| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:44:20 PM | | Anyone can say anything and there is no way to know if its true. Today people take a big chance to meet someone and then get to know them thru emails. They could be wonderful and then out of no where turn on you or be lying and be married, or rob from you. This goes for both men and women. We are meeting complete strangers. Look at the news with this nut that killed so many women. I use to be more trusting but the more I see and hear about dates gone wrong and people not being who they say they are, that I wonder if its worth finding someone if there is that much danger involved in the search. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:47:13 PM | Well I agree with you but
the weirdest, nuttiest sociopath I'd ever met in my entire life-- who appeared to be a "nice guy"--
was in my real life social group.
But I still prefer to meet people through friends and acquaintances than internet. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:48:54 PM | Well, cant the same logic be applied to dating in person, i mean its easy to fake who you really are, one could be a mass murdering pedophile for example and fit perfectly into society, its not always online dating but i admit it is a little easier to be a completely different person behind a computer.
But as i said, it can happen in person just as easy, youll get your share of freaks and weirdos and theres always a chance you might find that 1 person who puts you 6 feet under.
dating is a risk, sometimes its not worth it sometimes it is, i guess you gotta make a choice of what you as a mature adult, would deem worthy of risking for | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:51:07 PM | He had been in trouble before with women and our legal system released him.Most criminal-predaters of that nature.Are very intelligant,cunning,baffling.Smooth talkers and flash alot of materail things to get attention.Thats why I say,if you can't be yourself,don't bother.Ladies be very careful out there.I have met some real ho's off this sight.Users,liers and down rite dengenerates of society.I choose very carefully from now on.  | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:53:07 PM | Safety and trust are definitely concerns, but I think online dating can be productive. Things to look for:
1. What does his profile say? Read between the lines and search for red flags
2. Is he showing you any pics? Do they look like the same person?
3. Does his emails tie into the statements made in his profile? Is he consistent?
4. Does he come across as genuine?
5. Does he want to meet you right away?
6. Does he show no regard for your safety concerns when planning a first meet?
A genuine guy will pass all the checks above. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:54:07 PM |
gentle whisper wrote:Anyone can say anything and there is no way to know if its true. Today people take a big chance to meet someone and then get to know them thru emails. They could be wonderful and then out of no where turn on you or be lying and be married, or rob from you. This goes for both men and women. We are meeting complete strangers. Look at the news with this nut that killed so many women. I use to be more trusting but the more I see and hear about dates gone wrong and people not being who they say they are, that I wonder if its worth finding someone if there is that much danger involved in the search.
Smart people know how to check people out and how to ask the right questions. Meeting in a public place with a friend nearby, taking the time to get to know the person,which means asking why they like their work and how long they have been working where they do, and why do they like living in a certain area, and what activities they like doing in the area on a regular basis can provide great insight. Honest people never fear being proven they are whom they say they are. And lets face it, life involves taking risks. Why not just meet someone new and enjoy the moment? If something good happens then that's icing on the cake. ~Beth~ | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:59:37 PM | | Use "common sense" and do not allow anyone to push you into meeting faster than you are comfortable with. "New York Minute" guys are not worth a moment of your time. JMO | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:08:44 PM | If you're that paranoid,
go to a nunnery and lock the door.
You are taking the same chances with someone you meet on the street,
or in a bar, or with a neighbor.
Basically, meet someone in a public place.
check out what they tell you beforehand.
If there is something not jiving before you meet or when you do...
bail.
You're a grown woman.
You can do this. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:38:44 AM | To be fair, deception and danger weren't invented online. These same issues existed in bars long before there was an Internet.
My rules of thumb:
1) If someone says they're divorced, then assume they mean 'The word has come up once or twice in heated arguments with me spouse.'
2) And if they say they're separated, they mean 'We're in separate rooms right now, and I'm dead if I get caught writing to you!'
That said, I've met some very nice, honest people online whom I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet under any other circumstances. You've just got to take your chances, be safe and use good judgment. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:54:33 AM | I agree with everything Stray Cat said above.
If you're that suspicious then just don't meet anyone.
I must admit many of them on here (especially the married ones) seem alot more daring than in the real world and certainly try and set up meetings with ladies which they couldn't do out there in the big wide world. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:02:00 AM | Hmm well i would say the risk go the same as meeting random people in person. Anyone can be lieing but I guess we all need to take a chance just cuz we never know.
all you can do is be carefull I guess | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:53:15 AM | So long as you use the rule that meeting someone off the internet is exactly the same as meeting a complete stranger for the first time you should be fine.
Don't meet them where you would not meet a complete stranger (eg. a deserted park in the middle of the night in a secluded location).
Do not volunteer information you would not give a complete stranger (eg. your childrens' school address and walking route to home).
Don't kid yourself into thinking they are not a complete stranger (ie. they are).
Problems arise when internet dates fail in the above mentioned areas. One young woman recently murdered in Australia met her killers on a vamp/goth fetish website, a father and son who met her at a secluded beach, probably raped her and beat her to death. Nobody knew where she was, who she was meeting, she believed she knew them from online conversations and ran off on the spur of the moment to be with her true love, the son apparently, who was using a false identity on the website in the first place.
The thing to remember was that this sort of thing was happening long before the internet, it just happened differently. Gullible girls were picked up in shitty clubs, or at open house parties, or jumped into unfamiliar cars on the street.
