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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:17:42 AM | Hi guys. I'm very new here, and I am not sure if a thread like this has been raised in the past - so I hope I'm not repeating someone else here.
First, I have a question; how socially acceptable is it to ask a partner to be tested (as well as yourself being tested) for any STD/Hep etc. before going on to a serious physical relationship?
The situation here is that the female was tested less than a month ago, and is willing to be tested again. The significant other in this case refuses to:
(a) show medical records indicating he's "clean" - although he claims he was tested in September
(b) point blank refuses to get tested.
Then he lays on the guilt trip on his partner about how she doesn't trust him and how he trusts her so completely he doesn't need her to do another test. I think that's immaterial of course. Just because you trust (from whatever blind intuition or psychic abilities you may have) that your partner is disease free, doesn't mean the reciprocal will apply! In a situation like this, would it be wise to just break things off? Anyway, what are you thoughts on this?
Thanks in advance for your help!
Cheers
~ S | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:21:08 AM | | I dont know how socially acceptable it is but i can say if my girlfriend ever asked me to get tested with her i'd humor her, At this point virginity means that theres a 99.9% chance i'm 100% clean but i'd get one just for her even if she knew i was virgin and said i didnt have to because of it | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 12:33:17 AM | | If your partner is not willing to reveal the results of the testing or they won't get tested this tells me they are hiding something. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 12:37:22 AM | I've never been asked to provide STD test results, but I would do it, provided that it wasn't on a third date! I'm not sure how socially acceptable it would be to ask your partner to be tested, but I'm sure the whole ordeal would be a little awkward.
If your partner is not willing to reveal the results of the testing or they won't get tested this tells me they are hiding something.
I agree. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 12:39:07 AM | | Well I don't think the situation here is the 3rd date. I think this is pre-mutually-agreed-physical-encounter. Relationship has gone on for a while. The important thing here is that it's just before an encounter where transmission *could* occur. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 1:03:39 AM | you are incorrect division77, although herpes is not part of the standard std package, there are numerous means to test. you have to ask your doctor and if you want the premier test at washington university, you may have to pay for it. that test distinguishes between h1 and h2 antibodies. many tests will lump the results together.
many people who carry herpes do not get blisters themselves. the percentage is down as the population ages (and is more knowledgeable about h1)-- but a good 3/4 of the dating population CARRY either h1 or h2 or both--many know it but don't tell on the technicality that they never had a blister or "only" get h1 blisters. many really have no clue. only about one of five have "genital" herpes which is mostly h2, but h1 can cause it as well.
to try to say it another way: if there is a blister in the genital area, it can be from h1 (the type that is known to occur in the mouth area). conversely it does not appear that h2, which was originally known to occur genitally will travel to the mouth. the explanation is simple. with an increase in oral ex, the h1 virus had made a new home!
now let's say the person takes valtrex who knows s/he has had or carries either h1 or h2 as opposed to both strains. that person is protecting a possible outbreak for self and also transmission to a partner. but, if that person had a genital lesion and it was from h1-- and along comes a carrier with h2 who thinks s/he does not have herpes, and does not take valtrex-- that person (carrier, who claims to be herpes free) can actually pass it to the person with h1. a lot has to do with the strength of the recipient's immune system as to whether s/he blisters or not.
so, it's all a farce with the common misinformation that one can only catch from someone with a blister! if that person takes valtrex, some venture to say that s/he is probably safer than a carrier who does not! yes, the universe has a way of controlling population on it's own, by discouraging promiscuity with these diseases! however, there is still such an extreme level of ignorance that totally appalls me as a child advocate.
now to answer the original question, i would never be sexual with a person who has not tested after the last partner. my kids have also tested, as have their friends. the fact that your man will not do it, says one of two things to me. either he has no health insurance or is screwing around and can't afford to keep taking the test. or, he is hiding something.
i prefer to make informed decisions. it's your body. do you get immediate gratification or do you pursue someone who respects their own body, as well as yours?
having lymes disease myself, there is a rumor that lymes is catching. the center for disease control says no. but, you know what? i insist my partner get tested for that as well. i certainly don't want to be blamed for some tick biting him last year, when i didn't even know him! there too, he can be carrying the spirochete, but with a healthy immune system ward it off and have no signs. then years later, out it comes when his health is down.
nope. he has to get tested, although i will pay for that test--unless it is positive. then, the cost is on him. so far, never had a problem with men agreeing to test. "once" i let my guard down. got tested immediately. i was lucky.
google the following and get the free handbook if you download yourself online. it is by the nation's expert. it is always updated. also note that plastic surgeons and facial dermatologists are more and more concerned about herpes 1 and facial procedures. they now give valtrex before any facial procedures, including lasering. h1 can affect the eyes very severely and the trauma of surgery can induce it to come out.
google:
THE UPDATED HERPES HANDBOOK
written by
TERRI WARREN, R.N., M.S., M.Ed.
