| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:36:58 PM | | I dated and lived with a man for 4 years. We did everything together an spent time together with our families together too. He lead me to believe he wanted to marry me, stringing me along for 4 years. He told me..I was the love of his life during our courtship. Now, he is marrying someone else. | |
|
| |
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:59:57 PM | | He wouldn't have been with you for four years if he didn't care. He wasn't lying when he told you those things. But something changed. That's pretty much the plot of every George Jones song - trying to figure out why the other person stopped loving will drive you crazy. And you won't be any closer to an answer. | |
|
| |
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:29:00 AM | Tough break. I can empathize. I think that it seems to me more and more acceptable in this day and age, to be insincere and lack commitment.
Move on when you can. I know that it will not be easy, but there are still some that are willing to make a commitment for the long haul.
Good luck my dear. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:40:48 AM | See that's why I don't believe in marriage. If you two are together and happy, that's all it matters. Enjoy it while you can, without making future plans.
OP, people change. Things change, emotions change, everything changes. One day you feel in love, content, secure and happy....
a year later, you just don't feel the same anymore. Happens. Such is life.
Again that's why marriage is crap shoot.... How can you guarantee that you'll feel the same in ten years .....
I am sure he was genuine with his feelings at the time, but then things changed.... | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:48:05 AM | Because you let him. I know because I made the same mistake and wasted 10 years of my life on a man and we never even lived together. 
You gotta just walk away and learn to love again. It will take time but it will happen. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:14:54 AM | Sorry to hear that OP. If add Melbourne to one of the cities you live in I'll marry you. You're cute, and running together between Germany, Florida and here would be a great adventure. We have nice beaches and marsupials.
:) | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:36:27 AM | wow.. i just read my life 11 yrs ago! Yep happened to me too. Worked with him (I was his manager)... we did EVERYTHING together the family things kid things etc.
Then I moved to NM and realized that our "FRIENDSHIP" was a little deeper than I wanted to believe. Came back 7 months later. We moved in together, still worked together (I got my old job back) and we planned to be married.
I ended up getting prego and after having the baby about 5 months later, I am at work and one of our friends/co workers asked me how things were goin between us? I said wonderful we are planning the wedding etc. he takes me to the break room and shows me some pictures that was shared with some of the other guys during their lunch.
IT WAS HIM PROPOSING TO ONE OF THE WOMEN FROM OUR CHURCH! 7 years of my friendship and dedication and a child later, he just walked out! | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:50:14 AM | You let him.
It was no courtship unless you were engaged before you moved in and then it doesn't take but a few days to get a marriage license.
You moved in with no ring. You're now sans guy.
Do better next time. Let him "put a ring on it" if you want marriage.
Because you let him. I know because I made the same mistake and wasted 10 years of my life on a man and we never even lived together.
You gotta just walk away and learn to love again. It will take time but it will happen.
Just learn from it... at least it wasn't 10 or more years. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:52:22 AM | Nobody just strings you along after 4 years of 'togetherness' and ends the courtship to end up marrying someone else.
There are more things at play there and you aren't telling. Could it be you enabled him, he enabled you? Maybe he got tired of all the uncertain things in the relationship like the breakups and the get-back-together-again.
Things happen for a reason or lack of things in the relationship. When a man brings you over to meet his family, he is serious. No one does that unless they are positive of what that relationship represents to them. If he took part of anything with your family, same things apply. Things happen in a relationship that people turn a blind eye to and they are bewildered when things just happen to "sneak" up on them.
I have a sneaking suspicion that there is more than what you want us to believe or you would not have posted this thread that was not telling much in the short sentences that you gave us. Guilty conscience? | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:43:50 AM | | This is the problem with many relationships where there's no real OPENLY COMMUNICATED understanding between expectations. Especially if u move in together. My belief in it is, and the lady will always be told, I won't live with u unless intentions of marraige. U were a stepping stone in a sense. Someone he liked, but didn't seem to truely love enuf to marry. Nothing u can do about it now. Only advice is...........NEXT TIME ALWAYS MAKE IT CLEAR BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU EVERY EXPECTATION IN THE RELATIONSHIP. And never move in with a man who hasn't made the commitments u desire from him. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:03:15 AM | So what? Did he sign a contract? The man changed his mind... as if women don't do that 10 times a day?? Since when does dating somebody automatically mean an obligation to marry? Listen, are you telling me you did everything in your power to keep him happy?