The key factor is your gullibility here, not the incidence of foul intentions. These have and always will be a human constant. Vigilance and not paranoia is the only answer. These predators will always exist and they are always potentially just around the corner, but thankfully they always only choose easy/available targets and are in the extreme minority.
If you are being vigilant about recognising that anyone you meet off the internet is still a complete stranger, you really have nothing to be afraid of. Don't do anything you wouldn't with a complete stranger. Use your common sense. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:19:04 AM | I believe that best to judge someone based on his/her actions, and trust words of a stranger only to a reasonable level.
You need to find the "golden middle" between naive of trusting everyone and the paranoia of not trusting anyone....
Usually best not to trust those who say always "trust me, trust me" | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:32:52 AM | | I suppose with all relationships, whether it be off line or one, there is a getting to know period where you assess everything to see if you have the makings of a long term relationship. You wouldn't trust the person or love them until you are confident that you know them and are suitably impressed on all levels. This doesn't mean that they weren't hurt you as you have to be vulnerable in a relationship as you are trusting them with your heart but there are no guarantees that they won't break it. The key is not to rush things. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:16:51 AM | To be fair, deception and danger weren't invented online. These same issues existed in bars long before there was an Internet.
My rules of thumb:
1) If someone says they're divorced, then assume they mean 'The word has come up once or twice in heated arguments with me spouse.'
2) And if they say they're separated, they mean 'We're in separate rooms right now, and I'm dead if I get caught writing to you!'
That said, I've met some very nice, honest people online whom I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet under any other circumstances. You've just got to take your chances, be safe and use good judgment.
That makes a lot of sence, if someone is divorced that is there business, If I was a divorcee, I would be single, there would be no reason to list as divorced.
Legally seperated makes one single also, right?
Looks like it might be best to only look for single headings
Im wondering why would someone looking to meet other single people need to list as divorced or seperated? Does anyone really want to know this past history, if your single you have moved on and history is inconsequenial and would be just a subject of discusion if someone wanted to discuss it in a conversation, hummm | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:26:30 AM | | lol, yes division, I believe in sharing it honestly, lay the cards out on the table. What better way to understand someone like that then allow them to take you for that ride there so good at. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:28:39 AM | OP: well, if you're going to make a fear-based approach to anyone and everyone you could possibly meet online, then internet dating is definitely not for you.
most people cannot help but broadcast their true intentions... some are better at being more subtle about it.... but frankly -- most people, most of the time -- become pretty transparent within a reasonable period of "getting to know you" interactions from a "safe distance".
if you're lousy at discerning character and intent, then by all means stay @ home alone until you get that thing fixed. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:35:21 AM | I don't get this... if you're so concerned about trusting people in this venue, then why be here to begin with? I've met and corresponded with dozens of people that my only complaint is that they live so far away, otherwise I would be inviting them into my home for coffee, wine, dinner... whatever.
Internet dating is not for the faint of heart... nor is it a good venue for those that want to see danger lurking behind every corner. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:38:40 AM | Maybe so, but I learned a lot out of it.
Kind of like you have a huntch somone is like this or like that, a gut instinct.
So I figured why not go ahead and experience just how they go about thier way.
Kind of like a cheap education on character.
Like my parents once told me when I lent money to someone the first time and was never repaid, they said, have you learnt your lession on lending?
If you can afford to give your money away then lend it.
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:35:58 AM | This is a ridiculous question because quite simply, you can't trust anyone you meet, REGARDLESS of the medium. Why dating sites suddenly get the North American Sheep Vote of the Week for "most dangerous social interaction" is beyond me... 
What I say next, I say as both a logical man born bereft of empathy and a militaristic martial artist in my spare time - the common Western citizenry is comprised of trusting, lazy, and defenseless victims of their own creation. If we were suddenly to reduced to martial law and forced to defend ourselves against rioting anarchists barehanded or with rudimentary weapons half of you would be dead by nightfall for lack of knowing how to defend yourselves, or worse yet, allowing your bodies to atrophy to such an extent that you are INCAPABLE of defending yourselves short of firearms / third-party intervention. 
I'm not saying this to spread paranoia or fear, but I could physically assault most of the people in my office with little personal risk if I was so inclined, and most of them wouldn't be able to stop me due to the sheer gap in physical ability alone.
We as a society take our safety for granted - all online dating did was allow a greater range of people to contact one another. It's no more dangerous than meeting a random stranger in the street and asking them out, or even being set up by a friend that knows a "good guy/girl". They only know so much about the person, and even if that individual never given said friend pause for concern, it doesn't mean they couldn't snap / slit YOUR throat at the drop of the hat or abuse you just because they're So-and-So's drinking/college buddy.
Eternal vigilence is the only true means of self-preservation. Trust is a luxury to be meted out carefully after much deliberation. However without some measure of trust, we are each doomed to be islands unto ourselves.  | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:42:38 AM | | Well...I don't-! Takes me awhile to trust someone even after we've met a few times-! Six months is pretty much the saturation point when I feel I've seen her true colors and she's seen mine. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:52:05 AM |
Anyone can say anything and there is no way to know if its true.
This doesn't particularly differ from "real life". Really, the internet provides a means to be deceptive about one's physical appearance, but beyond that there isn't a whole lot you can lie about online that you can't lie about in person. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:00:41 AM | I've never had a problem, perhaps because I took time to communicate awhile to determine consistency and compatibility before meeting to confirm the impressions, again over time via dating.
I think there is at least as much danger in the real world, and there you don't have the opportunity to screen people prior to meeting, and often less control over when and where you encounter someone. | |
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