Nurse Practitioner
and
RICKS WARREN, Ph.D.
Psychologist
Published by
THE PORTLAND PRESS
Portland, Oregon | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:10:18 AM | Thanks very much serenitycw. That is a lot for me to think about! Now I'm thinking I probably should get screened for h1/h2 even though I've never known myself or any (of the very few) partners to have it! These are certainly scary times.
In Canada, I'm not sure how one goes about getting that test, but I will certainly find out.
Like I said, the fact that it's such a big deal to get "re-tested" seems to be a sore point here. The ensuing guilt trip is really not appreciated either. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 1:17:39 AM | the test is available. go to the manual i cited above and it lists all the tests and all your options. bring the info to your doc. there is way too much stuff out there for docs to know everything. i've been a hospital consultant and vp of a a teaching hospital. trust me, lol.
from the manual, you can call the labs and get more info. most insurance companies, hmo's, public health, planned parenthood and anyone with responsibility for the buck and a limited budget-- including govt. sponsored health care programs-- do not want to pay for testing "carriers". so, they wait for someone to blister. the carrier rate is so high, they figure why bother? that is why it is such a farce. the only reason i know a lot of this is my background as a health care strategist and a lot of research on "disease"--followed by being the "patient" with lymes. the warren book i cited above is pretty much the herpes "bible".
you can pay for a blood draw out of pocket and send it, if that is your choice, to one of the labs listed. many people in govt. sponsored countries actually purchase secondary insurance. but, it might not be worth it for just this test.
despite the financial barriers, for me, i take control of my body and can afford to do my own testing. if a partner can't afford it, we can figure out a way. my three year SO and i split the costs between us. it does pay to date someone with a good health insurance policy or able/willing to pay the non reimburseable costs.
the washington test is the premier test.
nite now. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 1:22:32 AM | | I'm just concerned that there will be no institution that will actually be equipped to do this test. In a public health care system, there is even more limited access because it isn't a pay as you go system. The state can decide what medical tests will and will not be offered. :( | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 1:26:30 AM | Personally, I couldn't care less whether it's socially acceptable, or not - I'm asking.
If he refuses, I couldn't care less about his reason, or excuse(s) - I'm gone.
Edit: I've very recently seen, somewhere on a medical show, that Genital Herpes can be sexually transmitted whether on Valtrex , or not, due to the viral cells remaining live in the shedding of the dead skin of one that isn't even, at the time, having an outbreak. That it renders the meds use in only preventing a visible, painful outbreak, but does not hinder transmission.  Haven't researched it as of yet, but I sure will as soon as I can get to it! | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 1:26:39 AM |
I'm just concerned that there will be no institution that will actually be equipped to do this test. In a public health care system, there is even more limited access because it isn't a pay as you go system. The state can decide what medical tests will and will not be offered. :(
A very valid point. I recall going to the Doc in my early 20's and asking to be tested for STD's. He asked me if there was any discharge or growths in my genital area. I said no and his response was "you don't have anything". Not very comforting, eh? | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 1:33:00 AM |
Personally, I couldn't care less whether it's socially accepted, or not - I'm asking.
If he refuses, I couldn't care less about his reason, or excuse(s) - I'm gone.
Well I'm glad you put it so plainly. He kept insisting his partner was "absurd" and "strange" for requesting such a thing, when he had already taken the test (numerous times no less) and had already TOLD her he was clean. Nothing official was offered. Glad to see there is some consensus here =) Thanks to all who have provided input! | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 2:12:24 AM | He claims he's been tested numerous times, yet she's "strange" and "absurd" for not taking him at his word, and further refuses to provide her with documented proof when she balks at his "just trust me".
Right. Well, I guess we can only hope she didn't allow the guilt trip that he lamely tried on her, and said back to him something along the lines of, "Oh, I don't think so. With that attitude? You either, NOW, show me the proof, or get gone!"
