testimonials of tens of thousands of people all over the world. But I guess because it hasn't worked for YOU, it's worthless
LOL, of course Brazen, still got your hate going on for me? I'm not referring to my own personal experience on this site, I'm referring to the raw numbers. The claim of "I know a few people who were successful" is akin to saying "I know life long smokers that lived to be 90". You're simply bending the numbers simply to suit your argument. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 7:12:42 AM |
...And it wasn't really my target age range....know what I mean?
A preconceived determination! If you go to functions with a mental anticipation of meeting someone that will knock your socks off, and at a certain age, ten to one it won't happen. On the other hand, go to as many functions as you are able to attend with no expectations, he could be that little fellow in the corner that doesn't let loose until he gets to know someone.
Up here in Calgary, our bigger events have attendees with ages ranging from 18 to 70, so if you are in that target range, time for a road trip!! | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 7:53:56 AM | I think if the OP is comfortable with an age range that should be respected - she knows her preferences better than anyone else does.
OP - I think the people suggesting you update your profile are right - more information, being specific, will probably help attract the people you want to meet. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 9:11:49 AM | | Thanks for the info guys! | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 9:17:25 AM | | seriously it is all about your attitude.... if you are in edmonton. .come out tonight to the pub night at atlantic bar and grill at 730... we all hang out every wednesday night... nothing serious.. but it beats staying at home on your couch...... | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 10:05:05 AM | your profile looks kinda scarce. better revamp it and some more helpful advice head for profile review.
My point - don't give up hope. It will happen when you least expect it. so right  | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 10:16:19 AM | Put more content into your profile. I'm with the others that said that. I think we can only expect that the amount of effort in messages we receive, be equal to what we've put into our profiles.
Yes, many men DO read profiles. I'm sure the ones you want to meet, do. Some don't bother but really, it's amazing what having a lengthy profile can accomplish, lol. Even if a guy doesn't read it, just one glance at all that text tells them that you won't be receptive to messages that say "Let's hook up". Trust me, I know. My current profile has gotten a lot of decent mail from decent guys and I've gotten very, very few scant, "Let's hook up" type messages.
That said, it doesn't have to be some long-winded monologue. Even brief profiles can be written in a way that gets across the essence of who you are and what you are looking for. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 10:31:45 AM | One thing I believe made me successful is the fact that I put a lot into writing my profile. I wanted to make sure it was an honest reflection of who I am. It also gives people a reason to contact me. I get a LOT of guesses on my chest tattoo, even if some are horribly wrong. It's a great opener. I think having a detailed profile also helps filter out the men who are certainly not right for me, and I've gotten some really awesome messages from men who have connected with me from reading my profile.
Sure, I still get a lot of random one sentence messages, or sexual invitations.... but I just take it as a compliment and ignore those messages. No big deal. It happens to every woman on here. I've been dating someone a couple months now, and have hidden my profile and stick around here for forums.
When it comes to meeting someone in person, I've gotten better at trusting my gut and choosing to meet the right people. It took me a few bad dates to realize... then again, no date has really been THAT bad. I just look at it as a chance to meet new people. I try not to go into my dates expecting anything.
Honestly, with such a short profile, I can't imagine anyone really having anything to say to you. I think you are going about this whole thing with the wrong attitude. Sure, you may not be getting "younger or cuter", but you can concentrate on developing a better sense of self, becoming wiser, etc. Stop dwelling on meeting men, because it does make you seem rather desperate. Meeting someone isn't my ultimate goal in life.... simply ENJOYING my life, and loving myself is... and that's what draws men to me. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 3:23:03 PM | I too was a chat junkie back in the day. It started out on a site called Optichat and ICQ. I haven't met anyone so real as the first person I ever met online in character, personality, sense of haha, appearance.... an exact mirror image. Wierd thing was see was in victoria and I was in Cold Lake but she happened to be flying out to edmonton to visit her sister and we decided to meet eachother at a club called the Lush (which also happened to be her ICQ handle lol). I even bumped into a few friends from home there too which was kinda wierd. Sadly, nothing ever developed and sometime during a 6 month period of me being netless when I first moved to Calgary, she just disappeared.
But here's the thing.... I don't know what it is about people connecting with people online, (sole exception being Stef) in my other experiences with meetings, honesty has been optional at best. If the intention is to meet people in person, why not just be yourself because they are only going to clue in sooner or later. Believe it or not, I'm not complaining.... it's just the fact that I don't get why people do it lol | |
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