| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:30:12 PM | You date someone or live with them and the person marries the next person after you. You did all the work making someone a better person. Another person reaps the rewards.
Has someone ever jilted you?? | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:32:34 PM |
You did all the work making someone a better person. Why did you date someone who needed work?
Has someone ever jilted you?? Yeah it's a part of life. A rite of passage. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:41:50 PM | Never got jilted, but I do have an ex-husband I tried to "work on"for years, with no success. In retrospect I'm glad I was unsuccessful, we could still be tethered to one another today. We really can't make someone a better person. We can guide them, maybe give them the tools to improve themselves. But, to think we can make them better? Not really, none of us is that powerful.
I wouldn't be so sure that the next person reaps the rewards of your hard work. Sounds like the timing was off for you, some things just aren't meant to be. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:46:26 PM | | Jilted means to deceive or drop a lover suddenly or callously. If he moved out and met someone else and they married thats not jilted. ~Beth~ | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:22:45 PM | I am trying but it kind of urks me.
I got him wearing deodorant regulary, helped him with the interior decorating of the apartment, I brought all kinds of furniture, kitchen appliances and things for the house...
He waste my time for years telling me he was going to marry me... Never did...
In the end he said...he wasn't really into marriage...... Now, he is marrying someone else and living with her, using my dishes and things.... | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:23:56 PM | | What you call doing all the work to make him a better person, he experienced as always being hounded and criticized for never being good enough. He found someone who likes him and doesn't do that to him. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:30:29 PM | I never hounded him... I put him up on a pedestal... He was my world....
PS. we never had a argument ever. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:36:34 PM | | Fixer uppers are for real estate not people | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:39:22 PM | You are "Good Luck....Lola"!
Did you see that movie? Good Luck Chuck?
Well, what are you gonna do?
You teach the guy how to apply deodorant and all and then he leaves!
He probably married a woman who doesn't treat him like a son.Tells him what to do and how to comb his hair.
I know you ment well but next time just find one that is house broken already and you don't have to play mother to. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:44:20 PM | Was he a project you took on? This reminds me of women as an example, who agree to marry a man, even though they dislike so many things about him. Because they have this idea that he will become their project and they will change him. This is the beginning of a dishonest relationship. Then the woman is shocked when the man leaves, even though he may have said or done things that were a clear sign he wasn't happy being controlled.
Believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who noted that no one can make us feel inferior without our permission. And if someone buys dishes,appliances and other things then the stuff is theirs and they need to show the receipts and get the stuff back.
~Beth~ | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:53:27 PM | I think it was dishonest of him to buy me a engagement ring and have me move in with him... If he never planned to marry me. I moved to a foreign country for him.
This isn't moving down the street kinda thing.
I did have receipts things were mine in a book... when I left.... he took the receipt book and moved it.. I couldn't claim my property without receipts..... even though my family knows I bought stuff... I was naive in that relationship. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:58:53 PM | | Sure,I breakm in and they always wanna come back.Don't do that,once a ho.Always a ho. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:02:44 PM | | Ok.. TROLL POST. I called it | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:07:22 PM | Nah. The guy downstairs and I dated before I met my ex. He married someone else after me, but actually her and I became friends. She made him a better person cause she wouldn't put up with his crap.
Now she passed, he wants me back, but he's drinking again. My turn to pass. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:18:28 PM | He sounds like a jerk.
but as to why...
Probably decided he didn't need a mom.
Next guy.....
make sure is not a man-boy.
And can function on his own.
Cus you know how boys are.
They grow up and leave home.
Sorry for your experience. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:34:37 PM |
We really can't make someone a better person. We can guide them, maybe give them the tools to improve themselves. But, to think we can make them better? Not really, none of us is that powerful.
I wouldn't be so sure that the next person reaps the rewards of your hard work. Sounds like the timing was off for you, some things just aren't meant to be.
 PERFECT.
Look, instead of keeping score of what he left your relationship with (and feeding your feelings of matyrdom and victimhood), why not shift your focus to what YOU got out of the relationship.? You know, positive things like the insight you've gained about yourself and the qualities you require in a partner in order to have happy and healthy relationships in the future.
People who obsess about the division of material possessions in a break-up are merely attempting to hang on to some aspect of the relationship. Do yourself a favour. Let it go.
Stuff is just stuff and can be replaced. It's not always easy, but it's almost always possible. On the other hand, you can't put a price on self-knowledge... because let's not kid ourselves here, people... at the end of the day it's all any of us has really got. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:14:38 AM | From reading your other post, it is pretty obvious that you have been deeply hurt by this person. I really do empathise, trust me. I also can tell you that unfortunately nothing but time will help you to emotionally heal.
It does however help to get out there and meet some new guys. I am in no way suggesting that you start another serious relationship, because that will only lead to more pain. I am just saying that getting out and having a little fun helped me to ease the pain. It isnt a complete fix, but it does help to see that you are still desirable and can have fun without this person. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:25:39 AM | OP -- A "fixer upper" mate is like a fixer upper home.
You fix them up and enjoy them for a bit, then they get flipped.
Next time don't go for a fixer upper mate. You say you're irked that he never married you, but married someone else based on all the work YOU did...that ain't jilted...that's crying over spilled milk.
Put on your big girl panties and move on. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:11:21 AM | The idea you can or should try to "make someone a better person" or think that "I can change him (or her)" is one of the worst mistakes you can make.
Most people can't and/or do not want to be "changed", and will likely resent you if you try. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 20 | |
| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:28:18 AM | Well I would say that at least 50% of the people on here have been jilted.
S | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:42:50 AM | | Consider yoursef lucky you didnt have to go through a divorce... He did you a huge favor... | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:55:11 AM |
Never got jilted, but I do have an ex-husband I tried to "work on"for years, with no success.
Sorry! I know that this post isn't about you, but I can't help myself. I just love it when someone on here let statements like this slip out. "worked on for years, with no success". If more of us on here would put that effort in working on ourselves ,then most of us probably wouldn't have to be on here looking for that "special person".
As for the Op. Maybe you are confusing making a person better with changing a person to meet your needs. One is an healthy unselfish goal that we should all try to achieve with every person that comes into our lives. The other is the selfish reason that keeps most of us single and looking. | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:27:56 AM | I almost spit my coffee on the screen when I read this. I thought... HA HA HA isn't that a gas.... a woman that thinks men are like objects in need of repair.
I have to get a towel and clean off my screen. I actually know how to do that all by myself...
I must be INDEPENDANT... oh yah, that's every other thread.
OP. Hope you learned a lesson. Seriously, we are not here for you to "fix up". | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:38:54 AM | OP: I wouldn't say I did any "work" making him a better person, but he did marry the girl after me........OUCH!
However, gotta love KARMA! The girl after me was having an affair while they were engaged.......... and he still married her!!!
Let it go...if he was meant to be your partner it would have happened.  | |
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| Jilted lover
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:45:32 AM |
You date someone or live with them and the person marries the next person after you. You did all the work making someone a better person. Another person reaps the rewards.
Has someone ever jilted you??
stop making people your pet project and fixing men.
find your self a man that's already house broken.... | |
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