He found sombody he liked better with better long term prospects. It could be she looks better naked, she lets him golf more, she loves to give hummers, she cooks one helluva meatloaf.... whatever. She won... but let me let you in on a secret... he wasn't that great. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:11:09 AM | My theory is he didn't lose interest or have a change of heart. My theory is that he knew all along or at least most of the time that he wasn't completely satisfied.
Why would a guy do that? It's unfortunate, but sometimes it comes with the territory. Guy wants to tell you what you want to hear. Technically, I suppose you could say he was taking advantage of you if you want to be bitter about it.
In point of fact, a guy who is singing how much he loves you for four years without moving forward is a red flag. But only time could really provide the proof one way or another. You, presumably, made good decisions based on the knowledge you had available at the time.
A therapist I saw once said, "most people, when a marriage goes wrong, know when they're walking up the aisle to exchange vows that they're making a mistake." They just walk up the aisle, anyway, robotic, exchange vows and get on with the job of making everyone miserable. It's a good thing you didn't have to go through that. Divorce sucks. So, maybe you caught a break, although I'm sorry it's such a callous thing for me to put it like that. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:18:07 AM | Sorry to hear OP -- but its stuff like this and blackholes and Amelia Earhearts disappearance and and stonehenges that we will never figure out. We can all make theories but can never read his mind. Anyhow I tend to agree with what ^^^Heptone said above.
Just be happy you didnt marry this guy and have to be dragged thru divorce and possibly child custody and the whole nine yards that come with that xx years later ... | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:41:26 AM | "In point of fact, a guy who is singing how much he loves you for four years without moving forward is a red flag"
Probably any amount of time is a red flag....I frankly wonder why so many people stay with somebody that isnt following their words with actions... | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:50:03 AM | | If he never proposed marriage to you ever...he didnt lead you on....consider yourself lucky....and by the way...you strung yourself along....he was getting his needs met with you..while he was on a continual search for his total package....You'll get over it.... | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:51:30 AM | Why do some people trade in their cars every 3 or 4 years?
Why do some people redecorate their house every 4 or 5 years?
Like everything else, relationships get stale if you don't do something to keep it interesting. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:10:34 AM | Hence, reason #99 why I refuse to live with a man before marriage again.
Common-law rarely leads to a proposal...if it does, it is delayed much longer.
OP, I really do think there must of been signs along the way that he was falling out of love or was about to leave you....maybe at the time you were disillusional??? I hate to say this but some men will hear what you want them to say in order to have you stay with them while the next better thing comes along. I don't necessarily see living together as a man's complete commitment to you nor the stepping stone to marriage. I know...I came out 0f a 6.5 yr relationship where I wasted my time with a man who made me beleive that things were progressing towards that...but then he would tell me again that he didn't want to get married....the relationship ended and of course it was bittersweet. I also have two girlfriends engaged to their fiancees who both have 3 children each and not surprisingly....no actual wedding has taken place yet. Sadly, one has actually been engaged for 8 years! ( yes ridiculous isn't it?)
I know there should be no strict timeline for when a couple should get married...but I think if a man doesn't even want to talk about the possibility of marriage after two years...he is really not that in love with you. If your ex had moved along so quickly to marry someone else....I hate to say this but he already knew you weren't the "one" for him long time ago. He could have loved you very much...but it doesn't mean he felt in his hearts of all hearts that you were his soulmate. I think you two must had some sort of issues or recurring problems that were never fixed in the end. I don't blame you...I am just saying that situations like these happen for a reason. But when we are in love, sometimes its difficult to see them. Best of luck. | |
|
| Why would a guy lead you on for years
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:24:51 AM | This gets me so irritated! That difference between men and women! Can women NEVER speak or reveal the truth? We (men) spend four years enjoying someones company, for just that reason! Now, a woman will appear to do the same (I mean, is she gonna stick around for four years, if she isn't comfortable and having a good time) but then when things don't work out, she claims that the four years were wasted and she somehow got duped!  | |
|
Home
login 