Quite frankly, as I had said before, I'd have just "Poofed" - never mind any further dialog, let alone waiting around for him to come up with official proof, as he would've already been instantly re-located to the past the second he uttered, "No." | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 4:21:43 AM | ^^^^ Interesting that you find kicking a guy - that refuses to prove that he's "clean", evades the issue of IF he's clean, then further tries to use a guilt-trip on a woman in effort to manipulate her into bed - to the curb? - has such a negative effect on you, Division77.
How's that stellar display of your support of that type of male workin' for ya, Chief ?
Dare we guess? **  ...  **
Please. Be sure to post back to this thread to let us all know how your inbox became suddenly stuffed with offers to date you after having read it, M'k?  | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:30:35 AM |
First, I have a question; how socially acceptable is it to ask a partner to be tested (as well as yourself being tested) for any STD/Hep etc. before going on to a serious physical relationship?
Socially acceptable? I don't really know, but 'socially acceptable' doesn't always me correct, safe or sensible.
If you ask someone to get tested and are doing so yourself, and they react badly, then they probably aren't the sort you want to be in a LTR with. When you say 'serious' physical relationship, I assume some sort of LTR is desired/expected. Your safety, health and overall happiness should be a primary concern for your partner, and in the current world, STDs are a serious (even fatally serious) issue.
Regarding trust, it's very possible for someone to have a STD and not know it, or be a carrier. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 4:36:03 AM |
No test will show Herpes or genital warts, so you have to watch for flareups.
I can't even imagine what the cost for that would be third party with me covering the full cost.
There are 2, possibly 3 types of herpes virus (I forget). One is the 'cold sore' type and something like 70% of the population has it (some high percentage like that). It's not a real issue. Another is genital and a much lower percentage has it.
And the subject of cost shouldn't be an issue. If you have your welfare and that of your partners in mind, then cough up whatever is needed. As a more positive note, I was tested at Planned Parenthood and I think it was something like $300 for a battery covering the most common/concerning STDs. Some tests aren't worth getting (like the 'cold sore' herpes). | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 6:51:46 AM | I'm single, because why, Division77?? 
Mind you, you reference, and imply that I must be single because of my "attitude". Specifically: My "attitude"/personal stance, against having anything to do with males (or, females if I were a male, for that matter) that play the " Let's have sex. Just trust me. I'm clean because I said so. I've been tested, but I don't need/have to prove it. If you don't believe me then you're strange, and absurd.", then throws down the Hurt Puppy card, to get her to back down from his evasiveness and have sex with him to 'make it all better'.
Allllrighty! ..... **  **
Oh, and please... IF I had read your post? I not only read what you wrote, but will add nowthat when I had read it, I noticed that you say nothing in reference to what your opinion is of those that would refuse to get tested, or show the one they are attempting seduce into bed with them, the results of their testing, when it is requested of them. Let alone, directly answer the OP's question, as to your stance pertaining to what you, would do if faced with that situation. Why's that, Div?
Btw... Your totally random (totally irrelevant to this OP's thread topic) statement of :
I don't do the blond tan thing..... pale girls only..... 
A friendly suggestion: You may want to check your reel, Div. It squeals rather loudly with your pedali ... er... casting.  Happy  !
** I apologize, OP. I am now, turning Div's rather "strange, and absurd" (lol) hijacking of this thread back over to you for it's regularly scheduled programming, as I bid it adieu -- Thread Out  ** | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:58:54 AM | sparklingdark how long has it been since either of you have had sexual relations with someone else? Testing after 3 months and 6 months before some things show.
Wearing a condom will not protect you from HPV or Herpes. Herpes can be tested for, and a man is ignorant to have sex without being tested for it, but men still can't be tested for HPV. Although there is a vaccination out for younger women, it only will prevent some of the strains. Some throat cancers are now believe to be caused by HPV.
Herpes not only causes sores, but a great deal of pain. Herpes is somehow related to nerve endings. Have you ever googled herpes and saw the mouths or privates of someone with it? It isn't like cutting your finger. I don't know how some of these people eat or talk. If you get it, you have it for life.
If you care about someone, you have the exclusive talk and the std talk. Condoms help, but remember they don't protect you from everything and oral sex does need protection too. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 8:31:00 AM | | in my book, it's perfectly acceptable... and also I am all for close inspection on first date. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 8:44:20 AM |
I'm just concerned that there will be no institution that will actually be equipped to do this test. In a public health care system, there is even more limited access because it isn't a pay as you go system. The state can decide what medical tests will and will not be offered. :(
Maybe I can help a bit as I too am in Canada...
I've been told by a few women that their doctors tend to minimise the risk facts of STD's...
My own doctor has said that if I just request a "test" for the hell of it type of thing, then they only test for a few common STI's... However, if you claim you've had a possible 'exposure' they test for a lot more... (something to do with how Health Canada will or won't pay - Stupid I know...)
As my G/F has been in a high risk before, I get a full spread of tests each time I get tested as does she...
As for asking about getting tested, No problem... If a guy won't go get tested he's either a coward or worried he has something... It's not a painful procedure... takes only a few minutes, and is usually, a swab or two, a couple of vials of blood drawn, pee in a bottle... and a visual exam and maybe a few other things like a throat swab, a few risk assesment questions...a few questions about have you had any itches, pains, problems urinating etc... varies a bit from time to time....
All too often a guy will think he's clean based on,
1... no obvious symptoms (sure there was an 'itch' but it's gone now... )
2... no discharge, no pus... no green icky stuff, no blood...
3... no blisters, rash or spots...
4... no smell... (well at least after a shower...)
5... no burning sensation when he pees
6... no mould or mildew
7... no dead skin,
8... no ambient wildlife...
9... no other girl he's fcuked reported any of the above...
10. He doesn't sleep with skanky women
11. He had an antibiotic for something else a few months ago, so if anything else was there it's now cured too...
12. He "knows" he's clean.
13. He can "tell" if the woman has an STD
14. He donates blood and the clinic never called him to say he has anything
15. He always uses condoms so he MUST be clean...
As silly as it sounds I'd bet over half if not most men out there use these steps to determine if they are clean or not...
I get tested every 3 months AND between partners... I also donate blood (Which unfortunately a lot of people rely on for their testing - THEY DON'T ALWAYS CONTACT YOU! if they find anything)
I've never had a test come back positive or false positive... although my G/F did have a false positive come back for syphyllis... - weird... a retest confirmed it was a false result... Even so it scared the crap out of her... | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:49:52 AM | | Getting tested is the thing to do for your own peace of mind, and your partner's peace of mind. Anyone who refuses to get tested probably has been tested, and proven positive, and does not want you to know he/she is infected. If the guy doesn't care about his own health, he should care about yours. If he doesn't care about your health, and peace of mind, he is a jerk who is using you for just sex, and can't possibly love you, so why do him? If you want jerky horn dogs you can find plenty who will take STD test for you as their price of admission to your bed. Forget this guy, and find someone more considerate, and respectful. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 10:02:26 AM | | STDs are a major threat. Gonno, Syph, and others, can: sterilize you, attack your heart/brain/other organs...even killing you, make your life miserable...and short. With Gonno, in males, even simple urination can be quite painful. I used to work as a Public Health officer, and saw what STDs can do to people. It is neither pretty, or fun. STDs are a threat. Anyone who says otherwise is truly ignorant...or infected-probably with something inncureable-and trying to cover up,and hope no one will notice. Koalas are actually becoming extinct because of an STD most of them have now. The same could happen to the human race someday. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 10:06:21 AM | It is socially acceptable to discuss STD testing. HIV is a lethal disease.
Even , if he is tested.....I say -- wrap it up ( condoms are made for a reason) use them.
You never can be to careful. | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:07:32 AM |
First, I have a question; how socially acceptable is it to ask a partner to be tested (as well as yourself being tested) for any STD/Hep etc. before going on to a serious physical relationship? it's a requirement as far as I'm concerned
The significant other in this case refuses to:
(a) show medical records indicating he's "clean" - although he claims he was tested in September
(b) point blank refuses to get tested. Two words: buh-bye. | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:38:14 AM |
Then he lays on the guilt trip on his partner about how she doesn't trust him and how he trusts her so completely he doesn't need her to do another test. I think that's immaterial of course. Just because you trust (from whatever blind intuition or psychic abilities you may have) that your partner is disease free, doesn't mean the reciprocal will apply! In a situation like this, would it be wise to just break things off?
I would break it off. Not to mention the other issues that piss me off, but simply because someone who believes in what your guy friend believes obviously doesn't share your beliefs.
I too test between partners. Although as others have said, I was told they could not test for herpes unless I had visible symptoms. I continue to doubt that. I actually researched STD's and brought a list to my doctors LOL.
OP: I had a guy scoff at me once for bringing up STD's. I won't accept that anymore. If someone cannot understand your concerns for your health, what makes one so sure they would be concerned about anything else about you? | |
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